Piper hadn't known that so many emotions could exist equally in one person at the same time in such extremes. She had an overwhelming feeling of relief and joy knowing that Harry was safe and wasn't dead somewhere halfway across the world. The panic that had been swirling around in her mind was quashed at just the sight of him. Battling with that relief was furious rage that he'd been here this whole time without telling her, letting her worry agonizingly about where he was. Below that, existing at a base level and filling every space of her was a deep hurt.
Harry had broken the one promise he'd always sworn to keep. He'd told her that he'd always contact her to let her know he was home safe, no matter what their situation was. When the promise had been put to the test, he let it be broken.
The slap had been instinct. There was just so much building inside her that needed a release and despite beating the shit out of a heavy bag for most of the afternoon, she found herself using a physical outlet for her emotional pain.
And it had felt good. Sure, her hand stung like hell but she'd taken some sort of perverse delight in the sound of it on Harry's skin, at the redness that cropped up on his pale cheek, at the way his head jerked sideways. She hoped it hurt. She hoped it hurt him the way he'd hurt her.
She hadn't been intending to hit him again but after that first slap, the satisfying release of frustration and anxiety and gut-wrenching worry, her hands took on a mind of their own and she was slapping them against the bare flesh of his chest, his arms, anywhere she could reach. She wanted him to stop her, to yell at her, to do something, but he just sat there and took it. Like he thought he deserved it. Like he knew he had done something wrong.
"How could you?!" she screamed in his face. He flinched ever so slightly but kept his lips pressed shut, refusing to speak. "You know what it does to me! You know what a wreck I am when you're away!"
Harry remained eerily silent, watching her with wide eyes. The pale green made her heart ache and she hated that so she gave him a hard shove. She felt Niall's hand on her shoulder. "Pips, stop."
"You idiot!" she screamed at Harry. Piper ignored Niall's admonishment and landed a particularly hard, closed-fist blow to Harry's chest that actually made him wheeze a bit. "Did you do this to get back at me? Thought you'd teach me a lesson? Are you honestly that cruel, Harry?"
"Piper, that's enough," Niall barked at her, attempting to push her away from Harry. She dodged him and landed another blow on Harry's chest. Except this time, it was a little too close to the big bruise forming around his severely dislocated shoulder and Harry actually yelped, shying away from her. The blood rushed from her face and her arms dropped to her side uselessly.
"I —"
She didn't get a chance to finish her thought because Niall had bent and caught her in the stomach, lifting her up onto his shoulder. She immediately began to struggle, kicking and waving her arms, but he was relentless. He walked over the threshold of the doorway and dumped her onto her feet on the other side of the glass walls of his surgery. Before she could collect herself, he'd stepped back in and shut the door behind him, sliding the lock in place with a click.
"Hey!" Piper yelled as she began beating on the glass wall with her fist. "I wasn't done."
"Yes, you were," Niall snapped back, giving her a dirty look over his shoulder as he crossed back over to where Harry was sitting on the exam table, cradling his injured arm by the elbow.
Piper did feel bad for that last hit. If dislocations were anything like being shot, then they fucking hurt. She knew how bad it was to have a healing injury re-wounded. Being hit by her must have caused Harry a substantial amount of pain if he'd let it show externally. She never wanted to cause Harry pain.
She was still mad though and she wasn't ready to let this argument go without a fight. Harry had broken the one promise he swore he would always keep, no matter what situation they found themselves in. She was not ready to forgive him for that.
"This isn't done," Piper said as she plopped down on the floor in front of the door, crossing her legs beneath her and getting comfortable. "I'm not leaving."
"I don't really care what you do," Niall snapped at her as he bent over Harry's leg, stretched out on the exam table, and resumed the stitches across the jagged wound in his thigh. "Just keep your mouth shut so I can concentrate."
"Niall Horan," Piper gasped, frowning at the blond. "How rude."
"Do you really want to talk about rude?" He gave her a pointed look over his shoulder before focusing on his work, using expert technique to stitch shut the wound. "You're the one who was hitting Harry when he's already been through the fucking wringer trying to get home. When's the last time you sat on a five hour commercial flight with a dislocated shoulder and bleeding from your thigh because some fucking lug of a mercenary decided to —"
"I deserved it." Harry's voice was small and quiet, the words hoarse as if it took effort to get them out. He had his eyes trained on the table between his open legs and his hair fell in his face. Niall looked up confused, glancing between Harry and back at Piper for a moment. Piper suspected that he only had the bare minimum in the way of details on their fight.
Piper sucked in a breath, hoping it would calm her down but nope, it only made her more jumpy and agitated. She pushed up onto her knees and planted her hands on the glass door, leaning in close. "I am so mad at you," she said low and clear, staring at Harry. He stared back and the sadness in his eyes was hard to handle. It matched the pain she was feeling deep in her heart and balanced it out and she found she had little sympathy for Harry's sadness right now. Unfortunately, it also meant that she started tearing up.
"This isn't the time, Piper," Niall said to her as he cut the last of the stitches in Harry's thigh, straightening up. He didn't look angry when he glanced back but he did look quite serious. He was trying to diffuse the situation.
"It is the time," she insisted, looking between the two of them. "It is the time because I've been through hell, absolute fucking hell waiting for Harry's call. Do you realize how agonizing it was hovering over the phone, watching a blank screen and praying that it would light up?" She directed this to Harry whose shoulders sunk with shame. "You promised you would always call. Even if we weren't together, or if we were fighting. You promised!"
