August 31, 2022
Joy kept squirming on her seat at she waits for her boarding time. The people around her has been giving her odd gazes, often raising an eyebrow or so, thanks to her non-stop fidgeting.
She's really doing it.
She's really going to Singapore to settle things once and for all.
Exactly what was there to settle... well, she can't clearly tell yet, to be honest. She's afraid to confirm whatever was going on between Sungjae and SoHyun... but she needs to know irregardless in order to spare herself from deeper wounds at the least. Better get hurt with the truth than live with lies anyways, right? That's what brave people like to say.
Soon enough, Joy's flight was called in and the plane took off smoothly. However, her mind was heavily clouded with confused thoughts, robbing her from good sleep. Wide-eyed, she eventually just gave in to the cheesy rom-com movies that were free to stream in the place.
Upon arrival and settling down her things at a cost-friendly hotel, Joy decided to grab some coffee at a nearby cafe to fully wake her system up. She doesn't have the luxury of time within her palms.
Three days. She only has three days to do her business here in Singapore. She couldn't leave Wendy all alone back in Busan longer than three days. Joy chuckled softly, though, with the sudden idea passing her mind of Wendy probably enjoying her time after all, with Peniel around. She has yet to place Wendy on a hot seat for that.
Joy groggily looked at the menu placed high on the wall while she was on queue.
Hmm. Interesting choices. I should consider these back in our shop. It was always the first thing that she would put more attention to whenever she goes to another cafe.
She was battling several options in her head when she felt a small gentle tap on her shoulder. It was so gentle that Joy couldn't figure if somebody had just accidentally bumped into her or she was purposely being summoned. Turning around, she was in for surprise.
Yes, the universe loves to play with her.
Yes, it's none other than...
her.
"Annyeong, Joy-ah... I, um, saw you enter the cafe earlier but I wasn't so sure. I figured it was really you after a few more minutes" SoHyun showed a soft smile, but her eyes reflected something different... something more like a blend of sadness, guilt and fear.
Okay. What is happening? Last time we were together you were practically pulling out my hairs stands? Joy's mind argued to itself.
"A-annyeong, SoHyun? Um..." Joy couldn't find the right words to say. It was way too awkward and weird at the same time.
"Their caramel macchiato frappe is good. You should try that" SoHyun commented to break the silence between them while also looking at the menu. "I'll get it for you. Just relax over my spot there" she smiled while pointing at a table before heading to the barista implacable. Perhaps she was trying to get away briefly with the awkward bubble that has formed over them.
Joy didn't do better and was too dumbfounded to deny SoHyun's offer herself. She had no choice but to slowly make her way to the corner of the cafe where SoHyun's belongings were.
She was just staring blankly at the semi-opaque glass window to her left when SoHyun handed out a tall caramel macchiato frappe in front of her to get her attention.
"So..." SoHyun cleared her throat before gauchely sitting in front of Joy. "What brings you here, Joy?" she looked at her filled with much curiosity. Joy couldn't tell if it was a question meant to mock her existence here or whether it was merely a harmless one.
Sudden tension was forming on Joy's shoulders and face. She obviously can't tell SoHyun that she purposely travelled several miles just to bust whatever was going on with Sungjae and her, right?
"I, um... won a baking competition. So I... um, just wanted to treat myself a bit" Joy tried to explain. That seems believable anyways, says her brain.
SoHyun's facial features suddenly brightened and her aura became softer. "Omo! I heard about that. Sungjae Oppa and I was just talking about that the other day when we were strolling at the park. Congrats, Joy!" she reached out for Joy's hand and gave it a squeeze.
Taken aback by the sudden affection, Joy unconsciously pulled her hand away. Well, she just confirmed that Sungjae and SoHyun are indeed together all these times... how could her brain process that within the moment while trying to act civil in front of the very woman chosen by Sungjae's heart?
SoHyun noticed Joy's apprehension and politely lowered her head. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Joy... I know we didn't start off well... and I'm deeply sorry for my behavior before" she paused momentarily and looked at Joy, trying to assess if she should continue such sensitive conversation.
