♫ black sheep
- metric (or the scott pilgrim version)
✧
"You're up, boy. Make your momma proud," Priscilla whispered. Vader popped out of her robe pocket and sneaked his way through the shadows towards the Gryffindor table. She watched him carefully prowl over, making sure nobody could see him or step on him. He had a little something Cilla picked up at the joke shop in Diagon Alley in his mouth.
Once he made his way over to the twin's feet, he looked back at his mom, who was smiling and ushering him forward. He dropped what he was holding in his mouth on the floor, and snuck his way in between George's legs to initiate phase two.
"What the hell," George said, looking in between his legs.
"What's the matter?" Lee Jordan asked on his opposite side.
George knit his eyebrows together in confusion. "I was sure I felt something brush up against my leg."
"What d'you mean?" Fred said, poking his head under the table. Vader leaped behind George's black robe just in time.
"C'mon... Use the force, Vader," Cilla muttered.
"WHA!" George exclaimed. "Something pulled at my robes!"
"You're going mad, Georgie. Absolutely mad," Lee said, shaking him off.
Vader unsheathed his claws and swiped at George's ankle. As soon as it happened, he didn't waste a second scurrying back to his mother. George yelped again, slamming his foot on the ground.
He set off the dung bomb Vader planted at his feet, sending himself, Fred, and Lee up in a cloud of stink. The rest of the Gryffindors sitting around them leaped out of their seats to avoid getting hit by the stench, and soon wafts of the bomb made its way through the hall. Students from all houses laughed at their embarrassment while the three Gryffindors sat in agitated silence.
Vader leaped in Cilla's robe pocket and Nitara pumped the air in triumph from where she watched at the Hufflepuff table.
"Dung bombs again?!"
"BEST SISTER EVER!" Ginny exclaimed in between laughs.
"They're getting stylish, training a cat to do their work," Fred muttered, looking over at his girlfriend. She was winking at him seductively as she took a sip from her goblet, Cassius and Adrian on either side of her giving her playful elbow nudges. "Damn woman. She's too cunning for her own good."
"Punish her then," Lee said, enraged by the smell.
Fred went red and his eyes went wide. "W-what?!"
George glared at his brother, annoyed he just got outsmarted by a cat. "You know what he means. You've never had a problem with it before," he grumbled, referencing Fred's past relationships.
"She's different," Fred insisted.
"Yeah, and she's winning the bloody prank war! Her sidekicks are a Hufflepuff and a cat for christ's sake! You've gone soft, Freddie," Lee snapped.
"I HAVE NOT GONE SOFT," Fred insisted. Lee had pinched a nerve. He threw his napkin on the table and marched over to the Slytherins. When Priscilla noticed his angered expression, her smile faltered. He grabbed her by the robes, picked up Vader in his big fist, and handed him to Adrian, who didn't mind one bit.
"You're coming with me, you minx," he all but growled, dragging her by the robes out of the Great Hall.
"Fred," she said in between gags, "your robes stink!"
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," he replied cooly. "They won't be on much longer."
✧
The next morning at breakfast, Nitara was sitting at the Hufflepuff table alone. Cedric had decided to sleep in that morning, and she hadn't seen Priscilla since their prank yesterday and she got hauled out of the Hall by a stinky Fred Weasley.
She snapped back to reality when Cho sat next to her. "I need to talk to you," Cho said, and Nitara nodded. She knew they would have to have this conversation at some point. "I... want to see you again," Cho began.
That wasn't what Nitara was expecting in the slightest. "No way!" she yelled, and Cho shushed her. "No way am I letting you cheat on my best friend with me. That night-"
"Was amazing, you can't deny it," Cho egged on, but Nitara wasn't having any of it.
"It shouldn't have happened, Cho."
Cho huffed and leaned in to whisper. "I can't stop thinking about it," she admitted. "I like you."
"I like you too, but I will not be your sloppy seconds," Nitara spat. She started packing her things when she saw Priscilla and Cedric enter the Great Hall. "And I will not hurt Cedric. That's what I can't stop thinking about, and so should you."
"Hey guys," Cedric said cheerily, the extra hour of sleep putting a spring in his step.
Priscilla, on the other hand, has seen better days. "Don't bother looking at my eyes," she warned before Nitara could accuse her. "I'm still pure, just dead inside."
"What happened?"
"Fred happened," Priscilla said. She lowered her green Slytherin scarf to show her neck, riddled in hickies.
"That's disgusting," Cedric said. He leaned down and gave Cho a kiss on the cheek, making Nitara roll her eyes in disgust. What games was Cho trying to play?
An owl flew overhead and dropped something onto the table in front of Nini. Ignoring Cho's glances in her direction, Nitara leaned forward and picked it up.
"Oh my god," she said, her face turning pale. "It's a fucking howler."
"Open it, open it, open it," Priscilla chanted, reaching for it across the table, but Nitara fought to keep it in her possession.
"No! Cilla! NO-" but Priscilla won, and she ripped open the seal and tossed the red piece of parchment in the air.
"Is this thing on? David, David, get over here," it said quietly.
Nitara's father's voice broke through the recording. "Devi, I really don't think-"
"NITARA AMARA DAYAL!" it screeched, and the Great Hall definitely took notice. Nitara shrieked and covered her face with her hands. "HOW DARE YOU STEAL OUR BLOODY TV. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE TVS ARE? AND THAT'S A BIG FUCKING TV! YOU BROKE THE WINDOW! IT'S FREEZING IN HERE!" Devi screamed through the howler. "David, no, stop, NITARA, IF YOU PULL A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL PUT YOU IN PRIVATE SCHOOL IN INDIA. I WILL NOT HESITATE YOUNG LADY! YOUR FATHER MISSED THE END OF HIS MATCH AND NOW WE CAN'T FIND THE COLLECTOR'S EDITION OF RETURN OF THE JEDI!!!"
"NO!!!" Cedric screeched in horror. Priscilla and Cho were laughing so hard that their chests hurt.
✧
Priscilla was on her way to the library when the door to the Transfiguration classroom opened and she was pulled inside. She dropped her book bag and went for a swing with her fist, but was kissed by those lips she knows all too well and her arm flopped down to her side. The door slammed shut behind her back, and she was pushed onto the hardwood as his hand trailed up her skirt.
"Fred," she said in between kisses, but he wasn't stopping. "Fred," she laughed, eventually getting him to push away. "Babe, I need to study."
"Babe? I like that, it's so... American," Fred mused, kissing her again with a delighted hum.
"Fred," no reply, he kept kissing her all over her face.
"Freddie."
"Frederick."
"Frederico."
"Babe."
"Baby."
"Brethren."
"Benevolence."
"Holy shit, FRED!"
"WHAT!" he yelled, exasperated.
"My O.W.Ls! I need to study!" she insisted.
He whined like a toddler and wrapped his arms around her tightly, settling for a hug instead. "Fine," he huffed.
She returned his hug and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. And Lee's right, you are going soft." Cilla turned around and went to leave the classroom, but was cut short when Fred smacked her bum. "FRED!"
"You give me just a minute and you'll see how not soft I am," Fred joked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"You're gross."
"And you're beautiful, babe," he replied in a disgusting American accent.