Jungkook sat in silence, trembling hands folded in his lap, and head hung low. He could hear them talking outside his door. Hushed voices, murmurs, whispers, as to not let him hear what was being discussed. To keep him in the dark, all alone, for as long as they possibly could.
The door latch clicked and Jungkook looked up to see Taehyung, smiling at him. Jungkook wanted to return the gesture but it was as if someone had hung weights from his lips, pulling them down into a heavy frown.
"Are you guys ready yet?" Jungkook whispered.
Taehyung shook his head and sat on the bed beside him. "No, just a few more minutes then we can leave this place forever."
Jungkook hummed, pressing his thighs together to disguise the shaking of his hands. "You're talking about me aren't you?"
"In a way yes," Taehyung agreed and reached up to ruffle the hair at Jungkook's nape. "But we have to, we were just working out the final details."
"The details of your lies?" Jungkook mumbled.
Taehyung's hand stilled in his hair and the hospital room once again fell into silence. It was too quiet, enough for Jungkook to hear the wavering in his breaths. He leaned away from Taehyung's touch and inhaled shakily, the tremor in his hands making its way up to his entire body. Like hundreds of cold, clammy hands. Climbing up him, dragging him down until he was submerged in the icy waters of his panic.
"S-s-sorry...forget I said anything please hyung," Jungkook whimpered as he struggled to calm himself.
"Shh don't apologize," Taehyung shushed. "You're right kookie, we need to start being more honest with you."
Jungkook turned to Taehyung, staring at the boy with wide, shaking eyes lined with tears. Taehyung smiled once again and gently touched the younger's cheek, catching a tear as it slipped from his lashes.
"We've decided you're ready to hear the truth about what happened, so no more lies, okay?" Taehyung whispered and cupped the maknae's face, forcing him to make eye contact. "Okay Jungkook?"
Jungkook nodded, doe eyes wide and the tip of his nose flushed. "Yes hyung, I promise I'm ready."
Taehyung smiled. "Okay...well kook...six months ago...you, me, Jimin, and Yoongi were in a car crash."
— ten minutes earlier —
"Namjoon I just...don't feel comfortable lying to him like that," Jimin mumbled and rubbed at his clothed wrists.
"Then what have we been doing this entire time Jimin? We've been goddamn lying to him," Namjoon snapped, trying to keep his voice as low as possible.
Jimin bowed his head and Yoongi wrapped his arm around the thin boy, holding him close. "It'll be for the best Jimin, even if it's a lie he needs to believe something, we can't keep throwing random excuses at him."
"Alright." Namjoon nodded and looked at each member for any sign of objection. "It's settled then, we tell him he was in a car crash."
——
"A car crash?" Jungkook repeated, his voice wavering with the force of his tremors.
"Yes, that's why when you woke up my arm was in a cast and why Jimin and Yoongi hyung were in the hospital as well."
Jungkook blinked as a headache began to form in his temples. "But...Seokjin hyung said I had an accident when dancing, that I fell off the stage?"
"We just told you that because we didn't think you were ready to hear what really happened."
Looking away from his hyung Jungkook gripped the edges of the bed, knuckles turning white. He wracked his brain. Delved into the deepest corners that held the darkest secrets yet there was nothing there. No memories of tires screeching, of broken glass, of ambulances, of bent metal, and injured hyungs. There was nothing, and that just didn't sit right with him.
"You almost died Jungkook-ah, so they put you into an induced coma, that's why you can't remember anything."
Jungkook shook his head, tears falling from his nose and onto his sweatpants. "But I should remember something...at least...anything."
Taehyung placed his hand gently on Jungkook's back only for the younger to flinch at the touch, as if he had just been hit.
"Jungkook please calm down, the doctor said it's good you don't remember and normal so it's nothing to worry about," Taehyung reassured while glancing at the door, silently praying that one of the members would come in and help him.
"No—" Jungkook inhaled a shaky breath, choking on wet sobs and coughs—"I don't...don't believe you...why...why are you lying to me?"
