Something has changed between us, I can feel it. Our usual ease is gone. Even though I've known things have changed, I still wasn't expecting such a palpable difference in person. Normally I'd at least embrace him in a side hug, but that just doesn't feel right.
Instead, I gesture up to the house with a nod of my head. "So, what do you think?"
Jake looks around with appreciation. "It's absolutely beautiful here."
My heart swells to hear he feels the same way I do. "I know, I still pinch myself every day. It's more than I could imagine..."
I wrap my arms around myself suddenly at a loss for words. Clearing my throat, I admit, "It's what I needed." I say it quieter and with more feeling than I mean to.
Jake nods his head and fully looks at me for the first time. His eyes move over every inch of my face, and I blush slightly at the scrutiny. "You look happy. Happier than I've seen you in a long time. Your smile is finally reaching your eyes again."
I swallow past the lump of emotion in my throat. He's right. I didn't even realize how much of a shell of a person I was before these last couple of weeks.
"I'm really glad you're here," I blurt out.
He smiles down at me but the look in his eyes I can't read. He seems...closed off? I'm so used to being able to read every emotion he has; I know all his tells. But this Jake that's beside me is different. It puts me off kilter a bit and doesn't help the butterflies in my stomach.
We start to walk back up to the cottage. Reaching the beginning of my yard, we come to a standstill. Our gaze naturally looks back at the ocean, the last of the day glistening on the low lapping waves, reflecting the beginning of the sunset. I wrap my arms around myself once more. I can't help but feel more content having Jake here - sharing this place I've come to love with him.
I glance over at him to say something and see he's already looking down at me. He reaches his hand out, grabbing a strand of my hair and rubs it between his fingers. "It suits you."
I raise an eyebrow, what suits me? I think. Oh, my hair! "You sure I don't look like a little kid?" I say with a laugh.
He shakes his head slowly, looking at me again with that funny look on his face. "No, it makes you look se....it suits you." He clears his throat, dropping his hand, "Sorry to show up out of the blue like this. Once I got here I realized I might be putting you out, so I booked a hotel in town. If you already had plans I can make myself scarce."
"No, not at all! But since I wasn't expecting you I don't have anything planned for dinner."
"Can I take you out to dinner?"
"Take me out to dinner?" I repeat, and think to myself - Like a date? This thought makes me blush even more.
He self-consciously moves a hand through his hair. "Yeah, why not? We're in France, so let's eat some good French cuisine."
"That sounds good. I can order something local or we can go to-" I stop at the look on Jake's face. "Or did you have something in mind?"
He shrugs. "Whatever you want is fine. I did look up this one place that looks nice...but if you don't feel like going out..."
"If you had a place in mind, let's do it." I smile, looking down at my outfit. "Do I need to change?"
He shakes his head. "I think you look great."
"But are we talking pub food or fine dining?"
"Closer to fine dining I'd say, though I've never been." He looks down at his outfit of blue jeans and a worn t-shirt. "I might change too if that's ok?"
"Yeah of course. C'mon up to the house."
Jake grabs a bag from the trunk of his car and follows me inside.
Once inside he looks around, clearly impressed with the place. "It's cozy and peaceful in here."
I show him where my bedroom is so he can change.
Standing in the hallway I worry I won't have anything nice to wear that's clean, and glance at my bedroom door involuntarily. "So Jake, what's the name of this place? Or is it supposed to be a surprise?"
The door is cracked, not completely closed, and across my viewpoint appears a solid, muscular torso as Jake slips off his t-shirt. I bite my lip and lean slightly so I can see through the crack in the door a bit better.
Such a creep Lara! I admonish myself. Oh! There goes....the pants. I stare - my whole body set ablaze. Oh...that...that's....god, Lara stop staring! I shake my head - Jake in his briefs is a picture I won't be getting out of my head anytime soon.
I tiptoe quickly to the kitchen, pour myself a solid glass of sauvignon blanc, and take a big gulp.
