Child Of The Future

By SydiaX

40.1K 1.7K 6.8K

Curse. 5+ years into the middle of the end of the civilized world as we know it, and the dawn of hope comes n... More

Plot Summary
This story...
Episode 1: Pilot
Episode 2: One Hour In
Episode 3: Group Of Grief
Episode 4: Gotta Sell The Part
Episode 5: Every Little Thing Can Make A Big Difference
Episode 6: Breaking The Secret
Episode 7: Start Believing
Episode 8: Choice Leads To Trust
Episode 9: It's Different
Episode 10: It's Fvcked Up
Episode 11: Take Away The Lie
Episode 12: Take Away The Lie
Episode 13: This Is Who I Am
Episode 14: One Week Later
Episode 15: Something To Forget
Episode 16: A Little Bit Of My Soul
Episode 17: A Little Bit Of My Heart
Episode 18: Don't You See?
Episode 19: Feelings
Episode 20: Simplicity Of End
Episode 21: Am I Too Late?
Episode 22: Let It Be
Episode 23: Strange Things, Certain Thoughts
Episode 24: This Is Where We Are Now
Episode 25: Completely Bitter Sweet
Episode 26: Think Of Me And Pray For The Future
Episode 27: About Us
Episode 29: Light Doesn't Reach Corners
Episode 30: So Step Into The Lights Reach
Episode 31: Betray Me Not
Episode 32: Deceit Is Never Sweet
Episode 33: Deal
Chapter 34: Calamity
Episode 35: Remember?
Episode 36: Please Don't Forget Me
Episode 37: Triangle
Story So Far/ Characters Summed Up
Episode 38: Lost And Found
Episode 39: One Step Closer, One Step Further
Episode 40: Mum's The Word
Not An Update, Just An Update ;P
Episode 41: I Take The Hits
Just A Thought...
Chapter 42: Monsterous
Episode 43: Sickness In Forms
Episode 44: Fervor
Episode 45: When Will It All Stop?
Episode 46: One Room
Episode 47: Promise
Episode 48: Horizons
Episode 49: Restraints Are Abundant
Episode 50: Paradise
Episode 51: Happiness
Episode 52: Do You Have Love? Do You Have Sanity?
Episode 53: Flares
Episode 54: Survival Takes The Fittest
Episode 55: No Matter What, I Love You
Previous Events...
Episode 56: Onwards Towards
Episode 57: Collisions
Episode 58: Freedom Is In The Mind
Episode 59: Behold It
Episode 60: This Is The Beginning
Woman Of The Present

Episode 28: If I Could Love You A Little More

902 27 106
By SydiaX

This is another comfortable paced episode, but after this, I'm pretty sure all of you will be happy to hear the speed of this book will be increasing. I'm going to try and hurry along to some interesting stuff at least. So, say goodbye to the relaxed stuff. I know you all hate that. XD I'll be attempting to piss every one of you off. Lol. Ta.

_____________

               "Spes?" The door opens before I can think to do anything, like, anything, and I feel my whole world fall apart, my freaking stomach swallow and digest itself when I see my reputation, my life, fvcking everything fall apart at the fact that I was just taking a bath with Carl.

               And he's still here! Paralyzed!

               "Don't c-"

               "I'm sorry you had to take a bath for so long. I wasn't sure if I got you some towels so here you..." Kitty's jaw drops and I feel my face burn with embarrassed heat while I hide behind the tub wall while Carl's not even covered up. He's actually still on his knees. I think.

               It's blatantly obvious that it was a mistake to even look since there's actually light coming in from outside the room now, showing me everything Carl keeps discreet most the time and what I just spent the last several minutes avoiding.

               Sh1t!

               I can't even see! My vision just went berserk and dim after I saw Carl's-his...oh gosh.

               "Wow!" Kitty exclaims. Oh, brilliant. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt." She's already laughing through her nose and it makes me turn around to glare at her.

               "No! We weren-" Carl starts, his deep voice desperate to set things straight but Kitty's already bending over, leaving a candle on the floor and wheezing to catch a breath.

               I wish I'd never taken a bath...tch. Liar! I don't regret it all! I just wish Carl would've locked the door. Or...no, I-I don't know!

               "Get out!" I yell when her eyes freeze on Carl, and they widen before she blushes and shuts the door, obviously seeing his private parts before she appears again. "What?!" I frown.

