"I want to take you out" she'd declared, several days later. Sofia was with Mark, and we had the weekend to ourselves. "On a date. A real date"
She was determined, and I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face.
"I would love to go on a date with you" I smile, a light blush dusting my cheeks "it seems like we've done all of this backwards" I point out, still riding the high that I got from telling her I loved her every morning and every night.
"I was nervous you'd say no" she jokes, casting a charming wink my way.
"As if I'd ever turn down a chance to spend more time with you"
~
We'd planned a date for the next night, she'd wanted to make reservations at one of her favourite restaurants and I had been not so secretly expressing that going out tonight would mean having to wash my hair, even though tonight wasn't wash night.
That meant that we'd spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch watching TV. We'd recently started watching a show together, which meant we had to watch more than just one episode.
Halfway through the third episode, around ten o'clock, Arizona's pager went off, despite the fact that she wasn't on call.
"That's odd" she murmurs, brows furrowed as she moves to stand up and retrieve it, and at the exact same time her cell phone rings. "Robbins" she says, answering the phone as she picks up the pager to stop the beeping.
I didn't hear the conversation, I was half-asleep in a mound of blankets on the couch, missing the feeling of her warmth next to me.
"I have to go to work baby" she sighs, and at these words, I sit up straight.
"What happened?" I ask, slightly disappointed that she had to go, even though I knew it had to be for a good reason.
"One of my patients isn't looking good, her parents are demanding me there" Arizona sighs, leaning in to kiss me softly before turning to go get changed.
That was another catch working in paediatrics; parents. Parents were perhaps the worst part of any peds case, and often demanded a doctor, especially doctors they know and like, when it wasn't really necessary.
But of course, the patients come first, which means if we're requested at their side, that's where we go. It's part of the job.
"Which patient?" I ask, still sitting on the couch in my mound of blankets when Arizona returned from the bedroom, now dressed and throwing some things into her purse.
"Sylvie Maxwell, she's three. She's got terminal cancer, several tumours on her lungs that we've tried removing before, but at this point, we can't remove anymore of her lungs without removing everything" She sighs, pulling on her jacket and grabbing her keys.
But then, amidst it all, she looks over at me, and she just smiles, before going to put on her shoes. I smile, knowing I'm going to miss her while she's gone, watching as she turns to leave.
"I shouldn't be more than a couple of hours" she promises. "I love you, wait up for me"
"Yeah, okay. I might just fall asleep right here, right now" I tease, soaking in her smile before she left, locking the door securely behind her.
I sat in silence for a moment, contemplating what I would do since I was now bored and alone for the time being. I hated the feeling of being alone, it felt too empty and eerie, so I decided to waste an hour by taking a shower, hoping maybe Arizona would be home sooner than expected.
Of course, I had no such luck. I'd showered, painted my toenails, changed the bedsheets and gotten changed into my pyjamas, opting to keep busy to keep my mind from wandering.
I listened to some music and replied to some work emails, drank two glasses of water, and blow-dried my hair, all while trying to keep myself from thinking too much.
It did the trick; my mind was sufficiently occupied on other tasks, which was relieving. I never knew if my mind would cooperate with me sometimes, but tonight it felt okay.
Before I knew it, two hours had passed, with no sign of her coming home. No texts, no calls, nothing.
I'll admit, that worried me a bit, but I decided to just lay back down on the couch to relax and watch some reruns of family guy. Mindless entertainment.
But then the clock kept ticking, and with each minute that went by, my anxiety went up too. She hadn't called, so I quickly sent her a text message asking if everything was okay. It was nearing twelve thirty, and she'd been gone for nearly four hours at this point.
After fifteen minutes of nothing, I called her, only to get voicemail. Sighing in frustration, I sat and stared at my phone, waiting for a reply.
What if she'd gotten in a car accident? What if something had happened to her? My mind raced with all kinds of scenarios, and suddenly, I found it a little harder to breathe.
This never used to be my reality; I never worried when my loved ones were late. If anything, I got angry. But ever since Derek died, I found myself becoming more and more of a nervous wreck.
Swallowing past a lump that was beginning to form in my throat, I picked up the phone to call her again at a quarter past one in the morning. Once again, no answer, so I called the hospital.
"Seattle Grace-Mercy West" The secretary answered the phone on the second ring.
