A/N: UpDaTeS oN wEdNeSdAy yea about that hah... I always listen to a playlist while writing this, so listen to the song when I put the 🎶 if you wanna get into the same mood as I was in.
In high spirits I talked to the other managers with whom I had just set up the benches and tables outside. Today was our last training day in Argentina and in conclusion the coaches had thought about organizing a barbecue. The practice would only last until the afternoon, after which we could all have lunch together and let the training weeks come to an end.
The boys also seemed to be in a good mood - which was certainly due to the anticipation of the barbecue. Since we had the last day and it was more about having fun, I didn't take notes but enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere.
My grandpa was doing fine so far, and I also got along again with Kiyoomi. Even the incident between Toru and Kiyoomi seemed to have subsided. The two didn't talk to each other, but they hadn't done so before. Instead they both talked to me - just like they had before. I was glad that most things had cleared up before we would return to Japan.
It was clear to me that one experiences a lot on a trip abroad. However, I never expected all the things that had happened to me since then.
The whole thing with Kiyoomi alone would have been enough. Or that I met Toru here. Besides, I hadn't planned for Meian and Toru to find out about the thing between the black-haired Ace and me.
It had been an exhausting two weeks, with lots of good and bad things happening.
"Where to put the vegetables, boss?" Tōru stood in front of me with a big box full of vegetables.
"Outside on the tables," I answered him laughing, because of the 'boss' part.
Tōrus team was the first to finish, therefore they went to take a quick shower to help us with the preparations afterwards.
"I'll take that. I was about to get out anyway," one of the managers told him, taking the box from him. The rest followed suit, meaning that I was now alone with Tōru. Well, not completely alone since the other teams were still playing.
"This is your last day here," he spoke the obvious with a smile. But there was something wistful in his voice.
"Yes, unfortunately. I like it here. But I am looking forward to being home again soon," I answered truthfully.
"Understandably. Greet your family from me," he smiled as he stared at me with a warm look.
After I realized that the whole team already knew about my situation, I told Tōru the next day, because he seemed incredibly worried about it. Since then, just like Atsumu, he has been with me constantly. I appreciated their concern for me, but I didn't want this extra treatment, so I tried to put my worries aside as best I could so they would treat me normally again. And it worked out very well, especially today. Perhaps because I would be home by tomorrow anyway and therefore didn't have to worry that much anymore.
The incident had at least one little bit of good in it. The strange tension between Tōru and me was almost gone.
"You look cute today," he suddenly said with a grin.
Cute?
"Oh, really?", I asked laughing.
"Yes, this colour suits you perfectly. Did you know that turquoise was the colour of my old jersey," he continued to grin at me and sounded almost proud of the fact that I was wearing a T-shirt in the colour of his old team.
"I know. You told me all the time back then. Besides, your jersey was hanging in your room. I wasn't even allowed to touch it!"
Smiling, I thought back to the time in his dorm room, where he was very fussy about his old mementos.
"If I had known that the colour looked this good on you, maybe you would have been allowed to wear it," he grinned at me with crossed arms.
"Oh yeah?", I smirked back, challenging him. "I don't think so. That thing is sacred to you."
"Yes, I guess you're right." With a theatrical sigh, he shrugged his shoulders. "For someone who spills food like you, it would probably be fatal."
"One time! Once I soiled one of your shirts. Nothing more," I puffed insulted, but had to suppress my emerging smile. I missed these petty light conversations with him.
While he grinned down at me with a smug expression, I looked at him more closely. I hadn't seen him in everyday clothes for a long time; they looked extraordinarily good on him.
But when I took a closer look at his shirts, something occurred to me that already made the corners of my mouth twitch treacherously.
"By the way, you also look cute in your shirt."
"Oh really?", he repeated my question from before.
"Hmm. Purple suits you just fine. Wasn't that the colour of that one team where one of the players kept trying to poach you?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his eyes slowly widening. As if I had to think about it, I typed my index finger against my mouth. "What was his name again? Ushisama? Ushitama? Ushi- W-what are you doing there?", I interrupted myself at the spectacle that presented itself to me.
Tōru slowly pulled the shirt off his body with a petrified expression on his face, revealing his well-trained abdominal muscles.
"Hey! I was only kidding", I laughed, trying to pull his shirt back down while he tried to take it off again, which he finally succeeded in doing, leaving him topless in front of me. Smirking, I watched the still somewhat offended expression of the brown-haired. "Put your shirt back on."
"Yea, put yer shirt back on," an annoyed voice echoed behind me.
