"You scored lowest on the Fear Sim. Zero point five. You chose fear for your friends to rule you right out of the gate and Anders saw."
One Month Later.
Leaping through the wormhole I tumble back into Gabriel's forest. Digging my fingers to cease my tumbling I snap my hair up to watch the wormhole swirling away go dissipate into nothing. I'm not even waiting a moment to recover from the hectic fall. Scrabbling to my feet I break into a sprint towards Sanctum. I push my body to the absolute limit in my rush back to Sanctum. I have to get there- I need to warn them.
Making a break for it across the farming fields, I furrow my brows noticing the flashing rows utterly empty. Normally, from the time I've seen, normal farmers are milling around watching over their crops. Reaping what's grown. Yet there is nothing. Not a soul in sight. My pace falters for a moment until it dawns on me. Maybe I'm too late...
Sprinting madly up the hill to Sanctum, my knees almost collapse under me at the scene I'm met with. It's... it's a slaughter. Bloods run through the paths of brick and grass no longer decorated with flowers but instead with bodies. Crimson blood rushes from slashed necks and bullet holds gushing densely with exposed organs. My stomach turning I feel almost dizzy when my sights set on the Sanctum Palace "No." Panic seeping into my bones I fearfully navigate myself quickly through the thick slaughter. Children of Gabriel, Eligius Miners, Wonkru, and Sanctum residents. They all overlay each other like a broken bloodied jigsaw puzzle.
Leaping up the stairs two at a time my heart begins to pound harder at the sight of more death. Cogs, Wonkru all bloodied across the balcony of the castle. "No-no-no-no" the panic falls from my lips and I take off into Sanctums looming towers. Skidding through the corridors I become rooted to the spot entering the grand hall. I'm paralyzed in horror. My legs can't move and can barely breathe from the massacre. My family- my friends- all laid bloodied and slaughtered. A racked sob falling from my lips my legs completely give way as I collapse on the stairs, unwilling to get any closer. Jackson, Maddi, Murphy, Emori, Clarke, Raven- "Nate-" I choke out, a violent sob wracking through my body when I reach for his bloodied hand. It stiff and cold but it's Miller. My hand clams down for dear life around his as if can bring him back by will alone, my body doubling over as the grieving sobs come with such fury they shake my body. "This is my fault", I sob painfully into Nate's limp hand "I wasn't here-I'm so sorry-I'm so-so sorry-"
Suddenly the picture deteriorates, swirls of blood drowning me until I'm leaping from a padded chair. Snapping my erratic gaze around I no longer see the bodies of those I love. Instead, I'm met with the dull white walls of Bardo. Completely ignoring Levitt, I'm left wide-eyed and panicked watching Ander's sitting up from his seat. The headpieces light fading out. With a calm controlled stare, Ander's placidly states "This is your problem. You love your friends so much it destroys you."
Trying to catch the breath I lost within the sim, I chuckle to cover up my racing heart "Don't look so broken to me."
"Because you envision yourself the way you want", Ander's folds his hands over his lap "A fierce protector who will stop at nothing to save the people she loves." When it's apparent I'm going to remain silent, Anders glances sparsely towards Levitt before admitting "It's what could make you a great addition to our cause... but it also defines you as our greatest threat if chosen to lean otherwise."
"Otherwise being?"
"Love, of course," Anders answers without a doubt, shrugging like the fact is plain and simple "You're a smart girl Miss Armelle. Logical. Yet loves the lone emotion that seems to trounce that one astonishing, treasurable, remarkable quality of yours." Rising to his feet, Anders all but floats towards the door of the sim room "Get it in check Miss Armelle. We value loyalty to the cause of the Sheppard."
Once he leaves, Levitt seems to find it in him to inform me "What you just experienced was the Fear Simulator." Tilting my head away I wipe the residual tear which seems to have fallen through my conscious "Losing those you love... it's an admirable fear."
"You've seen Octavia's memories in M-CAP. Know everything about her. Probably about us too." I remain Levitt placidly, the sim still running circles in my mind "You know that's not the entire fear." Levitt wandering over, I let him remove the wires from my arms and heart "Everyone I love massacred because of me... and I'm left utterly alone." Levitt's quietly wrapping the coil around his fingers when I wonder "You've never seen war have you?"
Briefly glancing up, a slight smile plays on Levitt's lips "No. I cannot say I have."
