I cannot believe he did that. No, I cannot believe I did not stop that. I did not save her. I failed. I hate myself for that.
"I hate you! You are just like dad!", I shout, knowing that it is going to piss him off.
"I'm not! I'm not!" He hits my face. I return the punch, catching him off guard.
I cannot stop myself. I want to hit him so bad. To make him pay for what he did. He hits me in the neck and then chest, just to come back to my face. I can feel cold blood coming down my face, but I do not care.
I know that she is scared of blood. I remember several panic attacks she had and how hard it was for her to calm down. She cleared our wounds and he raped her? I punch him again. Then again and again. I use my right leg to punch his face and let him fall onto the ground. Then I continue punching him, straddling him. He tries to cover his face with hands which are secured in red gloves but fails.
"You motherfucker!" I am not a person who curses, and the profanity feels strange rolling out of my tongue, but I cannot stop myself.
I feel venom toward him. Toward my brother. My twin brother. "How could you! You are like our father! You should die!"
Normally, I would regret saying that, but right now it feels good. If he died that day, Emily would be alive. Stella would not be hurt and scared of him. How did not I see that? That morning when she looked so fragile and broken, that was it. That night he raped her. And I saw the pain in her eyes, but even though I saw I did not pay attention. Why? Because I am an idiot.
Christopher pushes me on the ground, swapping places. Now he is straddling me and throwing punches at my already bloody face. Maybe I deserve to be hit. I let her down. I let another girl become Christopher's victim. It is all my fault.
"Everyone is trying to steal her from me! She's mine! You hear me? Mine!"
He thinks women are objects and he can possess them. He is wrong.
"She is not a thing! You can' have her! You can't!", I scream, trying to be louder than the crew.
I almost forgot that there are people here. That this is illegal. But being a drug dealer is illegal, too. But unfortunately, it is not my choice. I am actually forced to do it. Why we cannot have a normal life with normal parents? Maybe then Christopher would not become a monster. A devil. I cannot recognize him. He is not that kid who fought for life while his dad was beating him. No, he is now that man who beats woman, just like our father did to our mom.
I punch him again and again, trying to push him off me.
"You hurt her! You killed Emily! Emily died because of you! It is your fault!"
I can feel the pain that hasn't healed in my chest. It tightens and I let my guard down allowing him to punche me again.
"No!" His fist collides with my face.
"Yes!" I return the punch.
"No!", he screams.
"Yes!" A million punches fly from my fist to his already covered in blood face. "And Stella could die, too! You do not think! You do not feel! You are a devil! You are our father!"
My breathing becomes heavier and I stop punching him. I feel sweat dripping down my face and I'm tired. I am not used to fighting. I may be working out almost every day, but I am not prepared for this kinda stuffs. Never in my life, I thought that I would punch my brother. The brother whom our father tried to kill. No, I would want to save him. But now... I have this unhealthy feeling. This rage is growing bigger and bigger each second. Something I never thought I would feel. At least not toward my brother.
When I open my eyes and try to catch my breath I see him laying on the ground. He does not move.
"Christopher!", I shout. "Christopher!", I jerk his body. I did not just kill him, did I?
But then I feel something cold burying into my skin. I try to look at it and my eyes open wide when I realize what that is... A pocket knife? When I lift my head I see my brother grinning and his eyes opened, piercing in mine, unlike the moment before, when they were closed and I thought he was dead. Now, I may be the one who is going to be dead.
"You can't steal her from me. You can't!", he hisses and then laughs. Evil laugh. Just like a monster. Then he gets up quickly and scurries from the ring.
He scurries somewhere, but I cannot see straight. I feel like I am falling but I never hit the ground. I keep falling and falling while everything is dizzy around me. And everything becomes a blur.
"Myles? Myles stay with me!" I hear her voice.
I could not stop him. I failed. I can feel her cold and shake hand in mine even though I cannot see her beautiful face straight.
"I am sorry, Stella. Forgive me", I whisper, feeling the air leaving my lungs.
"No, no! Myles!", she screams, but my eyelids become heavy and I cannot keep my eyes open, anymore.
So, I close them. Then all I see is black and all I hear is silence.
No. No. I can't lose Myles. He was the only one that liked the old me. Still likes. But, even if I changed he didn't leave my side. I can't lose him. He always cares about me. He is the only one who cares for me since she left me... And I can't let this happen.
"Stella, calm down", I hear Michael's voice. "We're taking him to the hospital."
I can only see blood on him. A lot of blood. I've never seen this much blood. Only then. Only when she did that... And this much blood can only mean the person will die. No!
"Stella, get up, we have to go. Cops will be here soon."
"I don't care!", I cry. "Look at him. He is going to die!" No! I start to cry, or maybe I was already crying.
"He won't. Look, paramedics are here!"
I can't see them. I can't move my gaze from blood dripping down his body. His maybe dead body. No, no, no!
