a patchwork quilt of maybes and almosts ✓

i wish

*daily dose of depression has been delivered*

********************************

i wish i could

let it out

i wish i had

other ways

to express

everything

i wish i didn't

hide

because i'm too

afraid

i wish that i was

braver

than i am

i have

so many wishes

and yet

here i am

you have to

take action

but i refuse to

and i'm not sure

why

i lie

to peoples' faces

so much

every day

without even

trying

i'm good at

faking smiles

hiding tears

telling people

i'm okay

when i'm not

and i've told

people

that i'm

not okay

and they don't

care

or they're

scared

or they

don't know what

to make

of the information

they don't know

what to make

of a happy girl

being sad

i wouldn't

either

i guess

even though i

could

because

i am

i don't know

everything is

so hard

keeping my

head up

is so hard

i cried so much

that i'm out

of tears

i've smiled

so much

that i'm out

of smiles

i'm out of

anger

spite

grief

sorrow

i'm out of

pity

for myself

i'm out of

sadness

even though

i'm still

somehow

disappointed

i guess i'll never

run out

of disappointment

for me

i talk big

about who i

want to be

when i don't even

know

who i am

i say i'm going to

do

great things

when i'll probably

end up

dissatisfied

un-content

unhappy

again

and how can i

love

if i can't

love myself

how can i

laugh at your

jokes

when i can't

smile

if i'm alone

with my

thoughts

how am i

expected to

want to be here

when every

hour

is a

battle

struggle

some peoples'

pain

comes from

heartbreak

or something

but it's worse

when you can't

tell yourself

"i was too

good

for him"

and you have to

settle

for

"i am not

good

enough"

cheap thrills

easy pains

it's too

difficult

to tell someone

how deep

the sadness

goes

it's too

upsetting

to think about

it sometimes

i can't

share

my poetry

or my thoughts

or my loves

or my wants

because i

feel like

nobody will

understand

or the wrong

people

will find out

and i'll be

caught

in a lie

again

i'm hurt

and i don't

know

how to

heal myself

nobody's

coming

to stitch up

whatever

hole

there is

in my heart

nobody's

kissed my pain

better

so here i am

alone

again

i wish i could

be free