               "Congratulations..." She snickers, closing her eyes to cope with her giggling before she looks at Carl again, the obvious visual groping she's doing causes him to gasp and grab a towel to hide himself, my anger going so overboard that I grab a bar of soap. "Oh and, congrats to you too Spes...Fvck, Carl...wow." She makes her last joke before I throw the strawberry scented bar at her, making her laugh like a fvcking hyena behind the door she just slammed shut. "Congratulations to both of you!" She highly squeaks before I groan and hit my forehead on the white rim, exhausted by the events of the entire day.

               Not just now, but everything.

               And what the heIl was that just now? Not Kitty congratulating me and Carl on his...length, which I've totally blocked out of my head because the second I saw him I had weird spots blotch my vision, ok I can remember it, it's burned into my freaking memory, sh1t, but, what we were just doing.

               What was Carl doing? His actions. What were they leading to just now?

               Like a need, I slowly move my fingertips towards my waist where I remember feeling his extremely stiff and unbelievably scorching length against my skin. Estela used to always praise how good it felt to have something hard and hot push inside her, but...what I felt, it feels like it'd fvcking hurt.

               What the heck am I even thinking about?

               I know the first time is supposed to hurt, simply because of virgin type issues, and after a while, after a few lessons from my perverted best friend, it's supposed to be like heaven, and I'd believe her, because when Carl touched me, just the start, catching my bodies attention towards that kind of feeling, it did feel sensational...but, fvck...It's kind of unnerving me to think about actually doing it now.

               Well...yeah because I think I'm actually thinking now and not just going with how I felt.

               The hardness and heat that I was led to imagine so long ago when I first learned about sex...it was nothing like what I felt only minutes ago when Carl was pressing himself on me.

               For one, it was real, not just imagination to fill in those stupid empty gaps of wonder, and two, it was...scary but, erotic. Tempting, and igniting even if it was making me nervous. For a split second, I didn't have anything else on my mind except Carl and how desperate I was to make him mine. To fully belong to him in that moment and for ages afterwards.

               But I can't even find the strength to continue what I was about to let happen. What I encouraged when I pulled Carl back to kiss me the way we both wanted to. Damm, it was like something let go of all my second thoughts and curiosities creating boundaries to keep from giving in to the fact that I'm crazy about this guy and I want him, just as much and especially more so than before.

               "Here." I feel the soft material of a towel press against my back before I turn to see and hear Carl get out of the tub, wrapping his own cloth around his toned out stomach, flexing a bit to show me a slightly defined 6 pack on his slender pale stomach, possibly more clear because of the lighting, and his muscular arms make me want to pull him back but I don't. I just shut my fvcking mouth and watch him grab another towel for his hair, noticing he's too embarrassed to look at me while his cheeks are so red I can spot it in even this dim light.

               I'd be embarrassed too. Well, I am. So embarrassed that I'm actually pissed off, not even a little, a lot, but I'm also frustrated. Looking at his prominent shoulder blades that resemble those of a slender big cat are making him appear especially attractive because of the shadows on his body.

               He's so slim even though he's got some muscles. Fvck, how is that even possible or compatible? And...his profile, his strong chest, his navel, lean structure...he's so beautiful it's artistic. Ideal but something never imagined before. Nobody could've thought up a more perfect being. Something, like a prince or, a precious jewel in this dirty sand filled world, overgrown but not strong enough to hide how special Carl is.

               How unique.

               Shaking my head at the idiocy it just materialized as thoughts, I wrap myself up and stand before hiding altogether and press my wet toes onto the cool floor, little puddles forming under my skin while I slowly walk over and stare at Carl's broadening young back, his long messy hair, damp and sexy with how rough he massaged his scalp earlier.

               I thought I'd be here, running away from him or screaming at him to get out like I finally remembered what the heck was going on and would make Carl leave or something, maybe also flipping out at the image of him on his knees in the tub, naked with the water only going up to his lower hip exposing his flat stomach and v-lines, and most of his sex, cause like I remember, the first time I saw a guys penis it freaked the fvck out of me and I cringed at the way it looked, but I'm not plagued with it in this moment.

               I thought I would be, but all I see is Carl. His face, his body, his personality, his thoughts, everything that I've come to know about him, and I love it.

               I love him.

               "Are you mad?"

