I'm really sorry for not updating in like two weeks. I've been so busy with my work, and the play I'm rehearsing, and I've been also really sick these past week so it was impossible to find motivation or time to write.
Thank you for sticking with me, love you all.
Mag 🦋
FOUR
I inhaled deep, finding the courage to knock on the door of my boss' office after two days of skipping work.
It was Wednesday.
And even if I stayed late last night to continue with one of the cases that had been recently handed to me, I was still really behind schedule.
To say that I was terrified of facing him was an understatement.
But I needed to apologize.
So I manned up, and knocked on the damn door.
"Come in." - I heard from inside.
I slowly opened the door, allowing myself in.
When my boss looked up and found my stare on him, he showed me his usual polite smile.
"Tomlinson."
"Sir. I just wanted to apologize for these two days. I promise it won't happen again soon, and I'll be back at work right this moment. I'm planning on staying hours extra today as well, I hope that makes up for the hours I lost this week." - I said nervously, all in one go.
He just chuckled.
"Oh, Tomlinson. It's alright. Don't worry. It was a family emergency, right?"
"Yes. My son was really sick, sir."
"Children come first. You're forgiven." - He smiled. - "But, If you want to do those extra hours today, I won't complain."
"Really?" - I frowned, surprised.
"Of course." - He laughed, resting back on his chair and relaxing his arms on the armrests. - "You'll see, Tomlinson. I don't have children myself because my wife and I never could. But I have nephews and let me tell you, I'll do anything for them. Work comes second. You can compensate these two days whenever." - He shrugged. - "Though, Attorney Gales is asking for the analysis of that contract he gave you last week. I would get started on that one if I were you." - He smiled.
"Sure Sir. Yes. I'll do that right away. Thank you."
My boss shook his head.
"It's alright, Louis. Really. You've never missed a day before. As long as this doesn't become an usual thing, you're fine." - He shrugged. - "Hope your son is feeling better."
"He is." - I nodded, smiling.
"Make sure to pamper him, yeah? You'll miss him being this age in a few years."
"Yeah... Thank you. I will." - I nodded. - "I better get back to work now though." - I chuckled. - "Thank you, again."
"Stop thanking me, Tomlinson. I'm here in case you need anything else. Now, get out of here." - He laughed.
I smiled, and with a last nod, I got out of his office.
🌈
What my boss told me stuck with me for the rest of the day.
Pamper him.
You'll miss him being this age in a few years.
He was kinda right. I had already missed so much of Freddie's growing up. Always working, never paying much attention, missing all of his firsts times.
And now he could speak, walk, play football, draw.
These five years had gone way too fast and I never could actually be there with him. For him.
I know that having him wasn't exactly expected. It wasn't planned. But at first I thought that providing him food, house and school was what fatherhood meant.
Maybe I was wrong.
Because these past two days spending time with him were quite fun. And I was discovering a lot of things I didn't know about my own son.
Now I could actually see a part of me in him.
So yes, maybe my boss was right. Maybe I needed to start pampering him and not waste more days of his childhood. Because soon enough, he'll become a teenager, and God help me when that happens.
So, when my job hours ended, I drove to the closest toy shop and bought a medium sized stuffie of a dinosaur, wrapped it up as a present and, even if it was almost dinner time, I made my way to Brianna and Freddie's house.
Ringing their bell, I waited outside, standing frozen with the dinosaur in front of my body, it being the first thing they'll see once the door opened.
"What?" - Brianna frowned. - "What are you doing here?"
"Is Freddie awake still?"
"Uhm, yeah. He's watching cartoons in the living room. Why?"
"I brought him a present." - I smiled, shaking the very obvious package in front of her eyes.
"Why though?"
"Because I saw it and I thought he'd like it. Can I come in, then?"
She rolled her eyes and nodded.
"Sure."
"Thank you." - I smirked, sliding past her and entering my ex house.
Knowing the way to the living room by heart, I rapidly found Freddie sitting on one of the armchairs, curled under a baby blanket that Brianna and I had bought together when he was born.
I didn't know it still existed.
"Little lad, hey." - I said softly, kneeling down next to his chair.
"Dad!" - His face brightened up in excitement.
"How are you today, huh?"
"Great. Mama let me go to school today." - He grinned. - "We played with cool cards teacher Harry gave us."
"Yeah? Sounds fun." - I smiled again. - "I have something for you, want to see?"
