song for this chapter^
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Harry Styles
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Gardenias, vanilla, and lavender.
That's what she smelled like.
And I can't get it out of my head.
From the minute I walked into her dressing room that night of her last show, the scent of her has been taunting and teasing me since. I don't know if it was her shampoo, perfume, or if she just naturally smells like that, but whatever it is, it drives me crazy.
I know. Ok, I know I sound like a fucking psychopath, and hell— maybe I am.
It infuriates me when I think about the fact that that douchebag boyfriend of hers gets her to himself. I haven't met the guy— but I can tell he doesn't deserve her. He's probably some stuck up rich prick who only uses her for her fame.
But why should I care?
Yet— I can't help but watch the way her lips turned upwards when she was laughing with me. The way her cheeks turned red when I placed my hand on top of her, or the way her nose would slightly scrunch when she got angry and furrowed her brows.
God does it drive me crazy when she's angry.
Don't get me wrong— it's annoying as fuck when we are arguing. It's exhausting, no matter what I do or say she always has a comeback. I don't meant to snap at her, but I don't have a lot of patience. But as mush as it annoys the hell out of me, she looks hot as hell when she is arguing.
I can tell she has— personal problems. I know that sounds bad, but let me explain.
She's timid as fuck, and I mean as fuck. She tenses up anytime I get within two feet of her, and it drives me crazy. I could tell by the way I put her hair clip between my teeth that one night that she's so fucking innocent. She's so innocent— it makes her even more of a tease. But that's beside the point.
Not only is she timid, she has bad anxiety.
I don't know much about people with anxiety, but I do know that it's a very difficult thing to struggle with. My sister has anxiety, and I remember always having to comfort her when she would have attacks.
I could tell Olivia was growing anxious by the way she was picking and pinching her nail beds, she almost made herself bleed. She was avoiding eye contact too, and her knee was bouncing up and down. I didn't mean to make her feel anxious— that's the last thing I wanted.
But it is so infuriating that she can't realize that she's dating a manipulative prick. I swear to you— I would've answered that phone and talked to him myself if I could have. But, I knew that was crossing the line. I do have some respect for her privacy.
But, despite all of that— I do not care about her.
Honestly I couldn't care less. Sure she might be pretty, hot, funny, smart, talented and other shit, but I am not interested.
I've said this once and I'll say it again; relationships are absolute bullshit.
They confine you and hold you back in life. They trap you in an endless void of feeling the responsibility to stay loyal to someone simply because you've gone through the same old bullshit cycle of "dating". I mean who even came up with it in the first place? It's fucking miserable. I am not ever doing dating— never again.
It's simply a waste of time. I am not getting married, so why spend my time trying to find someone who is the other half of me? It's pointless. Sure, I'll sleep around and convince a girl that I am interested for one night, but the second they become clingy— I'm out of there. I can't stand girls who have expectations from you right after you get with them once; I mean seriously? What are you expecting from a millionaire rockstar?
I kick girls out right after we have sex. I never let them sleep in the same bed as me— and if they for some reason can't drive or some shit I make them sleep on the sofa. Do I get yelled at for that? Yep. But it doesn't change make me change how I feel about anything. Someone could scream at the top of their lungs at me and tell me how much of a disappointment I am and I wouldn't give two shits.
But— yes, there is a but.
But, Olivia.
For some annoying stupid fucking reason, when I saw that look of sadness in her eyes— it was like something happened to me.
First thing is first— I never comfort people, and I never apologize. Comforting people is fucking stupid, if I knew I was going to feel bad about saying or doing something, then I wouldn't have done it in the first place.
But, Olivia.
God damnit her eyes. The way she looked at me after I yelled at her for being naive— it made me feel sick to my stomach. I honestly don't know why calling her naive was that big of a deal, but I could tell by the way her face went pale and her body grew tense that it made her extremely upset. I got lost in those brown eyes of hers, and I did something I never do.
I tried to make her feel better. I fucking held hands with her.
As much as I hate myself for doing it, apart of me doesn't regret it at all. The way she got tense when our skin touched— oh lord her skin. Her skin was almost heavenly. I know I sound like a creep, but her skin was so fucking smooth and soft. It was like summertime and butterflies if those things could have a feeling.
So, here I am.
Olivia and I decided to stop and get food at McDonalds, and now we were sitting in a parking lot silently eating our Big Macs. We ordered the same kind of burger, but she ordered a coke and I ordered a Dr. Pepper.
"Hey!" Olivia swats her hand at mine as I reach into the cup holder for what I thought was my drink.
"What?" I exclaim in confusion, putting my arms up in the air as if I am in surrender. I just wanted a sip of my drink.
"Wrong cup. This one is yours." She says, pointing to the plastic cup that was beside the other one.
"Oh. My bad." I say sarcastically, was it really that big of a deal?
"Sorry— I kinda have a thing about sharing drinks." She mumbles, taking a french fry and throwing it into her mouth.
"Why?" I ask out of curiosity.
"It's not a big deal." She tries to brush it off, looking out the car window and into the almost empty parking lot.
"Is Livy a germaphobe?" I tease, smirking a little at her, even though she was avoiding looking at me by staring out the window.
"Pfft. Me? No." She denies it, shaking her head as her cheeks turn red.
Fucking adorable.
"It's not a big deal." I say, trying to make her feel less embarrassed about it.
"I guess." She shrugs, "You got any phobias?" She turns her head to look at with those brown eyes of hers.
"Nah." I dismiss the question, looking down at my lap to see the crumbs of a devoured burger and empty pack of fries.
I lift my ass a little bit off the seat so I can reach into my back pocket and grab my pack of cigarettes. I feel around the tight pocket until I get a grip on the cardboard box and I pull it out.
I grab my lighter from the small compartment on the side of the door and set it down in my lap before opening the cigarette pack and taking out one of the cancerous sticks and placing it between my teeth.
I can see out of the corner of my eyes Olivia watching me with a very intrigued look on her face. She looked fascinated by the way I was doing all of this.
"You wanna light it for me?" I ask her, shifting my body a little so it was facing towards her more directly. I glance up at her through my sunglasses.
She looked a little hesitant but then takes the lighter out of my hand. She flicks her thumb across the top, catching a flame, and then slowly brings her hand close to my mouth.
She places the flame right by the end of the cigarette stick, lighting it up before turning the flame out by moving her thumb.
"Thanks Livy." I smirk before taking a sharp inhale of the cigarette.
"Olivia." She corrects in an irritated tone.
"Mmm sure thing." I smirk at her a little before blowing the smoke through my nose and then let it travel back to my mouth.
"Alright, let's go." I say, before taking the wrap of my burger and crumbling it up, tossing it in the bag the food came in; Olivia does the same.
I put the car in reverse and back out of the parking lot and back onto the highway.
"So— what hotel are we staying in in Cleveland?" Olivia asks me, turning her head so she could get a better look at me.
"Hilton Cleveland Downtown. The nicest hotel in the state." I smirk at her.
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hi guys! sorry i haven't been able to upload, i went on a trip with my family this week. i am going to try and start updating more consistently. anyways, i hope you all enjoyed this chapter.
don't forget to vote and comment!
let me know how you're liking it so far :)