A sob bubbled out of her before she could stop it and she clasped one hand over her mouth, sitting back on her heels. Her hand slid down the glass wall, thumping onto the top of her thigh. Gasping for breath, she hunched over with her eyes closed, trying to reign in what was trying to burst out.
She heard muffled sounds of a struggle and glanced up to see Niall forcibly keeping Harry down on the table as he tried to push up onto his feet. "Piper, please," Harry pleaded, his voice pained. He was too weak to fight Niall off and landed hard on the table with a hiss. "Please don't cry."
"Why did you do it?" she asked. She reached up to wipe away the tears before they could track down her cheeks, sniffling hard.
"I thought after everything I said that you'd want nothing to do with me," he admitted timidly, grimacing apologetically. "I — god, I was so fucking stupid. I didn't think you would care what happened to me."
"That wasn't our deal Harry." Piper's hand wrapped over her throat, embarrassed by the way her voice shook. "We agreed, no matter what happened or where we ended up, you'd always tell me you were safe. That didn't change because we got mad at each other. No amount of fighting will ever stop me from caring about you."
Harry's eyes flickered up and there was a tiny glimmer of hope in amid the pale green. "You... you still care about me?"
Piper shook her head incredulously. "Of course I care about you. I am so mad at you right now but that doesn't mean I don't care. I missed you, stupid!"
She could feel an overwhelming pressure in her chest that felt like more tears on the way so she crunched over, hanging her head. When the lock clicked on the door, she looked up surprised to find Niall hovering over her in the open doorway.
"You're both so bloody stubborn," he muttered as he crouched down, holding his hand out. "Come on," he prompted when she stared at it confused. "Come back inside." He tugged on her wrist until she shuffled about and when she was on her feet, he towed her into the room and led her over to a chair in the corner.
"Okay," Niall said as he walked to stand between the two of them, clasping his hands together as he looked at each of them. "This is how this is going to go. You two have a lot of shit to work out so you're going to do it now because I am sick and tired of watching both of you self-destruct instead of having a proper conversation. Neither of you will move from your spot. Both of you will listen to the other person. Am I understood?"
Niall would have made a great drill sergeant. "Not sure we need you interfering in our private lives," Piper grumbled in his direction.
"This stopped being a private matter when you two let it affect your work. You need to talk to each other and I'm going to make sure you do it. Think of me as your mediator." He waited for another objection and when none was forthcoming, he smiled sardonically. "Good. Go on then."
Piper watched as he sauntered back to the table, circling around it so he was behind Harry's shoulder, and then let her eyes drift over to Harry. He'd been watching her the entire time, his gaze steady. She felt her face heat up at the contact but she didn't look away and neither did he. Both of them felt the inevitable electrical charge in the air that always flared up when they were together. The air practically crackled with the energy of all that had gone unsaid and everything that was slowly finding a release.
"I didn't call," Harry said finally, clearing his throat, "because I thought you hated me." He let his shoulders fall forward as he sighed. "What I did, what I said —" he hissed when Niall slipped the heating pad off his injured shoulder, glancing back with a frown. Niall shrugged casually as he began to feel around Harry's injury. Through gritted teeth, Harry added, "I made a mistake."
"A mistake?"
"A lot of mistakes," he corrected with a grimace. "I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. I don't even know what I was thinking. I just... I just lost it. I was so unbelievably angry and I felt like you weren't hearing me, that nothing I said meant anything to you."
He hung his head shamefully, tightening his fingers around the edge of the exam table until they turned white with the pressure. Piper felt bad that he was so distressed but it didn't change what happened or how she felt. "That's no excuse for what you did — leaving me there in the middle of nowhere and then flying off to Minsk and not telling me when you got back. It felt like you were abandoning me."
"I can't believe I left you there." Harry shook his head and then looked up, and the sorrow in his expression was heartbreaking. "I'd just yelled at you for making bad decisions about your safety," Harry scoffed a self-deprecating laugh, "and then I abandoned you there. I kept thinking about it, afterwards. Even driving away, I wanted to turn around and go back because I knew how stupid it was. But I didn't. I just kept driving."
"Why?" Piper looked back at him, chewing on her lip nervously as she met his eyes.
He shook his head, pursing his lips unhappily. "I don't know. I was just so frustrated and I felt... I felt out of control. I was afraid of what I might do if I went back and we started fighting again. I was afraid I was going to hurt you."
Piper frowned, already shaking her head because that was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "You'd never hurt me," she told him firmly and with absolute confidence. "Not physically."
"No, just emotionally and psychologically apparently because I'm a fucking idiot." Harry's nostrils flared as he sucked in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly through the thin space between his lips. "You should hate me Piper. After everything that happened and everything I did."
There was a moment when it went completely silent in the room and the tension hung heavy over the three of them. Niall kept looking up from where he was manipulating Harry's dislocated shoulder carefully to give Piper lingering looks, imploring her to say something. Finally he got fed up and just cleared his throat very pointedly.
"I want to hate you for what you did," Piper croaked, her voice failing her. She glanced away because the brief flash of pain on Harry's face was unbearable to look at. "It makes me so frustrated because I can't. I can't hate you. You're too important to me." Piper's gaze dropped down to her hands in her lap. "Even when I'm so mad I want to kill you," she murmured to the ground, "I miss you. I don't — I don't know what to do."
She felt like she was being pulled in a million directions by all these emotions. She wanted to be mad but she was relieved and she wanted to be hurt but she was also worried. As usual, her head was a mess and she wasn't quite sure how to sort it out, not this time.
