Wait a minute? Why was I even acting like my feelings mattered in this scenario? I was the woman, the other woman who had just fucked a married man. Why was I acting all, I don't know, stupid?
Like a lost puppy?
This was my ex boyfriend. The man I had written a whole album of hate about. But here I was, giving him sympathy? Acting like it was a good idea to have entertained any of this?
I was a fool around Liam. I lost my senses. My rationality. Fuck it. My human decency. Still, I was rediscovering I liked him in a way, just like I had before, where we were quick and sharp witted, acting like little kids.
But now, I had to be a grown up, and tell him off for it all.
My head was starting to hurt, probably out of confusion with my feelings. I felt like I was bouncing back and forth from Liam and sanity.
The devil on my shoulder telling me it was fine, anyone would've done the same thing, especially considering our history and feelings for the other.
The Angel however, was telling me it was fucked up.
And I agreed with fictional little Angel more.
"You could've told me you were married at least." I say, huffing as I zipped my boots up.
"Does it matter?" He asks
I gape at him, for a minute not even seeing the man that was Liam Gallagher, but instead a douche with a very very attractive face.
"Yes! It matters! You promised yourself and your love to someone else! Not me. That ring, that you showed me? May not mean something to you, but it does to someone else. Telling me you're married, means I wouldn't have done this! I wouldn't have said yes." My voice cracks.
"But I don't care about them, or think about them half as much as I do you." He adds, now twisting the ring on his finger.
I sigh. "That's an issue. You cheated on your wife though. Someone who loves you, and you slept with me."
"Birdie, you're always going to be better. The minute you left the UK I was miserable, you don't understand. Patsy, she filled the void, but you're here again. I want you."
"Do you hear yourself? You are with someone else, and all things aside! Say I did want to fuck someone who was married, I don't want to be second or the throw away girl. Liam, I refuse to be that."
He scoffs. "Maybe if you hadn't left, it would be you with the ring on your finger."
The Liam loving side of my heart soared at that for some reason, even though marriage was something I despised. Purely because of reasons like this.
People like Liam existed.
And unfortunately, I couldn't ever get enough of him.
"I'm very glad I did leave, because then I would be the one being cheated on, and led to believe we were in love?" I say
"What? No! Avery, I wouldn't have ever cheated on you." He says angrily.
"We wouldn't have ever been married!" I exclaim. "I would have said no!"
"Why?" He says, stepping back.
"Look at this Liam. We're awful people, and two awful people do NOT make a right. It would be hell with you."
He seems to be ignoring everything I've been saying. "When can I see you next?" He asks
I close my eyes, clenching my fist, before stepping forward and slapping him across the face. "Do you not understand what I'm saying?"
"Not even as friends? Just to get closure?" He asks, even though we both know it's a lie, something to make us feel better.
He was MARRIED. Why the hell did I want to see him again? Kiss him, care for him and all of that? Why was I jealous of the fact that someone else got to wake up to this man every day?
I was supposed to be a feminist icon for young girls. Yet ironically enough, I had just fucked a married man who just so happened to by my ex and surprise! We still liked the other.
A lot.
I missed when I was his, when we'd spend days together, chatting and making the other feel good.
This was when I made the final decision. Some closure wouldn't be bad right? We could both figure out what we wanted and all of the good stuff. See what happened. Once again, the Liam Loving side of me was hoping for a divorce.
The decent side of me, kind of hoped Liam would get in a car wreck. But that would be awful.
"Make sure I get the number before I leave." I say, tossing myself into the rabbit hole that was Liam Gallagher.
Like always, the prophet that was Courtney Love was right. We were infatuated with another, most likely till death. Seeing that not even marriage could keep our hands off one another.
Closure. What kind of bullshit was I trying to spin?
With that, I slip out of studio 5, making my way to studio 3, where I saw Courtney finishing up. She waves me in and says "It's almost your go anyway, you better get ready. You'll have a fun time."
Now, I had to definitely push Liam to the back of my mind, as it was time to "work". If that's what you would even call this.
It wasn't much of a job, more of a way to quickly get cash.
But, as I browsed the newly set out props, that I'd be using, I couldn't help but notice the deadly amount of Oasis tabloids and shit like that.
For fucks sake.
What would it take to get this idiot away from me?
Permanently.
Mentally, I made a list of my current feelings.
1. Conflicted, as I think Liam and I DO have feelings for one another, deep down and past the realm of just fucking, but he's married and I should NOT pursue that, as he's once again , MARRIED and I don't want to be that person, the one who ruins a wedding. However, is it worth sacrificing my feelings and happiness?
2. Angry, why didn't he tell me he was married? Then act like it wasn't a big deal? What the fuck? Of course it's an issue. Especially considering that both of us are public figures. Also, after a year of hating him, that seems to have completely gone away. What the hell?
3. Sentimental. I miss him, I miss the simplicity of last year. I want my night time kisses, I want to wake up with him. I even feel jealous that Patsy gets to experience that.
Holy fuck. I was turning into a little monster.
The list is interrupted by the photographer signaling me to come over and begin. So I climb up onto the white table they've brought in and start, listening to the instructions.
Kicking tabloids around, tossing papers through the air, even looking directly into the camera and ripping an article in half, not even realizing it was one of Patsy and Liam.
It was therapeutic I wouldn't lie.
Did it help me sort out anything?
No.
I felt like more of a mess than a bad ass by the time it was over. Of course the photos told another story and I liked how they looked. But it made me seem like someone I wasn't. I don't know. That I was bitchy. Maybe that's just how I felt.
I wasn't sure. I guess I would have to wait for the issue to come out. Oh well.
I sighed, exiting the room and heading down to reception to fetch Manson. However, the reception woman taps me first, handing me a piece of paper with a number written on it. "The lad from Oasis wanted me to give it to you."
I nod, thankfully and shove it into my pocket, before approaching Manson.
"You bitch! You didn't find me at all." He teases, standing up.
"I did now, and guess what? It's your turn with the photographer. Have fun. I'm sure it'll be a riot." I say, going and taking his spot, knowing I had a long list of things to work out in my brain.
Specifically, how this Liam situation was going to end.