Sage slams her locker door shut. She bashes against its hard metal with the full might of her closed fist right after for good measure.
"We had them!" She mutters to no one in particular.
Everyone else in the locker room seems tired, despondent, glum. Mud cakes their uniforms, their boots, their helmets. But far more than mud cakes them. The shame cakes them. The losing cakes them. The frustration cakes them.
But above all, the question:
Are they ever going to be able to win a game?
Eventually, Genesis O'Toole shuffles dejectedly into the locker room, her uniform splattered brown, her head hung low. Gee unscrews her helmet and places it back in her locker. Even her golden curls appear lackluster in the room's flickering lights. She slumps down into the chair closest to her corner, sighing heavily.
Sage lets off her own sigh, but eventually composes herself enough to wander over. Sage is already back in her civvies: black on black on black on black. She kneels down so she's eye level with Gee.
"I messed up against the Worms. You messed up tonight. We're even now." Sage says. She manages an encouraging smile, despite her frustration.
Genesis looks up at her with those two emerald green beauties and nods. "Even." Her voice is hoarse. Flat.
Sage reaches out her hand, aiming to land a reassuring squeeze on Gee's arm. Gee pulls away. A spike of annoyance rises in Sage's chest. She pushes it down.
"We shoulda won that game, Sage," Gee says, her face haunted, "I shoulda won that game. I had their humor dead to rights and then..." Gee's voice fades away as a dark cloud takes up residence just above her head.
"It's alright, Gee. You'll get the bastards next time. I know you will." Sage says.
Gee offers a weak smile in return. Sage doesn't know what else to say to try and cheer her up. In the end, she decides to just sit beside her for a while.
Sage hopes it helps.
The drive home is somber.
So is parking her jeep in The Barn's driveway. So is meandering up to the front door and opening it. But then Gee finds herself walking inside her warmly lit house, and things finally start to brighten. Literally.
She finds her parents waiting for her, sitting around the kitchen table with warm coffee mugs in their calloused hands.
Uh oh.
But apparently, they only want to commiserate about tonight's game. They had seen the whole thing up close, but drove home before she showered and changed. After a lot of hugging and pats on the back, she wearily sits down beside them.
"You know, watching the Bears tonight really brought me back." Gee's dad says.
"Really?" Gee lifts her head. Tucker O'Toole rarely talks about his past.
He nods, slowly. Gee's mom puts a comforting hand over his own. "Yup. I played shield for the Bears when I was your age." He says.
Genesis nods. She vaguely remembers him telling her this, once or twice over the years. "Were you any good?"
Tucker laughs and shakes his massive head. "Not in the least, but I still had a lot of fun." He turns to his wife, a wistful look spreading over his face.
Gee's mom, Norah, smiles. "Too much fun." She says. While Tucker has always reminded Gee of a mountain, Norah has always reminded her of a forest. It's not just because of the emerald eyes they share. Genesis's mom has always seemed deep-rooted. Warm. A canopy for her family. Strong. Immovable.
"Too much fun," Tucker agrees. He turns back to look at his daughter, "this was right before I chose to follow the unrighteous path, of course. Playing shield for the Bears was one of the last worthwhile things I did before-"
He cuts himself off. He has no interest in revealing anything to Genesis tonight. It's all so near and painful to him. Even now, all these years later.
"We're glad you are sticking to the straight and narrow, Genesis." Norah says, her eyes soft and her smile generous.
If only she knew, Gee thinks to herself darkly.
They have no idea.
She smiles at them. Their perfect little angel. It's enough to make her despondent.
"I'm gonna go to sleep now. It's been a long day." To sit here and watch them stare at her so lovingly is pure torture.
She knows she doesn't deserve it.
Gee should just come out and tell them the truth. But, as always, she finds she can't.
They both nod. "Alright, Genesis. Sweet dreams and God bless."
"God bless." Gee says before scampering up to her room.
The words twist in her mouth. Swishing like bile on her tongue.
And tomorrow she has that date with Sage too. She already knows she's going to go.
What kind of person does that make her?
***
Photo courtesy of taylor hernandez on Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/@taylormae. Edited.