"Sorry isn't going to fix this, is it?"
Piper lifted her head slowly. Harry was watching her, waiting desperately for an answer. Niall, over his shoulder, was being extremely careful not to look in her direction. "No, not on it's own," she admitted. "But it's a start."
Harry let out a quick breath, like he'd been desperately holding onto it. "I'm sorry, Piper. I'm so sorry. You have to know that."
"I do," she told him because it was true. There was no question in her heart that Harry was sorry for what he had done. "But we have to have a serious talk Harry. I'm still really mad at you."
"I understand." He nodded solemnly. "I should have called when I got back. I shouldn't have left you there. I —" He yelped, the words trailing off as he craned his head around to look at Niall who was slowly lifting his arm. Niall looked up innocently, glancing between the two of them.
"What?"
"That hurts," Harry gritted out as Niall held his arm at a right angle with his body. Harry's jaw was clenched tight enough that it looked painful.
"It's meant to hurt," Niall muttered as he prodded Harry's shoulder at the new angle. Harry crunched his face up in pain as Niall went about his work. Piper knew that whatever apology had been forthcoming had been forgotten so she jumped in instead.
"You should have called and you shouldn't have left me there," she told Harry sternly. His eyes flickered open and focused in on her, his jaw tight. "But it's not just that. What you said to me at the Thames — that wasn't okay. You knew what you said would hurt me and you said it anyways to prove a point." Harry hung his head shamefully, grimacing down at the floor. "We have to be equals in this relationship, Harry. That means that you aren't in charge of me and what I do. I'm in charge of myself. If you have a concern, you can't just micromanage me and try to control my life. You need to talk to me — and in a rational calm way, not blowing up at me and being a huge dick."
Harry was nodding before she'd finished her thought and he smiled sardonically at the last bit. "You're right," he agreed. "You're absolutely right. I've been the one acting childishly, treating you like a possession instead of a person."
It felt better than she thought it would to hear him come out and say it, that he'd been wrong and he had been acting like she was something he could control. What he'd said though — he'd been the one acting childishly — stirred up another big issue of hers.
"And another thing," she added firmly, her voice becoming more powerful with each word. Harry looked surprised by the sudden ferocity of her words, his brow crunching together as he watched her warily. "I never, ever want to hear you call me a child again. That was so far out of line, I can't even begin to tell you. If you're not happy with a choice I make, by all means, tell me. But don't assume that you're right and that I'm naive. If you ever try to get away with calling me a child again," she told him quite seriously, "we're through. That's my limit Harry."
"Okay," he said immediately and with conviction. "I understand now that I crossed a line, a very big line. I am really truly sorry and I'll never do it again, I promise. Never. It was completely —"
There was a loud pop and Harry's words dissolved into a strangled yelp. He immediately snapped his lips shut, whimpering against them as his whole body sagged down. Piper was on her feet almost immediately, trying to figure out what had happened. Her eyes drifted to Harry's shoulder which was back in place, no longer dislocated. Niall had popped it back in.
"Was that necessary, Niall?" Piper snapped at him, crossing her arms over her middle. She felt uncomfortable standing and cursed her brain for the knee jerk reaction, but she would have felt even weirder sitting back down so she hovered on her feet, glaring at Niall.
"It's always easier when it's a surprise. Hurts less, gets rid of the anticipation."
"Yeah, it was fucking excellent," Harry hissed, narrowing his eyes at his best mate over his shoulder. "Thanks so much."
"Just saving you from embarrassing yourself," Niall muttered under his breath as he circled around the table. "That apology was about to get melodramatic."
"Fuck off," Harry snapped at him, kicking out with his uninjured leg. Niall danced around it, just barely missing being hit, and headed for the cupboard of supplies on the back wall. Harry shuffled on the exam table, wincing and reaching up to cradle the elbow of his injured arm, and then looked back to where Piper was standing.
He cleared his throat, swallowing hard. "You do know how sorry I am, don't you?" he asked, his voice surprisingly timid after how vicious he'd been to Niall.
Piper sighed, nodding. "Yeah, I do."
"I never wanted to hurt you," he told her. "I hate seeing you hurt."
"I know."
It felt like there was a weight lifted from her shoulders. Crazy as it was, some small part of her was harbouring the worry that Harry wasn't sorry at all for what he had done. In the back of her mind she'd been wondering whether she'd misjudged him and that this was a big personality flaw that they couldn't get past. But, of course not. She liked to think that she was smarter than being attracted to someone who didn't respect her as an individual. Plus, she didn't think she'd care so damn much if she didn't already hold him to such high esteem in her mind. Finally, after hearing his apology, things were beginning to make sense again.
"Alright," Niall said, clearing his throat and forcing the two of them to tear their eyes away from each other to look over at him, "we've heard Pips' side. Now, how about you tell Piper how you feel, Harry."
"I said all I needed to say at the Thames," Harry grumbled, his cheeks flushing a light pink. He grimaced apologetically in Piper's direction. "More than I needed to say, really."
"Harry," Niall said sternly as he stopped at Harry's side, giving him a look Piper couldn't see since he was facing away.
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. Chewing on his lip, he looked back over at Piper and took a deep breath. "Fine, okay." He flicked his eyes up to Niall, narrowing them. "Just back off, would you?"
"Don't mind me," Niall said lightly as he unwrapped the sling he'd brought along with him and went about setting up Harry's arm to be wrapped. "I'm just doing my work, not bothering anyone."
