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We are currently sitting in the garden. Stefan said it's a nice afternoon for us to spend some time in his garden which I really don't mind at all. The weather is indeed so nice today. We are sitting in the swinging chair with Liam already falling sleep on his father's chest.
"You know you really pulled my hair so hard yesterday", Stefan says out of nowhere.
"I don't remember", I blurt and keep my gaze on the front.
Stefan laughs and slides closer to me.
"My head is still hurting because of that", he murmurs.
"Do you want a head massage?", I ask battling my eyelash innocently.
"No but this will definitely help", he declares and swinging his arm around me, he leans his head on the top of my head.
"Whatever helps you then", I smile contently and place my head on his shoulder. I swear to God, this is perfect. Liam's little sleeping face is just beside mine. I stroke his cheek softly.
"Stefan?"
"Hmmm"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything", he mutters and starts playing with my hair.
"Why did you decide to leave from here forever?"
I don't look at him because I won't be able to hold his gaze seriously while he tells me why he's leaving. My heart will hurt so bad. Not that it's not already hurting.
"I really want to start a new life with Liam somewhere else", he sighs. "I don't want him to stay here because I know Ana will try to just barge into our lives. Again and again. I don't even want her shadow on my son. My stay is overdue here because of my dad's business but once I'm able to shift everything to Seattle, everything's settle then."
"Seattle? You're moving to Seattle?"
That's so far from me.
"That's so far from San Francisco", I mutter.
"Not really"
"What about Ciara then?"
"She has already selected her own room there. She will visit often."
Not knowing what to say, I remain silent. My heart feels so heavy all of a sudden again. But that's how it's supposed to be from the start. My heart clenches in pain when I look at Liam's peaceful sleepy face. I love him to death. He has become a part of my heart and I don't have the slightest idea how to cope when he will be gone.
"What are your future plans after graduation?", Stefan inquires suddenly.
"I really don't know", I answer honestly. "I'm just trying to make it through finals right now. To be honest I had never thought that I'll be able to make it this far. Life was not easy so I just decided to go with the flow."
"I'm proud of you", Stefan says and gives my shoulder a slight squeeze.
"You are?", I ask shock, lifting my head to look at him.
"Yes", he gives me a tender smile. "I know you went through a lot and you didn't let those situations pulled you down instead you fought against it. And I admire you for being this strong."
I stare at him trying to grapple if he's lying or just saying it like that but when I notice the seriousness in his eyes and the admiration on his face, my heart swells with joy.
"Thank you", I say. "No one ever said that to me. It really means a lot."
"You deserve the world Jess", he adds in a low voice.
I just want to be with you and Liam.
I look at him and he looks as if he's struggling to say something.
"I'm going to miss Liam so much", I blurt without thinking.
"You're not going anywhere", Stefan says instantly.
"Huh", I look at him with my heart in anticipation. "I don't mean right now. I meant when both of you will leave for Seattle."
"You're still young Jess", Stefan adds after a few minutes, his face suddenly taking a faraway expression. "You should enjoy your life and not be bound by people which might become hurdles for your freedom."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you must live your life freely. Travel, make friends, be wild but responsibly. Fall in love with someone who makes you happy", he says with a smile but it does not reaches his eyes.
"Ohh"
Is that a decent way to say that we can't be together? Guess I'm the only one who is having all these sort of feelings.....
"Yes I will", I say. "So you're going to hire another nanny there?"
"That's the plan"
"Bet she won't be like me", I tease him trying to release some of the heavy feeling in the air which is lingering around us.
"There's no one like you", he says with a tender look in his eyes.
"Don't go", I blurt all at once and snap my eyes shut."I mean your family is here, Ciara is here, Elliot is here but it's your choice afterall. You can go anywhere you want and wanting a fresh start is not wrong. It's just that you'll be so far and everyone will miss you and Liam. But that's fine because Ana won't be anywhere near Liam and..."
"Jess!"
"Yes", I inhale deeply.
"Calm down."
"Yes." I close my eyes again in disbelief when I realize how much I have been babbling.
"I just want a fresh start with Liam", he says after a few beat. "I want to travel, explore and make new memories with him. He's all I got and I want to give him the best."
"He's so lucky to have you", I say then in a teasing tone, I add, "No you're lucky you have him."
"I am", he smiles. "He really changed me in a better way. He made my life more meaningful."
Awww.
"He made you into a perfect father", I add slowly with a smile.
Suddenly a thought comes across mind and without giving it a thought, I just blurt it out.
"What if Ana wants Liam back?"
"It's pointless. As long as I'm with Liam, I won't let her come anywhere near him."
