after spending the afternoon with Mingyu and Woozi, you went home.
the moment you entered your home, tears began to fall.
"why am i even crying so sudden? everything was fine. i was doing fine. i had a great day. but why am i suddenly crying? why does my heart ache so much? can someone tell me how am i supposed to close the door on this love?
on this chapter in my life.", you ask yourself.
few days has passed. you spent the days cooped up in your room. lights were all closed, dishes that are left unwashed, having no appetite, unanswered calls and texts messages, having no care in the world.
your phone lights up, hoping that it might be Soonyoung. you reached out for your phone to check who messaged you only to find out it wasn't him.
soon enough, you hear someone knocking on your door. you didn't really read the text so you were wondering who could it be.
you then went to the door to check who it was, and it was Cheol.
Cheol: /knocking on the door, Aera it's me. are you there? please open up. or i can just go inside? i know the passco–
before he could finish what he wast trying to say, you opened the door.
Cheol: can i go in?
: it's a bit messy, but sure.
Cheol: where have you been?
: huh? /you had this confused look on your face, i've been home.
Cheol: the entire time?
: the entire time. why?
Cheol: so why don't you pick up my calls? i've been worried sick. i know Woozi was just here awhile ago, but when i asked him how you were he said that everything was fine. but now that i'm here, i know that's not the case.
Cheol was saying all these things to you but you can't really hear nor understand what he was trying to say. you really can't seem to focus. you just stared blankly into the unknown, not saying a single word to him and Cheol seemed to take notice that there's something wrong.
"i'm just tired.", you said.
Cheol: of?
: everything.
Cheol: why?
: can't you just leave me alone for awhile?
Cheol: i have.
: you've been calling and texting me nonstop. what do you mean that you have?
Cheol: okay what's with the attitude? you're not like this.
he's right. you're not like this. what are you so mad about? he's just worried for you. concerned about you. why are you trying to push him away? you need help, but you can't seem to ask for it. then tears began to fall.
: /you were wiping your tears away, this is nothing.
Cheol was taken aback by seeing you cry.
Cheol: why are you crying? was i too harsh? i'm sorry. i didn't mean to—
even you were surprised that tears began to fall. you really weren't the type to cry. if so, you weren't the type to cry in front of someone. so he rushed next to you.
: i'm sorry.
Cheol: huh? why are you apologi—
: i'm sorry. i didn't mean to yell at you. i really didn't.
Cheol: shh.. it's fine. it's okay. i know you didn't mean to. i'll leave you for awhile. okay? i know you need more time by yourself. i know that now.
: can you keep whatever happened today between the two of us oppa? i just don't want to be a bother to everyone.
Cheol: you aren't. okay? just know that i'm here. whatever you're going through, you'll get through it. i'll get going now.
as Cheol was about to leave, he called Mingyu.
(on the phone)
Mingyu: hyung? what's up?
Cheol: can you come here?
Mingyu: where are you?
Cheol: about to leave Aera's place. i think you should come.
Mingyu: why? is everything okay?
Cheol: i don't know what's going on. but i think she'll open up to you. can you just please come?
Mingyu: of course. i'm on my way.
it was almost 2am and you suddenly feel you phone vibrate. so you checked who was calling you, it was Mingyu.
(on the phone)
: what's up Kim Min Gyu-ssi.
Mingyu: i'm outside.
: just come in. i'm in bed.
after hanging up, you hear your door open. then Mingyu lay down beside you.
Mingyu: want to drink? i bought soju.
: /you chuckled, it's like you know what i needed.
Mingyu: i just had a feeling. /he chuckled, are we gonna drink here or out? actually, let's just stay in. let's head to the balcony. /so you both headed by the balcony, so.. how are you? how have you been? we haven't really been talking since the last time i saw you. it's like you snapped, then suddenly vanished. no one was able to contact you for days.
: i've been feeling lost lately... if that makes sense.
Mingyu: if you're ready to tell me, i'm all ears.
: /you sighed, where do i begin... i've been agitated to see him. but he was busy, which i understood. so, it's been weeks since we last saw each other, nor have we talked properly on the phone so i texted him asking if we can meet. he said he was busy and all that. at first i was supposed to let it slide, but i really wanted to see him. even just for a second. it felt like i had to beg for his time and attention, you know? i'm not the clingy type. or at least i try not to. i really tried to understand him. but i have my limits. so i kinda snapped at him.
Mingyu: snapped like?