"Jake! You want some wine?!" I call out.
I hear a muffled response and then he emerges from my bedroom looking...
"Jake you look very...French."
"Trying to blend in." He smiles and shrugs. "And the place is the restaurant at the Hotel des Bains. Have you heard of it? Or been there already? We can go somewhere else if you have."
"That's fine," I say absentmindedly as I look at his black slim-fitting jeans, and button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his tattoos just peaking out. I complete my evaluation and notice his nice dress shoes and the rather distinguished watch on his wrist.
Who is this man standing before me? I think with surprise. I want to roll my eyes at the transformation, but it's so complete I can't. I've never seen these clothes before - maybe his new girlfriend helped him pick them out. Not giving myself a chance to dwell on that jealous thought, I narrow my eyes at him and move quickly past him to the bedroom.
"I'll only be a minute!" I call behind me, slamming the bedroom door.
Wait, did he say the Hotel des Bains? I'd heard of it from Juliette and had wanted to try it while I was here, but hadn't felt like going by myself.
Going through my whole wardrobe, I finally decide on a black, slim-fitting dress that shows off my curves. I'm glad I decided to splurge on it in an upscale boutique in Lannion. Jake's not the only one with a new look these days, I think to myself with a sly smile.
The simple makeup routine that I've adopted here in France suits my features well, and after turning back and forth in front of the mirror, I decide that I don't need anything more. But I do add red lipstick – it's grown on me, and it complements my full lips.
One spritz of perfume later and I emerge from the bedroom and nonchalantly grab my wine glass from the kitchen counter. Glancing over at Jake, I watch his gaze sweep over me from head to foot.
He swallows hard, his eyes widening. "Damn. You look...really great."
I shrug and take one more sip of wine before setting it down. "I clean up nicely. Ready to go?"
He doesn't respond right away - apparently still transfixed - and I can't help but feel satisfied.
He shakes his head with a sideways smile. "Yeah, let's go."
A short cab ride later, and we arrive at the Hotel des Baines I immediately notice how beautiful the grounds are. It's built right on the bay with the ocean lapping against the stone walls around the property. With the sun setting, lights start to glow along the pathways throughout the property. I can't help but be enamored. We make our way inside, Jake's hand resting at the small of my back as he opens the door for us.
A woman greets us at the front concierge counter, "Avez-vous une réservation?"
Jake speaks up, "Yes, we have a reservation. It's under Jake Porter."
"Bonsoir, Monsieur Porter. Right this way." She leads us to a corner table tucked away from the main dining room. It has a view of the grounds outside and I can't help but be pleased.
She presents a drink menu to us both. "What can I have the pleasure of serving you this evening?"
"What do you say, Sloan? Should we do a pre-dinner cocktail?"
He knows me too well. I smile with appreciation. "Yeah, that sounds great."
The hostess nods as we order our drinks and places our food menus before us before leaving.
Jake and I exchange an awkward glance before we both turn our attention outside.
"The grounds look amazing, I'm really happy to be here. We have to explore after dinner."
"I'm glad you're happy with the place," he says, a question lingering in his eyes as his gaze meets mine.
The elephant in the room is going to have to be addressed at some point.
The hostess comes back a moment later with our cocktails and introduces our waiter for the evening. The young man goes over the menu and the specials. Everything sounds amazing but we finally decide on the swordfish and the duck confit – fully expecting to share.
"I'd like a glass of wine as well; I'll take the pinot noir."
"I'll take one too. Let's just do the bottle - sil vous plait," he tells the waiter.
Well ok then. Someone needs liquid courage, I think to myself.
"So, tell me about your program. Have you done any traveling yet?" I decide to start the conversation off with a safe subject.
"So far I'm enjoying it. It's been good to get out of the Portland scene, to be honest. And no traveling yet, although I'll be going to Paris with some friends for a couple of days next week."
Some friends or a particular friend? I think, narrowing my eyes.
He laughs, "What is that look for?"