"Yes!" - He exclaimed, sitting up straight and kicking his blanket aside.
"Alright." - I chuckled, revealing the wrapped up present from behind my back.
"What is that?!" - He shouted, his eyes wide open in utter surprise.
"A present. Open it." - I said, handing it to him.
"Wow!" - He exclaimed and I laughed. - "For me?"
"Yes, lad."
He didn't waste a second to rip the paper off and reveal the dinosaur inside.
When it was finally out, Freddie's expression was priceless.
"You like it?"
"Yes! Dad, it's so cool!" - He shouted, hugging the stuffie close to his chest. - "Thank you!"
"You're welcome." - I laughed.
"Can I go play with it in my room?"
"Of course." - I said, motioning him to go.
When Freddie was out of sight, I heard someone chuckle behind me.
"What's all of this about?"
"I just wanted to give him a gift. That's all."
"Why?"
"Because he's my son."
"And yet you never gave him a present except for his birthday and Christmas. So, why?"
I sighed.
"I'm trying to be more present in his life. I want to be part of it." - I shrugged, knowing she wouldn't understand.
She wasn't the most understanding person.
Not when it came to me, at least.
"Since when?" - She laughed. - "You barely see him on the weekends when it's supposed to be your day of taking care of him."
"I want to change that."
"Oh yeah? How so?"
And just like that an idea popped up in my mind.
"I want a new arrangement. I know you work during mornings most of the time, yeah?" - I asked and she nodded. - "I can come pick him up every morning to take him to school. I could even be here by breakfast and spend that time with him. Not only the weekends. And, that way you wouldn't have to worry about getting late for work. I could take him and still make it in time to the office."
"You want to spend your mornings here?" - She asked, incredulous.
"Yes! You'd still have him on weekdays, but I'd help you in the mornings. And then when it's actually my day, I'll make sure to have enough time for him. I want to start taking him to the park, you know? He's quite good at football. I think he should totally start playing outside school. Also, well, I know nothing about drawing and that, but he's so good at it too. I could sign him up for painting classes for kids."
"You expect me to believe you're actually going to do all that?"
"What?"
"Louis, you never gave two shits about him, now suddenly you want to do all that?"
I sighed.
"Look. I know. It's just... I realized what I was missing, okay?"
"And you'd compromise to take him to school? To actually look after him on your days and not let Niall do the whole work? You are saying you're going to stop thinking about your horrible paralegal job for once and start caring about your son?"
I gulped and nodded.
"Yes."
She laughed.
"Oh, I can't wait to see that."
🌈
When I left Brianna's house, I received a text from Niall telling me to stop by the bar before heading to the flat.
For what I could read, it looked like he was sulking again and he needed emotional support.
So, I drove to the bar yet another night.
It's not like I was going to get wasted like Monday night.
No, I wasn't.
I needed to get work done in the morning, and with my new arrangement with Brianna, I also needed to be ready at her front door before breakfast.
So, no. No alcohol for me tonight.
When I got there, the bar was almost empty except for two guys drinking a beer in the corner.
And then, behind the bar, with his face buried in his arms and emitting some muffled sobs, there was Niall.
"What? Mate, are you crying?"
"No." - He whined.
"So? What are you doing?"
"I was crying. I stopped now. There's no more tears to cry. I'm dry." - He whined again against his arms.
"Ni, you can't continue to cry over her."
"Oh, but I can." - He groaned, lifting his head up.
"C'mon, stop it." - I nudged his arm. - "I told you, you deserve better."
"It's just..." - He sighed. - "This is a nightmare!" - He cried out loud, making the customers look out way in concern.
I sent them a quick apologetic smile and hurried behind the bar to stop my friend from making an scene.
"Hey." - I said, placing my hands on his shoulders and keeping him still. - "You need to calm down. You're working, okay?"
"I can't, Lou. Everything reminds me of her." - He whined, dropping his head on my shoulder and hugging me.
I sighed, running my hands on his back to soothe him.
"I know..."
"No, you don't." - He murmured. - "You've never been in love like I did."
"Mate, you need to stop crying. Please."
"Can't." - He whispered.
"Yes, you can. C'mon. You're one of the strongest man I know. She's not worth it, Ni."
"I saw her today. She was with another guy." - He sobbed again.
"Shit. Okay. Let's sit down."
I pulled him with me to the stools of the bar, pouring two pints in the process.