Before Taehyung had a chance to call for help, Seokjin was barging through the door, his eyes wide with worry.
"What happened?" He dropped to his knees before Jungkook, massaging the boy's thighs. "Jungkook tell hyung what's wrong."
"He's upset about the car crash hyung," Taehyung whispered.
Seokjin cooed and stood, slotting himself between the maknae's thighs to pull him into a hug. Jungkook wrapped his arms around Seokjin's waist, hiding his tear and snot stained face against his hyung's body.
"Shhh, breathe bun, why are you crying?" Seokjin asked softly.
Jungkook's breath hitched and he shook his head. It all felt wrong. Seokjin's arms around him, Taehyung's pity filled gaze, the new reality that he had been in a car crash. Wrong. It was wrong. All wrong.
"Is he okay?"
"No he's having a panic attack."
"We checked him out of the hospital already hyung."
"Maybe we should just carry him to the car?"
"Okay, let's get him out of here."
Seokjin's arms loosened and suddenly it was like Jungkook was falling. He grabbed fistfuls of Seokjin's shirt and pulled him closer, hands shaking with how tightly he gripped the material. There was something waiting for him if he fell, something or someone, a dark entity with hands cold as ice yet rough as stone.
"Baby we need to leave, don't you want to leave?" Seokjin whispered but his words were muffled, as if cotton was stuffed in Jungkook's ears.
Jungkook wanted to agree, if only he could remember where he was.
"Jungkookie."
The voice was stern yet soft and when Jungkook lifted his face from Seokjin's shirt he was surprised to see Yoongi staring back at him.
"What's your name?" Yoongi asked.
Jungkook blinked and tears fell from his lashes. "W-what?"
Yoongi stepped closer, bending down slightly to Jungkook's level. "I asked you what's your name bun."
"It's Jungkook...Jeon Jungkook," he whimpered.
Yoongi nodded but his gaze was still hard, scrutinizing. "And where are you Jungkook?"
Slowly Jungkook took in his surroundings. It was a hospital room. The same one he had woken up in weeks ago, the same one he had been in all this time, the same one he was supposed to leave behind today.
"The hospital, I'm at the hospital," Jungkook answered.
"And you want to leave today right? Go home with us?"
"Yes." Jungkook nodded, still holding tight to Seokjin. "Yes I...I want to leave."
Finally, a smile spread across Yoongi's lips and he reached out to ruffle Jungkook's overgrown locks. "Okay, then let's go, can you walk?"
Jungkook nodded and stood, except the room tilted, his vision darkened, his knees buckled, and he fell into Seokjin. All at once the hyungs rushed forward, forming a cocoon with him in the center. Their voices were jumbled, all speaking at once leaving nothing but a loud murmur in his ears. Jungkook whimpered and buried his face in Seokjin's neck. He understood that they were concerned but it was too much, and they should've realized that.
"I'm okay hyungs," Jungkook squeaked. "Just a little light headed...can we...can we please go now?"
The murmur immediately ceased and they all nodded, clearly wanting to be out of the antiseptic soaked room just as badly.
Seokjin moved Jungkook, tucking him beneath his arm, and squeezing the frail boy close. "Alright, the car is waiting for us in the back."
—
The car window was cool against Jungkook's cheek, while his head gently knocked the glass with every bump in the road. The city was somehow foreign to him, as if he had been in a coma for six months, at least that's what they told him.
A hand slid over Jungkook's thigh, giving the flesh a reassuring squeeze. He turned to the owner of the hand to see Hoseok smiling at him.
"We're almost at the airport, okay kookie?" He whispered.
Jungkook hummed before looking back out the window, his breath fogging the glass. For some reason nothing seemed real. All of it like a dream he couldn't wake up from. His hyungs were different, he was different, everything was different.
The car rolled to a stop and that's when it hit him, the roars and screams of their fans. He could see them, forming a barricade in front of the entrance, hundreds of bodies all molding into one loud blur. Normally it would've excited Jungkook, but now, all he felt was fear gripping at his heart and limbs.