               "Yeah." I reply quickly, and he turns to look at me before sighing and bending down to grab his clothes. I guess he doesn't know what to say. Fvck, I don't know what to say. I mean, is there anything really to say? We just got dirty by taking a fvcking bath! He saw me! He saw me naked, mostly all of me, for the first time, and I saw him naked for the first time.

               Oh frick. Dammit.

               I guess holding back honesty is out the window now though.

               "I don't know why I'm mad though. I just am." I frown, honestly not knowing why I'm so pissed off at the moment before sighing to grab my sleeping shirt and shorts Kitty lent me. She had a gigantic tank top with painted on tits and even though she said it was colorfully poetic, I had to sadly turn them down, sarcasm all the way, and go for a gray shirt with a large tiger looking kitten thing on it.

               Typical.

               Well I'm certainly not getting dressed in front of Carl, so I guess I'll just wait till he leaves. I'll just turn around and...why did he just throw his clothes in the bathwater?

               "Why'd you do that?"

               "My clothes are really dirty?" He's still not looking at me. "Could you ask Glenn to bring me some new stuff?"

               "Uh...but, I need to get dressed."

               "Ok. Go ahead." His deep voice shrugs along with his shoulders and I feel my eye twitch for a second.

               "Gee...thanks." I so needed a green light to fvckin' get dressed you completely...gah...Okay.

               I'm not even going to bother.

               I turn around before making a quick glace to see him towel drying his hair again, and I hurry to pull up my underwear, but fvck it all, I get it twisted and tangled in my toes at least 3 times before getting it right, and tug on my new clothes which smell surprisingly clean until I look for a 4th towel to dry up my gray medium length locks but...oh look. No more towels.

               What kind of bathroom is this? Old style bathtub, 3 towels tops, no lock on the door, not to mention lack of electricity, I know they don't have that luxury but don't they even have battery operated lamps?

               My hairs dripping all over the place. Ruins the point of dry clothes.

               "What's wrong?" Carl finally turns when I sigh and it's a little amusing how he's not so aroused anymore like before. Yeah, no kidding. Some random slut pops her head and starts checking him out while naked? Don't know how I feel about that but I'm pretty sure that's what's pissing me off the most.

               Sh1t, she's weird. Why the heck would she...whatever.

               "My hair's dripping all over the place and I need to dry it." I sigh before gathering it all to the side, squeezing out the extra water into the tub.

               "Use your towel."

               "You're kidding." I raise an eyebrow and give him a look. "I just wiped...no. No way."

               "Then use this one. It's not too wet." He pulls the coral shaded cloth away from his shoulders that he used on his hair to let me use one mine.

               Oh good grief.

_____________

-Carl's P.O.V.-

               She didn't know why she was mad? She was just mad? I won't even bother trying to figure out that one. I'm too tired either way.

               It started out with us aiming at walkers, and then being brought here, then settling in, and Tara...then whatever the heIl that was in the bathroom.

               I know she was the one that started that, aside from me even making myself known to her, but afterwards, even when I was going to leave, she pulled me back, and I just let everything else fall into place.

               The feel of her stomach against me, the rough, make do pleasure of using her body to massage against mine, my complete lack of thought when I wanted her to feel good too, when I slid my finger down, touching her for only a second...the sound she made...

               "Fvck." I sigh and turn around to see dad finally asleep, his clean shaven face twisted in heavy worry, even in dreaming state, but I can't even join him.

               There's no dreaming tonight.

               Only thinking.

               Damm, this place is quiet. Too quiet. It's letting me think about today and that's a bad thing. No matter how much I try, excessive in depravity of sleep, I can't seem to fall into it. I just keep shuffling around noticing how empty the room is without Spes laying next to or near me.

               It's fancy in here too. Lots of furniture and plenty of old clothes hanging around like there isn't a care in the world. But I can't sleep.

               That's it. I'm getting up.

               A small groan from my dad, obviously a sign he's having a nightmare halts me from moving, but after he turns to rest on his side, I begin making up my bed so it looks like I'm still in it before slipping into the hallway, wearing the clothes Glenn picked out for me, a simple white shirt with ordinary blue jeans and socks.

               He also gave me a hair bow to pull my hair back since it's getting so long, and after a lot of thinking I decided to just slide it in my pocket to keep for later.