"I've seen far too much of it", I find myself muttering, not to Levitt in particular. I suppose I'm still a little lucid and foggy from the sim when I mutter "It's bloody. And gruesome. And unforgiving...and you lose everyone you love. You lose yourself to the madness." The tattoos of Trikru, Azgeda, and Skaikru tingle on the nape of my neck. Rolling my lip sadly I consciously run my thumb back and forth over the battery tattoo on my wrist. If he or Bellamy were here... would they be doing this? Would they have gone along playing this game? We promised Monty and Harper to do better but is that what we're doing? Trying to do better has not only sent me through a wormhole- not once but twice- and lost me the man I love. How is that doing better?
The bed dipping beside me, Levitt seems to hesitate before admitting "You scored lowest on the Fear Sim." When I remain silent and transfixed, Levitt adds "Point five. You chose fear for your friends to rule you right out of the gate and Anders saw." My lips grimly pressing into a line, Levitt quietly admits "I know you through Octavia's eyes. Normally you're level headed- not erratic as I saw. What's changed?"
"Now I don't have Bellamy to keep me grounded", I mutter, shoving myself frustratedly from the stiff padded chair "I'm intelligent and good with a weapon. There would be nothing to stop me from tearing apart every person in this compound."
"But you don't", Levitt calls me out as I reach the door of the room "It's because of them... isn't it? Those four girls."
Rolling my bottom lip, I refrain from opening the door for a moment. Long enough to turn around and suggest "You adore Octavia don't you?" Levitt's eyes behind the tech glasses widen and I know I've hit the nail on the head. "She's been through a lot. It's taken her years to come out the other side of..." my words hanging in the air, I ask of him the promise I've failed to keep "Levitt... don't let her lose herself in the madness. I don't think she'll come out the other side again." I don't wait for the confirmation of this promise. Yanking open the door to the Fear Sim I brashly step out into the quiet halls of Bardo's compound. Letting the madness of my mind swallow me back up.
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"They are watching us at all times" Echo chastises Hope who has become the center of our worry "You've got to try harder."
Sat on the bed beside her mother, Hope tries brushing it off with an annoyed scoff but Diyoza doesn't let it go "She's right. You're the only one who almost killed Anders in your Fear Sim-"
"Wish it was real."
"Stop" Octavia growls at Hope, sternly crouching down with a look of strange discipline "Get your anger under control."
Without answering Octavia's threat, Hope questions absurdly "What do they want from us anyway? We can already kick the Disciples ass's."
"That's not the point Hope", I readjust myself against the wall, clapping my hands to stress to Hope "They want us to put the V in Devout loyalty." Diyoza snapping her fingers up to me, I point to Hope who watches me through deviant hooded lashes "You need to get your post-pubescent shit together before they send you to Penance. Alone."
"You gotta bury it little one", Diyoza encourages her daughter who's detested the notion for months now. Her hatred for the Disciples is still showing and that cannot be the case. They need to trust us. Without trusting us they won't let us become one of them. Without becoming a Disciple we will get no chance of returning home. "Screw our friends, family" Diyoza continues pushing Hope "You've got to bury your love and anger and everything so deep they'll never find it."
"It's not that hard."
Suddenly, Hope's Disciple frustration switches to the Echo "Yeah. For you." My eyebrow arches when Hope blurts out "You just like someone giving you orders again so you don't have to think for yourself."
Scoffing, Echo steps away from our heated conversation with Hope "I think it's time to go to bed for me." Pausing at the door, Echo turns around and tells Hope "Damn yourself if you want to but I believe in what they are teaching. And I will not let you drag me down with you." Slamming her palm on the door it opens with a hiss and closes behind her just as curtly.
"She's joking", Diyoza voices skeptically amongst the silence her exit leaves behind "Right?"
Still staring at the door, I murmur uncertainly "Maybe."
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"You're always on that computer."
"And you're always on my nerves" rolling my tired neck around, I plaster a tight tired smile on my face "But I still appreciate your company." Wandering further into the stone room, Gabriel nods for the conductor to be excused. Watching her wander away, Gabriel catches me interested gaze. Meekly shrugging, Gabriel claims "They've accepted me I suppose."
"It's your face", I wave my finger around my face "It's a trusting face."
Chuckling, Gabriel wanders across the stark white room towards me "It's not my body." Quietly laughing I shrug not really able to argue with that. Peering over my slumped shoulder, Gabriel wonders curiously "Why're you analyzing their prophecy?"