: i said, "you know what, never mind."
Mingyu: huh? /he has this confused look on his face
: okay, a bit tmi but— let me just show you the text.
so you reached out for your phone, and showed Mingyu the text messages.
Mingyu: believe me Aera. you didn't snapped. actually, that was such a "nice" way to snap at someone.
: i can't help but put myself on other's shoes before saying what i want to say.
Mingyu: you're just too nice. /he smiled, so anyway please continue the story.
: so, i went home and took a nap. then all of a sudden he barged in my room being mad at me.
Mingyu: barged in? why? and what was he even mad about in the first place?
: it was because i wasn't answering his calls nor messages.
Mingyu: as you should.
: and that's where i've had it. i started saying all these things like, i've never asked him to put me first, that if he ever heard a complaint from me when he was too busy for me. all i was trying to say is that, i've been patient with him and tried to be more understanding because i love him. and guess what he said.
Mingyu: please don't be something stupid. what?
: "now you're blaming me?" i quote.
Mingyu: what the fuck? are you for real? did he even hear what you said? you said all those things because you love him.
: yeah..
recollecting the memories of that night brings tears to your eyes.
Mingyu: /handed you his handkerchief, it's okay Aera-ah. let it all out. i really get where you're coming from.
: i know i'm not the best girlfriend, but i really tried Gyu... /you sniffed
Mingyu: you did more than enough. please tell me he didn't break up with you. please tell me it's the other way around.
you looked at him, and he knew.
Mingyu: give me one damn reason why i shouldn't kick his butt off.
".... i love him.", those three words slipped right out of your mouth.
Mingyu: still?
: my heart won't dismiss him because of this cozy and familiar feeling. cliché as it may sound, even if he stopped loving me, i'll love him still. always.
Mingyu: lucky him you don't want me to come at him.
: i can't stop ugly crying. /you laughed as you try to wipe your tears away
Mingyu: look at you laughing and crying. /he chuckled, but i know how broken you are.
: the words "let's just end this" still lingers in my mind.
Mingyu: he really said that?
you just smiled at him. didn't really answered his question. maybe you're still in denial? there's still this "hope" you had that he might come back.. that he will come back.
Mingyu: if you've been dealing with this way back, why haven't you told me anything? i mean, i just had a hunch. i remember when we ate out with Woozi hyung, and you told me you'll tell me? but ended up not telling me. /he chuckled
: /you chuckled, i'm sorry. i just didn't know how to deal it with just yet, at that moment. and it was kinda hard for me to open up about it.. by the way, i have a question or rather, some questions for you if you don't mind.
Mingyu: anything.
: i really didn't want to compare you to him. because i know everyone's different. but there were times when i just ask myself, if you can sacrifice a little time for unnie just to go on dates, even just for texting back or returning her calls, why can't he? but i brushed that thought aside. i tried to understand that maybe, he's busier than you.
Mingyu: no matter how busy a person is, if you love someone they'd always make time for you. always.
: i know.. i already knew that answer. i don't know who i'm trying to convince. /you sighed, then just laughed it off
Mingyu: don't get me wrong. hyung really loved you. i just don't know what came over him.
: how can someone who loves you so much suddenly falls out of love?
Mingyu: no one falls out of love just like /he snapped his fingers, that. maybe there's another reason.
: i thought so too.
Mingyu: so why won't you ask him?
"some things are better off unsaid.", you said.
Mingyu: even if you're dying from overthinking? all the why nots, what ifs, the what could have beens. /you just nodded, okay, now stop crying. you've been crying for an hour now, you might get dehydrated.
: ha-ha, that's very funny of you Kim Min Gyu-ssi. well anyway, i appreciate you being here Gyu. i really do. so, thank you. /you smiled
Mingyu: /he smiled, you know i'll always be here for you.
: sorry for keeping you up. it's already 3 in the morning.
Mingyu: it's fine. come here. /he leaned in to hug you
: you should really go Gyu.
Mingyu: i should. i'll just take the cab.
: okay. thank you again Gyu. /you broke away from the hug, text me when you get home.
Mingyu: don't do anything stupid while i'm gone okay?
: /you chuckled, i won't. bye Gyu.
after he left, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. time surely does fly.
it's been almost 3 months since you two have broken up.
one of the painful things about breaking up is learning when to let go. when you have to let them go in order for them to be happy. no matter how much tears they bring you.. your heart will always pray for their happiness.