"Jungkook? Baby?"
He turned to be met with seven pairs of wide, worried eyes. Hoseok slid something across their seat and when Jungkook looked down he recognized the soundproof headphones.
"Can you wear these for us baby?" Seokjin asked softly. "The doctors said your mind is still sensitive and too much noise or stimulation might harm you."
With shaking hands Jungkook grabbed the headphones, examining them. "I guess I can, they are kind of loud."
The hyungs all smiled and Hoseok reached out to ruffle Jungkook's hair. Jungkook gave the best smile he could manage before sliding the headphones over his ears. In an instant the screams were muffled, putting them in the back of his mind as soft music began floating into his ears instead.
Watching in silence, the car doors slid open and they began filing out. Except Namjoon and Seokjin, who waited for him, each grabbing one of his arms once he was out of the car. For a second Jungkook was annoyed, but then he looked up into the sea of people and quickly realized that they weren't fans. They were paparazzi, news reporters, sasaengs. Their faces twisted with disgust, hatred, anger.
Jungkook clung onto Seokjin's arm, nails digging into his skin as the space between the angry mob and him lessened. Seokjin tugged him closer in response but it helped none, he still felt as if he was being lead to his death.
Hands reached out of the crowd. Clawing and tugging at him in every direction. Grabbing his clothes and scratching his skin. They were vicious, ruthless, blood thirsty, and the unwanted touches left Jungkook with tears pouring from his eyes.
"H-hyungs," he whimpered into the chaos. He couldn't handle this. It was too much. The screaming, the crowd, the shoving and pushing from not only the sasaengs but his hyungs as well. It was too much, and Jungkook found himself unable to breath.
He yanked on Seokjin's arm to try and get his attention but the man kept his gaze forward, eyes locked on the back of the bodyguard's head. In another feeble attempt he turned to Namjoon, calling his name and tugging on the man's clothes, only to be ignored again.
He was hyperventilating now. Panicked wheezes leaving his lips as he looked through his tears at the endless sea of angry faces. Unfamiliar and red with hate.
Jungkook stumbled over his feet and the grip on his arms tightened, like rope cutting into his flesh.
Classical music continued floating through his ears, which was once relaxing, but now felt like needles in his skull. His senses were being overloaded and as he gasped for breath like a drowning man, he found his knees buckling. The linoleum tiles were unforgiving beneath his bones as he dropped to the floor, falling to his hands and knees and crying for air to reach his lungs.
In an instant the hyungs surrounded him, along with the bodyguards, who were trying their best to keep the crowd from trampling them.
Seokjin's face appeared in Jungkook's blurry field of vision and he cupped his cheeks, thumbs wiping the cold tears. He stood once again, mouth moving with words Jungkook couldn't hear, and then there were hands on him.
It was Namjoon. His hands were curling underneath Jungkook's armpits, lifting him up onto his knees before bending down and scooping him up into his arms. He was being carried now, by his hyung, and Jungkook wrapped his arms around the man's neck. Burying his face into the hot skin, tears wetting the tan flesh, as they began wrestling through the crowd once again.
He was still wheezing for breath and his body was trembling and the music was like knives against a chalkboard, but there was nothing he could do. Except submit himself to the arms of his hyung, hoping they arrive at the plane soon.
—
"Jungkook."
"Baby...wake up...we're here."
Stirring slightly, Jungkook cracked open his eyes to glare at the owner of the voice. It was Hoseok, who's lips pulled into a soft smile when he saw Jungkook was awake.
"How'd you sleep koo?" He asked softly.
Jungkook stretched and that's when he noticed the seatbelt pressing against his chest. His eyes widened and he snapped his neck around to take in his surroundings. He was in their van, with stars glittering through the tinted windows, and the outline of the large vacation home sitting at the end of a dirt driveway.
"We...we're here?" Jungkook mumbled.
Hoseok nodded. "Yes baby, you were having such a bad panic attack at the airport that we gave you a sleeping pill once we got to the plane."