"But she's still his mother", I add slowly. "And people can change....."
"Not her", he snaps angrily.
"Maybe you should give her time. Liam has the right to know his mother. I know whatever she did was very wrong and maybe with time, she changes into a better person....."
"Stop it Jessica!", he admonishes me.
He said my full name. Damn I made him angry! I can see the vein ticking in his jaw and when he looks at me, all I can see is fury and the overwhelming need to protect his son from Ana.
"I can't believe you're saying all this. Have you lost your mind? All she cares about is money and that's the reason why she killed my first baby without any regret!"
"I'm really sorry", I apologize. "I didn't mean to make you angry. I just wanted to tell you that people changes with time."
"I'm sorry", Stefan says after a while. "I should not have shouted at you."
"It's okay", I give him a small smile. "I understand. I spoke too much."
"No you didn't", he sighs. "Whatever you said is true. People do make mistakes and they do change but as far as I know Ana, she won't. She will do anything for fame and money. Just because she gave birth to Liam doesn't make her his mother. A mother is supposed to love and care about her child but she straight up left Liam for money."
"I know. I'm really sorry. I should not have said anything."
I messed the calm atmosphere between us. If only I kept my mouth shut.
"Don't apologize. Not everyone is like you Jess. Not everyone has a kind heart like you. Even though Liam is not yours, the unconditional love you give him is unreal. Thank you so much."
I look at Liam and a warm feeling envelops my heart. It's like there's a connection between us almost like an invisible thread connecting us. He's an angel in my life. If only he was really mine. My heart twists painfully and unknowingly, my eyes starts burning. My throat starts burning.
Shit! I don't want to cry. I just love Liam so much that it hurts.
My mobile starts ringing and internally, I thank God. I don't want Stefan to see my face. I know for a fact that the tip of my nose is already red.
"Hey Leo", I say with a crack voice and taking a deep breath, I quickly clear my throat.
"Bitch are you okay?", Leo asks with concern.
"Yes. Totally fine", I lie cheerfully. I can feel Stefan's eyes on my profile.
"I don't believe you so let's meet at the park."
"Fine. I need some air too."
I cut the call.
"It's Leo. He wants to go for a walk at the park. Can I go?"
"Of course. You don't need to ask me. It's your day off."
I'm about to get up when Stefan holds my hand. I look at him curiously while he stares at my face as if he's analyzing my every features.
"Enjoy your walk."
"I will."
I enter my room with a heavy heart to change my clothes. Their departure is going to wreck my whole existence, I just know it. But life still goes on. I need to be brave. I'm not what they need. Maybe I should create some distance between Stefan and I.
Yes! That way maybe my uncertain feelings will be gone.
Within fifteen minutes, I have already freshen up and change my clothes. I'm about to leave when Stefan calls my name. I turn to look at him and see that Liam is already up. He giggles loudly happily.
"He's already up", I smile happily.
"As soon as you got up to leave he was up", Stefan says. "Maybe somehow he knew you're leaving."
"Actually I need your help. Can you take him to the park with you? Eliot just called. He needs some help in a project that he's working on."
"Of course", I say instantly. "I'll take him."
Without wasting time, I take Liam from him and the little guy just hugs me back.
"Wait I bought you two something."
Stefan disappears in his room. I wonder what he could have possibly bought for us?
"Are you happy to go at the park with me Liam? Because I am so happy."
I twirl him aroung and his giggles lighten up the room. It's like a joyous music for my ears.
Stefan returns back and I see a baby carrier in his hands.
"I bought this for you. Last time your arms were hurting and Liam has gotten quite chubby", he explains.
"You didn't need to", I say. "But thank you."
"Let me strap it for you"
Stefen adjusts the carrier properly around Liam's little body and then around my back. The whole time Liam is laughing. I swear to God, everything appears funny for him.
"Here it's done. Thank you for taking Liam with you."
"Hey don't say thank you", I look at him. "Anything for him besides it's Liam over everything for me."
I give Liam a kiss on his cheek and he tries to mimick me.
"See he likes me more", I say in a teasing tone when he keeps trying to give me more kisses.
"I know", Stefan grins and leaning forward, he gives his son a kiss on his head and stopping near my face, he pecks my cheek.
"Call me if anything happen", he adds in a serious tone. "I won't be long."
I leave the Black Estate in the car and reach the park in a few minutes. Getting down, I automatically put my arms around Liam's small frame, even though Stefan made sure he's securely strapped to me.
I walk till one of the bench closer to the fountain, with one of my hands under Liam's butt. He's gripping the front of my sweater tightly with his face resting on my chest. One thing I have noticed about him is that he always grips my cloth tightly in his small hands or he always places one of his hands over one of my boobs, specifically near my heart. I never knew that a baby could love me this much or I could love a baby this much. I guess unexpected love is always special and life changing.