               There are still some people talking downstairs, laughing silently and it makes me wonder what the time is. How in the heIl can they still be awake at like, 1? I'm dead tired and walking around, I know but, a quick look into Spes' room will fix that, I hope.

               I'm a little nervous to spy on her when she's snoozing, I mean we took a bath together for fvcks sake and...she saw me. She actually saw all of me at that one point when Kitty came in. I don't really care that Kitty saw me, I mean, it was really freaky how she was looking at me, but through all of that, it didn't really bruise my ego.

               I really actually hate to say it, but, Kitty's a whore, a slutty girl, she's probably been with tons of guys, and when she saw me...she was impressed.

               I hate thinking this way, but as a guy, I was starting to wonder about that. How I, in general...

               Ok, I should just stop. I'm getting stupid about this.

               Just check on Spes and make sure she's ok.

               Why wouldn't she be?

               Well, she's probably awake and thinking about Tara right now. I didn't get to tell her that they're going to bury her tomorrow and say a few words as a memorial or departure to her life. It's got me wondering what she did before all of this.

               Then again, I guess it doesn't matter.

               But to Spes, it might.

               "Help..." I dart my eyes up after opening the door to see Spes sleeping, her body lain out under a thin sheet with her hands fisted and bent beside her, small whispers hissed out into the air while she winces. "Help her..."

-Spes' P.O.V.-

               "Spes?" I open my eyes and immediately notice 2 things.

               Carl looking down at me with a concerned face, and a pain in palm that reaches its maximum potential before I un-fist my hand and feel my nails leave my punctured skin, blood on the tips at how bad a dream I was having that caused me to hurt myself.

               Oh...Ow. Fvck.

               "What?" I lightly gasp when I move to sit up, Carl's hands already touching my back while he picks up the flashlight, my flashlight that I was happy enough to pack all those days ago, clicking it on to shine the light on my hand while I held it out in front of me.

               Whoa.

               Just like I thought. 4 nail impressions that look like they almost punctured my skin. Sh1t. No blood though. Guess I was wrong. Damm, it hurts. No wonder. That dream I had...I was back in that kitchen, not to this house, but the one where Carl was being strangled to death, and instead of just one body, it was 2. Him and Tara, side by side and dead.

               "Sh1t." Carl muses while lightly touching his thumb on my palm, and I remember a few hours earlier what happened between us, but I'm glad he's not embarrassed anymore to touch me. I'm glad I'm too tired to be awkward as well. I mean we love each other, might as well act like it.

               At this point, it's like we're barely even strangers. We had about 4 days to get to know each other, there was literally nothing else to do besides learn the tricks of the survival trade, put my fighting skills to use if only a little, and learn all there was to know about Carl so I could fall more and more in love with him every hour of every day.

               We know each other.

               What am I even going on about? Just woke up and am already thinking this sh1t?

               It's like I'm programmed to think about us all the time, every second of every day. I wish it wasn't so freaking confusing when in all simplicity, it's simple as pie.

               "Did you break the skin?" He moves the flashlight a bit before pulling my palm up. "You didn't." He informs me of what I already know, and didn't let me have a chance to answer, even though he asked. Oh gosh, what a worry wart. "What were you dreaming?"

               Ah.

               "No, 'hey, good morning'? 'I can explain what I'm doing in your room at like, 4 o'clock at night'? 'Go back to sleep'..." I give some humor and deepen my voice to sound like him. Must've been funny because he started to laugh. "It was just a bad dream."

               I refuse to accept or admit that these fvcking nightmares are starting to come more and more.

               "I thought you weren't into that cheesy stuff, but ok. Good morning Spes, I can explain what I'm doing in your room at 4 in the night, and don't go back to sleep, because you had a bad dream, and I want to know what it was. I mean you hurt yourself." He stands the flashlight up and it helps to illuminate the whole room, well sort of.

               "Take a wild guess at what I was dreaming, you'll figure it out." I mumble before massaging my skin and gently closing it halfway, the ache from how hard I strained my muscles to shut my fingers and fist my hand is making it a little painful now, but I'm super ok besides that.

               "Why do you have to be such a pain in the as$?" He genuinely asks and I give out a hollow laugh. "Just give me your hand." Carl sits down next to my knees, bending the mattress a bit while I watch him lean forward towards a rack of scarves, picking out a thin lace like one to slowly wrap around my injury.

