Four years ago
"Ev, baby girl, it's time to get up." Aunt Claire says sitting on the edge of my small twin-sized bed. I've been hiding under the white linen sheets for the past thirty minutes ever since I got woken up by my alarm clock. "I know you don't want to go to school, but I'm afraid there's no escaping it today. You've already missed out on a week of class and I have run out of excuses."
Before coming out of my very comfortable and safe hiding spot in my comfortable bed, I made sure to wipe off the tears that were on my cheeks. Aunt Claire has been taking days off to keep an eye on me and I somehow needed to show her that I was going to be okay without her keeping an eye on me all the time. I have already been a burden to her this past week and I didn't want to be one anymore. But I knew that there was no fooling her into believing I would be. She knows me too well. I mean, she did raise me after all.
"I know," I frown, coming out of the covers. "I've been sick for way too long."
"Did you fall asleep crying last night again?" Aunt Claire asks with a heartbroken expression on her face.
"I'm sorry," I apologize. "I couldn't help it. I've been trying, trying to get past it but I just can't. Everything reminds me of him."
"Baby girl, it's okay." Aunt Claire pulls me into a hug. "You should never apologize for your feelings. They're yours and nobody else's. As much as I would love to tell you that I understand what you're going through I can't. Everybody's experience is different and you're allowed to feel."
Tears started to stream down my face as I hugged Aunt Claire. I never thought it would hurt this much, but being told to get a grip made me feel as if I wasn't allowed to be angry or hurt. A year and a half full of memories, good ones, and bad ones as well. You just don't forget about all of that as easily as everyone wants you too. If I could turn off my feelings, I would. If I had the choice I would choose to feel anything but what I have been feeling the past week.
"Thank you," I say pulling away from the hug. "You've sacrificed so much for me and I feel like I don't always tell you how thankful for that. You didn't have to raise me all on your own, but you didn't think about it twice about saying yes when you were asked. You gave up your whole life for me."
Aunt Claire's eyes start to water. "You don't have to thank me, Ev, it was out of the question, I'm glad that I was given the chance, even though it had to be through heartbreaking circumstances, to raise such a beautiful and strong young woman. You were made to do many great things, don't give up on yourself. I bet mom and dad are so proud of the young woman you are becoming."
I wipe off the tears that are running down my cheeks as I look at the picture of my parents that sat in a beautiful frame on my nightstand. "I miss them so much, I wish they were here."
"I do too," Aunt Claire frowns as she also looks at the picture. "Your dad would've loved to throw a few punches to Kingston's face for what he did. I remember how you changed his life when you were first born, he was so scared at first, but once he held you in his arms, he never wanted to let you go."
I smile at Aunt Claire's story. I would've loved to see that, although I think Aunt Claire is ready to do that for him. My mom got pregnant with me when she was in her first year of law school, Aunt Claire told me that it was something they never expected and they were both so scared. But as I grew up in her small belly, everything changed for the both of them. They had to make many sacrifices because my mom was just starting law school and my dad had just gotten a job in a company. On top of all of that, they had to raise a kid they weren't ready for. Yet, they never gave up.
When the accident happened, my mom was going to her last year of law school and my dad had landed the position of becoming the CEO of the company. They both all did that while they took care of me. Grandpa Willy and Grandma Amelia also helped them. Despite all of the challenges they never gave up and they worked so hard to give me the best life. I promised myself that I would make them proud, my mom couldn't finish law school but I promised to do it for her.
"I bet he would've enjoyed punching Kingston in the face, I know you would." I laugh.
"That's out of the question, you know it's true." Aunt Claire laughs. "I have to get going, my shift at the hospital starts soon, Grandpa Willy is coming to pick you up to drive you to school, if you feel overwhelmed in any way let me know. I'm sure I can stall an extra day or two."
"Thank you, Aunt Claire," I pull her in for a hug. "I think I can do this."
Aunt Claire nods. "I packed your lunch, I thought you wouldn't feel like eating in the cafeteria today. I also know that you haven't felt like eating lately, but please do. You have swim practice today, I don't want you to get dizzy or pass out."
"I will now go, I don't want you to be late," I reassure her. "You have already gotten into trouble because of me."