Harry let out a heavy sigh that turned into a huff of breath as Niall moved his sore arm around to fit the sling onto it. He let his eyes drop to the table below as he chewed on his lip, doing his absolute best to not let the pain show on his face. After all, Harry was calm and collected. He didn't show weakness if he could help it.
"Piper, could you —" He paused, sucking in a deep breath that he held onto for the entirety of the time it took for Niall to slide the fabric of the sling up over his elbow. "Would you come a little closer. Please?"
He was struggling. She could tell from where she was standing about ten feet away that every muscle in his body was tensed tightly and he was barely allowing himself to breath. On top of hashing out their fight all over again, Niall was practically torturing the poor guy trying to get his shoulder in place. Piper figured she could begrudge him the small task of stepping closer so she walked forward until she was about three steps in front of him. That was as far as she could bring herself to go but it seemed to be enough because Harry's grip on the edge of the table loosened and he let out the breath he'd been holding.
"At the Thames," Harry began, his voice surprisingly rough, "when you said it was my fault that all of these awful things have been happening to you — that really hurt Piper. I've never wanted you to get hurt, not once." He'd been staring down at the ground but now he lifted his eyes up, right past her and to the light on the ceiling, staring at it a moment as he blinked rapidly. When his eyes finally settled on her, there was so much emotion behind them that Piper actually found herself leaning in toward him. "All I've ever wanted to do was protect you and to hear you put the blame on me was the worst feeling in the world."
She felt like she'd been punched in the gut and all the air had been forced out of her body. Pressing a hand to her stomach, she turned her gaze away as her eyes flooded with tears. The sheer agony in Harry's voice was more than she could bear and it was taking everything in her not to turn and run.
She'd been so busy being mad at him that she didn't stop to think of all the things that had slipped out of her mouth uninhibited by the river bank. When Harry had called her a child, she'd felt like she'd never be able to forgive him again which was entirely hypocritical seeing as she'd done the exact same thing, saying something completely unforgivable to him. The guilt brewing within her was all consuming and she suddenly felt the urge to throw up. She wrapped her palm over her mouth for a moment, letting her eyes drift shut as she willed herself not to lose her stomach.
"Piper —" Harry breathed out, his voice barely a whisper.
"I'm sorry," she choked out, looking down at the floor. "I can't... I can't believe I said that."
"You were angry —"
"Don't try to excuse it Harry," Piper snapped, putting her hands on her hips and squeezing into them tightly, her fingertips digging into her tender skin. "Don't defend me. I've been so mad at you this whole fucking time and I'm worse. I — shit."
Piper spun around because she couldn't look at him. She was so ashamed of herself and seeing the hurt on his face that reflected every bit of hurt she'd felt was more than she could handle. She'd underestimated both of their viciousness — they'd both landed fatal blows.
"Harry —" her voice cracked, squeaking up an octave, and she lifted her hand to her throat and pressed as if that would help. When she finally bucked up the courage to turn around, Harry had forced the pain from his face and was watching with sympathetic eyes. "I didn't mean it," she told him more firmly. "I didn't mean any of that stuff I said at the Thames about this being your fault."
"Yes you did," Harry said with a sad smile that made her heart hurt even worse. It was resigned, as if Harry had accepted that what she said was true when it wasn't — not even close.
"Maybe a couple things I said, the stuff about you trying to control me." She took a cautious step forward and then another until she was standing close enough that his knees pressed to her thighs. It took her a moment to look up from where she'd been staring at her shoes but she was glad she did because Harry was watching her earnestly and the empathy in his eyes gave her the strength to finish. "I never meant it when I said that you're the reason for the bad stuff that's happened. That was a lie. The day I picked up that phone call will always be one of the best days of my life because, sure, a lot of shit has happened since but none of it outweighs how happy you make me and how much I love my life now."
She was surprised by the touch of Harry's fingers on the skin of her side above the waistband of her sweatpants, so much so that her hand slapped down on top of them immediately, holding them in place. It had felt like ages since Harry had touched her at all and it felt so good. She'd missed his gentle touch so desperately.
"Do you mean that, Piper?" he asked softly, squinting up at her face.
Piper nodded her head emphatically and then let it drop, her eyes dropping down to the bandaged wound on Harry's leg, a distracting patch of white that helped clear her thoughts. She remembered the first white bandage she'd ever seen on him, the square that had covered the bullet wound in his shoulder on the night of their first date. That felt like so long ago even though it was only two months. So much had happened since then.
"I really am sorry about what I said," she told him. "And for what I did, going up to eavesdrop on Clive. I think a part of me knew it was a bad idea but I got it into my head that I was ready to be doing agent work on my own. When you sent that text telling me what to do, I was still bitter about you trying to control me so I acted out and it was incredibly stupid because it could have cost me my life. I shouldn't have done it. I should have listened to you."
"I only ever have your best interests at heart," Harry said.
"I know that. I know." She shook her head, smiling a self-deprecating smirk. "I'm just really bloody headstrong and I don't like being told that I'm wrong or I can't do something. But it's time that I started growing up and realizing that I can't know everything and that I'm not invincible. Liam told me that agents usually have to wait a year or two before they go on missions on their own."
When Piper glanced up for confirmation, Harry nodded. "That's right."
"So I was really out of my depth."
There was a snort of laughter and it didn't come from Harry. Piper cut her gaze over to Niall who had stepped back, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. When he realized he'd made the sound aloud, he straightened up a bit. "Sorry. Continue."
Piper narrowed her eyes at him and was about to give him a piece of her mind but Harry's fingers slipped from under her hand and grazed her cheek instead, the touch feather light and sending sparking tingles over her skin. Her eyes shot to him immediately and she was relieved to see a little smile on his face.