Joy didn't react much and so SoHyun decided to continue. "I have to admit that I hated you. I didn't get why you had all the attention I used to have. I was clouded by the thought that you were the problem when in fact it was me. I wanted Sungjae's attention because I needed to feel secure" she paused again. Joy noticed that tears were starting to pool in the corners of SoHyun's eyes.
"I was heavily bullied among my so-called new friends in school. They treated me like trash. If I don't follow what they want they would left me out. They would spread gossip about me. That's when I started having anxiety attacks" SoHyun's tears couldn't be stopped now even if she tried.
"So when I came back I wanted to feel loved and accepted again. I didn't know I was hurting others in the process. It took me awhile to realize that. I still have those nightmares that's why I finally agreed with Sungjae to have therapy here. I'm staying here for good as well. I'll start new here. I still haven't fought all the demons inside me but I'm really trying. I hope I can step a little forward by starting with asking forgiveness from you. My pain wasn't an excuse to hurt you, too" SoHyun concluded and hid her face with her two hands thereafter. She was ashamed of herself. She found about Joy's story too from Ilhoon later on and she felt devastated that they had a similar experience and yet she bullied her as well. She was no different from her own bullies. She had tried looking for Joy... everybody did. Yet the odds weren't on their favor for several years. It seemed a miracle to chance upon Joy today.
Joy, on the other hand, was shocked to hear SoHyun's revelation. Sometimes hurt could indeed change people... even she, herself was a victim of it.
She gets it now. As much as SoHyun had caused her so much pain, Joy can't help but understand her. Full with sincerity, Joy reached out to SoHyun's hands and gave them a soft squeeze. She then reached out for a napkin and handed it out for SoHyun to wipe her tears away.
Seeing Joy soften a bit gave some peace to SoHyun. She knows they're completely okay yet, but at least there's some progress. "Joy-ah... can I... m-maybe call you u-unnie?" SoHyun shyly asked.
Joy chuckled at such sudden request. "Of course. You finally got some respect!" She teased, causing the two to laugh, now unrestrained.
"Have you seen Sungjae, unnie? I can call him for you" SoHyun asked while giving her a knowing squint.
"Um... it's okay, SoHyun. I'll contact him on another day. Anyways, I have to go for now, okay? Please take care of yourself. We'll heal slowly. I'll meet you on a better day" Joy gave an assuring smile to SoHyun and respectfully excused herself. It was one thing to deal with SoHyun and another thing to deal with SoHyun and Sungjae.
How should she process everything now, in the first place? She came all the way to Singapore to have clarity who will Sungjae choose, but now it just doesn't make sense anymore. SoHyun needs Sungjae. Who was Joy to interfere? As per usual, she would always sacrifice herself in the end... even if her heart wants nothing but to love him. It dawned to her that she needs to make a decision soon.
With several deep sighs, Joy went back to her hotel and cried herself to sleep. She was wrestling with so many emotions. Her day 1 in Singapore ended like that.
Two days left. Two days left to face Sungjae.
———
September 1, 2022
Joy woke up with a pounding headache. Looking at her reflection on the mirror, her eyelids turned out so swollen that a stranger could mistaken them as devastatingly stung by bees.
So much for crying last night. She cursed inwardly.
She grabbed some painkillers from her luggage and made a mental note to thank Wendy later for packing them up for her.
After letting some time to get some relief from the medication, Joy took a quick breakfast offered freely by her hotel before opting to take a stroll outside.
She figured that she needed to gather herself momentarily before facing another emotional storm. She swept her gaze to the unfamiliar environment around her. Singapore seemed busier than Busan- working people brisk walking at the sidewalks, sometimes bumping into each other's shoulders but without minding at all, high-end cars speeding on the road, well at least within the allowed limit... Joy felt definitely felt the big city stress.
Her two feet eventually brought her to the bay as if knowing how a body of water and huge skies can appease her troubled heart. She furtively glanced over the people to see if she can take a moment for herself in peace. Everyone seems to be minding their business and so Joy walked further.
