"Ahhh! Hahaha!" One of the sluts behind me starts squealing her butt off with laughter as the rest of these freaky whores get ready for bed, walking around in lace undergarments and silk robes with Koi fish or whatever patterned on their backs, passing bottles around and literally smoking fvcking cigarettes in my friggin' face.
I know these girls mean well, but damm I'm about to pass out.
Ugh, I can't take it. I'm opening a window.
I frown and get up to move past a few girls that keep talking about the good old days, and yeah, thanks for not mentioning all the ways you used to get guys off. I've had enough of that from Estela to last me a lifetime.
"Here Spes." I turn around. "Brush your hair. That bath must have helped out huh?" Roberta, a blonde haired girl with light green eyes and a small mole near her nose lifts a raggedy towel and comb before I hear some music start playing while the cold air fills the stuffy smoke smelling and body products filled room.
I'm still not used to how poor and low key everything is, but I can't complain too much. At least not yet. I'll settle for mental rants until further notice. Ugh, this towel...
I'm actually starting to get a little comfortable in this place though, especially with how friendly all these women are, and I'm already bobbing my head to the odd sounding beat that started playing after Vanessa, a 30 year old widow, uses her long red nails to press a button on a worn out old CD player.
Ha. I can't believe it. About 2 weeks ago, I was home, by myself in my room enjoying some privacy and practicing my steps for fencing class the next day, sure that I was going to pass but in the end, I was off by a few points, still a burn to my ego, and decided to retaliate by trying to knock my instructor on her as$ which backfired.
Now? I'm here in this odd fix, watching women cover themselves with dressy shirts that men left behind with their tan or pale legs walking around in heels as a finish, their lips red or pink or any other lipstick color they can think of, totally fitting the stereotypical hooker portrayal.
Dang. It's almost like everyone in here is playing dress up. As long as they don't have me in feathers by the end of the day, I'm fine with it, sort of. Not really. This is something I'd only ever see in movies or something.
"So Spes, tell me. Why is your hair gray, munchy?"
Munchy? I frown and raise an eyebrow.
"She means munchkin." Diana explains Vanessa's 'munchy' sh1t and I'm left biting my tongue to keep from scoffing and walking away.
"She probably dyed it, hon." A woman with short, dark red hair hops onto the bed and opens a magazine while balancing a martini glass and a half smoked cigarette in her long pale fingers, winking at me with her heavy black eyelashes and dark black eyelids. "So, you asked us before to help you with something. What is it?"
"Well," I bob my head side to side. "I wanted to do something-"
"Aren't you a little young to lose it? Like, you're 15." Kitty crosses her legs and thanks a friend when she's passed a bottle of wine, chugging it before passing it along.
I know I shouldn't be curious about what it tastes like in that dark green bottle, but I'm guessing that before the nights over, I'll need something like false courage if it goes down the way I'm hoping it'll go down.
Well, I'd rather be sober anyway instead of tipsy and sh1t. Besides, I'm kinda cowering out on this.
"What do you mean lose it?" I frown and begin to tug the knots out of my hair, licking my bottom lip before piecing together what she means.
Of course she'd ask that. Why wouldn't she ask that? Duh! She's asking me about THAT!?
"Are you planning to give that little boy somethin' tonight?" Roberta smiles showing her surprisingly white teeth. Thought they'd have rotted out by now, wow. "If you wanted tips on the first time, just remember, it's gonna hurt like fvck." She slowly says the last word, squinting when she does and licks her teeth which makes me widen my eyes.
Ok, then. I think I'm beginning to remember why sex scarred me before.
A second after and everyone's laughing at her, and obviously I was just the butt of a joke. I really don't get women like this. And it's still pissing me off that my breasts aren't as sensual as I'd like. I wouldn't want them to be double deckers, like, DD, but fvck, at least bigger so I don't feel so left out of the sexy loop.
Thoughts like this are exactly the kind of thing I shouldn't be thinking about. I need to skip over it and focus on something else, but when I try, I just keep going back to Carl.
It's actually pretty weird. Earlier after I said sex he went completely tongue tied and we were discovered by Daryl...again. He made some joke about 'keeping it in the closet' and again, we were separated by different people fawning over us.
