A thin blue sheet merely a foot away from my face obstructed the view of my torso. I was terrified beyond belief. Ehsaan sat by my head, clutching my hand in his and I could hear him muttering surahs and du'aas under his breath as he stroked my forehead with his other hand. I gulped, feeling the pressure as they tugged at my insides. I was being monitored intensely, and the severity of the situation was just too overwhelming for me to bear.
"Ehsaan" I whispered.
"Yes darling?" he moved his head closer to mine.
"Are you okay?" I was worried about him.
"Alhamdulillah my love," he sighed, "You feeling okay?". I felt sad as it was clear to me that this whole situation was killing him.
"I feel great, we get to meet our baby soon! You still think it's a girl?"
"Definitely," he grinned, "What about you? Ready to confess your assumption?" I laughed in response, shaking my head and closing my eyes in bliss as he rested his forehead on mine.
"We're almost there darling, almost there."
I smiled as happy tears filled my eyes and his luminous eyes shone with emotion. I felt a firm tug in my stomach area, and the doctor gasped, "Oh sweet lord!"
"What is it? What's wrong?" Ehsaancalled.
"She's gorgeous" the doctor responded in her thick German accent.
A nurse pulled down the sheet slightly so that the doctors hands were in full view. In them, lay a tiny, purple-tinged body, and the cord which connected us, still intact. She let out a small, heart-wrenching cry. Our daughter. Our baby girl. Finally in this world.
"She's a girl Ehsaan! You were right! Our baby is a little girl!" I laughed with tears streaming down my face, as he cried with joy beside me.
Time stood still as they placed her on my chest for a brief moment whilst cleaning her up before pulling her off me and whisking her away for surgery in an incubator.
"Ehsaan, go! She needs you!"
"They won't let me into the theatre, my love. They already said so"
"I don't care, our baby girl needs her daddy! I'll still be here later, she might not be! Go!"
He kissed me one last time and ran, only slowing down as he approached the doors and was closely following the nurses who wheeled our little princess away.
Only minutes into this world and our baby was already battling for life.
Oh Allah, protect my child now as you protected her while she was within me. I prayed.
They stitched me up and wheeled me into a recovery room while I waited impatiently for my husband and daughter to return. My heart was pounding and I yearned for the warmth and closeness of the two greatest treasures in my life. I couldn't move, the anaesthesia still very much in effect. Before long, a nurse led Ehsaaninto the room and he came and enveloped me in a big hug.
"You did it Aleena! We're parents! And our perfect baby girl is in there now, and they're fixing her up so we can go home, and be a family as soon as she is well enough to leave the NICU. You did so well, darling. I love you so, so much."
Neither of us even noticed the tears streaming down the others' cheeks as we were so lost in our emotions –the joy of having a newborn, the terror of the unknown, the pain of childbirth and the pride for our gift from Allah.
A few hours later, after I managed to get some rest and sleep after the long day and night we'd had, a doctor walked in.
"Good evening, Mr and Mrs Ahmad. I just came to let you know that your little girl is out of the operating theatre. It went as well as it could have and so far, her recovery is going smoothly. Its vital that we keep monitoring her and of course, that she gets the extra care she needs seeing as she is premature, so she will need to remain in Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for the forseeablefuture. Do either of you have any questions for me?"
I clutched Ehsaan's hand, squeezing it tightly. A few moments later, a nurse came in with a wheelchair to lead us up to our baby's ward where I could do some skin-to-skin with her. The look in my husband's eyes as he watched mother and baby be reunited melted my heart. He was ecstatic, so proud of us both and just one look would tell anybody that saw him that he was the happiest man on Earth in that moment.
Our moments of bliss as our baby snuggled on my bare chest, wires and tubes tangled up in one another as they all emerged from her tiny body, was so far from the ideal situation, but it was perfect.
I cried as Ehsaan held his baby princess for the first time, sobs rattling his chest as he tried to keep his breathing steady and hold his sweet baby close.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?"
"Just like her mama MashaAllah" he kissed her forehead, then mine.
"We haven't named her yet," I whispered to him with a smile on my face.