"We both made mistakes, Piper, and I'll admit that I may have overreacted." He grinned when Piper's lips pressed together hard to keep an enthusiastic agreement from slipping out. "I was just bombarded with learning that you went behind my back and put yourself in danger with Clive, and then that Samson had been harassing you the whole time and you hadn't told me. I'll admit that I lost my mind a bit."
"Yeah," she agreed quietly, quirking her lips sideways as her eyes flickered down.
"I just get so scared for you Piper. I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt and that's why I get so overprotective. I just want to keep you safe and sometimes I feel so helpless. I've lost enough people in my life and I wear the reminders each and every day. I can't bear the thought of adding you to that list."
Piper's heart flared at the sentiment, at the idea that Harry was desperate to keep her safe, but her mind caught on something else. I wear the reminders every day. It wasn't until she saw Harry fingering the ship tattoo on his injured arm that it started to add up.
She'd always wondered why he had so many tattoos because it had seemed contrary to what MI6 dictated for agents. Markings like tattoos were dangerous for agents that worked in the field because they could be used to identify them. Someone like Harry who was constantly in risky situations shouldn't have a single distinguishing feature so she'd tried to reason with herself why he'd covered his body with tattoos.
It all made sense now. Each tattoo represented someone he'd lost and that he wanted to memorialize on his body so he would never forget. As her eyes flitted over his chest and his arm, down to his thigh and then his feet, she quickly lost count and her heart broke. He'd lost so many people.
She was beginning to see why he wanted to keep her as close to him as possible.
"I'm sorry, Harry," she said and this time, it was with absolutely sincerity. Harry smiled a little, shaking his head.
"I just want to keep you safe but sometimes it feels like an impossible task."
"Sometimes, Harry, you have to trust me to keep myself safe." She hated to think that he thought the burden was his alone.
"I do try," he told her. "It's just —" He cut himself off before he could finish but Piper knew what he was going to say. She made it hard for him to trust her with her own safety by making impulsive decisions.
"I'm learning, okay? I've been a little naive but I promise, I'm trying to be better."
Harry smiled the first true, genuine smile of the night and Piper found her lips tugging up too, reciprocating the action. She felt an incredible lightness fill her at just the sight of it. "That's all I can ask for," Harry said and Piper knew the fight was over once and for all.
"Can I say something?" Both Harry and Piper glanced over at Niall who had pushed off of the wall. He walked toward them, waving his hand between the two of them. "This, what you two just did, this talking to each other in a completely open way — you two need to do this more. You can't just be the person you think the other wants you to be. You'll fall apart if you do that."
Piper glanced back at Harry at the same time he shifted his gaze to her. Neither of them had realized that was what they had been doing but Niall was right.
"Piper," he went on as he stopped beside them, "you always tell me that I have to be myself, wholly and completely, with Marlow because if she doesn't like me for all of me, then she doesn't deserve me. Well, guess what Pips — you've got to start taking your own fucking advice." Piper pressed her lips shut but found herself nodding in agreement. "You two deserve each other. You just have to realize that for yourselves."
Piper couldn't help the little grin that slipped onto her face, quirking her cheek sideways. When she looked over and saw those glorious dimples on Harry's cheeks, she let out a breathy laugh that was so full of relief that it was practically palpable. "I'm not sure you want to see every part of me, to be honest," she joked.
Harry was still smiling but his words were quite serious. "Piper, you never have to hide anything from me, okay? There isn't a thing that I don't like about you, except when you lie to me. If I feel like you're keeping secrets, it worries me more because I don't know what's going on. I don't want to control your life but I do want to know what's happening in it. Can you do that for me?"
"Yeah," Piper agreed immediately, swallowing around the nervous lump in her throat, "but in return, I want you to talk to me too. Don't shut me out and make me feel like I'm not a part of decisions. If you don't like something, you need to tell me like a rational adult, not go all silent and broody on me."
Harry grinned, chuckling quietly. "Deal."
"You should shake hands or something," Niall piped up from where he'd been supervising off to the side, tapping his chin like some sort of bloody psychologist. "Make it a proper agreement."
Piper was grasping for Harry's good hand before he'd even thought to move and she took it in both of her own. She grasped it like a lifeline and felt Harry squeeze back against the hand slotted against his palm. She looked up earnestly, swallowing hard and letting out a puff of air in a quick breath.
"I don't want this to ruin us," she said, meeting his eyes and latching on.
"Neither do I," Harry agreed.
"So let's not let it then. Let's make this a stepping stone, not a cliff's edge."
The fond smile on Harry's face did something inside of her that cracked away at every icy feeling she'd had over the last two weeks. She'd missed it. She'd missed him so damn much.
"And how do we do that?" he asked.
"Let's move on with a new perspective and leave the past in the past."
"You're sure?" Harry asked warily as if that was even a question worth asking. "I'd understand if you didn't want to forgive me just yet."
Piper smiled as she shook her head, clutching his hand tighter. "If I don't forgive you then I can't expect you to forgive me either. We both made mistakes and we're both going to make sure that we never do it again."
They both moved in tandem, seeming to have the same exact thought. Harry used his hand to tug her forward as she was taking the first step and in the space of a breath they were pressed together, Piper clutching Harry around the waist with both arms and molding herself against his chest. His injured arm was tucked safely between them and he put the other around her back, his hand curving over her shoulder and pulling her close.