People are smiling at us while we are walking. I can't really blame them, Liam is so cute to not give him a smile.
"Hey B", I hear Leo's voice. "Oh you brought Liam too. I love you more for that."
"Hey Leo. Stefan had to meet Eliot so he told me to take Liam with me."
"Aww you look so cute with this baby carrier", he says wiping his invisible tears. "You both really look like mother and son."
If only it was true Leo. If only...
"I want to hold him", Leo adds eagerly and he's already removing the strap from my shoulder.
Liam starts giggling with excitement at the sight of Leo. Did I mention that Leo and Lian are best friends now?
"Come to me my love", he hugs Liam and starts playing with him.
We both take a seat and I watch as Liam laughs. The sound is infectious. I watch his every soft feature, enclosing them deep in my heart. His two little teeth makes him look even cuter when he smiles.
"Why do you look so sad Jess?", Leo asks suddenly. "You seem quiet as well and yes! Your voice did cracked on the phone as if you were crying. So don't make the mistake as if you can lie to me. What's going on?"
"Nothing Leo", I sigh. "It's just that my time with Liam is almost up. I'm going to miss him so much."
"Miss them you mean?", Leo lifts his eyebrows mischieviously. "You love Stefan don't you?"
"No", I say instantly. "I don't love him."
Do I love him? Is this why I'm feeling like this? Is this feeling love? I don't really know. Besides I'm not really his type and he kind of made that cleared years ago.
"You seems to be in a dilemma", Leo states.
"Stop Leo", I frown slightly. "I don't love him. I just got too attached with Liam and it's going to hurt so bad when he will leave. That's it."
"I understand", Leo says softly while looking at Liam. "I will miss him too. But instead of being sad how about we make the best of our time while he's still here?"
"You're right", I smile.
"I brought a picnic bag just so we could spend some times like before but you brought Liam with you, we can make more memories. I even brought my camera with me."
"Leo that's great!", I say with excitement and throw my arms around him. "I love you more for that."
"Bitch I know I'm great", Leo says with an arrogant expression while blocking Liam's ear.
We spend two whole hours at the park. Leo pretends to be our professional photographer while I do poses with Liam.
"I'm telling you Jess. Liam will be the next greatest model", Leo confirms proudly. "Just watch."
Just like his daddy, I think and smile.
"Bitch my turn now!!", Leo shouts. "Click my picture with Liam."
I laugh and taking the camera, I start clicking their pictures. Leo's photos turn out perfectly great. He's really confident about his every move and that's why I admire him so much.
"We're models Liam", he says. "Give your best. Make me proud!"
Liam starts laughing when Leo holds him at different angles.
We are still messing around playfully when I hear a strangely familiar female's voice.
"Jessica Cullen!"
I turn around and the person I see is the least one I'm expecting to see.
Ana Anderson!
"Hey", she says with a smile while approaching us. "How are you? Is that Liam?"
"Hey", I say and look at Leo. He's apparently giving her a death glare while clutching Liam tightly at his side.
"What are you doing here?", I ask.
"Actually I was passing by when I saw you and my son", she replies in a soft voice.
My son?! Last time she was referring Liam as a 'thing'. So what changed now?
"Can I meet him?", she asks in a soft tone. Even her eyes is looking at Liam tenderly.
"No you can't!", Leo snaps. "Now get the fuck out of here!"
"Leo! Stop", I scold him.
"No Jess I can't. Did you forget how last time she almost burnt Liam and you?!"
"I really apologize for last time Jess", Ana says. "Can I call you Jess?"
"No you can't!", Leo snaps again. "We are not friends with people who have ugly personalities!"
"Well I'm not talking to you", Ana says acidly.
"What do you want?", I ask her.
"Can I please meet Liam for a few minutes?", she asks. "I really want to hold my son."
"Bitch hell to the fuck no!", Leo says instantly.
"Leo! Stop swearing before Liam!"
"Please Jess I really want to meet my baby", Ana says in desperation. "I know whatever I did in the past was wrong and I regret it extremely. I just want to make amends now. Please just let me take my son for once."
Not knowing what to say, I just stare at her. Is it true whatever she's saying? Has she really changed?
"I'm his mother afterall", she continues with her voice cracking. "And I do realize my mistakes. I just want a chance with him."
I really don't know what to do. Stefan won't like this at all.
"I can't Ana", I say. "You have to ask Stefan."
"He won't let me", she starts sobbing. "He hates me too much."