Wait, I can't see. Again, I can't see. No, I have to see! Myles is here and I have to see him. No!
"No, no, no!" I feel like someone is lifting me, pulling me, but I can't see who.
"Everything is going to be alright. Shh." Someone embraces me and I try to calm down. I only see black and maybe that is alright. Better than seeing blood. Myles' blood.
☆☆☆
We're in hospital waiting to see... whether he is going to live, or... No, he can't die. He can't leave me. He won't do that. He's not my mother to be selfish and leave me. Right? He cares about me. Unlike her.
Michael told me that Christopher scurried and Tyler tried to catch him, but he lost him. I hate him! He deserves to pay. And I will report him, but only if Myles approves.
Myles kept repeating to Christopher that he did the same as he did to Emily. Does that mean that Emily was raped, too? And he kept shouting that Emily died because of him. He killed her? Is he that kind of monster? A monster that kills people. I never saw him like that. I never knew he was gonna rape me and try to kill his brother. But looks like we never know how devilish someone can really be. He was screaming that I was his and I don't want to be his. I don't want to belong to anyone. No, I don't belong to anyone.
I feel Michael's hands embracing me and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"Stella, everything will be alright."
"How do you know that?", I sob in his chest.
"Because he didn't burry knife too deep, so he probably didn't hurt any vital organ. He'll survive. He just lost a lot of blood." Blood. Blood. Blood.
"I want Christopher to die." I never felt this much hate toward anyone in my life. But right now all I can feel is hate burning inside of me. And that hate is toward him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him hurting you", he says softly, caressing my messy hair. "I was ready to fight him. To punch him and make him pay. I swear to God I didn't know that Myles was going to jump in. What happened?" I can feel his head bowing, but I can only think about my hate which is mostly because of what he did to Myles.
I may have hated him for what he did to me. But now... I only hate him because he hurt someone I care about and someone who cares about me. The only person that seems to value my choices and my life. I don't value it, and neither my mother did, but looks like he values it. And I don't want to lose him. I would die. No. Then I would have nothing but hate toward his twin brother who is a killer and a monster. If Myles... I swear to God I won't think twice before I go and find Christopher and do...
"No, he has to die because he hurt Myles!", I say, poison and hate screaming from my body. "It's all my fault", I sob again. I haven't realized that I didn't answer Michael's question.
"No, it's not." He lifts my chin and looks me in the eyes. "You can't blame yourself. They had issues they had to solve. Don't worry, sweetheart." He wipes tears from my cheeks and kisses my forehead.
I miss him. I miss him calling me sweetheart.
"Someone for Myles Styles?" I immediately jump.
"We're here!"
"And who are you to him?", the nurse asks, looking at me while checking me probably because my style is beyond her ideas of what a girl should wear. And not to mention my face which looks like a mess covered in dark circles and smudged makeup. But not that I care not for her, not for my appearance. I only care about Myles, the only person who seems like he actually cares about me.
"I'm his.... sister", I manage to say. Foster sister, but okay. That'll work.
"He isn't in danger anymore. He lost a lot of blood, but he's stable now. His vital organs aren't hurt." Just like Michael said. Thank God.
"Can I see him?", I plead.
"Yes, but only briefly." I nod and follow her to the room.
There laid unconscious Myles. IVs in both of his hands. I sit on the chair, next to the bed, and take his hand.
I sigh before I start my speech.
"I'm so sorry, Myles. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I was scared that this was going to happen. I wanted to prevent this, but looks like I failed." I bow my head. "I didn't want you to see Christopher as a monster. Even if he is the one. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't survive if you died. That will be the second time I lost someone I love." I take a deep breath.
"You know I never told you. My mom died. She killed herself. And she..." I sigh. This is so hard to say even I know he's unconscious. "I saw her in blood. I found her, blood dripping from her cut wrists. Everything was covered in blood." I shiver, but I don't stop. "And that's... that's why I'm so scared of blood. That's why I have a panic attack every time I see it. Now seeing you at that much blood I thought I was going to lose you, too. Just like I lost her."
I wipe tears, but they keep sipping. "I'm just glad that you're okay." I take a look at his closed eyes, his face covered in freckles, and his ginger hair. I fondle his soft hair and lean to kiss his cheek. "I love you. But like a brother. And I'm sorry you can't see me as a sister. And I hate myself for not falling in love with you. I'm sorry for not feeling the same as you. I'm sorry."
I take a look at him before I leave him and I slightly smile because first time in my life something didn't go wrong. He is alive and that is all that matters.
I go out and bump into someone's chest. But I recognize his scent. Michael hugs me and comforts me. I let out a few more sobs and inhale his cologne. I missed him. I nuzzle in his chest and close my eyes. And I feel relieved and... Like I found my safe place. The place that is going to keep me hidden from his cruel world. But instead, the arms which were holding me were that cruel world I was so scared of.