"Hi, this is Dr. Shepherd. I'm calling for Dr. Robbins, is she in surgery?" I ask, wringing my hands together nervously as I balanced the phone between my shoulder and ear.
"No, actually, Dr. Robbins left about half an hour ago"
The air was snatched from my lungs as I somehow found the words to thank the secretary and quickly hang up the phone, feeling like my entire world was closing in on me.
Panic rose within me, and when the panic rose it's ugly head, I couldn't stop it. It overtook me, and I began to shake, my breathing now coming out in short pants.
"Oh my god" I said to myself, looking at my shaking hands, and suddenly feeling a surge of nausea within me. My nerves always turned my stomach, and despite the fact that I hadn't eaten anything recently, I ran to the bathroom to sit on my knees in front of the toilet.
Of course, with the gagging from the nausea, came the shortness of breath, which made me panic. I couldn't breathe; my lungs physically were not working, and as I grasped the edge of the toilet seat with white knuckles, tears began to leak down my face.
I was scared, and the panic and anxiety that had a hold on me made me feel like I was genuinely going to die; I couldn't breathe, I could barely see, and I felt sick to my stomach.
Thankfully, that's when I heard the key turn in the lock, and Arizona's cheerful voice sounded out.
"Amelia! I'm back. I brought Denny's, I figured you'd be up for some pancakes and a milkshake" she says, but I can't respond. I can't breathe; I can barely find the strength not to collapse onto the floor.
I hear her drop her keys and bags on the table, before her footsteps lead down to where the open bathroom door revealed my state.
"Oh Amelia" she says, immediately rushing to sit next to me so she can rub my back "you're okay, breathe for me please. In and out, in through your nose and out through your mouth, just like that" she coaxed, and somehow, with her warm touch and her soft voice, my panic was lessening as I found the strength to breathe.
"There you go" she coos, still rubbing my back as I manage to steadily breathe in and out. "Good girl, you're doing so good" she says in a gentle tone, calming me down further.
Once I've caught my breath, I sigh, and just collapse into her arms, inhaling deeply so I'd never forget what it felt like.
"I'm here" she reassured me, holding me close to her chest as she kissed my forehead, my body completely in her lap. "You're okay baby, you're alright my love" she repeated, as I somehow managed to ground myself.
We sat for a bit, I wasn't sure how long, and when it was clear that I was no longer in a state of panic, Arizona stood us up with an encouraging smile.
"Let's go get into bed, and you can tell me whatever you'd like" she says softly, leading me into the bedroom to tuck me in securely.
I sighed contently, grateful that I'd changed the bedsheets earlier because I'd shaved my legs in the shower and the sheets felt absolutely incredible.
Wordlessly, she strips off her clothes and underwear to pull on a t-shirt and a pair of pyjamas shorts. She wastes no time in getting into bed with me, her arms immediately opening so I can reclaim my favourite spot.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She whispered into my hair, as she ran her hand up and down my back soothingly. I closed my eyes and let out a breath, fully relaxing into her with a nod.
"You were later than I thought you'd be and you didn't text or call. I thought something had happened and I panicked" I murmur, feeling slightly ashamed at how she'd found me when she'd gotten home. I was a grown adult, crying in a bathroom because my girlfriend hadn't called me back.
When put like that, it sounded rather stupid. But I was terrified something had happened to her, just like what had happened to Derek.
"I'm so sorry my baby" she apologized "my phone died; I was tied up at the hospital arguing with Sylvie's father, who's threatened to get lawyers if he doesn't get his way, even though his way will kill her" Arizona explains with a sigh "and I wanted to surprise you with some Denny's pancakes and milkshakes"
I couldn't help but smile at her kind gesture. My heart was absolutely full with love for her, she was the love of my life.
"It's okay. I'm sorry" I apologize, feeling bad for ruining her plans with my fears. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel like I didn't appreciate her efforts.
"You have no reason to be sorry, Amelia" she says seriously "none at all. It's okay, I understand, and I still love you just as much. If not a bit more, something about a three-way cuddle with a toilet seems like a bonding experience" she jokes, and my entire body is just alive with pure love and adoration.
"You're perfect, you know that" I state with a smile "I love you more than anything. More than every star, more than every ocean, more than every rose on the planet" all of this, and it still didn't feel like enough to express how much I loved her.
"That's some Shakespeare level love" Arizona says fondly, kissing my forehead with a smile "I love you back, every single bit you love me, and then some"
"Shakespeare couldn't compete with this"