STELLA/CHARMAINE
"Miss! Miss!"
Someone taps my shoulder, and I turn to my side and find a little old woman is smiling kindly up at me. "Yes?"
"I think they're calling you, sweetie." She points to the open window with a postal office worker, who's waving me over. I turn back to thank her and make my way over to the open window.
Today is the first day I've been out since everything changed, for the second time in my life.
My Uncle kept insisting on someone coming with me until I told him I changed my mind, that I didn't want to go out after all, but Tony convinced him to let me go out on my own.
But I'm not stupid; I know someone is tailing me; he would never let me go without some sort of security detail.
Everyone has been checking on me daily, almost religiously. Carmela has made sure I eat something every day, even if I can only bring myself to eat once a day. The first week, she would even come in to help me bathe or shower and change my clothes each day.
My Uncle, Tony, Joey, and Tobias, rotated on checking on me throughout the day. And then there was JP; he was sleeping with me at night due to the nightmares that would wake me up, screaming, in the middle of the night, sometimes several times a night.
My dad's funeral was held a week after he was found. Uncle Timo wanted to give me time to be able to come to terms with what happened for me to sit through the service.
From what I can remember, it was a nice service, though it was a bit of a blur for me, if I'm honest. Unfortunately, due to obvious reasons, we couldn't have an open casket.
I remember I had cried out for my dad as they lowered his casket into the ground. The finality of him leaving me behind hit me hard at that moment. The pain of the reality that I would never hear his voice, his laugh, or be held in his arms, comforting me in the way only a dad could, was more than I could handle.
Various people came to pay their respects to my dad and offered their condolences to me, and I sat watching as several in attendance walked by, picking up clumps of dirt and tossed it onto his coffin.
I was told my dad would talk about me and how proud he was of me. Some also told me he trained and taught them life-saving skills and encouraged them to enjoy the little things in life and find joy and love in life and, most importantly, to hold on to it with all that you had.
"Miss, did you hear me?"
I snap out of my thoughts and look at the postal worker, who gives me an annoyed look; she realizes I didn't hear what was said and now has to repeat herself.
"The request to expedite your application for your passport will require an additional rush service fee. How would you like to pay?"
"Cash."
I proceed to give her the payment necessary to complete the transaction. The program I had enrolled in, in Paris started the same week as the funeral, and with everything that happened, my Uncle wanted me to postpone my leaving. He later told me he had made arrangements for me to take the program during the fall season.
But I still wanted to make sure I took care of my passport, just in case I could go sooner. Annalisa had also postponed the trip she had planned for California when she found out about my dad. She told me the ticket she gifted me was an open ticket, and I could use it whenever I was ready to go before the validity date.
As I make my way to the exit, I bump into someone, or they bump into me, I'm not sure, since I wasn't paying attention. I mutter an apology, but I'm grabbed by my arm and positioned next to an open station, where several people are filling their address slips to send out with packages.
"Don't turn around. Act like you're filling out one of the slips." A familiar voice instructs me quietly.
I don't move at first but then decide to do as the voice instructs. I swallow hard; every instinct in me wants to turn around.
"I'm so sorry, Stella...Dominic was a good man. He didn't deserve to die the way he did." It's the man in black. I had completely forgotten about him after everything that happened with my dad.
"Who are you?"
When I don't hear anything, I almost think I made up the voice in my head after everything going on; I'm sure I must be going crazy. But then I hear him again.
"A friend."
"Why won't you tell me who you are?"
"I will, just not right now. I can't risk the connection I have to you being blown. Otherwise, we're both dead."
I listen as he moves closer to me until I feel him right behind me. My heart is beating erratically, and I close my eyes as I put my energy into slowing my rapid breathing.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Stella. I would have come sooner, but we've been working on finding out why I was hired to come after you or Timo. And then word got out about one of Timo's associates being taken out, I didn't know it was Dominic until recently, but I came as soon as I could."
"Stella, I'm not sure who it is, but Timo has a mole working for him. Bobby Cardinale is working with someone else to bring Timo down."
I start to turn around when I feel his hand on my elbow, through my sweater, holding on to me to keep me in place.
"Not yet."
His hand stays on my elbow for a moment, in his firm grip. I should be scared, but I find I'm not. Not really, anyway, and I don't understand why.