"Nothing." I drink down the last of my cocktail. "I just uh...am curious about the friends you've made. Seems like you've made some good friends in the short couple of weeks you've been in London."
"I've met some awesome people. It's been great for networking."
"Networking?" I raise an eyebrow. I'm not sure what's gotten into me, but I can't seem to control it.
"Yes Sloan, networking." He cocks his head to the side, his brows knit together in confusion.
"So are you dating someone or not?" The words leave my mouth before I have a chance to stop them, even though I try by covering my mouth. I cannot believe I just said that out loud.
The waiter appears with our dinner and sets it before us with a flourish. He then produces our wine and lets Jake taste it before pouring us each a glass. I take a good long, deep sip. What the hell has gotten into me?
Jake's so silent I finally raise my eyes to look at him. He's looking at me with a softness that makes my stomach flip. "I don't know how you think I could be dating anyone right now."
He says it so quietly that I second guess what I even heard. Concentrating on his food in front of him, he doesn't meet my eyes after.
Mulling over what he might have meant by that I move us back into safer territory. "So, I've been caught up in somewhat of a mystery since I saw you last. About my grandmother."
He looks back up at me, genuine interest on his face. "A mystery? What do you mean?"
"Well, I just finally found out more today. So, my grandmother and a local artist here that was a friend of hers...well it seems the two of them were more than friends. Lovers, I think. I assume this was before she met my grandfather. But this-" I hold up the necklace I'm wearing. "This necklace Mémé left for me along with the cottage. And this artist friend of hers - Adelaide - was wearing it in a photo I saw today."
"And how did it come to you? Or rather... if it belonged to this Adelaide how did it come back to your grandmother to then be given to you?"
I pause; I hadn't thought about that.
"I'm guessing Adelaide gave it back to my grandmother at some point? I'm hoping to find out more before I leave this weekend. I just can't believe there was this important part of her life I knew nothing about."
Jake nods and I can see his wheels turning. "I bet your mother knows something."
"You think so? Jade and I were talking about that. My mother is very tight-lipped when she wants to be, so it's possible."
"So, besides the mystery about your grandmother, what else have you been doing with your time here?"
I tell him about the painting I've been working on, and about meeting Philippe and Juliette and their backstory. A shadow crosses his face at the mention of Philippe but brightens as I bring Juliette into the narrative. I leave out Colin, and about Brett calling me last night.
But it's as if he can instinctively sense I've withheld information. Maybe because we've known each other so long we can read between each other's lines.
"So, Brett hasn't tried to contact you at all with everything going on?" He asks the question as if he already knows the answer.
I hesitate, not sure I want to divulge anything to him. Does he even deserve to know after not being around? "Uh, well he didn't....at least till last night," I admit.
Jake's jaw clenches, a steely look entering his eyes. "And? Did he threaten you? If he threatened you after everything he's done to you, I swear I'll-"
I bristle at his self-assuming tone and cut him off, "What, Jake? What are you going to do? Protect me?"
My voice raises an octave and I notice a couple of other guests glance our way. I don't know where I'm going with this, but the words are tumbling out and I can't stop them. "Jake, you haven't even been talking to me the last couple of weeks. And now you waltz into town expecting to be my knight in shining armor!? Well, guess what my friend, I have news for you! Lara Sloan takes care of herself. That's right! I don't need you or anyone else fighting my battles for me. And I especially don't need you showing up out of the blue acting like you give a damn all of a sudden!"
My rant over, I down the rest of my wine as the waiter reappears to drop off a dessert menu.
"I don't want dessert," I say as I cross my arms with a huff.
Jake raises his eyebrows. "But they have an after-dinner cheese offering."
Dammit. He knows my weak spot.
I sniff. "Fine, I'll do the cheese tasting, and then you're buying me another drink."
Jake simply nods and when the waiter returns he places our order and asks about another cocktail. The young man explains that after-dinner cocktails at this point in the evening are now served in the lounge.