Surprised, I turned to the source of the voice. Atsumu stopped beside me with a challenging look. But his gaze was directed at his setter rival.
"What?" Tōru crossed his arms over his well-trained chest with an arrogant grin, "Are you now not only jealous of my hair, but also of my body?"
Here we go again.
Atsumu noticeably flinched next to me, probably remembering what I had told the fellow setter on the phone the other day. He was quick to recover, with a sudden grin appearing on his lips. Without warning he also pulled his shirt over his head.
What the-
"Ari." Atsumu placed himself right next to Tōru, who gave him a sceptical look. "Come on, who's more ripped?"
Oh my God.
In disbelief, both Tōru and I stared at the dual-haired setter.
"'Tsumu. Don't you have another game to play?" I asked with a blank expression.
"No, we're done," it resounded once again behind me in the same I'm-so-done-with-your-shit tone of voice as mine. I didn't have to look to the side to know that Meian was now standing next to me. "Don't you two earn well enough or why are you walking around with no shirts on?"
"HEY! HE HAS STARTED THIS," Atsumu tried to talk his way out.
"Arisa," Meian turned to me. Still holding that dead expression. I probably didn't look any different right now. God- we deserve a raise. "Please join the team. I'll take care of these two."
"Hey! I don't have anything to do with this situation," I heard Tōru defending himself as I turned around to get to my team's field without saying another word.
"Oikawa you snitch! We'll get through this together now!"
"I won't let your captain bawl me out for something you're responsible for!"
*
"This tastes sooo good," Hinata and Bokuto shouted in unison.
"Don't gobble it up so fast or you'll get sick!"
"You can say that four more times Meian, these two are like animals," Inunaki replied dryly.
The boys had just gotten back from their showers, which was visible by the damp tips of their hair, and yet they immediately rushed to eat, which somehow made me smile. That was so typical.
Everyone seemed to be in a good mood, the teams were talking to each other and sharing the food.
However, I noticed that Kiyoomi was still not around. I knew that he needed longer to shower than others, but that was too long even for him, so I decided on going back to the gym to check on him.
The boys were too busy grabbing food from each other's plates to notice that I walked back into the hall.
As soon as I arrived inside, I already saw him sitting on one of the benches, trying to... bandage his finger? Had he been injured during the game?
He tried tying a knot with his right hand, but couldn't get it right, eliciting a groan from him. Smiling, I wondered how long he had been sitting there trying.
"Need a helping hand?" I asked amusedly, whereupon he looked up in surprise.
"Oh, it's you." His shoulders loosened after he noticed who was standing in front of him.
Without waiting for his answer, I sat down next to him and was going to take his hand in mine before he suddenly stopped me. "Disinfect your hands first."
Rolling my eyes, I let him pour some of the alcoholic agent into the palm of my hand before I spread the liquid over my hand.
"Better?", I asked rhetorically, since I already knew the answer, and took his hand. It was his left index finger. It was somewhat reddish, but that was all you could see. "Why didn't you say anything?" I took the bandage and wrapped it tightly around his finger before tying it into a small knot. "Does it hurt much?"
When I didn't get an answer, I looked up from his finger and his face. He looked at me almost lost in thought and only now did I notice the small distance between us. Since a few days now, his physical presence was enough to make me nervous - we didn't even have to get intimate for that. Which is why I automatically slipped away from him a bit to calm my now again racing heartbeat.
Damn it, what's wrong with me?!
"No, not really, that's why I didn't say anything," he answered quickly while he stared at me in a confused way. "Did you just move away?"
"When did this happen? You usually don't get injured," I asked hastily to avoid his question.
"Relatively at the end of the game. I got... a little distracted. Are you avoiding my question?"
Nervously I played with my fingers while trying to appear relaxed. Which probably didn't come across as relaxed if one nervously twirled their fingers. Ugh. "What, at the end of the game? What were you distracted by?"
Kiyoomi looked at me with a raised eyebrow, which made me roll my eyes. Yeah, yeah, I'm not avoiding your question. "I moved away because you like your distance, remember?"
"You should already be aware that I don't mind you being close," he whispered. His tone didn't sound seductive, but serious, and yet he managed to dull my senses and make my heart stop beating for a moment. Unfortunately, he was wearing his mask, so I couldn't interpret all the emotions in his face.
He slid a little closer. "On the contrary-"
"OMI-OMI! ARI-CHAN! WHAT'RE YOU DOING 'ERE?!" Atsumu came running into the gym, followed by Hinata.