I feel like some sort of mascot.
He can sue me all he wants, but I was going to talk to him about it. Unsteady as I am about the subject, slightly nervous at the idea of being with him to that level so soon after getting together with him, I- fvck I don't know!
It's really confusing what I want, and maybe it's a gigantic mistake to want to do it with him so soon, but it doesn't feel like a mistake. It feels like...a good idea. I don't know. I just want to think about it and finish up the thought before my head explodes.
Me being with him, the guy I love. It'd be, him seeing me naked, and seeing me in my most 'vulnerable state' my most genuine and embarrassing moment, fvck, it'd be showing myself emotionally and physically.
I don't think I'm ready for that! I mean I thought I was but thinking about him smothering me under his naked chest while breaking my-fvcking sh1t! I forgot it about condoms!
I wonder if they have any here. Oh my gosh, what if they do? What if it hurts? It's gonna fvcking hurt, it's my first time.
The first time it hurt a little. He wasn't that big.
My eyes widen at Estela's past words, and I'm running around in a circle mind wise, tugging at my hair, screaming at myself for even wondering if it's going to hurt a little or a lot concerning Carl's...Uh. His...his...p-
NO! I don't want to think about it! I won't!
"Spes? Is that what you were going to do tonight!?" Kitty's eyes widen when I don't answer any of them for a few minutes.
Fvck no...wait. I already implied to Carl that I was thinking about it. That I was brave enough and desperate enough to do it tonight. Sh1t! What if he's already expecting it?
Well fvck that. He'll just have to wait! No way am I doing this to the point I'd pass out at the first thru-uuuuhhh!! No! I don't want to think about it! No!
Ugh. I won't be able to face him now. I'll need at least 100 feet distance from him if not 3 yards between us. I know what's going to happen. The second I spot him, I'm going to be checking him out and my imagination will be hurting because of my stored images concerning guy's sex organs.
I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
"No! I mean, no. Uh, look." I massage my temples for a second. "Do you think we could do that thing I asked you about?" I shut the window half way, rolling my eyes in annoyance before turning back around and raising my eyebrows.
"Sure, come here."
At least I know this is a good choice. I'm completely comfortable with this idea...untillll, I see the needle. Ok...Maybe this wasn't a good idea either.
-Carl's P.O.V.-
"Ok Grimes...one more time." Jesse puts his hand down and I watch my dad take hold of his arm before looking around, wondering if my distraught at the last thing that Spes said to me is clear on my face. "Daryl beat me, but I'm pretty sure I can take you!"
Not a chance if my dad has a say about it.
We've been in the living room for 30 whole minutes playing some games and arm wrestling. Jesse's determined, I'll definitely give him that, it's almost sad seeing him try so hard and beat only a few guys, but my heads somewhere else while I sit in this corner, head in a messed up haze and I'm wondering where Spes is. That, and what the heIl did she mean when she said...sex?
Fvck, she had to say it didn't she? And then she just...left me here to decide what she was going to say about it? When we first figured out how we felt about one another, I got carried away and asked her to undress herself while I had her up on a counter in some random bathroom.
It was pretty clear we were a little hot and bothered back then, as well as confused and emotional, but now, we're trying to get over that sh1t, and focus on figuring out the future, how to put her blood to good use. Obviously we need to go to D.C.
If not now then after winter is over. It's better to stay here than to go out and freeze to death.
"Come on Grimes! Show us what you got!" Deniece smiles from leaning on a wall across the carpet, sipping some water, and it's making me a little uncomfortable the way she's looking at my dad, like they're closer than 2 leaders of different groups understanding the struggles to keep a bunch of people alive by making difficult decisions.
I hate that I'm comparing her to mom too.
Obviously mom was way younger, and prettier, and better than this woman, maybe that's just me being a difficult son, but I'm fine with that. I feel like I've been cheated out of something, keeping an eye on dad, making sure he kept his head in the game.
Worst case scenario, this woman comes with us, but guessing that they've been doing just fine in this candle lit place that looks like it's lit by lamps, I'm supposing that nothing will happen between them and we'll be leaving them behind.