"How can I believe you? You tried to kill me." I whisper, not wanting to attract attention from those near us.
"I didn't know it was you. And I wasn't trying to kill you—only scare you, to send a message to Timo, but I didn't expect you to fight back the way you did. I would never hurt you, Stella..." He pauses for a moment. "Put your phone on the counter, please."
Is he kidding? I shake my head no.
"Please, Stella."
Something in his voice makes me take my guard down, and I move to pull my phone out of my pocket and place it between us. I feel his warm but calloused fingers brush up against mine as he moves it in front of him.
He's not wearing gloves today. "I put my number in your phone, it's under Friend if you need me for anything call or texts me and I will respond. But, please be careful; it's not safe with your Uncle."
What? What is he talking about?
I decide to turn around, but no one is there; I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling cold even though it's the middle of June.
I hurry back to my car and drive out of the parking lot as fast as I can while trying to be safe at the same time, the conversation running through my head again.
On the way home, I change course and decide to visit my parents' gravesites. I sometimes still think I'll wake up and my Pop will be with me, and he would be standing next to me right now, visiting my mom's grave with me.
Instead, I'm here alone, looking down at both of their headstones for the first time since the funeral. I collapse on my knees, covering my mouth to keep from crying out.
A medical examiner couldn't determine a timeline of his death, so his headstone reflects only his birthday with the month and year he died.
Tony informed my Uncle the surveillance system had been tampered with; someone erased the footage before his body was discovered at the house.
I still can't believe Damian is dead too, or that he would be working against my Uncle. We had grown up together, and he was one of JP's good friends; it doesn't make sense that he would be involved in something so horrible.
I sigh and make my way back to my car, catching a glimpse of one of my Uncle's SUVs parked at the entrance and exit of the cemetery. I'm sure it's probably Tobias with Joey, or maybe it's even Tony who's inside, tailing me to make sure no one is following me.
The windows are tinted too dark to see inside, but I still feel a sense of relief knowing someone is looking out for me, even though I don't always show appreciation for it.
Later that night, I keep opening the phone contacts, looking at my phone's new contact.
My finger hovers over the message button as I debate whether to test the number or not; after going back and forth for a while, I decide to send a quick message.
Me: Hey
Almost instantly, I hear the message alert go off.
Friend: Stella? Are you okay?
Me: Yes, I just wanted to see if you'd really respond.
Friend: I told you I would.
Me: Yes, you did =) Okay, good night.
Friend: Buona Notte, Stella
Even though it's already pretty late, I still force myself to stay up as long as I can, too afraid to fall asleep, until my body gives in from exhaustion.
But sleep never lasts; I wake up screaming almost every night.
JP was staying with me until yesterday when I kicked him out.
I found myself liking waking up in his arms, but it was clear he wasn't getting any sleep when he was with me, and he was showing signs of exhaustion.
He wasn't happy about me telling him he couldn't stay with me, but I could see that he was fatigued. I even had to lock my door at night to keep him out, but I wish he was here with me right now.
Nightmares would keep me up at night when I first moved in after my mom was killed, but they lessened over the years. However, now the nightmares are back up with an intensity to them that keeps me from wanting to go to sleep.
I rub my eyes and yawn as I look towards my balcony.
The morning glow of the sun starts to peek its way through the curtains, and I sigh as I move to get up to start my new morning routine with little to no sleep.
Zeus and Ares jump off my bed to stretch and whine. They've been sleeping with me as well, and when I kicked JP out, they started to sleep on the bed with me.
I don't bother making my bed as I spend most days catching up on sleep anyway.
I get dressed quickly, in a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt.
While I walk to the kitchen, I wonder if I had brushed my hair and then see that I didn't as I catch my reflection in one of the mirrors in the hallway, but I shrug, not caring enough to go back to my room.
I grab a yogurt, a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter, and a glass of cranberry juice. Then, I take the food out to the back terrace to sit on the patio furniture.
A few of my Uncle's men on guard duty greet me silently when they see me. Most steer clear of me more than they did before everything happened, but I don't mind.
I eat my yogurt, enjoying the tranquility of watching the sunrise before everyone wakes up for the day. Then, I hear a pair of huffs and whining, with the padded foot, sounds coming closer to me.
Zeus and Ares come to join me for our morning ritual. After eating, I lay on the couch and watch the clouds moving along slowly until I drift asleep.