"Bokuto is eating everything! Come on, we saved you something! But he's eating way too fast!" Hinata shouted with tears in his eyes as he ran towards us. "He ate all my meat!"
"Omi, what happened to yer finger?" Atsumu asked when he finally stop in front of us. Worried, he grabbed Kiyoomi's hand, which kept him away with a kick in the pit of his stomach.
"Don't touch me."
Whining, Atsumu grabbed his stomach. "OMI YA ASS!! I WAS WORRIED AND YA TREAT ME LIKE THIS?"
"I didn't ask you for your worries," Kiyoomi said coldly before he got up, walking outside.
"Shut yer trap Omi! Yer so mean!" Atsumu shouted insulted after him while Hinata and I watched the spectacle with a nervous smile. The setter ran after him. "For this I will touch ya with my greasy fingers!"
Sighing, I stood up as well. "Let's run after him, or else we'll have to take care of Tsumu's corpse."
*
The barbecue was incredibly chaotic. What else to expect from a bunch of chaotic people?
As the evening progressed, the barbecue had become more of a competition about who had the best friend. It started with Bokuto saying that Akaashi was the greatest friend ever and that he would take his call and talk to him anytime, anywhere. Hinata had bet against it, claiming that Kageyama was the very best friend. Atsumu, whose eyes were still red from the disinfectant spray that Kiyoomi had sprayed into his face after the setter tried to touch him, bet that Osamu, his brother, was the dearest friend ever.
To prove it to each other, all three called their friends. In the end, Kageyama hung up with an annoyed expression, after Hinata had only halfway explained what his call was all about. Osamu didn't even answer the call, which Atsumu said he had done 'so extra', somehow knowing what was going on in here and wanting to 'fuc him up'. Only Akaashi had answered the phone and actually video chatted with us for a while, even though it was the middle of the night at his location.
Afterwards, the boys had organized an arm-wrestling contest in which Bokuto had won the final against Meian. Tōru, who was eliminated in the semi-final, claimed that if his friend 'Iwa-chan' had been there, things would have been different for Bokuto. Bokuto then insisted on talking to Iwaizumi, who greeted Tōru with the words 'Why do you always have to call me in the middle of the night Shittykawa?' Making everybody call Tōru Shittykawa for the rest of the night.
It had been incredibly chaotic but also extremely funny.
Unfortunately, the time to say our goodbyes came along. Saying goodbye to the other teams and to Argentina.
I was in the middle of thanking the other managers and coaches for this incredible opportunity they gave us, when I was called by my name. But not from my team, who already got on the bus, waiting for the coach and me to join them.
"Is it okay if we go for a walk? I'll take you to your hotel too." Tōru smiled at me a little uncertainly.
"Of course," I smiled at him, loosening his stiff posture.
Since our flight was not until tomorrow morning, that shouldn't be a problem. I also thought it was a pity that our paths would part again starting tomorrow.
I informed the coach that I would go to the hotel by myself. Before any of the other guys found out about this, I followed Tōru.
We slowly walked the way to the hotel since the route by foot would take about an hour anyway. We kept talking the whole time about old times or how the training camp was, how his family is doing and how collage is going - about everything but still, there was this uneasiness in this gestures, that told me he wanted about something different, but he seems to be avoiding it. On one hand I wanted to ask him what he was thinking about, but on the other hand I didn't want to push him. Besides, I could almost guess what it was all about.
I realized that he took some extra turns to slow us down. But despite the long distance and the detour we reached the hotel in no time. Well, it at least felt like that.
Somewhat melancholy I turned to him. "Here we are", I smiled somewhat sadly. But my counterpart wasn't willing to share my smile.
The sad expression in his eyes made my heart feel heavy. He bit his lower lip briefly, throwing his head back as if he had to think about what to say next. A bitter laugh escaped his throat as he put his head back into a normal position. "I don't even know where to begin."
Swallowing, I watched him, unable to say anything. The mood became oppressive and his unbelievably sad look made me almost unable to hold his gaze any longer. I knew that everything he was holding back would now follow and I wasn't ready for it.
"Do you love him?", he suddenly asked in a pressed voice, which told me how painful this question was for him.
My heart stopped for a moment. Not only because of the question, but also because of the suffering expression in his eyes. My throat tightened up, with the result that even if I wanted to answer him, I couldn't.
"What is it between the two of you?" he asked further. His hand clung to the place of his shirt over his chest, "It may be none of my business, but- Fuck Arisa, I see the way you look at him and it tears me-", his voice broke off, which gave me an incredible sting right through my chest.
The way I look at him?
