A week later, she wasn't around when the removal van arrived to move the family's things, and it had surprised Gray just how much they had accumulated while staying at Regan's. Loretta had populated the sitting room with samples, and when they had packed those into the van, the room had suddenly returned to its original threadbare. Regan returned to the farm around six that evening. Gray saw her car pull up, and watched as she collected her bag and headed for the house.
He finished what he was doing in the barn then went in search of her, to hand over the keys. He tried the kitchen first, and there was no sign of her. So he walked along the verandah toward her wing of the house. Strange, he realised that he had never taken a peak to see her side of the house. He tapped on the French windows and peered into the room. He frowned as his eyes tracked the basic room. A bed, a Chester drawers, a wooden chair, and two wardrobes, all looked slightly ramshackle and ancient. The décor in the room reminded him of their rooms when they had first arrived. Surely she didn't like this dilapidated, run-down style? The wallpaper looked like it was from the fifties. He tapped on the windows again, and when he got no response he walked back round the house, wondering where she might be.
He met her as she carried some boxes into the house. "Hi. All done?" She asked as she approached him. She had tried to keep things very neutral. She smiled, kept things friendly, but distant since that near-miss kiss last week.
He nodded and glanced over at the boxes. "You need a hand?" The last week was odd, in many ways. Distance, but not the same as before. More of a defensive act rather than wary. With that miss-kiss in the paddock, constantly reviewed in their heads.
"I can manage." She replied softly and stepped past him. She was going to have to manage on her own from now on, so why not start as she meant to go on?
"At least let me help." He reached forward and took the top two boxes on her stack.
"Thank you." She said. No point arguing about help.
Gray followed her into the kitchen waited for her to put her boxes down on the table.
"Our keys." He handed her three sets. It felt rather odd to be leaving. Even though the day had been getting closer and closer, now, now that it was here, he felt oddly reluctant to leave. Her. He did not want to leave her. He studied her. She had that smile on her lips, the one that didn't quite make it to her eyes.
"Thanks." She smiled, took the keys and placed them on the dresser. It felt surreal, them leaving. Living with them had been a good experience, having people for company.
"I've checked on the cows. Done the last evening milk. The truck will come by tomorrow to collect. There should be pay out in that week. Remember what I told you about this herd, follow my instructions and you will have a good production from that herd." He kept his tone matter of fact. It surprised him just how much it hurt to leave. He hadn't expected to feel this pang of concern for her, or for the farm. He knew she would find it tough going, but he imagined she would resort to employing a manager within a few days.
"Thanks. I have made note of your instructions and I have those videos." Regan said softly. She folded her arms and kept her smile on her lips. Inside, she knew she was falling apart. The fact that she had replayed the mud scene where he nearly kissed her, knew that a part of her was leaving today. "Thanks again. You are a good farmer, a good manager and a good teacher." She said quietly. "Without that, I wouldn't, well, to be honest, I," She looked at the sky and sighed, "I just want to say, thanks."
Gray jammed his hands in his pockets. He should turn and leave. But he found himself drawing out the departure. "Granddad said he'd be by at the weekend." His eyes tracked over her features, as if he wanted to imprint her image in his brain. Why?
"Ok." She unlaced her arms and stood up straighter. This is it. They are leaving. Really going.
"Lore too. They will come back at the weekend, to say their thanks in person. I assume you will be here?"
"Not Saturday, but Sunday I have time off." She said. Her plan was to do the milking, go to work, come back do the evening milking, wait for the tanker, and then hopeful will go to bed without thinking about him. Because she knew, if he was in her thoughts, she would not sleep. And she knew she can't afford to handle the herd if she was not alert the next day.
"I will tell Granddad and Lore."
"Ok great. Thanks" Agitated, she folded her arms and leant against the kitchen units.
He should have given her the keys and walked. But here he was, making conversation. "They're both getting the new place ready." Gray told her, again not sure why he was prolonging his departure.
"Right." In her mind she thought, he should give me the keys and leave. Fast. Before I blubber. But he was still here, making conversation as if they were the best friends. He had months, to generated a friendship, but he didn't.
"I assume you have checked the sheep in the Miller paddock."
"Yes." Her fingers behind her back were lacing and unlacing as if it would help her.
"And they are ok."
"Yes."
"Did you check on the fence? I fixed it yesterday."
"Yes, saw it. Thank you." She unlaced her fingers and jammed her fingers into her jean's back pocket.
"Did you moved them from the Millers paddock to the North West paddock?"
"Yes." She nodded.
"And problems? Any snags?"
"No." She shook her head.
He glanced around the courtyard. He couldn't believe how sad he was, leaving this place. He looked at the paddock where they had the mud fight, and the almost kiss. Again. He looked across to the shed, and said, "Did you make a note of the tankers' next visit?"
"Yes." She retrieved her fingers from her pockets. She started to fidget.
"Do you remember how to handle it, if you have the same problem as last week with the hose to the tanker?"
"Yes." She bit her lip.
"If not, asked the driver to handle it. He will know what to do."
"Ok." She opted to fold her arms. Anything to keep her composure. Falling apart on the inside is not good
He nodded and looked across at the house. "And you don't want to take an inventory of the bedrooms before I leave?"
"No." Her tears, that she had banked, was dissipated inside and she swallowed the lump in her throat.
He glanced around, as he finally ran out of reasons to prolong this conversation. "Are you sure? I don't mind if you want to check, see that we've left it ....."
"Not necessary." She replied and her smile widened, but still it did not reach her eyes. Their conversation role reversal struck her then, for the last few months, she'd been the one with the long sentences while he had usually gone for short responses. Today was different. Today her heart was breaking into millions of tiny pieces. "Thanks." She said quietly and hoped that he wouldn't hang around. Not when her heart was breaking.
"Yeah." He sighed, knowing that he should have thanked her earlier. "I should be thanking you, I guess, for helping us."
Regan shrugged.
"Lore is much happier now. Granddad too. And I have enjoyed working on the farm." Even if she had ripped them off and not paid them for their work. "Anyway, thanks."
Regan sighed, she could hear him say the words, but the elephant in the room was the low salary she'd paid him. "I think we both got something out of the arrangements." She just hoped that one day he'd see that for himself. "Thanks. For everything you've done on, and with, the farm. My farm has improved because of you and your family's work." She made eye contact, "I know you won't believe me, but I'm sorry I could not afford to pay you more. I appreciate all your hard work. You made a huge difference to the place."
That embarrassed him. And made him uncomfortable. "Yeah, well. I'd better get going."
"Sure. Thanks again." She said and held out her hand. Be professional, she advised herself silently. Don't let him see that he's breaking your heart. Stay strong.
Reluctantly he took it and shook it. Their eyes held contact. Reluctantly he disengaged.
"See you around." Regan told him softly and heard the pieces of her heart shatter and come to rest at her feet.
"Yes."