Okay, I might be able to publish A LOT the next couple of days, because the Hotel I work at might have to close down due to Corona, so be ready for a lot of uploads.
I pulled myself together last night.
Taehyung had apparently made up an excuse about being tired and having to work in the morning, leaving before I even made it down from the roof.
I told Namjoon I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home too. And my perfect, caring brother had immediately said his goodbyes and taken me home.
I walked into my room and just stood there, looking around.
Taehyung's memory was in every single object in this room.
He had bought me the poster of the black-swan ballerina.
He had joked about my picture collection of the idol band I was obsessed with. (*cough, cough* not me...)
He had slept on my bed times and times again.
His smell was everywhere.
I even had several of his clothes in my wardrobe and the book he was currently reading was still half open on my nightstand.
I felt confused.
I should be breaking down in tears again, crying my eyes out or scream in anger and loss.
But all I felt was confusion.
It's like my brain was trying it's best to deny the truth I'd discovered today.
I sat on the edge of my bed, the silence like a heavy weight pressing down on me.
I couldn't stop the memories as they piled up in my head.
All the times I cried over being left, Tae had been there, by my side, on this bed, comforting me, knowing he was the reason for my heartbreak.
He had patted my head with the same one he had beat up those guys.
I understood the fear in Chung-Ho's eyes now. Not fear of me, but the guy pretending to be my best friend.
I kept seeing his beaten face and felt- nothing.
Something was wrong with me.
Or maybe I was just so broken by Taehyung's betrayal that I couldn't feel anything.
How could anyone do that to a person you loved? Because that much I knew. Despite anything, I knew, he loved me. He always would.
But how could he look me in the eye, tell me things would be okay, comfort me as I cried when he had been the reason for all my pain?
The scene on the roof kept repeating in my head, like a movie on loop.
The way he had looked at me-
No one had ever looked at me like that.
Just thinking about it made my heart speed up and my adrenaline spike.
It was probably fear.
I never thought I could be afraid of my best friend.
The one I shared my life with every day since I was fourteen.
I didn't even realize it had turned bright outside when my mom snuck her head through my door.
"Oh, honey, you're awake? Why are you still in bed though? School starts in a couple of minutes!"
I looked up at her, and everything, even seeing my mother, seemed like it was happening to someone else.
She suddenly frowned, stepping in my room with a worried expression.
"Honey, are you not feeling well? You look terrible."
I felt like laughing.
"Oh nothing mom," I wanted to say, " It's just that I found out my best friend has been beating all my Ex-boyfriends near death so they would break up with me, but then told me he would never date me, which is confusing as fuck! But everything else is fine."
But instead I nodded my head and made up an excuse, which I forgot the moment I said it.
My mom went into mother mode, making me tea, tucking me in blankets and told me to rest.
She asked me something. I think it was whether she should go to work or not.
I probable told her I was fine, because a few minutes later, I was alone in the house.
Somewhere in the back of my head I remembered Namjoon telling me yesterday that he was going to an art gallery in the next town today, and since my sister was at work too, it was just me.
Alone.
Yes, that's how I felt.
But not because the house was empty, but because something essential was missing.
I started laughing.
I was going crazy!
I laughed and laughed.
How strange that the only thing I really felt, was missing Taehyung!
I felt that fear again and my laughing died.
I didn't understand anything anymore.
The days just went past me but my state didn't change. It was like I wasn't myself as I performed essential tasks.
I pretended to be asleep when my family slowly returned, one after the other checking on me.
I went through the motions: "I'm fine." "I'm feeling a bit better", "No, I'm not hungry."
The next day wasn't better. Or the day after.
I checked my phone.
I had several texts from Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok, Yoongi and Jin, all asking how I was feeling.
I kept the answers short. I just didn't have the energy.
Then my eyes skipped past their names to the one marked with a star.
Taehyung's name bored into my brain and I stared for several minutes.
He hadn't texted.
He hadn't come by.
He also hadn't been in school, Namjoon told me this morning.
My heart squeezed together.
Annoyed, I threw my phone away, not caring if it broke and decided to try and get some sleep.
With little success as I tossed and turned until there was no more comfortable positions.
I was sick of thinking about everything, and yet I could not find the off button.
If this continued, I would die of sleep-deprivation!
Finally, I had enough.
Throwing away the blanket, I got up and glanced at my alarm clock.
2 AM.
I sighed. Great.
I sat on my bed and looked at my room again.
Everything screamed Taehyung, from the laptop on my desk, to the flower he got me as a present, to the way the picture frame of our photo hung slightly crocked against the wall. He had said we looked better in this angle and so I'd left it that way on purpose.
I couldn't stand it anymore.
I had to get out of here.
I had snuck out of the house before.
But either Tae had been by my side, or was the one waiting outside my door.
Tonight, when I silently stepped into the night, there was no one there to greet me.
No mischievous but charming smile as he jumped me with a one-sided hug.
No comment on how I looked badass, climbing over the rim of my balcony and down the vines that had grown almost perfectly into a ladder.
I had nowhere to go, I suddenly realized, so I just started walking.
After only a couple of minutes I regretted not bringing a jacket.
It had gotten colder.
A lot colder.
Like everything else, it must have escaped my attention.
But I made no move to turn around.
The cold actually managed to tune out some of those annoying thoughts.
I walked and walked, without any direction or notion of where I was going.
Lost.
******
Sorry this chapter was so sad... gonna get action-filled again soon.