His tense posture loosened a bit, but the sad expression remained. I felt my eyes becoming a little glassy at the sight, but I tried to resist his gaze. "I wasn't the best boyfriend, I know that, and I wish I could go back and make things right." A bitter laugh escaped his throat. "I really thought I might have another chance when I saw you."
His confession overwhelmed me. He sighed deeply, before looking away to wipe his face with the back of his arm.
I didn't know what to say or do. It made me incredibly sad. "Tōru I-", I started without even knowing what to say, but it didn't matter since I was immediately interrupted.
(🎶)
"I really don't want you to leave me again", he said looking up the stars a subtle smile graced his lips. "You know how often I told you what I love about you back then when we were a couple?" Yes, I know. "Your facial expression when you're sitting on a difficult task; the way you hum happily when you really enjoy something; your helpful manner. I've always told you that I love all these things about you, but I never told you..." Smiling, he looked at me while the wind made his hair flutter.
The feeling of fear overcame me knowing what was about to happen. I wasn't ready for it. "Don't-" I knew it was unfair of me, but I couldn't hear that.
"Arisa, I love you. Then, now and probably forever."
My eyes filled with tears while my heart was bleeding. It hurts me that he was not giving his love to someone who could return it.
"Is there nothing I can do to make you stay with me," he continued to ask with a bittersweet smile that made the tears in my eyes overflow.
It broke my heart. Tōru is such a good person and he deserved to find someone who could give him the love he gave. I wished I could release him from his feelings, but that was not in my power, nor did I have a right to do so.
Crying, I turned my eyes away and wiped my tears from my face with my fingers. Tōru was the one who suffered more and yet it was me who cried. How pathetic was that?
"Tōru, I'm sorry," I sobbed, until my face was suddenly lifted by his hands.
"Why are you crying?", he smiled and wiped his thumb across my cheeks to dry my tears as I looked into his sad eyes. He tried to be strong, but I saw that his eyes also began to glimmer. "And never again apologize for your feelings. Feelings cannot be chosen, nor can they be forced."
Silently I sobbed in front of him while he was still wiping away my tears.
"You know, I take a positive view of it," he suddenly said in a cheerful voice, shrugging his shoulders. "If he fucks things up with you, at least I'll have your new number now," he grinned. Even though his good mood was artificial, it helped us both to smile a little. But my smile hardly reached my eyes.
"Now stop being so sad!" Laughing, he pulled me into his arms. "After all, I am the one who just got turned down, not you."
He was right, yet it made me sad.
But I had to pull myself together! I took a deep breath and sealed my last tears.
We lingered like this for a while before he pushed me a little away before looking me seriously in the eye. "I want you to know one thing. I love you and I want you to be happy, even if it means that I'm not the one who makes you happy." Every word he said was so sincere it brought the tears back to my eyes. Tōru was the one who deserved the happiness of the world.
"It's not that kind of relationship," I murmured somewhat embarrassed against his chest, as I was still uncomfortable to talk about it.
Kiyoomi made me happy in a way, but it was not as Tōru said. There was nothing going on like a relationship between us and after all the things he told me, he deserves to know.
"I know," he sighed, which made me look up in surprise. "That makes it a little bit more difficult to let you go if I'm honest," he confessed. His voice full of pain.
It must have been horrible to watch someone else being with the person you love. But even worse was probably giving that person to someone who wasn't even aiming real relationship. "I see", I whispered, feeling somehow guilty.
"No, I think you don't really understand," he said seriously as he looked at me forcefully. "You probably think it's harder for me because there's not even anything serious going on between you guys. Yes, that makes it a bit more disgusting for me, but that's not it," he voiced my thoughts.
He paused for a moment, in which he looked at me forcefully, as if it didn't make sense to him, how I couldn't understand what he was getting at.
"As I said, I want you to be happy," he finally continued. "But I can assure you of one thing, and I tell you this because I want only the best for you."
I didn't know how much of an impact his next words had on me, as they left an absolute icy shiver on my skin and a bitter taste in my mouth. Words I couldn't forget that easily.
"This kind of relationship you have with Sakusa - such relationships don't have a happy ending."
No... happy ending?
______________________________
Hope you enjoyed!
The update came earlier because I took the train for 5 hours to visit my family and thus had some time to write. Therefore it is possible that I will not upload a new Chapter this Wednesday.
This chapter was a rollercoaster 🎢 . I have a weak spot for Oikawa leave me alone 😭
And we had to say our goodbyes to our favourite flatscreen 😔
(This might have hella errors, didn't even proof read it once lol)