Happy mid-week all!
Here's a "bridge" chapter before another jump in time. Bare with me! 😃
There is two or three (depends on how detailed I am going to write) chapters left to tell of this story🤭
It's bittersweet to prepare for the end since I feel like I could write Avery's story for years, but I also feel like it is time to wrap up their lives.❤️
Enjoy!
The next three days in Edinburgh were the extra surprise with the five star hotel and spa, the fancy restaurant and of course a breathtaking suite with a view.
There was only one day we left the hotel to get my tattoo done I was so excited about. I always knew I want something nice and simple to cover the small scar from my surgery and what could have been a better option then a lotus flower.
Jared laughed on me; saying it's such a cliché; he would have gotten a symbol or something representing my favorites. He almost had me change my mind but I stood my ground and went with the lotus.
Jared was holding my hand when the artist started, but after a few minutes, I realized it wasn't so bad, so I got more relaxed and excited to see the results.
The other reason we didn't leave the hotel was Jared's schedule. We were two days away from leaving and I could see it on him getting restless; sometimes sneaking his phone out to read some e-mails, return some calls, which I did not mind. He was away from work for the whole week. Besides, it is the end of May. The band has some appearances and agreed to do small radio shows throughout the summer. On top of that Jared is attending two fashion shows and several events in Europe as well as couple of parties in California before Camp Mars. And then as fall starts comes the Blade Runner promo tour and who knows what else he has in mind besides that.
The girlfriend... fiancée part of me wanted him all to me on our last days but the assistant in me knew I should let him prepare. And it's not like he had full work mode on. He gave me plenty of his attention what I happily drowned in.
Once stepping into our home, Jared kissed me on the cheek, asking me if I would mind unpacking his suitcase as well. He was anxious to turn his computer on and catch up with all his businesses.
And that was the last I have seen him for more than a minute in the past two weeks since we arrived back home. The perks of a big home, I guess. He just got lost.
He berried himself into work.
If he wasn't in his office on online meetings, he was out somewhere on meetings, and if he wasn't, he was in the studio, alone or with Steve and Shannon putting together sets for Camp Mars. If he was alone, he had either of the band members on phone explaining the changes he made and why. If he didn't do that he was with Sky monitoring the sales, the website, scheduling appearances with hosts, double checking dates of the promo tour. Aggreeing to interview structures with the PR team. And if he happened to be all alone on the couch and I was desperately ready to snuggle up, he was on his phone, berried into his social media, live streams or chats.
I asked him couple of times if there was anything I could do, since... well... I did tell him when we moved in that I also wish to work with him again, but since then he didn't mention anything. He waved, asked me not to be silly and just relax, but that was what I was doing for ten days in Scotland.
Now that we were back to our lives I felt like I am, well... back to Jared's life, but this time I wasn't really being a part of it and that's when it all dawned on me; we have started dating during the Holiday season, which was rather quiet up until now.
Summer starts and so Jared's calendar is filling up.
I hoped by now he would find a position for me, but I was really doubting he even remembered to do so. As for why I didn't ask about it? Because what if he didn't mention it because he has everyone he needs and doesn't want to give less work to someone just so I can feel like I am doing something.
Maybe the workers wouldn't even look at me the same way.
So as for me in the last two weeks...
Upon arrival we found a lot of arrived furniture and décor boxes in the hallway what Sky accepted, so I busied myself with those for a couple of days.
Finally, the beautiful, flowy baldachin arrived to put above our bed and Jared promised me to put it up right away, but it is still laying around in the middle of our walk-in closet where I put it deliberately so he can see it every morning and every night.
Well not that it bothered him. I watched him carefully walking around it every day the past two weeks like it's now part of the closet décor.
As for the engagement, he didn't have time for talking about that. We decided that I will not wear the ring in public until the people calm down. Jared was not seen with anyone else; the only party he went so far, he was with the guys, which didn't attract any attention to him. Like he was just one of the guests.
When rarely eating together, all he talked about is our public image, Mia the PR manager monitored closely.
He said the birthday picture on his story was a great move and on live chats or streams he sees a lot of people asking about me, and others answer instead of him that we are a couple and only the blind can't see. People also start to get used to it and he has The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon scheduled for September where he will confirm our relationship in a, as he said, very "Jared Leto way" so I don't have to worry about them getting to know too much.
After all the furniture have been put together by me and decorated two more rooms, I was really out of ideas as for what to do.
In the back of my head I knew I should go to this therapy and I started looking for professionals in the area, not so interested. I just couldn't see how they could help.
I tried to enjoy the start of summer instead but it was really hard all alone. I shamelessly used up most of my money on buying new clothes, going to the salon getting my nails done, my hair done, getting massages, but there's only so much I can do to keep myself occupied.
I am not saying Jared was totally oblivious to me.