Jungkook's stomach sank, as if he had been force fed rocks. He couldn't remember. Once again there was a gap in his mind that couldn't be filled. A gaping hole, that his hyungs had caused.
The van door suddenly slid open and Yoongi poked his head into the vehicle. "Everyone's waiting, we have dinner ready, are you okay kookie?"
Jungkook shrugged, the fog in his mind still hanging heavy and leaving him disoriented.
"You want some help out of the car?" Yoongi offered.
He nodded and the two hyungs sprang to action. Hoseok unbuckled the seatbelt, Yoongi climbed into the van, and they both took one of Jungkook's arms. Supporting his body weight as they lead him out of the van and into the chilly air of night.
Jungkook's feet dragged along the gravel driveway, urged on only by Hoseok and Yoongi at his sides. Despite sleeping through the entire plane and car ride, he was exhausted. His bones like metal inside his body, weighing him down to the ground.
The front door swung open and they were greeted by a smiling Seokjin. "Sleep well Jungkook-ah?" He teased.
Jungkook remained silent and allowed himself to be tugged into the house and sat at the dinner table, where everyone else was waiting patiently to dig into the food laid out before them.
"We got your favorites kookie," Jimin chimed into the tense silence.
"Yeah baby dig in, you must be starving," Seokjin commented.
Jungkook studied the many dishes placed on the table, and despite every single one of them being something he used to thoroughly enjoy, the idea of touching his lips to any of the food made him sick to his already heavy stomach.
He watched as Hoseok grabbed a plate and began loading it with all types of food, sampling from each dish until it was full. He set the plate down before him and Jungkook stared blankly at the steaming food.
"Eat Jungkook, please," Yoongi begged.
Tears stung at the corners of Jungkook's eyes. This was wrong. Everything felt wrong and he couldn't understand why. He didn't like the way his hyungs all stared at him, as if he was some spectacle. He didn't like how they drugged him without his consent. He didn't like the house, how empty it felt. He didn't like how he couldn't remember the car crash. He didn't like any of it.
"I'm not hungry," Jungkook whispered and stood from the table. "Can someone show me which room is mine?"
"Are you sure Jungkook-ah? When was the last—"
"Yes I'm sure," Jungkook snapped, cutting off Seokjin's words.
Taehyung suddenly stood, placing a hand on Seokjin's shoulder. "It's okay, we'll save the leftovers for you, come on I'll show you your room."
Jungkook followed Taehyung away from the burning gaze of his hyungs and down a darkened hallway, the warm, yellow light from the dining room having faded away. They stopped in front of an open doorway and Taehyung stepped to the side to let Jungkook take in his new surroundings. The room was simple, a bed in the corner, a desk and dresser filling up the opposite walls, and a closet with mirrors for doors. Simple yet cold and empty, and Jungkook hated it immediately.
"We already unpacked your things, sorry if it's a little boring, we can decorate it more once we all get settled."
Jungkook nodded and stepped into the room. It all felt wrong.
"Are you okay kook?"
Not bothering to look at his hyung, Jungkook sat on the bed, staring at the wall across from him. "I'm fine, just tired hyung."
Something is wrong, is what he really wanted to say.
"Okay, get some rest then, we love you," Taehyung whispered before retreating down the hall, back to the warm glow, leaving him in the dark.
Falling onto his side, Jungkook blinked through the burning onslaught of tears. He reached for the pillow and pulled it into his hold, cradling it against his chest and pressing his tear stained face into the plush. A pounding began in his head and he had to will away the urge to vomit as bile rose in his throat. It was as if the numerous scars on his body were being cut open once again, his entire body on fire with anger and fear. An unknown fear that haunted him since waking up in that hospital, which he knew wasn't from a car crash.
They were lying.
[ayyye what's up y'all! 😂guess I was lying about the update taking longer. This pain in the ass of a trilogy is FINALLY nearing the end and I honestly can't wait to finish it, and I know you guys are excited for that too. Anyway comments are always appreciated and I love you all!]