Gosh, I hope so.
I know I was set for a free for all, help anybody we can, but I'm starting to second guess how acceptant I am to the whole idea. I don't mind helping people, but I can't help this uneasiness and reluctance to the thought of having a bunch of whores following us around in high heels.
"Oh!" Rosita puts her hand out for Tara to give her a candy bar, smiling at the fact that her bet on my dad proved wise when he pins Jesse's arm down.
Hmph.
"Dammit. First Daryl now you. I was sure I'd get someone beat. Glenn?" Jesse turns to look at our friend but he just smiles and shakes his head.
"I'll be glad to kick your as$." Abraham lifts his arms up in a champion manner, and it makes me laugh at the expression on Spes' friend's face at the idea of locking hands with the redhead roughneck of the group. He's a bit of a hard as$ but when he relaxes it's just a whole other ball game.
"You ok?" Michonne pats my back, looking me in the eyes to try and figure out what's going through my head. "You've been kind of quiet."
I'm losing my mind over my dad and a strange woman and what my girlfriend said to me in a closet after getting me excited, of course I'm quiet! I'm a man of many thoughts!
I can't say that of course but I want to. If I can't talk to her then who can I talk to?
Ha. Damm you Spes. You're fvcking with my head again. And my body.
"I'm fine. Just a little tired." I rub my palm over my face pulling my bangs back, exposing my forehead for only a second before it slaps back down over my eyebrows.
"You should probably go to sleep. I'm guessin' you and Spes had a long few days."
"You have no idea." I sigh and am about to stretch my back, wondering where I'm going to sleep tonight when I see Jesse turn to look at me.
"Hey! You want to try? I need to beat someone."
"What?" I raise my eyebrows, figuring out that he wants to arm wrestle. I know he's just trying to be friendly, that's who he is, casual and nice, but for some reason that comment ticked me off and I'm licking my lips, laughing while I bite the bullet and sit down, positioning my elbow on the glossy table.
I didn't even think about whether or not I could take him. He may be soft on character, but when it comes to strength, he might have me beat.
I don't care though. I swallow and lick my chapped lips again, determined to give this guy a run for his money, my hard stare at him already unnerving him.
I know I'm glaring, and I know it's making him uncomfortable, and that's amusing me, so I keep it up, letting my male ego blossom through my gaze to challenge him for dominance over the table. And maybe dominance over who gets to pick up Spes first.
I wonder what she thought about that. About Jesse swooping her off her feet like they were dating or some sh1t. I shouldn't be jealous, but I don't feel anything telling me not to, except for that small getaway in the closet when she surprised me with a few kisses and the word 'sex'.
That does it. I'm starting to feel smug already. I feel like I can beat anyone now. Even Daryl in a match like this. I wouldn't test it out though.
"Ok." Glenn cups our hands together while the entire group and some of the original residents stare at us in anticipation for who's going to beat who.
I wonder how flexed I'll look. I mean this is an arm wrestling battle.
"Watch out Jesse. Carl's biceps might explode they're so big with strength." Maggie jokes with Glenn laughing at me.
Oh. Great.
"Lemme see!" A slim woman in high heels runs over to me, and I'm about to jump from my seat to get away, but she's squeezing her fingers around my arm, asking me to flex so she can squeal and enjoy how 'manly' I am.
I guess that's it for me and my smug confidence. I don't think I've ever felt this embarrassed in all my life. Sh1t.
"Oh Rick this boy is such a sexpot! You gotta help him fight the girls away. Eh baby?"
"What?" I strain and immediately feel her grab my cheeks, all in one instant I experience the tip of my nose being bit out of adoration.
What the heIl!?
"Sto-" I begin to pull away, but the second I open my mouth, I hear a blood curdling scream explode from someone's throat upstairs, everyone's attention turning away from me and my aching nose that I'm sure is red by now, up to the hallway and stairs outside the room.
"That sounded like Spes." Daryl stands slowly and it's all I need to hear before leaping from my seat and running out the room, grabbing onto the doorframe so I can pull myself towards the staircase, ditching everyone else that didn't move fast enough to keep up with me.
I don't blame them. I practically flew from my seat.