I know I said no alcohol, but the situation called for it.
Placing the drinks in front of us, I listened to him.
His story, the way he felt his heart breaking for the ninth time, the way she didn't even looked at his direction, the way she kissed the new guy in front of his eyes just to show him that she had moved on and she never cared.
Niall was heartbroken, yes.
But this things always happen for a reason, yeah?
Maybe he just needed to learn something from this heartbreak.
Maybe he needed to get ready for a new chapter.
Maybe we both were.
"I went to Brianna's house today." - I said after my third pint.
"What for?"
"I need to spend more time with Freddie."
"Huh? You don't have time. You're always working."
"That's what I want to change." - I hummed. - "I guess I realized how... Important it is to Freddie for me to be there."
"You just realized that?" - He laughed.
"I know... I'm a terrible father." - I sighed. - "I want to fix that."
"Well, I guess it was about damn time." - He patted my back. - "Good for you."
"Thank you. I guess." - I shrugged. - "I feel like I should thank Freddie's teacher for this."
"For what?"
"For making me realize that I need to be part of his life. Should I text him?"
"Who?" - Niall frowned.
"Freddie's teacher." - I said again, exasperated. - "I kinda feel like I'm changing my mind about this whole parenting thing. About Freddie, and I believe it's thanks to him. To his teacher. So, should I text him?"
"Why would you text him?"
"To say thank you?"
"Can't you say it in person? Wait. You have his number?" - Niall frowned.
"Yes. I asked him for it."
"You asked for his number?" - He laughed. - "What Louis?"
"Is it not what parents do? Like for emergencies."
"I don't think you should have his personal number. Even less text him at night with some personal shit."
"Uhmmm... Maybe you're right."
"Yet you're doing it anyway."
"What? No, I'm not." - I said, hiding my phone underneath the bar.
"Do whatever you want. He's going to think you're creepy, I'm warning you."
"Shut up." - I mumbled, already typing.
Hey Harry, I wanted to thank you, because after yesterday I felt like I reconnected with my son during the family day. It had been a while since he and I shared something together the two of us, and it was thanks to you.
I pressed send and waited a few seconds staring at my phone for his reply.
Then, I remembered it was Wednesday night and that he was probably busy.
Maybe even sleeping.
And I immediately regretted sending that message.
I should have waited until morning and thank him personally.
Sending him a text is too... Informal.
"I shouldn't have drank those beers." - I said. - "Now I just texted my son's teacher and he'll think I'm a creep."
"You kinda are a creep, mate." - Niall said.
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"I am not." - I punched his shoulder. - "And I hate you."
"Good thing I hate you too." - He stick his tongue out at me.
"Asshole." - I mumbled.
Suddenly, the screen of my phone lighted up and it showed a notification from Harry.
I'm glad, Louis. That's what's Family day is all about.
I smiled at his response.
Niall looked over my shoulder and gasped.
"Wait, he actually responded?"
"Yes." - I laughed.
I was about to type an answer when I received another message from Harry.
This morning Freddie couldn't stop talking about how his father showed up at family day. He was truly happy.
"Why are you smiling like that?" - Niall asked me.
"He sent a nice message." - I shrugged.
"Do you like him?"
"What?! No." - I laughed.
I pushed Niall away, not letting him see what I was typing in response to Harry.
I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you again, Harry.
His reply came almost immediately.
My pleasure. Goodnight, Louis. See you soon.
Goodnight, Harry.
"Are you going to keep ignoring me, Tomlinson?"
"Oh, calm your tits, Niall." - I laughed, leaving my phone aside.
"This is your son's teacher. It isn't like a rule that you can't text him or something?"
"It was just a text Niall."
"Still, isn't it too personal?"
"Mind of your own business."
"My business lately consist of crying. You want me to keep crying over Lila? You're such a bad friend."
"You're unbearable."
"You're a creep."
"Stop saying that. It was just a text!"
"At eleven at night."
"So?"
"It was kind of a flirty polite text."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Are you gay and you didn't tell me?"
"What are you on about?! It's just a text!" - I shouted, exasperated, causing the customers to turn and look at us once again.
Feeling embarrassed of my outburst, I mumbled a shy apologize towards them.
"I still think it was a weird exchange of texts, mate." - Niall shrugged.
"Whatever." - I mumbled and stood up from the stool.
I knew I wasn't going to win that talk anyways.