Aunt Claire smiles as she gets up from the edge of my bed. After she takes one last look at me she walks out of my room. I dragged myself out of bed for what felt like a long time, I admit that my bed became my best friend (it has always been) over this past week. Walking into my bathroom, I stood in front of the large mirror. My eyes were bloodshot red from all the tears that I've shed, I looked like a mess. I even looked a bit skinnier, I haven't been eating. I've found myself feeding my breakfast, lunch, and dinner to our golden doodle Jasper. He's been gaining a few pounds because of it. Aunt Claire thinks it's because we are feeding him a lot of food, but what she doesn't know is that Jasper has been eating for the both of us.
I took off Kingston's black Juventus hoodie (it still smelled like him) and I hopped in the shower. The warm water covered my whole body and whilst I took the first shower I've had in days (don't judge, I'm ashamed of it too) I got lost in my own depressing thoughts. Way too often, I have been finding myself thinking about where it all went wrong. I always did everything to make sure he was happy, even when I didn't feel comfortable or okay to do the things he wanted us to do. His happiness was above mine and I think that's where it all went wrong for me. I did that for so long that now that I found myself all alone, I didn't know what it meant to be truly happy. I feel lost and I don't know how to find my way back.
I've also been scrolling through Josie's social media more than I would like to admit. As I looked through her picture-perfect feed, I wondered what was the one thing she had that I didn't. My mind couldn't understand what made Kingston look the other way, because why would you do that when you have everything you could've asked for and more. He had everything, I gave him everything I had to give. Even when I had nothing else to give, I picked myself apart and it still wasn't enough. Why wasn't I enough?
After I spent a good fifteen minutes in the shower, I hopped out wrapping myself in my pink towel. I walked to my closet and I got dressed. Thankfully, we had to wear school uniforms. My mind wasn't in the right state to pick out any kind of clothing. With my school uniform on, I walked back to the bathroom.
I wasn't in the mood to put on makeup but I had to. There's a reason why they say that concealer is a girl's best friend. I've been crying too much and if there was one thing I wasn't going to let Kingston take away from me was the satisfaction of letting him know how much I'm hurting because of him.
After a coat of foundation and two coats of concealer with a little bit of lip gloss, I was ready to go. And it was just in time because a few minutes later Grandpa Willy was already outside. Jasper's loud bark coming from downstairs was my first warning and the honk of Grandpa Willy's truck was my second one. I quickly grabbed my bookbag that sat in the corner of my small room and I headed downstairs. Before walking outside, I made sure to feed the sandwich Aunt Claire made me for lunch to Jasper and with that, I was out the door.
Grandpa Willy had the biggest smile plastered across his face once he saw me walk out the door. "Little Ev, my beautiful granddaughter, how are you doing?"
"I'm doing good grandpa," I fake a smile. "How's your back been doing? Grandma has been calling Aunt Claire to complain about your stubbornness."
Grandpa Willy laughs. "That grandma of yours is such a snitch."
I laugh at Grandpa Willy's remark. "She just worries about you grandpa. You shouldn't be doing work on the ranch. Your back hasn't properly healed from your surgery."
"I know kid," Grandpa Willy admits. "But if I don't do it, who will?"
"Let's make a deal," I say. "I'll come to help you out this weekend, but you have to promise me that you'll rest just like the doctor instructed you. And I'll even make you your favorite cookie dough brownies."
Grandpa Willy nods. "You've got yourself a deal."
The ride to the school was shorter than I wanted it to be. I thought about telling Grandpa Willy to turn the truck around many times but as the truck stood parked in the entrance I knew that I couldn't hide anymore. It was time to face the music.
.
My first day back wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It probably had to do with the fact that prior to me coming back, I requested to change homeroom and because of my excellent student record, Principle Stevens didn't think about it twice. So I didn't even catch a glimpse of Kingston or my fake ass friends. I also steered clear of the cafeteria and I stayed behind during lunch break helping Mrs. Nova grade some exams.
Before going to practice I had to make a quick stop at my locker, which at the moment I didn't know I would end up regretting until Esme, Kingston's sister walked up to me. "Hey, Ev,"
I remained unbothered and I continued to put my books inside my locker. "I know you're mad at me, but you have to understand."