Daryl's right though. That sounded exactly like Spes. Fvck, what are they doing to her?!
"Spes?!" I reach the second floor and hurry down the end of the hall, where I hear a bunch of women fussing over something, and without even knocking, I grab the knob and swing open the door to spot a whole bunch of females, half dressed or clothed in robes with lip stick, jewelry and high heels on, the choking smell of smoke, my gosh, and the image of Spes, in a short light pink, silky sleeping dress with black lace near her breasts and her hair pinned up on one side with the view of a needle going through her red ear.
I wish I could say that's all I walked in on, her with a bunch of women doing...whatever the heIl it is they're doing, but I see way too much, not just on these women, but I'm at a loss for words when I notice Spes' breasts are bare of a bra and they're portrayed perfectly under that light silk material...
Fvck, is she....wearing lingerie?!
"Gettin' an eye full little boy?" A red head with short hair winks and I see Spes' jaw wide open and her face turning the color of her newly pierced ear before I snap into what the heck I'm doing.
Oh no...
"I'm sorry!" I blush and try to close the door but an empty bottle stops it from shutting. "I'm sorry!" I kick it out of the way and slam it shut, only to see the entire group on the stairs looking at me with either curiosity or amusement.
Sh1t...
"I didn't know!" I yell down to them, but it takes a minute before they leave me alone, and I'm already walking away, storming off to try and get the image of Spes in lingerie out of my head before I do something I'll regret.
What the heIl was that even about?! Spes is getting her ears pierced?
I never even noticed whether they were or not.
"Carl?" I stop and look to see my dad walking after me, relaxed like usual and amused with a gleam in his eye, still not enough to distract me from how weird it is to see him without a beard. He looks like he did the first day I saw him after Andrea and the others picked him in up in Atlanta. Back when Shane was still alive and mom too.
"I didn't know." I almost complain.
"I know. I wanted to ask you something else. Something you been meanin' to tell me? Maybe you didn't get the chance? About Spes?"
So he does knows. Of course he does.
"Uh..."
"I saw how you two were at the table." He nods and smiles. "I didn't know it worked out that well, the problems between you." He shifts on his leg, waiting for me to give up my front and it ends up with me smiling at him and leaning on the wooden railing before I cross my arms and turn to face him.
"I like her a lot." There's no way I'm going to say I love her. I'm too shaken up right now.
"I'm guessing she likes you a lot too. Does that mean that, you and her..." His hand gestures out before he rests it heavily on his side of the railing. "Did you two do anything that I should know about?" He gives me a look, and I already know this is going to go out into a long, drawn out conversation about some facts of life. Fvck.
-Spes' P.O.V.-
Well that wasn't freaking ideal, and I don't know how I feel about Carl bursting into the room like that because I screamed, but all I can focus on now is them, these alcoholics, sliding a diamond ear ring through my skin and it hurt the way they struggled to prick through my poor lobe.
Fvck, it stings and I hate it! Ugh, the blood. I mean I've been through worse but...Oh well, it'll start to feel better later. I hope. Whenever I was back home and asked to get my ears pierced, everyone would always say I shouldn't be touched with things like that, or that I was too young and when I got older nobody gave sh1t. Time to take matters into my own hands.
Sort of.
"How do they feel?" Diana began to blow on my skin to cool it down from how painfully warm it was, the soothing affect it had was nice but not enough to make the slight stinging go away.
"Well, it hurts yeah, but I like it ok. Thanks." I turn to all the girls who crowded to help me get my ears pierced, the look of dark shiny ear rings, small and barely eye catching made me smirk at how well they looked on me.
Fvck, why didn't I do this sooner? Aside from the fact I didn't give much of a sh1t, but wow, I really like ear rings.
Ok. Well. I should probably find Carl. I did want to talk to him before, and I'm getting that jealous feeling for his full attention again. It's not fair the way I haven't had him to myself for 2 seconds, but I'm hoping that when I talk to him, we'll be able to have some peace and quiet.
I miss him.
Geez! I sound just like one of those clingy b1tches, but it's true. I miss him standing up to me and giving me a hard time even though it annoys the sh1t out of me and it's only been a day since we've been alone. Well, less actually.