               The material is cool and feels fresh on my warm skin, it's kind of replacing an ointment to tend towards my self infliction, not by choice, and I'm only now noticing Carl's clothes are different from before. Obviously he changed, duh, but the outfit is completely clean and unlike any of his usual attire that I've noticed him sport before.

               It's creepy.

               But fvck, he makes it look so hot.

               I never really notice how hot he is until I stop thinking nonstop and sh1t...the way his hair has dried with nothing to tame it down, it's completely seductive.

               And yet, what I feel most right now is security to have him here with me. Almost like a filter that's supposed to be set in my head is falling away and I'm at ease to ask him anything before he just looks at my hand while I pull it up to examine at his little medical job.

               "Wow." I nod. "Doctor Carl is in the house." I give him a wink. Why the fvck did I just give him a wink? I'm that kind of girlfriend?

               I have no idea what kind of girlfriend I am.

               I don't know why but I don't even like the sound of that anyway. Girlfriend? Ew. Only blonde b1tches back home that sucked face with fungus infected morons flaunted the fact that they were somebody's girlfriend. Beforehand, I just wasn't into that sh1t, and afterwards, like now, it just doesn't sound right.

               I mean, there's a war going on and I'm calling a guy my boyfriend?

               Why don't I just scavenge for jewelry to have a couple's bracelet or some sh1t? Sheesh. Gag me.

               No. I've decided. He's not my boyfriend. I mean, technically, I guess he is, but in all, it seems more fitting to just...call him my lover.

               Carl Grimes is my lover.

               Oh. Sh1t that sounds intense.

               My heart can already feel the strain.

               "I know you're all 'independent'" Carl makes some quotations humoring me since we both know I'm only independent because I'm arrogant and stubborn. "With this stuff, even if you're mostly oblivious to it...to surviving out here, but it's my job to take care of you." Carl smiles at me before I blush and lift the corners of my lips.

               "I'm not a weak little girl you know. I'm serious when I say, I've had years of training to kick as$. I just don't know what happened. Something totally threw me off my game somewhere along the way." The back of my head finds a pillow and I wait a second before looking at my palm again.

               It's true. I'm not some fvcking moron that's all huff and puff. I mean I guess I am a little too arrogant for my own good, at least before, definitely, but in truth, I'm more than this. I'm more than just a girl who cowers every time I'm faced with something gruesome and frightening. I didn't think me going to D.C. would turn out into a race for my sanity to hold out till then.

               When it comes to being useful by myself, and as a unit in a group, I'm feeling pretty sh1t worthless. It needs to stop. I wish it would. I wish I could just change how sensitive I am to all of this, but I can't.

               I feel like I'm improving though. I think I'm starting to handle these things better. Sh1t, that actually sounds more bad than good.

               "I know you're scared." Carl begins, pausing to stare at the floor before connecting his blue eyes to my grey silver ones. "I know what you're feeling. Even the guilt." He draws his eyebrows up in slight sadness.

               "Carl...Somebody died because of me. I mean, it could've been because of me. Tara. You may have killed someone, but you don't-"

               "Yes I do." He breathes. "I do. When I was younger, at Maggie's place, when we first met her family, I was walking around once, being stupid, lashing out, and I found a walker in the woods, stuck in some mud...I didn't kill it. I was about 11...I was throwing rocks at it."

               The fvck? He what? Wow. Stupid, kid.

               "It almost got me, but I ran back to their farm and...later that night, that same walker killed someone." I hear the regret in his voice, the sound of his still raw feelings, responsibility for someone actually dying, even though I don't see how it was exactly his fault, is unmasked now and he's still conflicted with himself about it.

               "So...you're saying, that if you didn't, find the walker and if you did kill it, or if you didn't lead it back...?"

               "It followed me. It was my fault." He sighs. "I know how you feel."

               "I actually keep forgetting, you've been through more than me." I am such a selfish b1tch. Me, me, me. Yes, I've gone through things, like, it was abrupt and I wasn't coaxed into it, but there's no easy way to get used to people dying, and Carl knows that just as well as anyone.

               He knows what I'm going through, and it makes me feel all the more safe to confide in him, talk to him, listen and understand with him. It's not why I love him; it's just a happy perk that the one I love understands me so well.