She was about to lounge on an empty bench when her eyes spotted a middle-aged woman who probably is a typical fortune teller based on her get up- long draped top, trousers, and fancy make up- with the cards in front of her being the giveaway. Her clumsy stall was awkwardly set up nearby. Joy had meant to disregard her presence but their eyes unfortunately met, and the fortune teller immediately smiled at her while motioning her to come closer.
For some reason, Joy felt the pull and gave in to the call of the fortune caller. Perhaps it was the need to talk to someone without prejudice that made her do so.
"You're a tourist, aren't you?" the fortune teller started off enthusiastically. She sure can decipher people.
"Um, yes? I'm sorry but... how much do offer your, um, services? I'm probably not the costumer you want" Joy said frankly, hoping to get out of the situation already. Although she was a tiny bit curious about someone guessing her fate, she probably couldn't afford it anyways.
She was waiting for the fortune teller to dismiss her immediately, but she received a soft chuckle instead.
"Oh golly. Do I look like I always ask for money? Call me Aria. I just figured you might want someone to talk to" Aria smiled at Joy, almost scaring her for such unexpected kind act from a stranger. Is she... being scammed or some sort?
Aria noticed Joy's hesitation and tapped the side of her bench, motioning Joy to sit beside her. "I'm weird, right? It's okay if you don't want to talk. You can sit here, though, so it won't be too lonely" Aria said softly and proceeded to work around with her cards again.
Something about not wanting to feel too lonely made Joy sit beside her, but still not uttering any word. She was still skeptical about Aria.
"Are you okay?" Aria suddenly asked. It was a simple question but Joy felt a pang of pain on her chest. Memories came rushing back like a thousand pinpricks.
"I-I am" Joy barely said, trying to restrain herself from being vulnerable.
Aria was about to reach out to Joy's hand when she stopped midway, afraid to scare Joy. She took a deep breath and looked at her. "You know, I don't need these cards to tell me you are lost, my child"
Joy bit her lip and finally locked eyes with Aria. She tried to open her mouth but no words came out. She was taken aback by her choice of words. Is that how a mother would comfort a child?
"Forgive yourself. Whatever you are going through... forgive yourself first. Everything else follows" Aria said each word like a stabbing knife to Joy's chest. Her words were true... but difficult to apply in real life. Could she really forgive herself if she wants a place in Sungjae's life... a place where she gets to be chosen by him, even when he is meant to be beside someone else?
A whisper of silence fell over the two not-so strangers anymore. Aria knew Joy needed time. She just couldn't control motherly instincts the moment she saw the poor girl wandering.
After numerous waves of indecision, Joy finally spoke. "T-thank you, Aria. I..." Joy bit her lip. She was still tongue tied.
"Shhh. You don't have to say anything. Go now, child. I think you have something to do" Aria gave her a reassuring smile.
Joy could only smile back silently before heading off. She could only hope she can see Aria again somehow, somewhere, when she's better. Now back to the safety of her hotel, she put up all the remaining courage in her and dialed Sungjae's phone number.
"Yeoboseyo? Who's this?" Sungjae answered after several rings.
"Oppa. It's Sooyoung. I'm... here in Singapore" Joy almost choked on her own saliva due to nervousness.
"What?! Since when? Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have picked you up! Let's meet please! Where are you? I'll go there right now!" Sungjae's tone raised a bar higher, excitement was evident.
"Um... long story. Can we meet tomorrow, instead?" Joy said, hoping that Sungjae would agree as she was a complete mess right now.
"I missed you so much, Sooyoung" Sungjae softly said, tugging Joy's heart. "But I guess you're tired so I guess I can wait until tomorrow... I already waited for years, right?" he then followed with a tease to somehow alleviate his longing for Joy.
"Arraseo. I'll just text you my location. Bye, Oppa" Joy then ended the call.
Tomorrow's going to be her last day in Singapore.
Tomorrow she would finally see Sungjae.
Tomorrow she would have to decide.