I looked into his eyes as he broke the kiss, my emotions flying all over the place. He giggled and turned away, lying down on the rug, sighing. I sat there for god knows how long – my thoughts running wild – contemplating what just happened. I looked at him to see him closing his eyes with a contented smile upon his face. My face was simply too hot and I feel so confused. Did he just kiss me or did I just imagine it to happen again?
I felt my lips, it felt the same – how would I know what’s the truth. Oh come off it Sam, you know he kissed you for real. I can still feel the tingling feeling the impression of his lips left on mine. Oh god, this is so complicated. The fireworks that burst during the kiss are still there. I had to lie down to calm my head. My breathing became rapid and shallow. Is this how it feels like to really kiss him?
I turned sideways to look at him – afraid that I might only be imagining him by my side. As if on cue, he turned to look at me, smiling.
“We’re probably going to forget that tomorrow,” he said as my heart fell. We’re too drunk. I hope I would remember the kiss though – I wanted a good memory of tonight to be etched in my brains even if we never ended up together, “Look a shooting star!”
I looked at the sky, just as a shooting star shot by. My mind was jumbled up with emotions, but I knew what I wished for that night.
Oh no, the horrible hangover – the sign that I should not consume alcohol – is pounding on my head. Why don’t I ever learn? I opened my eyes cautiously, to see that I am on my couch. How did I get here? What happened last night, again?
I remember going out, having some crazy time with Ryan, drinking, talking – and then now I’m on my couch. Ryan! Where is he? I looked around the house, but I couldn’t find him. Where’s my phone when I needed it? I found my phone in my hand bag – obviously.
“Hello, Ryan?” I asked as he answered just after two rings.
“Who’s this?” he asked groggily.
“It’s me, Sam!” I snapped, “Where are you?”
I heard some shuffling, some groaning and finally,
“I’m at home,” he mumbled, “How’d I get home?”
“Were we drunk?”
“No, Sam,” he answered as I heard him shuffling out of bed; “The aliens kidnapped us, probed us and then wiped our memories clean.”
“What?” I gasped.
“That was a joke Sam, sheesh,” he said, “I’m going to be late – see you at work.”
“Can I take the day off, please?” I whined, “I have a horrible hangover.”
“Do I sound like I’m Mr. Jolly here?” he asked, “I have a horrible one as well. Take an Advil or something then get to work. We have a meeting – can’t you remember?”
Oh I have forgotten that with my preoccupation on the human called Ryan. I groaned as I hung up the phone and got to work. There was no medicine in my possession and I was running late as it is, so I went to work with a pounding head. Maybe I can ask Sammy to get me something later. Ryan called the office phone as soon as I arrived.
“Get me a glass of water!” he snapped as I got annoyed. Can’t he be less rude? Idiotic Lion.
I took a huge glass, tempted to fill some salt with the water, but I was too annoyed with the headache to do such thing. I went into the Lion’s office and placed the glass – a little too loudly – on his table, glaring at him. He took the glass, popped two pills in his mouth and gulped the water. He threw the balance of the pills at me, beckoning me to take it.
“Thanks,” I said grouchily as I swallowed it with the same glass of water – thankfully I didn’t put the salt in. He gestured me to sit down. What is he going to do – give me another round of lecture on how bosses and subordinates should not be acting this way? That’s what he did the last time we went out for the dinner where Sean interrupted and he had held my hand. It’s not like we did anything wrong last night.
Did we? I gasped inwardly as I remembered it, although foggy, but I’m sure of it. Didn’t he kiss me last night? I looked at him, searching his face for any signs that he remembers it, but he merely looked grumpy. Could he not have remembered that?
“What did you want to see me about?” I asked him, my mouth suddenly dry. What if he remembers? Then what? Where do we go from there?
I need you to get the documents ready for our meeting with Preston’s,” he said. Didn’t he recall us kissing last night?
“What documents?” I asked daftly. My mind was still reeling from the shock of remembering the kiss and I can’t seem to focus on anything else right now.
“The sales contract, Sam, focus! Do I have to teach you everything?” he shouted, hitting the table hard with his hand. I don’t know what it was, whether because of my hangover or my heartbreak in realizing that he didn’t remember the kiss, my tears started to fall on its own accord. I didn’t even realize it until his expression changed and he stared at me open-mouthed.
“Sam,” he whispered, looking bewildered, “Samantha, I’m sorry.”
“Huh?” I asked, as I realized that I’m starting to cry in front of him. Oh god, stop humiliating yourself, Sam. I looked around for a tissue but I can’t find any. I cleared my throat and looked at him blurrily, “Do you have a tissue?”
He fumbled in his drawer and took out a packet of tissue, handing it to me awkwardly. He probably doesn’t know how to handle crying girls.
“I’m sorry,” I said wiping my eyes, but the stupid tears didn’t stop falling, instead it poured heavier. What the hell? Why the hell am I crying now? There’s nothing I can do if he didn’t feel the same, didn’t I? There’s nothing I can do if the alcohol in his system made him kiss me but his brains didn’t register it, right? So why should I bloody cry?
“Sorry, Sam,” he said genuinely, “I rarely get hangovers – I must have drunk too much last night. The pounding headache coupled with the irritation for the meeting made me snap. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I don’t know what to do when I see you cry.”
“Just ignore me,” I said, sobbing into the tissue, “It must be nearing that time of the month.”
“Oh really,” he said as I heard him sigh audibly, “Thank god.”
I need to think. I need to get back to my office and cry – I need to be out of his sight.
“I’ll get the contracts ready,” I said as he nodded his head, looking guilty.
“I can get someone else to do it,” he offered but I shook my head.
“That’s fine,” I said, “I will do it. What time is the meeting?”
“Eleven,” he said as I nodded my head and left his office, holding in my tears until I reached my office and then the dam burst again. Oh, why am I so stupid? Why did I fall for his trick again? I know he’s not doing it on purpose. I can’t tell him to stop because then he’d wonder why he affects me so. But what do I do to shield my heart from him?
I got to work right away printing three copies of the sales contract that Ryan will be presenting to Preston’s Bookstore Corporation today. I need to work to keep my mind off him. I’m not even going to start analyzing last night until I get back home.
When he came to find me at half past ten, he looked contrite. I averted my eyes from him as I passed him the contracts. He didn’t say a word as we headed to his car. I kept silent throughout our journey to Preston. I could feel my tears threatening to pour, but I held it in. I can’t cry about it.
“Err…” Ryan cleared his throat as I turned to look at him, “About last night – did I do anything wrong?”
I merely stared at him. Yeah, you kissed me – that was wrong!
“It’s just that,” he said, “I can’t remember what happened last night. I don’t even remember how I got home.”
Sure you didn’t.
“I can’t remember either,” I said, “I might have passed out.”
Holy shit, wait, I can’t remember how I ended up on my couch either. How is it that I lose my memory every time I drink? Fine, I’ll make a new year’s resolution starting today – I’m not going to consume alcohol, until drunk. Which means, I can consume some, but not a lot.
“I really should stop drinking,” I said softly.
“Yeah, we should,” Ryan agreed as I smiled bitterly at him. The meeting at Preston’s passed by in a blink of an eye. After that Ryan spent me lunch, but it was a quiet affair. Things are quite awkward. I hated it. How do I get it back to normal?
“I will be out of town until next Tuesday,” Ryan said as we left for work that evening. What? Where is he going?
“I’ve got some personal issues to attend to,” he answered my questioning look, “you can reach me on my mobile phone, but I might not answer right away.”
I’m dying to know where he is going to. If he had work appointments, he would have told me earlier. Oh, why is he back to being a nasty Lion?
That weekend I decided to go home. At least I can nurse my broken heart being with my dysfunctional family. My Saturday was spent sitting in front of the TV watching pre-recorded football matches. My head was not in the game at all – it was floating away, finding a certain Lion.
“Samantha,” mom called me from the kitchen, “You could help me around instead of sitting in front of the TV with your father!”
I rolled my eyes and walked to the kitchen. Mom was actually sifting through our mail – I thought she was cooking.
“What help do you need?” I asked, dragging my feet across the tiled floor.
“Could you go down to the store and get me some eggs?” she asked sweetly as I raised my eyebrows at her. How is it that she can be utterly sweet to me when she needs me to do things for her?
“How many do you want?”
“A dozen,” she said, “Oh and I would also need you to post this letter, and go to the pharmacy down the street from the post office to get a refill for your dad’s medicine.”
“But mom,” I whined, “The post office’s on the other side of town from the store!”
“Oh quit whining,” She said, “You’re driving your car – you won’t even feel it.”
“Do you keep all your errands on purpose till I come back to do it?” I accused her.
“How could you say such things?” she answered aghast, “You know your dad can’t drive and Edward’s barely at home – who else could we rely on?”
“Fine,” I mumbled, “You’re lucky today’s not a sunny day.”
I got the car and drove to the store picking up some eggs. Apparently the store’s owner, Mrs. Gerard still remembers me.
“Sam, you’re so grown now!” she exclaimed as I paid for the eggs at the counter, “Oh I remember when you would come in here to get ice-creams with those little pigtails of yours.”
Pigtails? I wore pigtails when I was ten! I came to this shop until I left to stay in the city – how could she not have remembered that?
“Yeah how time flies right?” I remarked, putting on a big fake grin and leaving as soon as I paid the money. I then took the car to the post office to post mom’s letter, and parked my car at the post office. The pharmacy was just a few shops away and I could do with a leisure walk. After getting dad’s medicine, I had the sudden urge to get an ice-cream and I know the best ice-cream shop in town is just a few blocks down across the road. I headed for the pedestrian crossing light signal and saw and old woman standing stooped there, hesitating to cross the road. There weren’t many cars, but her eyesight could be poor. My first instinct was to help her.
I rushed to her side, and placed my arm on her left arm, just as another tall guy placed his arm on her right. I looked at him as he looked at me in surprise.
“Oh kids, both of you – how nice of you to help an old lady cross the street,” she said as I smile awkwardly at the stranger. He raised his eyebrows as he gestured for us to cross the road holding out his hand to stop the traffic. As we reached across the road I let go of the old woman’s arm as she thanked us both profusely.
“Thank you child,” she said in turn to both of us while we stood there awkwardly, “May god bless your souls.”
“Do you need help to get to where you’re going, ma’am?” I asked her concernedly.
“No, that’s okay child,” she said, “My daughter’s shop is just down the road here. I can find my way. Thank you so much.”
“It’s not a problem ma’am,” I said, smiling at her, “Have a great day.”
“Well,” I said, turning to look at the guy who smiled at me, “It’s rare to find conscientious young guys these days.”
“I can say the same about you,” he said as I smiled embarrassedly, aware of how hideous I might look at the moment. I was dressed in my old sweatpants with an oversized t-shirt and my hair was tied up in a messy bun. What an unattractive mess. We stood there looking at each other awkwardly again.
“So, then,” I said, “Bye.”
“Bye,” he said as I walked away, heading to the ice-cream shop. I bought a women’s magazine from the newsstand beside it and headed inside, queuing up to get my favorite ice-cream. I always had vanilla, chocolate and strawberry in a cup covered in nuts. I missed it a lot since I moved to the city as the ice-cream here really tastes good. I chose a seat at the corner, away from people, opened up the magazine and ate my ice-cream.
There was an interesting article in the magazine about knowing when a guy is interested in you or not. Ryan seems to display almost all the signs here, except the part where the author said that if a guy really likes you, he’d definitely tell you how he feels. Guys are less complicated than girls when it comes to the matters of the heart.
I snorted as I licked the ice-cream spoon – Ryan is definitely complicated. So what does it actually means if he kissed me, but he never tells me how he feels? Do friends just kiss without having feelings of attraction or is it just some exhibition on Ryan’s side? How should I know – I barely had many guy friends as I grew up. The ones that I had, never showed any inclination of being attracted to me.
I tried to recall Luke – how did we get into a relationship? We were actually introduced by a mutual friend of ours who was actually an ex of his. Her name was Tiffany and she was in my Economics course in college. Luke came to talk to her while we were studying in the library and she introduced him to me. At first he didn’t seem interested and there were times he actually came finding me to look for her.
At the time I thought that he was only finding excuses to talk to me – silly me – but I found out very much later after I’ve broken up with him that he actually was trying to get back with Tiffany but she rebuffed his attention and that was solely why he started coming after me. Since I didn’t know better at the time, we exchanged numbers and talked on the phone. He asked me out a few times and before I knew it, he asked me to be his girlfriend. There was no romantic proposals nor fireworks in the sky – just that we were coming back after watching a movie and he said that he likes me and that we should be a couple. I was high in the air with my feelings for him agreed to that – and a year later I found out that he had been cheating on me all the while. How did he manage to sneak behind my back and go out with other girls is beyond my knowledge. I must have been really stupid and naïve not to have noticed that.
That is why; I will not be as stupid and naïve as I had been. I will not let Ryan trample on my head and do the same thing to me. I will not fall in love like a silly girl – although I’ve already fallen for him – but I will try and erase my feelings for him. It’s going to be a difficult and rocky path, but I have to do it for the sake of my fragile heart.
“Hello there!” someone hit my table lightly making me snap out of my reverie. I looked up to see the twinkling blue eyes of the guy I met outside helping the old woman. He was watching me with humor in his face.
“Oh hello,” I said.
“I was waving at you from over there,” he said, pointing to a vacant table at the front, “I saw you looking my way, but your mind seemed a little pre-occupied.”
“Oh, sorry,” I said, grinning sheepishly.
“Is it okay if I sat here?” he asked, “Or are you expecting anyone?”
“No, no, I’m not expecting anyone,” I replied, “Please do have a seat.”
“Thank you,” he answered politely as he sat in front of me with a glass of chocolate milkshake, “Am I interrupting any important thoughts?”
“No you’re not,” I said, giggling, as he grinned. Oh my, this boy has a dimple. I’ve always noticed guys with dimples. Why didn’t Ryan have a dimple? Sam, stop thinking about Ryan, “I was just deep in thought.”
“Oh I deduced that much seeing as I was practically jumping in my seat waving at you, but you were just looking right at me, and staring into space,” he said, chuckling, “Everyone thought I was a lunatic.”
“Oh, I’m sorry if I was the cause of that,” I said as he laughed and waved his hand dismissively.
“Nonsense,” he said, “I should have come over and said hi instead of waving around like a hyperactive baboon.”
Well he certainly has a colorful vocabulary.
“I was actually mulling the fact should I get another ice-cream or just stick to this one,” I said, as he grinned impishly, flashing those charming dimples at me. His blue eyes twinkled with amusement again. He had blonde hair, which are quite long at the front, making it flop over his forehead, reminding me so much of Ryan’s brown hair, “I’m already full as it is.”
“Maybe I could spend you another one?” he asked as I raised my eyebrows. Cute guy who wants to spend me ice –cream, tempting, but no. I’ve had enough with falling for guys. He may be nice and charming, and a nice distraction from Ryan, but I’ve got to stay vigil and stop falling for every guys that walk my way.
“No, no, don’t bother;” I said waving my hands, “I’m too full.”
“Alright then,” he said, smiling and sipping his chocolate milkshake. It reminded me so much of Ryan that night we went out – how he enjoyed the Hazelnut Coffee – I had to shake the memory of him away and concentrate on this really nice guy here, “So does this beautiful young thing in front of me have a name?”
I blinked my eyes at his remark – beautiful young thing? I looked like a mess. Who is he kidding?
“Err,” I stammered, not really used to flattery, “I’m Sam.”
I held out my hand as he shook it.
“I’m Aidan Townsend,” he said, pulling out his business card. I looked at it, impressed – lawyer; not bad. Jackson and Townsend Co. Might come in handy when I need a lawyer someday. It’s no wonder he’s smooth – lawyers talk real good. He should teach Ryan how to be smooth.
“So you’re a lawyer?” I said, looking at the card, “What would a nice lawyer like yourself be doing in a small town like Ramses? Surely not researching for a case or something? Not much going on in a small town as this.”
He laughed before answering me.
“As much as I would like to tell you that my job is as interesting as that – which it isn’t – I’m not here on duty,” he answered, “I’m actually here to meet my girlfriend.”
My heart fell a little – of course, a nice work of art as him would obviously have a girlfriend. What were you thinking, Sam? That he’d actually fall for you – please give a loud mocking laugh at yourself!
“Oh, is Ramses her hometown?” I asked, surprised. I might know her – it is a small town.
“Not really,” he said, shrugging his shoulder, “She came here to visit her aunt who’s in the hospital and I came to fetch her. We’ll be going to Paris tonight.”
“Wow – Paris ,” I gushed, “I love Paris .”
“Every girl seems to love Paris ,” he said, “I can’t really understand why.”
“Your girlfriend’s so lucky,” I said breathlessly. My eyes are only seeing the Eiffel Tower right now.
“Yeah I guess so,” he said, “She’s studying there – Masters in Art and Design.”
“Wow,” I said, not really knowing how to answer to that. He seemed proud of his girlfriend. Well, who wouldn’t be if she was an Art student studying in Paris ? She must be rich. He took out his phone and showed me her picture – seriously, who does things like this? I barely know the guy and he’s showing me the picture of his girlfriend.
“She’s pretty,” I said, meaning it. She really is pretty. It was a picture of the both of them in some sort of field. She was tall, almost as tall as him, slim with long blonde hair streaked with brown – typical model-esque look. I didn’t know art students were this pretty. I assumed they were short, skinny with dark hair, glasses and artist hat. This girl looked like a model!
“She is, isn’t she?” he said as I looked at his face. He seemed smitten by her. I wonder if one day someone would be showing my picture of to a stranger with that look of devotion on their face. She is really lucky to have someone who loves her as much as Aidan did.
“You guys are a perfect match,” I said as he nodded his head.
“That’s what people say too,” he said, his eyes sparkling, “Did you know that I paid for her tuition? I know she loves to paint, but she didn’t have too much confidence. Her parents didn’t like her doing art – they wanted her to become a doctor. I knew she was struggling to get them to understand her passion – but they were adamant in not paying for her college fees – so I helped her from her diploma until her Masters, now.”
“Wow, that long,” I gasped. It was too sweet. There are actually guys who fall in love with girls and stay with them for years. Not everyone changes girlfriends or are not serious like the lion.
“Yeah,” he said, “There are times that I feel us drifting apart, but I know that it’s all because of the distance.”
Uh oh, I hope that she just isn’t using him for his money. He really looked like a nice guy – humble, sweet and plain nice.
“I’m sure there’s nothing for you to worry about,” I said comfortingly. He smiled at me.
“Gosh, I’ve been too self-centered and talking about my life that I never bothered to ask a thing about you,” he said as I chuckled, “I don’t know why – I just feel it’s so easy to talk to you – and we’ve only met for like, a few minutes.”
“I always have that effect on people,” I said, grinning just as my phone rang. Oh no, mom – I totally forgot about the eggs, “Oh god, I have to go… hi mom, yeah I’m on my way back.”
“WHAT’S TAKING YOU SO LONG?” she yelled into the phone as I winced and got up, waving at Aidan. He waved at me as I left the ice-cream shop.
“Sorry mom, I got side-tracked,” I said as I dashed to my car and sped home. She’s so going to fry me for this. I placed the eggs on the counter-top and put on a mutinous face so that she won’t yell at me. She glanced at me when I walked into the kitchen but never said anything as she took the eggs. She didn’t look angry as well. I shrugged my shoulders and headed to the living room, taking out Aidan’s business card from my back pocket. I looked at the gold embossed letters of his name – oh well, why should I throw it away? Who knows if I needed to sue somebody, I actually had a lawyer I can turn to.
I wonder what sort of lawyer is he – it isn’t written on the card though – he looks too nice to be a crime lawyer. Maybe he’s a marriage lawyer. It doesn’t matter; I’m not going to call him anyways. He’s a nice guy, but he probably only wanted someone to talk to about his oh so perfect girlfriend. I scoffed as I placed his card in my purse –Miss Perfect may even be hanging on to him for one reason, how should I know? I can’t even get a guy to fall in love with me. I had no business delving in other people’s personal life. I just hope she doesn’t break his heart. He seems like a really nice guy.
A/N:- Ryan probably didn't forget that kiss. He's just in denial.