She felt his lips ghosting over her temple and finally landing down on her forehead before dotting down onto the top of her head as well. "I'm sorry, petal."
The laugh that bubbled out of her seemed to surprise him, judging by the way he tried to pull away, but she held on to him tighter, tucking her face into the side of his neck. She let her lips press down onto his warm skin, smiling against his throat. "I've missed that."
"Hmm, what?" Harry angled his head a bit until his chin was resting against her temple. "Petal?"
"Yeah," she breathed out, "I really did miss that."
"I missed you."
She untangled herself from him a bit so she could beam up at him. She felt her limbs getting loose at the sight of his toothy grin and those gorgeous damn dimples in both his cheeks.
Fuck, she'd missed him so much.
"I hate to interrupt this beautiful moment," Niall declared, clapping each of them on the shoulders (of course, hitting Harry's injured shoulder and making his face go deathly white as he yelped), "but you really should get some rest mate." He looked to Harry with a doctor-ish sort of stern look. "You've got a lot of recuperating to do."
Piper took a step back to allow Niall room to do his final checks, testing the sling holding Harry's sore shoulder and double checking the bandaging on his thigh wound. He muttered something about pain medication and then shuffled off to one of his cupboards full of supplies.
Whatever he was getting, Harry wasn't waiting for it, already sliding off the edge of the exam table to land on his uninjured leg. He winced at the stretch in his thigh but seemed to shake it off, using his hand resting on the table to straighten himself up.
Piper looked over in Niall's direction when she heard a strangled yelp and couldn't help her laugh when she saw him struggling to pull a crutch out of his cupboard, swearing when it got stuck. "Crutches, Harry!" he snapped at his best mate, yanking hard until the metal crutch released from the clutches of the cupboard, sending Niall stumbling backward.
"Fuck crutches," Harry muttered through gritted teeth. "C'mere, petal, give me a hand."
She didn't hesitate a second before slotting her body under his good arm to help hold him up. His hand curled around her shoulder and he squeezed appreciatively. When Piper turned her head up to smile supportively, she was surprised by his lips smacking down beside her nose instead of where they'd been intending to land on her cheek. She dissolved into a fit of giggles and lost her footing, nearly sending both her and Harry toppling to the floor.
"Not sure I trust you to make it all the way upstairs without sending him right back down here," Niall said sternly, hands on his hips.
Piper glanced over her shoulder momentarily. She flipped him off and then wrapped that hand over Harry's abdomen to support him. "Come on, love," she said sweetly, smiling up at him, "let's get you to bed."
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
It was certainly a struggle getting Harry all the way up two flights of stairs when he was unsteady on one leg but they managed. It consisted of a lot of long pauses so Harry could catch his breath and at some points, Piper took on the majority of his weight when his leg gave out beneath him but eventually Harry was hobbling over the threshold into his room. He only took the time to shove his blankets down to the bottom of the bed before sprawling onto his back with a heavy sigh.
"I'm going to find you some pain medication. Niall said you'd have something up here?"
"Bathroom," Harry agreed as he shifted a bit, wincing at the pain in pretty much every part of his body. He propped himself up on the headboard, two pillows beneath his back, and then stretched out his legs gingerly.
Seeing how much discomfort he was actually in, Piper didn't waste a moment and headed for the large en suite bathroom of Harry's room. She ended up in front of the large double sink vanity, opening up all the little drawers along the top. Sure enough, there was one that was lined with pill bottles for any number of ailments, ranging from common place paracetamol to ambien and oxycontin and demerol. It took her a moment of reading labels to try and figure out what each of them was for but in the end she just grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen tablets and hoped that would do.
As she pushed the drawer shut, she looked up and managed to catch her reflection staring back at her. There was makeup smudged around her eyes from crying and the rest of her face was pale. She looked so tired and drained of energy. This whole ordeal had taken its toll on her.
For a moment, she wished it had never happened and that everything had just been rainbows and unicorns for the last two weeks or so. She wished Harry had never been upset and neither had she, that they could have spent those two weeks with each other, cuddling and kissing like always.
Another part of her was pushing that thought aside. The more she looked back on everything that had been said and done both last week and just now while they'd been working through it, the more she realized that it was something that had needed to happen. Her and Harry had been floating around in this blissful ignorance, ignoring the issues in their relationship in favour of holding onto the nice things. All these issues that had burst out of them when given the room to breathe were the things they'd been too afraid to admit to before. Now everything was out in the open and the slate was cleaned. They had a chance for a fresh start.
Despite the agony of the last couple of weeks, the hurt and hopelessness and heartbreak, it was an important kind of pain, the kind that brought with it a new, more powerful perspective.
The thought was overwhelming and Piper found herself leaning against the counter, one hand curling tightly around the edge and the other squeezing the bottle of pills that rattled with each subtle shake of her hand. She let her head sink down as she focused on breathing slowly, in through her nose and out threw her mouth.
"You alright, petal?"
Harry's voice startled her and she immediately straightened, pushing off the counter. "Fine," she called back loudly to mask whatever shakiness managed to seep into her voice. She reached over to turn the tap on, running the water ice cold. "Just taking my makeup off before I forget."
She took a moment to splash her face with the cold water, letting it refresh her skin and wake her up. When she wiped her face, she managed to smudge black mascara onto Harry's towel. With the makeup gone from her face, her skin was blotchy and red but at least it made her look more alive. She practiced her smile a couple times in the mirror and then finally emerged from the bathroom.