"It's not. Prophesies are ridiculous and fictional" I discourage the ridiculous notion, hand slumped on my chin "They apparently found logs and slabs from the old Bardoan's files with a text. This is a translation. An odd one at that which they've based their entire idea of Transcendence off of."
"What do you mean?"
"The orb becomes like a star, challenging all that we have done and all that we are" I recite the phrases sticking out to me "Only then will the last war begin. Make it past and cease to be fallible. Transcend into greatness. Evolve into more." Furrowing my brows, I indicate the problem I'm struggling to comprehend "The entire passage speaks of transition and evolution through humanity's lowest form of behavior-war."
Gabriel is silent for a moment before wandering curiously over my shoulder "You think they've translated the passage wrong?"
"I'm thinking it's strange we'll achieve our supposed highest form of evolution through our lowest darkest means" I conclude, still gazing over the translated passage "It just doesn't seem feasible." Spinning on the white stone, I raise my brows curiously "How's Scrabble going?"
"Mind numbing" Gabriel nods, a look on his face which makes it seems I knew better "It's a bunch of numbers getting crossed off a list. It's pointless."
Humming, I conclude "They're wasting their lives aren't they?"
"On a conquest that may or may not exist?" Gabriel chuckles arrogantly "Yeah." We're quiet for a moment before Gabriel asks "Remind me again why we're playing along?"
"Because they require the Flame", I tell Gabriel, placidly waving my hand over the stone hovering not five feet away "The Flame they think is in Clarke's head-"
"But they don't know that the AI got moved to Maddi-"
"-or that the data was destroyed by Raven", I remind Gabriel, the facts quickly caught up with when their ship returned. Closing down the passage on the computer screen, I sigh emptily. "Someone needs to protect them from this side in case they come through", I tell Gabriel, sadly looking at the stone over his shoulder. The ticket back home to my family. With a sinking feeling, I murmur sadly "Even if that means I don't get to see them again."
Gabriel opening his arms I slump forwards, letting him wrap me in a kind embrace that I think I need more than I'll ever admit "You still got me kiddo."
"I don't think you can call me that."
"Ehhh... I think I will."
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"So let me get this straight", Diyoza voices from the wall I lean patiently against with her "You're an engineer..."
"The best."
"...who knows a shit load of science..."
"Almost every field-"
"Almost?"
Glancing away from Octavia and Levitt's subtle flirting over a ray glove, I admit to Diyoza "Biology I just... I can't."
Diyoza watches me for a long moment before remarking "I can't believe I'm asking this but why?"
"Do I look like a nurse to you?" I raise my eyebrow towards the woman, "Besides... it's icky." There's a brief quiet pause until I add rather cynically "And I wouldn't be caught dead wasting my time on Geology. That's just embarrassing-"
"What is this?" Hope suddenly perks up from across the room.
Glancing across the room I notice her hovering by a rather large gun. Noticing the curious end of it, Diyoza recognizes "Flamethrower. It'll make you smokey and crispy."
Admittedly an amused chuckle falls from my lips and I bump fists with her. Glancing across the room to the door Echo's been staring at utterly transfixed, I realize "You're all cross-trained on everything?"
With an assertive nod, Levitt agrees "Precisely. We don't know what we'll be facing so we prepare for everything."
Once again giving the wall of guns and ammunition another thoughtful glance, I hear Echo finally ask "What's in there?"
"Bioweapons", I tell her from the large label 'BioHazard' brightly colored on the thick iron door. Slinking over, I move beside Echo and try peering curiously through the glass "Probably something really cool if it's sealed behind an iron clad door."
"Level Elevens only" Levitt responds, not at all appearing to share in my enthusiasm "And it's not a bioweapon. Not anything we would use anyway."
"Hey", glancing over my shoulder I notice Octavia's gloved hand tightening around Levitt's, encouraging "If we're gonna go all in you've gotta trust us."
He hesitates skeptically for a moment longer before falling prey to Octavia's big brown-eyed stare "After years of study we've managed to isolate the substance that wiped out the former inhabitants of this planet."
"You mean the substance which calcified those aliens topside?" I point out and receive a small nod from Levitt. Returning to the iron door, my face is almost smooshed against the thick glass when I breathe "Awesome."
"We call it Gem9" Levitt continues to elaborate "And the little that we have would wipe out everyone on Bardo."