Gah! It doesn't matter. I miss him; he's not off limits, so I have a right to go see him. Fair and simple enough.
______________
-Carl's P.O.V.-
"Spes?" I raise my voice a little, walking outside down the gravel path towards the truck where that freaky lady told me she'd be waiting. I'm actually a little worried that she's about to scare the sh1t out of me or maybe a walker got in and already snuck up on her.
Sh1t. It's so dark too, I can't see anything.
"Spes?!" I hoarsely yell, putting my hand on my gun, scanning through the dark, only the slight illumination from the moon and bright candle light from all the rooms in the boarding house helping me make my way so I don't trip and fall on my as$.
Boy, wouldn't that be embarrassing. Note my sarcasm.
I've been humiliated to and from today, and all I want right now is to be left alone with my girlfriend, that I never thought I'd be able to love.
Now if only I can find her.
"Spes?!" I yell again, and finally stop to see her head pop out from behind the truck near the tire where she's sitting down, a smile immediately springs on my face when she stands to run at me. Ha. I can hear her laughing already and it makes me take a few steps forward before she nearly knocks me to the ground, her arms around my neck the same time I spin around once.
I practically yelp when I feel her cold legs brush up against my hips where my shirt lifted a bit.
Sh1t, she's still in the close from earlier?
"Spes, you're freezing." I frown a little, looking her over before she side glances her eyes in annoyance and tilts my head up to give me a French kiss. Ok...that's not frigid.
"Well gee. All day we only get to have like, hmmm, 2 fvcking minutes in a closet, and you're worried about temperature. Ha...I doubt you'd want me to heat things up." She raises an eyebrow, scoffing at me before I smirk back at her. "Idiota." Spes throws me some Spanish I understand perfectly, and I shake my head, chuckling at her little attitude.
"Ok. Maybe worrying about you is a little overrated." I completely drop my support on her back that she gasps and chokes my body with her legs and arms, looking at me like I'm guilty of some big crime. "You're choice, not mine." I shrug before she scoffs.
"Fine." She slowly lowers herself, and I have no idea if she purposely or accidentally rubbed my crotch with hers but I feel it either way and I think Spes notices my slight hiss by how rough she pressed against me. "You can go back inside and I'll just say out here." She widens her eyes and begins to walk back towards the hidden side of the truck, her feet bare of any shoes and her body covered with a short silk robe that she got from one of the girls inside.
Dammit.
-Spes' P.O.V.-
The second I reach the truck, I turn around to wave at Carl, but he's nowhere in sight, and I'm hurrying to look around when I feel a grip hug around my waist and a growl sound off next to my ear that has my ticklish side taking a front seat with how much I love the sensation of being touched by the guy I love.
I don't like however, the fact that he scared me to death. What the heIl?
"Stop being stubborn!" He lifts me up and I begin wiggling around. I honestly can't help that I'm freaking ticklish, I'm really trying to kick him so he'll let me go though. "Spes! Stop it!"
"Let me go then!" I turn around slightly, and successfully grab his neck to try and even out the leverage, pulling at him until he concedes to drop us both onto the soft, dry grass, a few grunts from him and groans from me has us rolling around, wrestling, again, and I'm trying my best to prove that I'm better than Carl in this particular art, but what do you know?
"Ugh!" I feel my back hit the ground and my arms pinned to the side while Carl's legs rest on either side of my hips. I can't help but be pissed.
This is fvcking ridiculous. I trained so hard, and I didn't bust my tale to have some guy like him get the better of me just because he beats me in strength. He doesn't even hold back...unless he actually is in which case I'm gonna be thoroughly depressed.
Just me, Spes who got beat up by a guy that never took a day of wrestling classes in his life! Fvck!
"You're looking at me like you want to kill me." He breathes, the deep voice he uniquely owns makes my body react in a way I don't like. I mean come on, we're fighting, but what I want to do now is have my hands free so I can let our restraints go again.
I just want to love him, even if I want to win in a fight of sprawling around the earth's surface.
Dammit though.
"I get it Carl. You're stronger than me." I shift around trying to get away from his pressure. "Now get off." My teeth clench down.