               "I think..." I sniff. Gosh I'm gonna cry? Sh1t. "I think you're probably, the strongest person I know. Carl, I love you. And even better," I pause to see him blushing and totally captivated by my words and smile. "I respect you. Funny, I never thought I would, but I do." I mean seriously.

               The next step was easy, crawling over to him before he looked at my lips, a quick flash of uncertainty to touch me leaves when I wrap my fingers in his thick, slightly tangled hair, my legs on either side of his lap before he and I kiss, the slight relief to his touch makes my body relax, both our bodies actually, and I love the look he's giving me.

               Wild but innocent, uncertain but sure, the way his intense gaze is dimly revealed because of the minimal light behind us, and I shift around a bit when his arms hold the back of me to easily keep me on him while he and I begin perfecting our methods of making out, every time we press each other's tongues together, I feel sparks singe my thoughts and I'm left with the flirtatious arousal bubbling beneath the surface of our heavy pants and slight releases of grunts or moans.

               "You're thinking about before aren't you?" I gasp when he kisses the side of my throat, my legs tensing around him a bit which makes him do it again.

               "Yes." He confesses. "And before that. After I stopped you at that house." He recollects when we kissed and made out for the first time.

               "Why did you do that in the bathroom? Touch me?" I can't believe I just fvcking asked that. But none the less, it caught Carl's attention, the way he's just panting through his mouth, trying to find an answer in my eyes as to what to say, but he sees nothing.

               "Why didn't you stop me?"

               "I-" My brain freezes.

               Why didn't I stop him? Now that's a good question. My bare legs wrapped around his strong slim waist, his pale arms holding me close enough that our chests are pushing against each other while I feel him getting excited under me, the way I get to linger my breathing over his cheeks when I litter his jawline with small kisses that please me more than him, even if it's made him weak enough to rest his forehead on my shoulder. We're both enjoying this.

               "I didn't want you to stop." I whisper in his ear, and it's heaven how I always shock him, his gasp at my confession, shameless and terrifying provokes his bulge to grow, our eyes finding one another before he tries to find out what I'm thinking.

               I'm not thinking though. Not really. Whenever I start to kiss Carl like this, I only have a feeling to focus on.

               "Earlier, what I said about, sex. I said that, and I don't know why."

               "You don't know why?" He repeats before raising an eyebrow and smiling at me. "I could think of some reasons."

               Ohoho.

               "I don't want to." He catches me off guard with his sentence and I feel something inside me just drop like a bird of hope in the sky being shot down, crash landing on the ground just to be run over by a car and eaten by a rodent until the remains are picked up for taxidermy and put up on a wall before it's sold in a yard sale and trashed then burned altogether.

               Ow?

               "Oh...yeah." I nod and suddenly feel very awkward sitting on Carl when he doesn't want to have sex. I mean, I don't know if I want to have sex right now, we don't even have a condom or anything so...what was I saying?

               "No, I do."

               Make up your mind!

               "I was just, wondering, I don't want to until we're both, I don't know, ready? I don't want to mess this up." He bites some skin on his lip before looking up to me again. "When Deniece was talking about, those men, the guys who wanted to pretty much rape everyone in here, I thought of you."

               "About me getting raped?"

               "Yes." He sighs before running his hand through his hair. "I thought, I'd rather you never have to be touched in any way like that, not even from me," My heart skips a beat at the idea that, I love Carl enough to get depressed at the thought that he'd never express his love for me to that shared and special extent that I'm starting to fall infatuation with more and more. "Than to have someone do that to you."

               "You're scared?" I say it like it's an incredibly unbelievable thing, for him to be scared over something like this. "You're scared that I'll get raped?"

               "Yes." He quickly replies. "It's not about me and you being with each other before that happens. It's about, me making sure that you aren't touched in a way you'll ever hate. It's been bothering me ever since I heard it. I want to keep you safe." He whispers before cupping my cheek, like he's apologizing for not wanting to make me his before we're free from worrying about someone else getting to me.

               He won't touch me unless circumstances are different, and free from the strain of that danger.

               "But if it was just us, nothing else, no threat outside this house, we wouldn't stop ourselves. Every day it's getting harder and harder to keep myself off of you. Away from you." I say through a blunt voice.

               Carl's eyes are filled with impatience to kiss me again, but he speaks instead.

               "So, you're saying you want to? I mean, is that what was happening in the bathroom? If I didn't stop, if Kitty hadn't come over...You said you didn't want me to stop. Are you sure?" His face is twisted to hard curiosity. "I saw your face when you turned and-and saw me."