I have to understand? What is it that I have to understand? Hearing Esme starting to make excuses for the lack of loyalty towards the person she called her friend pissed me off beyond measure. "What is it that I need to understand Esme? You knew Kingston was cheating on me for months while I was the oblivious stupid girlfriend everyone felt sorry for. So don't you dare tell me that I need to understand your poor excuses."
"He's my brother Ev," Esme says and my blood begins to boil.
"And I was your friend," I say raising my voice. Everyone that was walking around had now stopped to listen to our unpleasant conversation. "I get that blood is thicker than water, but a heads up would've been nice."
I slam the door to my locker shut and I begin to walk away. "I'm sorry Ev, I really am."
I stop in my tracks and I turn around. "I don't care. Sometimes the apology you expect never comes when it is expected or wanted. And when it does come, it is neither wanted nor needed anymore. You should've thought about the consequences before you decided to lie to my face every day for the last four months. Keep your sorry apologies to yourself. And stay the fuck away from me Esme."
With that, I walked away and I never looked back. It took a lot of strength to say all I wanted to say because even though I was acting all tough, I was breaking on the inside. Sometimes the betrayal comes from the person you least expect and that's what hurts the most because out of all of my friends the person that I least expected to stab me in the back was Esme. I thought she was my friend but in the end, I thought wrong.
Coach Viv was happy to see me back in the pool and even though I missed one week's worth of intense training she didn't hold back at practice. She was harder on me than I had seen her be in the three years I've been on the swimming team.
We had a 300-yard warm-up and Coach Viv divided practice into three separate sets. We started off with the kicking set which consisted of 25m underwater kick, 25m back, 25m breast, 25m free, 25m fly, 25m back, 25m breast, and 25m free-kick. For the next set Coach, Viv had us swim the pull set, which wasn't as intense. It consisted of 50m free catch-up—breath at three strokes; 50m free fingertip drag—breathe at five strokes. The main set was the one that did it for me, I was out of breathe by the end of it. It consisted of 50m on 1:00, 100m on 1:45, 150m on 2:40, 200m on 3:10, 300m on 4:30, 200m on 3:10, 150m on 2:40, 100m on 1:45, 50m on 1:00 and 3x100m on 1:30 with no breaks. Finally (thank God) for the cool down we ended up with 200 m at an easy pace.
"Everest, can you step into my office for a few minutes?" Coach Viv asked and I nodded. I was currently putting away my equipment in my bad, but as soon as I finished I headed over to her office.
"What's up Coach?" I ask, walking into her office.
"I just wanted to know how you were doing and talk about an offer I received for you." Coach Viv said and I was now intrigued.
"I've been better, but we all have our bad days," I say. "What offer?"
"It's true, but I have noticed you have shed a few pounds in the spam of this past week. I know you're not doing okay, your eyes give it away, but you have to eat. You're only harming yourself in the process, promise me that you will at least grab something to eat when you get home. I noticed how you got dizzy while you were swimming the main set." Coach Viv pauses. "We all go through tough situations, but nothing is worth risking your health for."
"I know, I'm sorry. I promise you I will eat something when I get home. I'll even send you a picture. I'm going over to grandma's house, she cooks some mean enchiladas." I smile.
"Great, I will be expecting the pictures." Coach Viv grins. "Now, about that offer. Before your one week hiatus, when we went over to compete with Northridge. Coach Jennings, I know you've heard of him. He's the head coach of the Bowling Green University swim team. He saw you compete that day and he wants you to try out for the team."
"Really?" I say excitedly. "Bowling has one of the greatest pre-law curriculums. I never considered it a possibility because of how expensive tuition is but if I make the team with the athletic scholarship I'm sure I can make ends meet."
"Really, Coach Jennings thinks you would make a great fit on the team." Coach Viv smiles. "Are you ready to start the next chapter of your life Ev?"
"I'm ready for it." I smile confidently.
And that was the beginning of everything.
A/N
hi everyone, I promise to keep it short. I know this chapter doesn't have much to do with the current storyline but I wanted to show you a glimpse of Ev's past. I felt it was important to share with you all what Ev went through before she arrived at BGU. Now, you can understand where her trust issues come from and why it takes her a while to open up to people.
I hoped you enjoyed reading, I'll see you on the next one. I have a pretty good feeling that you're going to love it.