Harry was grinning in her direction when she stepped back into the room and instantly she felt a little wave of relief wash over her. She walked over so she could hand the pill bottle to him but when she realized that he was one handed, she struggled with the child-lock herself. It fought back, resisting every attempt of hers to open it. "Don't say a word," she hissed in Harry's direction as she pressed down on the lid hard with her palm and attempted to twist at the same time.
"I wasn't going to say anything." His smirk said otherwise.
She finally managed it and shook three of the pills into his waiting palm. "Let me get you some water —" He'd already swallowed them dry before she had a chance to finish her thought.
"Would you sit for a minute, petal?" Harry asked, his head tilting sideways slowly. She could tell by his slow movements that the events of the day were catching up on him and he wasn't going to be awake much longer. "I haven't seen you in weeks. I want to make up for lost time."
Sometimes he was so clueless and sometimes he was so in tune with her it was astounding. "Yeah," she told him breathlessly, the words snatching the air from her lungs, "let me just steal a shirt."
"I don't mind the view."
"Cheeky," Piper scolded half-heartedly as she rose to her feet and stumbled toward Harry's walk-in closet.
She'd never been in it before but it didn't surprise her in the least — everything had a proper place and all the clothes were sorted into casual and dress on opposing sides of the closet. She plucked a flannel shirt from one of the hangers and slipped it up her arms and over her shoulders. She let her eyes wander as she buttoned the shirt with lethargic fingers. They stopped when she caught sight of the collection of pocket squares sitting on a shelf next to his suits. She took a step closer and reached out to finger the fabric of the one that had caught her eye, the pad of her thumb brushing over the three embroidered letters.
"Harry."
"What is it, petal?" he called from within his room.
"What's your middle name?"
It had been on her mind ever since Marlow had mentioned it the day before. It had never seemed strange to her that she didn't know it until the other woman had pointed it out and, on top of that, had known Niall's middle name despite not having kissed him yet. If someone had asked Piper, she would have said that Harry was one of the people who knew her better than anyone and she felt like she couldn't say the same.
"Edward," Harry replied, his voice sounding a little wary. "Why so curious all of a sudden?"
Piper read over those three embroidered letters — H.E.S. — and wondered for a moment why she'd never even asked him what his middle name was. "We don't really know anything about each other," she said as she stepped back away from the shelf.
"What?" Harry's voice sounded surprised by her comment and his eyebrows were halfway up his forehead when she finally stepped out from the closet, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt. "Of course we know each other, Piper."
"Not really," she mumbled, crossing her arms uncomfortably over the shirt that was only halfway buttoned and hung off her frame. "Or at least, I don't know that much about you."
Harry frowned, holding out his good arm and wiggling his fingers. "Come here, petal." She took short steps forward until she was in range to take his hand. He held it long past when she'd sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing his thumb gently over the top of her hand. "Where is this coming from?"
"I didn't know you had a middle name," Piper told him with a sigh, glancing up warily. He was watching her with his brow scrunched together, utterly and adorably confused. "I don't know your mum's name, or your favourite colour, or your favourite food. I don't know what your hobbies are or your favourite football team or your pet peeves."
"Even so, what is that stuff really worth Piper. You know me." She was shocked, not only by the conviction behind the words but also by the fact that it was the exact same thing she'd said to Marlow the day before. Piper had told her that she knew the important things about Harry. He seemed to agree. "You know who I am," he added in a soft voice as he kept his gaze steady on her, "my personality, my faults and my quirks. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone I've been in a relationship with before. What does it matter what my favourite colour is?"
"It's just — you know my favourite colour."
Piper paused to prompt him and Harry pressed his lips together for a moment before begrudgingly saying, "purple."
"And my mum's name."
"Sydney."
"And my middle name."
This pulled a smile out of Harry and he cheekily said, "Clementine."
Piper rolled her eyes, internally cursing the day her mother had decided that was an acceptable name to give to a child with red hair. She let the hand that Harry wasn't holding onto drop down onto his leg just below the bandage, curving gently over the slope of his thigh. Her eyes followed and focused in on that white square once more. "I don't know if it's because I never asked or you never offered... I feel like we're on different footings here. I just want — I just want some reciprocation."
It was quiet for a minute and Piper filled the awkward silence by tracing her fingers in nonsense shapes on the top of Harry's thigh, little hearts and flowers and birds.
"Anne."
"Hmm?" Piper glanced up curiously, her fingers stilling.
Harry wore that fond smile that she'd become so used to and a warm feeling spread right through her from her head to her toes scrunched in the carpet. "That's my mum's name," Harry clarified. "My sister's name is Gemma — I call her Gem most of the time — and her husband is Chris. My nephews are Max and Freddie."
Piper wasn't sure when she'd started smiling but it was hard enough to make her cheeks hurt and she delighted in the grin mirrored back to her on Harry's face, his dimples poking into his cheeks. He took his hand from hers and fingered the dimple on his cheek when he noticed her staring. "My sister has these too, and my nephews. We get them from our mum."
"Okay." Piper giggled as she nodded her head. She couldn't get over how much Harry had brightened up just talking about his family. He was usually so closed off about them.
This was progress.
"My favourite colour is red," he told her, his eyes flickering up to her hair for just a second but long enough for Piper to catch it, "and my favourite football team is Manchester United. I love bananas." She knew that one already. Watching him eat a banana was practically sinful. "I don't really have hobbies — I guess running. I like running. Or maybe, um, reading nonfiction. I know your fiction loving self probably cringes at the thought."
"Harry," Piper interrupted with a laugh, tightening her hand around his knee and managing to grab his attention. He was beaming, as if he was proud of himself, and it made Piper so happy. "I get it and I'm glad you're telling me but for Christ sake, slow down."