               "Well, yeah. I mean, in person, that's the first I've seen..." Dammit why!? Why are we having this completely ridiculous-Fvck this sh1t. "It was the first time I'd seen a guy like that, outside of sex-ed."

               "Okay." His voice is awkward now too. Yeah. It should be. This whole thing is fvcked up beyond belief. "I don't really know what to say." He's smiling?! Wow, he finds amusement in my awkwardness does he? Dickwad.

               Fine. Deflating his ego will be a pleasure.

               "Yeah. Whenever I saw pictures I thought, 'fvck that's disgusting'." I shrug.

               "What?" His eyes widen when he looks at me, my face straight and eyebrows raised. "Tch. Right. Well, I don't think-I-I...Never mind." He shakes his head while I remember the image of him in the tub, and it's almost too tempting to pass up, given that I like shocking him at least a little.

               I'm about to tease him some more when he cuts me off, mumbling something that I couldn't hear.

               "Say what?" I move closer before he turns to give me a look.

               "I said I thought you were beautiful."

               "Huh!?" I pull away but he's got me too secure that I can't get off his lap. "What?!"

               "I said I thought you were beautiful. You're beautiful." He tugs me closer until I'm forced to kiss him, my lips shaking at the fact that he's praising my body without sarcasm or an edge to get by playing on my ego.

               By myself, I always thought I was well proportioned and well fit but...I never thought of it in a sexual or romantic way. I always thought of it in a more or less, fighting, 'I don't look swollen in this outfit' way.

               Needless to say, I'm not prepared for Carl of all people to say I'm beautiful.

               A heavy sigh is easy enough to let him know that I'm holding my tongue on something. I feel so guilty now, heIl.

               "What's wrong?"

               "I lied." I groan.

               "What about?" He tilts his head before I use my canine tooth to bite my lip a little.

               "I was shocked, but, about you...when I saw you, I thought you were," Stop! Stop! Shut up, Spes! Dammit!

               "You thought I was...what?" Carl smiles, knowing he's got me hook line and sinker and it's painful to have my pride so shockingly bruised. "Spes?"

               "I thought you were beautiful too." I raise my hands to cover my face, sighing at how stupid this whole thing is.

               "I thought you thought-"

               "I don't know why, but you're different. Seeing you like that, you weren't like everyone else." I almost stutter. "I'm not going to go into it! You were different and that's it!" I try to pull away, but I'm stopped again before my blushing face is kissed by Carl's smiling lips.

               As$hole.

_____________

-Carl's P.O.V.-

               "How old is he?" I flutter my lashes a bit at the sound of a woman speaking, immediately remembering how I fell asleep next to Spes, my arms hugging her while she silently breathes against my chest.

               I fell asleep? We didn't even turn off the flashlight.

               We just stayed here conversing and...who's talking?

               "15. Another few months, 16." Dad.

               Sh1t.

               "And her? I'm guessing she's not your kid. Who is she?" Deniece? Gosh, I wish she'd leave him alone. What time is it? It's still dark outside so I'm guessing a few hours till 7. If they wake Spes up I don't know how unhappy it'll make me but I really wish they'd keep their voices down.

               My luck dad yanks me out of her bed and forces me back upstairs.

               I can't help that I want to be near my girlfriend. Near Spes is the only place I feel completely satisfied nowadays.

               "She's just someone we picked up along the way. Same time as Jesse."

               "They look involved." Deniece's amused voice makes me roll my eyes impatiently. I really would just like to go back to sleep without having two adults spying on us. "It's nice. These kids need some normality." She sounds like a mom.

               "I'm not so sure this is what I had in mind when I was lookin' for somethin' normal." My dad replies.

               "Why Rick. I pegged you for a romantic." She giggles.

               Gag. Me.

               "Well, not for a long time."

               "I'll be sure to make breakfast tomorrow before you head out."

               Seriously?

               "I'll be up pretty early."

               "I'll get up early then."

               Fvck.

_______________

So, goodbye to the slow and happy paces. Last filler for a while, at least I hope. Lol. And goodness. 4K+ reads? All these comments and votes. Jaze.

And, to everyone doing their own little things, I hope whatever or wherever you are, you're smiling for no reason at all. Ta.

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