He did notice when I had something new or had my nails done. He cuddled up to me in bed. He certainly had time to make love to me, even if most of the time he had to wake me up either in the middle of the night when he came to bed or early morning before he left.
He asked me how was my day before his tongue got lost between my legs and was interested in what my plans were for the day ahead when he woken me up to ask me where some of his things are.
I also met up with James twice. I was pretty if-y about it, not knowing if I am being followed already or not, but it was nice to chat with somebody and just have a day out.
Once Jared suggested that I go out with Sky and Olivia. They were going to some bars and then a club. I looked at him uncertain; he must know that means I am probably going to be drinking which I still did from time to time; not that he noticed.
Of course when I woke up with a hangover, he questioned me why I have to drink so much all the time.
Three days ago I went to the doctor since my period was eight days late and was no sign of it, but my pregnancy test was still negative.
The doctor informed me not to worry. Seemed like I ovulated very late that month, which can happen, especially with one ovary. After telling him I was trying to get pregnant and sharing information he suggested I don't drink at all, not to interfere with my system, which was just perfect. One more thing taken away which kept me occupied.
After being late for eleven days, my period came knocking me off my feet. Literally. The cramps were unbearable, I even ended up throwing up which I have never experienced before.
So this is how I ended up on the couch, hoping to continue watching Gilmore Girls but they irritated me to the point that I got so mad, I had to turn it off.
With dinner time coming around, I tiptoed down to the studio where Jared was currently working, and after knocking on the door, I peeked in.
"Jay?" I asked.
Opening the door it seemed dark and empty.
I frowned; he said he'd be here.
Sighing, I started to walk back up, going towards the gallery, stumbling through the empty hallways, pulling the blanket more around me.
I rarely came to this side of the building, if ever. It was cold and empty.
I had to remind myself that it is still our home.
I worked so much decorating our family spaces, and only walked that route, that I almost forgot that is only a fracture of what we actually have. And it annoyed me.
It annoyed me that I have to walk around aimlessly, through endless spaces to find my love.
"Jared!!" I shouted annoyed, my voice echoing through the halls.
I thought it was ridiculous that I have to have my phone with me all the time in case I have to find him.
"Jared!!" I screamed angry, clenching my fists around the blanket.
After what seemed like forever, I finally opened a door, which had Jared inside. It was the, who knows what kind of area, but I just called it garage.
He was with a team of people, seemingly putting up an indoor climbing wall.
Jared looked towards me and hurried there.
"Hey, babe! What's up?" he asked as he slowed down.
I slowly pulled my gaze away from the workers, looking at Jared, taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
"I just... I wanted to order some food, what would you like?" I asked defeated, biting my lip, not to let my angry words slip.
"Oh, whatever is fine for me, babe. Order anything, I'll come when we finish this," he peeked back.
"Are you gonna eat with me?" I asked silently, looking at the workers.
"Don't wait up; it's gonna take some time," he smiled, caressing my arm.
"Okay..." I sighed as I turned away, tears threatening to escape.
"You okay?" he asked, grabbing my hand.
I nodded, looking down.
"Just hungry and tired," I forced a smile, but then I just had to... "I thought you are going to... work all day today. You have time to... install this wall?" I asked.
"Yeah, I asked Sky to put it into the schedule for this week. Can't wait to have my own little wall," he smiled excited. "I mean it's nothing like the gym one but when I'm busy I can just practice some here."
I bit my tongue, nodding.
"I'll go now," I whispered, turning away.
I felt him bring my hand up to kiss it, before he let it go and I quickly disappeared behind the door, finding my way back to the living room.
After the food arrived, I put Jared's portion into the fridge and I made my way back to the couch with my chicken wings, fries, baked potatoes and also the muffin because no way I will get up to take it.
Simpson family was on TV which was just a background noise really as I was only focusing on eating and my feelings.
I felt miserable, so I let my tears fall shamelessly down into my food as I pushed some fries into my mouth.
"Babe! Okay, I'm too hungry to care about anything else right now!" I heard Jared's voice getting closer, and I sat up, wiping my tears, but then I realized my hands were full of sauce.
"Shit..." I growled, realizing I didn't bring any napkins.
"Avery?" he stepped above me amused but his face dropped as our eyes met before I looked down ashamed.
"I... can you bring me a napkin, please?" I muttered, but he was half way to the kitchen before I finished.
Getting back, he crouched down in front of me, cleaning up my face.
"You're crying. What happened, baby?" he asked stunned.
"Just..." I shook my head. "The movie is so... touching."
Looking back to the tv, then turning to me Jared raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.
"The Simpsons? You don't even like them."
I just shrugged, reaching for some fries, pushing them into my mouth.
"Where's your salad, Miss?" he smiled, putting the napkins onto the café table.
Shrugging again, I tried my best to hold back my tears, pushing more fries into my face, to keep myself occupied.