"But we already have the perfect name, don't we?" he responded, and the smile on my face grew.
We stayed like that, in our momentary bliss, for what seemed like a long time, but it was drawn to a close some time soon and a nurse took her off us to place her back into her incubator. She was doing so well, and we couldn't have been more proud. Despite the state she was in and the sadness it brought us, we couldn't have asked for more.
Alhamdulillah.
That night, during the late visiting hours, our family came over to see us. Mama and Amma had cooked a meal and were bringing it for us and all the girls are coming too to hopefully meet their baby niece. Baba and Papa are over the moon, and had spent the day in the masjid praying for our daughter's good health and recovery. Sami was driving here straight from work, and I was so excited to see him.
The doctors had said that if our daughter continued to do well, they'd be able to bring her incubator out of the NICU and into our room for a little while so that our families could meet her, and Ehsaanand I were praying non-stop that things didn't go downhill.
As soon as they arrived, I was showered with vases of flowers, balloons, boxes of snacks and gifts. I was hugged by each of the amazing women in my life and my fathers patted my head fondly before Sami crushed me in a bear hug.
"Sami, beta! She's still sore! Be gentle!" Mama yelled at him as I laughed and winced slightly.
"Sore? My sister is a trooper! Nothing can drag her down!"he said, making everyone laugh.
Saffa, Yasmine, Noura and Aaminah sat on my bed chatting with me and Ehsaan stood in a corner with Sami whilst our parents talked amongst each other. I caught his eye and smiled at him affectionately, and Sami cleared his throat to indicate that he knew, making Ehsaan blush and quickly look down.
"Hey Ehsaan, have you heard from the nurses?" I asked him.
"The last time I spoke to them they said they were prepping baby to bring the incubator down. They should be here soon" he replied.
"EEE I can't wait to meet her finally!" the twins squealed.
"Honey, how are you feeling?" Amma asked as her and mama came to sit by me and massage my shoulders.
"Alhamdulillah Ma, I'm doing okay. I just want to see my baby again! I've only spent around an hour or two with her since she was born early this morning!"
"InshaAllah beti she's on her way now, and you can hold her close, where she belongs." mama said.
Only moments later and a nurse entered our room with a machine and plugged it into the sockets to set up. As she left, three more nurses entered, bringing with them an incubator on wheels, sealed closed with my sweet little girl inside. They placed it next to my bed and Ehsaan stood by me, as all the family moved to stand by the wall as they let the professionals set things up. Ehsaan grinned at me, excitement evident in his face, and as the nurse opened the incubator, a tear slipped out of my eye as I saw my baby girl again. She had a tube to aid her breathing entering her tiny nose, and wires attached with stickers to her little chest. A small monitor was attached to her foot to assess her vital signs and although it saddened me deeply, I was grateful that she is here, with us, where she belongs.
Ehsaan gently swaddled her and lifted her up in his large hands, making her look all the more fragile. He kissed her tiny cheeks and placed her on my chest. As she was premature, she wasn't able to retain much body heat, so I was glad that she was doing well enough to be able to hold her like this.
"Oh, habibti she's gorgeous," Mama cried, her hand to her mouth. I looked up from my child and saw as everyone gathered round to admire our newborn baby. It warmed my heart to see how loved she was already, only hours into this world. I handed her to Ehsaan and called Sami over as we'd all decided they should pray the adhaan in her ears. I watched as she was passed round the room and her Aunts, Uncles, and grandparents smothered her with love and care.
Baba was holding her now, nothing but pride in his eyes, "Have you decided on a name?" he asked.
I looked up at Ehsaan from where he stood right beside me and smiled, making him smile too. "Yes, we have." Ehsaan nodded.
"Our daughter's name is Inaayah Imaan. Inaaya, because she is our perfect, special gift. She stole our hearts from when we first came to know of her being, and brought us closer to Allah and has taught us so much already. And Imaan, because she has taught us that more important than anything, is faith. We have to believe in our Creator, and have hope. We've had to really believe that things will work out, and only through holding on tight to our imaan, have we got this far. So that's it, our light at the end of the tunnel, baby Inaaya, our gift who strengthened our Imaan"