I wrote this very late at night (4AM) and I gotta work tomorrow, so sorry if there are some misspellings. 😏🙉
I woke up, tugged in blankets and something warm next to me.
It felt normal to wake up like this, and I snuggled closer to the body next to me, burying my face in that little dent between his chest, sighing relieved.
As always, I was using Taehyung's arm as a pillow, his other wrapped around my waist, holding me close.
For a second I felt completely at ease, no worries in my perfect little world.
Then slowly, the memories came back and I blinked open my eyes.
We weren't in my room.
This was the apartment block Taehyung's mom owned, the curtains drawn close and only a little bit of sunlight shining through.
I guessed it was around late afternoon.
I raised my head to find Taehyung look down at me with an uncertain expression.
"You were still shaking when I brought you here."
He defended himself as he gestured to our hugging bodies.
Even if I had been fully awake, I don't think I could have answered.
I just stared at him as my confusing feeling were battling each other in my mind.
Tae looked at me too, like he was waiting for me to do something- to say anything.
Then he suddenly let out a chuckle that sounded half amused, and half frustrated.
"For the first time I really have no idea what you're thinking. Are you going to start throwing punches again or will you hug me? I really don't understand you."
" I don't understand myself."
I sighed but didn't move yet, feeling way to comfortable in his arms.
I rested my head against his chest once more.
"This is fucked up, Tae. You've managed to make me a mess, you know that? Look at me! I'm unable to let go of the one that ruined all my relationships. Who lied and betrayed and did horrible things."
I felt his body jerk, followed by a long breath, his voice both sad and defeated.
"I know Y/N. That's why I never wanted you to find out. I'm sorry."
There was a long silence.
"What now?" I finally said, feeling lost.
"I don't know. I really don't know. All I know is that I can't let you go and I can't be with you at the same time. It feels like someone is playing a grand joke on me and there is nothing I can do."
At that, I finally looked up again.
"What do you mean when you say you can't be with me anymore? Are you- planning to leave?"
I was surprised by the fear suddenly shooting through me at the thought of having to live without him.
For him to disappear like he never exited.
There was so much torment and frustration in his eyes as he let out a dark, humorless chuckle.
"Come on, Y/N. Look at what I already did to you! You really thing I like seeing you this hurt? It kills me."
I drew back a bit further, stunned by his words.
"Really? How about when I lay in your arms crying about my ex-boyfriends? Did it kill you then too?"
The constant anger at him was getting on my nerves, but I couldn't shake it.
"That was different. I know you never truly loved them. You cried more because you felt disappointed and it hurt your pride to get dumped again than sad over the person who left you. I also know you forgot about them the next day. I have to say, you did make it easy for me."
I let out a high pitched sound of disbelieve, even though his words rang true.
"Are you serious right now? Is that supposed to make it all right?"
"Of course not. I know none of it is right, but that's exactly my point. I'm not right for you, Y/N. You should have never met me in the first place. I tried to push you away-" he let out a growl of frustration. "But you were so stubborn. You kept wanting to be my friend, even when I hurt you and told you to get lost."
"So it's my fault you got so obsessed with me, is that what you're saying? You're blaming me?"
I saw his jaw click, like he wanted to say yes, but instead said nothing.
"Woah. I can't believe you!" I let out, shoving his chest.
The hand still wrapped around my waist tightened, like my resistance had done nothing but agitate him.
"It's you who is unbelievable, Y/N." he now said, lowering his head a little.
Having him so close- it felt different than before.
My heart started racing at his proximity, and I couldn't help but glance down at his perfect lips.
I didn't like to admit it, but I had been thinking about that kiss every second since it happened, only adding more to my confusion about him.
"Why are you still here? Why did you hug me earlier? Why haven't you run away yet? Let me ask you something? Am I really the only one obsessed?"
There was that dark shimmer in his eyes again as he shifted his weight and leaned in closer, our bodies almost completely aligned in a sideways hug.
Such a minor move and the situation had changed completely as I stared up at him with big eyes.
His thumb on my waist drew small circles over my shirt, sending weird shivers through me. Being touched by a boy had never felt like this.
Taehyung's long black hair had fallen into his eyes, darkening his face even more, his voice low and strained.
"You should really stop looking at me like that, Y/N."
"I'm not doing anything."
"Yes. You are. You're looking at me like you want me too, but you know you shouldn't. It's driving me insane. "
My skin felt hot and there was this weird feeling in my stomach again, tickling over my skin. My voice sounded out of breath as I answered.
"And what if I do?"
I knew I was walking on a slippery slope here. I now knew how unpredictable he could be, but maybe it was precisely because of that, that I wanted to see how far I could push him.
Apparently not much, because the moment my words had left my mouth, his body jerked forward, pushing me on my back as he rolled over.
He took my wrists in one hand, trapping them over my head as he put the other around my throat again. He seemed to do that a lot- like he needed to show me that I was absolutely defenseless against his strength.
HIs expression seemed pained, like he was fighting with himself- and I had a very good idea about which Taehyung was going to win it.
"For Fuck's sake, Y/N, don't say stuff like that. Do you think it's funny doing this to me? You wont be able to deal with the consequences, so stop pushing me. I'm trying my best here."
Oh, I definitely knew I should stop.
But did I?
Hell no!
"What consequences?"
I didn't recognize my own voice, low and luring, like I really loved seeing him ringing for control.
Who knows, maybe I did.
I seemed to know nothing these days anyways.
Taehyung closed his eyes for a second like he had both hoped I would stop and hoped I wouldn't.
When he opened them again, I know I wasn't looking at my best friend.
I couldn't look anywhere else but those hungry, starving eyes, so much heat in them, I was afraid I might catch fire.
"Tell me to stop. Now! If you don't, I don't think I can."
It wasn't me who answered either- not the best friend of Taehyung.
This was someone who had awoken the moment I'd seen his true colors. Someone who rose to his bait like a tiger to the hunt.
There was no way for me to stop this either as I said: "Do your worst!"
*******
My head after finishing this chapter: