I turned and fled.
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, pounding the stone floor of the castle.
My limbs burnt with the exertion and tears streamed down my face in a hot mess. I was choking on them as I gasped for air, running and running.
Once I reached the dorm room I slammed the door shut and fell onto my bed in a heap.
My mind was racing a million miles a minute as I sobbed into my pillow, coating it with warm tears. My body was racked with shudders as I drew in heavy breaths, trying to hold onto my own sanity as I gripped the sheets.
But my heart felt it most of all, aching with a type of pain I'd never felt before. I hadn't prepared for this, hadn't kept up a thin wall around it just incase.
I tried to calm myself, attempting to make sense of my scrambled thoughts.
I flicked between disbelief, shock and disappointment, but the pain remained most prominent, throbbing through my veins like icy fire.
Cedric had betrayed me on the highest level. Every moment we'd shared felt like a lie, tainted and ugly now.
I cried harder as I realised how my trust for him had shattered the moment he kissed Penelope, shattering into smithereens.
It was like my nightmare had come true, the fears and doubts I'd had about their friendship were real. I'd pushed them all down before, reassuring myself I was worrying unnecessarily.
I regretted that now, it had been stupid, reckless, blind.
I felt like a fool for every moment I'd spent loving him.
And that was the exact problem, I loved Cedric. I still love Cedric. That wasn't going to go away anytime soon and it made the pain even more intense.
The way they looked at one another flashed through my brain and I clammed my eyes shut, desperately trying to remove the image. But even when I managed to ignore them, his words replayed through my mind like a broken record.
I love you Penelope.
He loved her, which meant he had never really loved me.
You didn't cheat on someone you love.
You didn't lie to their face.
You didn't kiss other girls in the school courtyard.
And that was what hurt most of all, above everything else was the fact that it had all been a lie. Every second of our seemingly wonderful relationship was a facade.
I screamed into my pillow as I remembered the way he'd made love to me the first time, and every night since.
I'd trusted him so intimately and he'd taken those moments from me when he knew he was hiding the truth. It was wicked, pure evil, deception of the highest degree.
I don't know how long I laid there for, reliving the horror of the last few perfect months up until this day of hell.
I thought through every moment in my head, searching for signs I might have missed.
I thought and thought and thought, until my tears were used up and I had only the dry remnants on my cheeks.
I lifted my gaze from the spot on the wall I'd been staring at, glancing towards the window. The sun was setting outside, bringing the night out to play, and I sat up in my bed, dragging my weak limbs into action.
My head was groggy and I groaned slightly at the throbbing migraine beginning to form in my temple. I reached for my wand, uttering a small relief charm but it didn't seem to help much.
I glanced around the dark room, feeling a hollow ache in my chest.
What would happen now? I knew I had to break up with Cedric, confess what I'd seen, but something about facing him in our group afterwards felt impossible.
As quickly as the terrible reality set in, I realised what I had to do.
I lifted my wand, conjuring a backpack with an undetectable charm. I stepped off my bed, feeling slightly shaky as I threw my trunk open and began pulling clothing from it. My hands fumbled as I threw the items into the bag, not bothering to fold them.
Once I'd finished that, I ran around the room and pulled my school work into a pile, throwing it haphazardly into the backpack.
In five minutes I'd packed all of my essential items into the bags, everything that I would need to leave for a while.
I grabbed my coat from its hook and slipped my shoes on, surveying the room to check I had everything. My eyes landed on Cedric's note sitting on my bedside table, and I hesitated.
Something in my mind told me to bring it, so I grabbed it and slipped it into my pocket. It felt like a ball of fire sitting against me, and I tried to ignore the fresh wave of pain.
I quickly penned a note for the girls, explaining that I needed to go home for a little while, and stuck it to my bed post for them to find. I knew they'd be curious about what had made me decide to leave, especially as exams began next week, but I couldn't bring myself to reveal the truth yet. I barely understood it myself.
I took one last look around the room before exiting and heading down the multiple sets of staircases.
I knew running away wasn't the best solution, but I couldn't bare to be around Cedric after what he'd done. I needed time to think.
I concluded I would send him a letter, explaining that I had seen him and Penelope and that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I'd keep it simple, formal, detached, like it didn't even bother me, like I'd known all along, like the sight of them hadn't crushed my heart into dust.
I wasn't fond of breaking up that way but I figured I didn't owe him a proper face-to-face ending after what he'd done. I didn't owe him anything anymore.
I was almost free, I could see the doors leading out into the night air, the black swirl of darkness beyond it.
But fate is never that kind.
It smiles down at you, picks up the puppet strings, makes other plans.
And so, Cedric was entering right in front of me, cool and calm and collected.
I looked around, desperate for an escape.
Anything at all that meant I could avoid him.
But it was too late.
He smiled when he saw me, grinning like the handsome cheating bastard he was. His carefree expression made anger swell through my body.
"Hey babe, did you have a good day?" He spoke lightheartedly and I almost had the urge to slap him for his continued fakery.
Instead, I glared at him and stormed past, practically running towards the grassy bank beyond the courtyard.
I suddenly regretted not apparating as soon as I stepped out of the dorm, but I had wanted to get my thoughts together before I did it, keen to avoid a splinching incident.
I could feel his pressing presence behind me as he called out my name.
"Lila! What's wrong?" He reached me then, grabbing my arm, forcing me to turn to face him. "Did something happen?"
I couldn't stop the tears then. They began again, flowing like a river down my face.
"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? You must be more fucked up than I thought if you don't know." I was screaming at him and he stepped back in surprise from the force of it.
He opened his mouth to speak but closed it quickly again. I could see his eyes searching for the explanation behind my behaviour, it was the same expression he wore when he was trying to understand a muggle theory.
And it was obvious he had no idea I knew.
"How can you stand there and continue to lie to me?" My voice broke from the distress, cracking into a whisper. I cursed myself for appearing so weak to him.
He moved towards me, trying to hold me in his arms, trying to soothe me like he usually did, but I wriggled and beat his chest, forcing him to release me. His touch felt disgusting to me now, so different to how it did yesterday when it was the safest place in the world.
"Lila I do-"
"CEDRIC DON'T. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD WHEN I KNOW IT WONT BE THE TRUTH. HAVEN'T YOU HURT ME ENOUGH?" I stopped him mid-sentence, not being able to bare it. I knew deep down that nothing he said could fix it anyway. My voice echoed through the air, painfully loud, and I resisted wincing from its screeching decibel.
Cedric's face fell, and I watched as he stuttered, trying to come up with something to say. His brow furrowed in confusion and his features were twisted in pain.
The part of me that loved him wanted to reach out and soothe the hurt away, to say it didn't matter and he was forgiven. To let it go for the sake of what we'd shared over the last few months.
But the other part of me, the girl who was broken from his careless actions, she couldn't do it to herself. I refused to care for him anymore.
"Can you just t-"
I turned quickly, running from him and away from his lies. I didn't want to hear any of it, not a decibel.
I heard his pounding feet behind me but I pushed on until I saw the whomping willow come into sight.
"Lila! Wait!" Cedric yelled in desperation, attempting to regain control for the last time.
And I did stop, but not for his benefit.
I turned in the grass, facing up to him, my fist balled up tightly.
He looked so shocked and defeated, it crushed what was left of my heart, but I ignored the feeling.
"If it wasn't obvious, we are done here." My voice was surprisingly calm now, dangerously even, and I straightened my posture slightly, trying to appear less broken than I felt.
"I never want to talk to you again." I uttered my final blow, hoping that it would hurt him in some way. I didn't deserve to be the only one ruined by this.
He reached out his arms, guessing my next move, but I was too quick.
I pulled myself into the apparition hoop before they could reach me, but I felt the warmth of his fingertips graze my skin as I began to twist into smoke. They burned like hot coals, stinging through to my bone.
I evaporated away with a harsh snap, leaving Hogwarts, Cedric and all the lies behind me.
And then I landed in my destination.
It was dark, cold.
I was alone.