Are her tears fake? Is she faking everything and has a motive behind all this?
Leo suddenly plops Liam back in my arms and stand before me, shielding me and Liam from Ana's gaze.
"Leave from here before I make you leave!", Leo threatens her.
"Leo wait", I say and stand beside him.
"Ana I really don't know what's going on with you but if you really want to be with Liam as his mother, you have to speak with Stefan. I can't do nothing for you."
She's his mother and if she wants to be with her son, I can't really stop her. It's her right but Stefan needs to know about this.
"Please just let me hold him once", she cries. Tears are genuinely rolling down her face. I look at Liam. He's not even looking at her instead he's lying his head quietly in the crook of my neck.
"No you can't hold him! I won't let you", Leo exclaims angrily. "Jess call Stefan right now!"
"No please don't call him", Ana says quickly. "I don't want to make him mad. I'm leaving."
She looks so heartbroken and when she lifts her hand to touch Liam's cheek, Leo smacks her hand off.
"I just don't trust you! Do not touch him!"
"Please just once", she begs while crying.
When she touches Liam's cheek, he starts crying really loudly.
"Oh my God", Leo hisses angrily. "Look what you have done! He hates you! Next time do not touch him!"
"What's going on here?", I hear Stefan's angry voice.
When did he arrived?
I'm so concentrated trying to make Liam stop crying that I did not noticed Stefan standing right before me. He's really angry.
"What the hell are you doing here?", he snaps at Ana.
"I just wanted to meet Liam", she responds in a broken voice. "Please Stefan give me another chance, I really want to be with you two."
"Leave from here!", Stefan orders coldly. "Next time do not think about touching my son or else I'll get restraining orders against you! And do no think about a second chance with me."
"Please Stefan just once", she cries.
I stroke Liam's back while watching the scene enfolding infront of me.
"Just leave from here Ana! Don't create a scene!"
She looks at me and at Liam with longing before finally turning around and leaving.
What's wrong with her? Why is she behaving like this all of a sudden?
"Get that restraining order against her", Leo fumes. "I swear to God everytime I see her, my blood pressure rises."
His phone starts ringing and he excuses himself.
"Are you angry with me?", I ask slowly.
"Why would I be?"
"Because Ana was here and you don't want her around Liam."
"It's not your fault she was here Jess", he sighs and strokes Liam's back. "She's up to something, I can feel it."
"Jess I'm leaving", Leo announces. "Something came up. Take care you two."
He starts packing his picnic bag.
"You were having a picnic without me", Stefan accuses lowly.
"It was Leo's plan", I say.
Liam suddenly touches my face while looking at me.
"What happen baby?", I ask. He starts talking in his language as if explaining something. I look at Stefan and he's staring at me as well. Suddenly he lifts his hand and removes a strand of hair from my face.
"Bye", Leo shouts. "Take care."
"Bye", I shout back. "Call me later!"
Liam gives his father a look and he immediately takes him into his arms.
"Hey buddy", he says softly. "Daddy is here now. No more crying."
"I'm really sorry Stefan", I say. "I did not know what to do. She started crying for Liam asking....."
"Hey don't apologize", he interrupts my phrase. "It's not your fault. I'm appointing bodyguards for you two. Next time, she won't even dare to come closer to you."
"Maybe you should try speaking with her", I say slowly. She really did looked upset.
"For what Jess?", Stefan sighs. "Please let's just not talk about her."
I nod. He looks so tired.
"Let's walk", he suggests and I give him another nod. I walk besides him but with a little distance between us. I swear having mixed feelings is all messed up. I don't know why I'm even feeling like this. This is so weird.
You're just protecting your heart, my inner voice says. Ana is even asking for another chance. And she's Liam's mother. Stefan might take her back. You can't fall in love with him.
No I can't fall in love with him or I am already....... No! I'm not!
"Are you alright?", Stefan asks suddenly. I nod again. He looks at me intently then suddenly snaking his arm around my waist, he pulls me by his side.
"I'm sorry", he says.
"For what?"
"For earlier", he continues. "I should not have spoken rudely with you and I made you almost cry."
"No you didn't", I say instantly.
"Don't lie. I know your nose turns red whenever you're about to cry."
"No, I think I'm about to catch a cold", I lie.
He looks at me for a few beats then smiles.
"Liam is lucky by the way", he says. "The way you and Leo protect him is amazing."
"And there's you too", I smile.
I remember Leo's previous words.
But instead of being sad how about we make the best of our time while he's still here?"
I guess he's right. Whatever I'm feeling is my problem and Stefan is not at fault here. So I will behave friendly with him as long as he's here. Our time is limited together and I will secure all our memories deep in my heart.