He laughed brightly and god, how she'd missed that sound. "If you want to know anything, Piper, just ask me." He took her hand back but it was the other this time, the one that was bruised from her little outburst. He lifted it up to tenderly press his lips to the knuckle of her forefinger, the kiss lingering until Piper was blushing though she wasn't sure why. "I don't intend to keep secrets. I'm just not used to sharing like this — like you do all the time. You're much better than me at being open."
"I've never had a reason not to be," she countered because she knew very well that Harry had every right to keep things close to the chest.
"I want to share," he reiterated, curling his hand around hers and threading their fingers together. He pulled it forward until both his arm and her hand were pressed to the butterfly on his stomach. "You may have to pull it out of me but I want you to know these things about me. We both agreed we were going to talk to each other. We're done with secrets."
She nodded emphatically because yes, they were absolutely done with secrets. Which meant that she had something to say to him too.
"Can I tell you something?" she asked timidly, trying to organize her thoughts a little bit.
"Of course, petal."
She took a deep breath and then forced herself to look up because this wasn't something she should be saying to the blanket. Harry looked mildly concerned but more curious then anything. His thumb was drawing a little circle pattern at the base of her thumb and it was soothing and comforting. She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat.
"I'm really not okay with the whole situation with Samson. I hate going to work, I'm afraid to leave my house. I just — I just can't do it anymore."
"You want to report him?" Harry asked, his face softening as his voice did the same.
"Yeah," Piper mumbled, "I do."
Harry dropped her hand in favour of reaching up to smooth it over her hair, cupping her cheek gently in his palm. "Okay," he agreed with an affirmative nod, "then that's what we'll do."
"You're sure?" Piper asked doubtfully. "It'll ruin whatever plan you and Zayn had for finding out who he's working for —"
"Piper," Harry interrupted before she could ramble on any longer, "the only thing I care about is you and your safety. If you're not comfortable having him working at MI6, then he won't be. That's that."
"That's that," she echoed back. Harry nodded sternly. "Okay, good. I'll, um, I'll lodge my complaint with H branch tomorrow."
She nodded to herself as if she was trying to convince herself it was as easy as that. She had a fleeting moment of realization that if she'd done this before their fight, when Harry and her had been arguing in the hall, it might have helped avoid all of this. The past was in the past though and she had to put it behind her.
"I think I'm going to get you some hot chocolate," Piper said as she stood, taking a moment to gain her footing. "It'll help you sleep."
"I want to talk about this."
"When I get back," she said as she walked toward the door. She paused a moment to look back and added, "I promise."
When Harry looked satisfied with her answer, she practically fled from the room. It had felt good to get all of that out in the open but she was feeling overwhelmed and she needed a moment to just process everything. She took her time walking downstairs to the kitchen so she had a moment to catch her breath.
It wasn't until she'd crossed to the kettle, filled it in the sink, and then turned it on that she realized she was not alone in the kitchen, and that was only when she spun around at Niall clearing his throat. "Sorry," she said breathlessly, her hand pressed to her chest so it heaved up with each breath she took. "Didn't see you there."
"Obviously," Louis said shortly, rolling his eyes. Liam, sitting with the other two lads, just shrugged apologetically on behalf of his mates.
She leaned over, resting her forearms on the counter to hold her up. "I just wanted to say that I was sorry."
None of them seemed to know how to interpret the apology and she was afraid that if she tried to explain it, they'd be there all night. In the end, all of the guys had been roped into her and Harry's fight and it wasn't fair to any of them.
"What're you apologizing for?" Louis barked at her, scowling. Piper wasn't sure why he was so worked up but she didn't feel like testing him so she stayed quiet and just shrugged.
"Harry alright?" Niall asked after shooting Louis a displeased look.
"He's fine. Resting," she clarified because Niall was probably looking for a proper answer. "I'm just making him some hot chocolate so he'll get a good sleep."
Niall smiled to himself, his fingers tapping a buoyant pattern on the table. It was Liam who was still watching her carefully, his expression conveying the concern he still had. "How about you? You alright?"
"'Course."
Liam frowned at the brush off but didn't push her. "And you and Harry, are you guys okay?"
"We will be," she told him.
"Good. You two are always better together than you are apart."
Piper wasn't sure she could respond to that without bursting into exhausted tears but she was saved by the whistle of the kettle. She gave Liam a weak smile and then busied herself making two mugs of hot chocolate from the packets Harry had hidden in the back of the cupboard. When she had two mugs ready to go, she said a hurried goodnight to the three of them and then headed for the stairs.
When she stepped back into the room, she was expecting Harry to be waiting for her return. Instead, he was fast asleep, slumped uncomfortably on his uninjured side and still propped up. With a relieved sigh, Piper set the mugs down on the bedside table and focused instead on getting Harry lying down properly. He grumbled a couple of times but didn't come fully awake so she was able to coax him into lying down and then she pulled the covers up over him, careful of his sore shoulder.
She considered for a moment sleeping in the guest-room instead but knew she wouldn't get a wink of sleep if she was by herself while Harry was under the same roof. Instead she climbed into bed on the other side, getting comfortable under the covers lying on her side facing Harry. She tried to move as little as possible as she slid down the bed and stretched out next to him. It wasn't long until her eyelids were drooping.
He was exhausted. She was exhausted too. Two weeks of sleepless nights had caught up to her.
It was easier to fall asleep knowing that things were sure to be brighter in the morning.