"I don't know. You might try to hit or me or something."
Seriously!?
"Get off!" I lift my chest a bit as a result of moving around when I see my his jaw tighten only a second before he leans down, tilting sideways to connect our features through a kiss, the soft impact taking me off guard till he lets me go, allowing me to hold his neck the way I'm starting to adore to.
I know we can't stay out here forever, but in this second, I enjoy the thought of being just like a carefree, hormonal couple, gasping for some cold air every time we have to move apart to breathe.
Every time he looks at me, it makes me nervous, but it also gets me feeling, excited. I don't know what the heIl that says about me, but I don't hate it at all.
Thinking back to a day ago, when I had a fvcking knife to my chest, ready to slice right into me...Fvck. It scares me.
Scares me to know that, what I'm feeling now, my body struggling to fight against Carl's anxiousness, the pure pleasure of being with him, moaning into a few kisses when he decides to touch my nape, I was so close to missing it.
If I was dead now, I'd have missed this...And there's no way that's ok.
I think I'm starting to go down the dangerous road I never agreed to go down. The road where I fall completely in love with a guy that will soon overtake all my actions and thoughts to the point I can't be without him and function as a single person ever again.
I can already feel myself taking the first steps...and it scares me more than excites me.
______________
The next hour was pretty relaxed. Carl and I just talking, about everything that had happened since we were taken away from our little moment before all of this, up to a few conversations about his dad, and so on and so sh1t.
I didn't get to tell him about my thoughts on the whole, sex thing, great idea Spes bringing it up in the first place, but besides that, we had to go in for fear of someone coming out to look for us. Our luck it was Daryl. Poor guy.
Now, back in this warm house, everyone getting ready to turn in since it's like, 12 almost, a few of the group members that still didn't get to talk to me much flocked over towards my spot at the kitchen sink, sipping some water and giving Carl a few winks which he returned and chuckled to from the other side of the room.
Fvck, he's cute. It's a little weird though. Me being so flirty and to a guy I just recently figured out how we feel towards each other, blah blah blah. I guess it's something I'll just have to get used to. Which I'm cool with. I guess.
"Hey, Spes, you want to take a picture?" I turn away from smiling at Maggie about something to do with Carl and arm wrestling, to see Roberta lift a Polaroid Camera, a smile on her face as she looked between me and the guy in question from earlier. "Carl? You up to take a picture with Spes?" She cheeses and I blush a bit before he shrugs and nods with a huge grin on his face, a special mischief in his eyes at the thought of posing next to me.
"Could you take two? One for me and one for her?" His deep voice asks before she nods and I'm crossing my arms while he puts his right one around me, clearing his throat at the smile he gets from his dad and I lean towards him a bit.
Pictures...great. Let me get my wallet. Ohhh, wait. I don't have a wallet. Go figure.
"Ok. One, two, three!"
We stay still for the next one after our new friend pulls out one copy and flags it up and down before giving it to Diana who's still sipping some alcohol. Another minute and the second one is taken, and I want to snatch the Polaroid's away from Deniece who's looking them over so I can see whether or not I look good, but I'm caught in between Rosita and Tara who are already smiling for a picture.
"Well, sure, I'll take a photo with you two." I roll my eyes and Tara brings her fist up to bump with mine.
"We might as well go all out." She smiles at me, and I'm already grinning like a complete moron, actually a little happy, and a new wave of acceptance, maybe familiarity and a sense of belonging to this group has me glowing with joy, especially when I see Carl make a face to get me laughing.
I actually have to move from my spot last minute he's making me smile so much, moving to the side so that Tara replaces my position just the same moment I hear the countdown for the photo to be taken start.
"One. Two, thr-"
I wait to hear the end of her sentence, but I don't hear Roberta finish the word.
Instead, a sudden crash of glass, and the feeling of something warm spray on the side of my face surprises me to the point I'm frowning, wondering what the heIl just happened, when I turn to my left, and see Tara drop straight down to the old tiled floor beside me, blood soaking my feet as her eyes are paralyzed wide apart, and the bullet hole in between her eyebrows has a stream of red leaking out of her skull.