"We could grab a final drink in the lounge or walk the grounds like you wanted to?"
I flinch at the hopeful look on Jake's face. "We'll see," I answer, and look out the window, refusing to meet his gaze.
"Look...I deserve that - what you said. You and I have been through a lot together and I know it's been weird these last couple of weeks...."
The waiter returns and proceeds to place my cheese tasting in front of Jake and the tiramisu in front of me.
"Oh, the cheese is mine, thank you," I correct him.
"Oh, Madame!" The young waiter is taken off guard and I can't help but break a smile. Jake looks at me with a twinkle in his eye and is trying to control his face.
We wait till he's gone and then we both crack a smile and I can't help but giggle. The tension slowly diffuses between us.
"I'm a girl that likes cheese, what can I say?"
Jake laughs and then his face grows serious. "Sloan, I'm sorry. I know I deserve to be in the doghouse right now. I just-" he clears his throat, "I just needed some time to work through some things. And I'm sorry I haven't been able to be there for you. I know you've been through a lot lately."
I think about that for a moment and remember all the times in the past that Jake has been there for me. Every time something went south in my life he was there to help me pick up the pieces. My marriage falling apart while I was still reeling from the death of my dad - those were the big ones. Even right before I married Brett, when I came home from my bachelorette party sicker than a dog, Jake was the one that made sure I was recovered by morning. And even all the way back to high school, he was the one that showed up whenever I needed someone.
"You don't have to take care of me anymore you know," I say softly.
Jake looks at me with surprise. "I know I've done a crap job as of late but-"
"No Jake, I want you to understand - I'm ok." On an impulse, I reach my hand across the table and lay it on top of his. "You don't have to protect me anymore. I set you free, so to speak."
He stares at me for a moment, then down at my hand, and somehow looks sadder than before.
I nod my head towards the window with a smile. "Let's go for that walk, yeah?"
Jake pays our bill and we make our way outside. It's grown chilly, and Jake takes off his blazer to place it on my shoulders.
"Thanks," I say as I settle it around me, thankful for the added layer.
We move along the lit path to the edge of the grounds and peer out over the old stone wall at the waves below - the blackness of the water melts into the darkness of the night. We're the only ones outside and the quiet feels intimate, with the glow of the lights and the sound of the ocean.
Despite having the blazer over my shoulders, the night breeze still makes me shiver. Jake takes a step closer and before I know what's happening he pulls me into his arms.
"Sloan, I want to be the one that's there for you," he says into my hair.
I don't dare to move. It takes everything I've got to hold back the emotion that's welling up inside me. His arms wrapped around me - my body against his – I'm feeling everything so acutely, and it's too much to bear.
Stepping back, I look up at him with a smile, feeling the need to lighten the mood. "There's dancing tonight at a local pub called Tilly's. An Irish band is playing. Want to go?"
Jake smiles down at me, and says teasingly, "Will you actually dance with me this time?"
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"Remember prom? We were supposed to dance the last song of the night and then you disappeared."
I can't help but grimace at the memory. "Yes, I do remember because Brett called demanding why I hadn't come to see him yet. He didn't like that I was having fun without him. Which led to a 45 min fight. So I left early to drop off a care package and to try and see him, but his mom said he was sleeping. Which was probably a lie - she didn't seem pleased to see me."
"Mrs. Peters was a bit of a helicopter mom if I'm remembering right."
We make our way out the entrance and onto the road towards Tilly's.
"She still is. I don't think she ever thought I was good enough for Brett."
"That's on her one hundred percent. Now my mom, however..."
"I know, I love your mom! The absolute sweetest woman. You're lucky Jake."
"I know I am. She asked about you the other day. Wanted to know how you were liking France."
"Did you tell her you didn't know because you hadn't spoken to me?" I can't help this last final jab, even though I do say it with a teasing smile.
Jake doesn't answer right away and then I feel his arm slip around my waist as he brings me close against his side, and says quietly, "No, because I told her I was going to go see for myself."