"Avery," Jared whispered soothingly, cupping my face after he grabbed the fries away. "What is wrong?" he begged, looking so worried and I felt so bad for what is about to erupt from me.
A sob left my lips, causing me to shake.
"Baby," he squeezed my cheeks alerted then he grabbed all the food away from my lap as well and kneeled in front of me, rubbing my legs. "Tell me, please," he asked grabbing my chin to look at him.
He seemed so concerned.
"You put your wall into your schedule but you can't put the baldachin above our bed ever since we arrived!" I cried out and peeking to him I saw this is not what he waited to come.
"Shit... Av, I'm so sorry I... didn't know it's that important, I..." he seemed so confused.
"It's not! I'm sorry! It's just... I haven't seen you normally in weeks and I know you have to work and I'm sorry I feel this way! I just... I don't want to bother you and I was fine with it, but just... we were in this engaged state and now I dont even know where you are most of the time! I thought I was pregnant you know? I really did but... I'm not; my system is just messed up and now I got my period and it hurts so bad! And then I had to hike through this whole building to find you and you just building a wall there, I just... I understand it's important and I understand your work I just... I wish you would put me into your schedule too for something else than... than fucking, because I miss you in the daytime... Just for a dinner time if we could just... just an hour I'm asking," I sobbed, shaking my head.
I felt him sit up next to me, pulling me close into his arms, and I rested my dizzy head on his shoulder.
"I am so fucking sorry," he mumbled, caressing my head. "I was so focused on getting back to work and getting everything started and ready... I barely realized where did the days go," he sighed. "I'm a fucking asshole! I didn't even realize I was doing all these and how it looks to you. Shit."
"You did nothing wrong! Your work is important! I know. You love work; keep on working but just..."
"And I love you," he squeezed me tight and I snuggled closer, breathing in his scent, but the crying barely stopped. "Oh, flower..." he muttered, his hand still caressing my head which felt amazing. "I'm sorry that there's no baby; but don't be sad. It will come when it's time and your body is ready, yeah? I know," he whispered, kissing my temple.
I nodded, slowly calming.
"And I'll put that baldachin up today. I'll ask one of the guys to help me."
"Really?" I asked, looking up to him.
"You know if I decide something, I'll do it," he smiled. "Besides, I'm getting tired of walking around it everyday," he shook his head, tickling my neck.
I smiled, taking a deep breath.
"You know now that I sit here, with you in my arms... Damn, I missed this," he breathed. "I'll do my best to be here every evening like this."
"Jay, you don't have to, I'm just... a needy idiot, I really... you know I'm not the one to whine about these..."
"I know. Now you just need me a little bit more than usual, and I just want you to tell in time next time if you feel like that. You know, before all the emotional outburst. You seem to not say anything until the last moment when even a baldachin is making you sob," he smiled gently, looking at me. "You always did that. You act all normal and then boom; everything comes out at once starting from the week before."
"I just... don't want to disturb you with all my nonsense. You have important things to do," I shrugged.
"You know I am an autist when it comes to relationships. You need to guide me a little more. We might know each other but not romantically, no. We are still fresh. Don't be afraid to speak up when I am an ignorant idiot. That's how I learn your needs. Please, tell me you will be a bitch and demand my attention when you want it, yeah?" he asked with a light smile.
I nodded reluctantly.
"Is that all?" he asked gently.
"There's one more thing..." I started, hugging him more, guiding his hand to my lower back, which was aching, and just like that he started rubbing it carefully.
He can be so intuitive if he just gives himself a minute to breath. I knew he didn't notice my mood change, because he was so focused on anything else.
"Is there any position you can... offer me to work in?" I asked.
"Actually there is," he smiled. "I think you might like it, I just didn't bring it up because it would only start next year when... Mia is moving to Europe so... if you'd like to be my PR manager? It's a lot of work, you know that so if you don't wanna take it there's plenty of other..."
I looked up to him stunned.
"I'd love that! That's... that's amazing!"
He looked at me with sparkling eyes.
"I know baby. You know best what I want. When your woman is your PR manager nothing can go wrong. Ever," he smiled. "And with this even if the baby decides to come, it won't interfere with the work that much. You can do it from home."
I smiled with a nod.
"You... didn't send Mia oversees, did you?" I narrowed my eyes as he laughed.
"I swear it was written in the stars! But that means, you still have this year at home. Unless you really want to help out with..."
"Yes, I want!" I cut in excited. "Anything, please," I sighed.
"I'll send you your tasks via email by tomorrow," he acted professional and I smiled, hugging him tight. "Shall we eat?" he asked.
"I want to, but I also can't let you go now," I mumbled.
"There you go," he smiled, picking up some fries, feeding them to me and I looked up to him happily. "You are the cutest," he giggled.