Harry's POV
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to see her or that she was in Florida?" I was trying hard not to raise my voice, but as I looked down at the magazine that was in my hand I couldn't help but feel betrayed a little.
We had been in Texas for the five days and today we were finally headed to Colorado. We had stopped for gas and it was the first time in days I had decided to bring myself out of the bus when we stopped. The thought of me being close to DJ even if we weren't together made my stomach finally stop hurting, for what felt like months.
I placed my sunglasses on my face and pulled up the hood of the sweatshirt that still smelt like her. I knew she would have laughed at my "disguise" if she was looking at me right now. The thought of her laugh brought a laugh to my own lips. This was ridiculous. I just needed to man up. If I could just tell her that I understand and that I'm not going anywhere then maybe she would finally feel safe enough to let me in, but I knew it had to be on her terms or she would just run again.
I stepped off the bus and moved my feet quickly into the store, grabbing a bottle of water and a bottle of apple juice. I never did before but now I catch myself at any opportunity reaching for juice. It doesn't matter the kind, all of it reminds me of her. I made my way up to the counter and that was when I saw her. She was front page on one of the million tabloids that sat before me. It was a small image and I could barely make her out but I knew it was her. It was a cut out of her but I could tell she was either at a pool or at the beach. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she was wearing a swimming suit cover. I pulled the magazine off of the stand and quickly flipped to the page in which they said the article was on.
There she was. In a much larger view. There were many photos of her spending time on the beach with a male figure whose face I couldn't see but knew very well. I slammed the magazine on the counter along with the water and juice, as my stomach began to turn. The man behind the counter shot me a sharp look but said nothing. I was glad he didn't. I picked up my purchased items and booked it back to the bus. There was a man I needed to talk to.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I continued, looking at George. George looked from me to my hands and back to me. I didn't have to show him for him to know what I was talking about.
"If I'm being honest we didn't need you storming over there."
"Who are you to keep something like this from me?" I asked as I felt my skin start to heat up.
"Harry. I was just trying to do what was best for not only you but also for DJ. I didn't know how she would feel about me just showing up. I didn't want her to start panicking if she saw you. Besides, what would you have done if you saw her?" I took a deep breath. I knew he was right. It was just the thought of being so close to her but not knowing. I didn't get to touch her soft skin one last time or to twirl my fingers through her messy hair. I didn't get to tell her that she was mine and will always be mine no matter what.
"I would have kidnapped her," I said with a sigh, not sure if I was actually kidding about that.
"Exactly," George said, taking a seat on the couch as the bus began to once again take off.
"Do you think she will come? I know it meant so much to Gabby but that doesn't mean she will come," I said as I began to pace back and forth.
"Why don't you try talking to her?" George said motioning to where my phone sat on the table.
"I've tried that. So many times. She never answers," I said shrugging.
"Have you tried recently?"
"Well no but I know she won't answer." I flopped myself into the chair.
"Just try," George said, shaking his head.
"Pheph, whatever," I gagged out, shoving myself out of the chair and back towards my room. Slamming my door, I flung myself back onto the bed remembering my time spent here with DJ. I had no idea what I would say to her if I called her right now and she answered. I could write better than I could speak. I remembered Nova telling me DJ was writing me letters, so that was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to write her a letter. I sat up pulling out my notebook and my favorite pen.
My Sunflower,
Yeah I have had many talks with Emily lately and she told me her nickname for you and I think it is fitting. I hope it is okay that I called you that but I think it is true. You are my sunflower. Remember that night in the hotel, you accidentally played Sunflower and you told me you thought I wrote it for you? I think you are right. I do think I wrote it about you. Subconsciously my soul already knew about you. I don't know why but I was destined to meet you. We were destined to be together.
First things first, all you need to know is you have a place to go. I will always be a home for you to stay. I will always do my best no matter what to have your back. I will always be someone who never judges you and loves you no matter what.
Yes life is hard but I know you and you are strong enough to overcome it all, and you will grow from it. I know you have pain. No, I may not know what it is but I want you to know you never have to hide it. Especially from me. It makes you who you are and I love who you are. I just wish you would let me hold you through the pain. I want to hold you through your pain. I want to know everything about you and love everything about you.
But what I want and what you need are two different things. You got living to do. All you have ever known is your small town until some stranger scooped you up and hauled you away with him. That was strange. I'm sorry if that was weird. We barely knew each other, but it was like from the moment I saw you I knew that you were meant to be in my life one way or another. If not as not as a couple then as best friends. I needed someone to make me laugh again and that is what you did. You needed someone to show you that it was okay to live. And that is what I want you to do.
So get up. I don't know how you are feeling right now but if it is half as bad as I have been feeling lately then I know that you are probably lying in your bed, sad right now. So get up. Turn your light back on. I know you are hiding your brightness right now. Relight that candle and show it off to the world. Show off that sunflower. I know you know how to do it. I've seen it. I saw it that first night as you were dancing to the songs. I saw it the next morning as you were basking under the sunlight. I've seen it in the way you hide your giggles. I know the power you hold.
Get up. You can do it now. You hold the truth in your heart. It doesn't matter what is in your past, what matters is what you will gain from pushing on through your pain.
You know what you want to be doing. You know what your dream is. You want to travel, you want to see the world, you want to make your presence known. You know what you have to do. We both do. So do it. If not for yourself, for me, for my final goodbye, please live your dream. It's time to leave your bedroom, leave your small town, leave the clouds that are keeping your blue skies grey. Get up.
But all you need to know is that I will always be here to hold your hand in mine. And you don't even have to remember that. I will be here to remind you every chance I get.
I want to be that person to hold all of your feelings. To be the one person you tell it all too. I am strong enough to carry the both of us. All of the baggage from the past and all of the beauty from our future.
I know you might get sad and that is okay. I can hold you through it all. The good, the bad, and the in-between. Give it all to me.
When you are sad I will do everything in my power to make you laugh and if I can't I will just hold you and kiss your head and rub little circles into your wrist. I will do everything I can to make you feel as happy as you make me.
I can also make you warm. I know that's what you loved about me most. All those cold nights holding you close so that you wouldn't shiver. Do you remember that first night in the bus? I know you saw me catch you looking at me naked. Secretly, even though we were just friends, I wanted you to come out of your bunk. I wanted you to come up to me while I stood there naked in front of you. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to join me in the shower and I wanted to seal our fates. I wanted to be one with you forever.
I want to be someone that could shoot your dark clouds away so that you could be the sunflower you were born to be. I want you to know you'll never be alone, I will always be here. I will always be watching out. And I hope that doesn't scare you. I just want you to know that you have a place to go.
It is what it is. It is simple. I'm not going anywhere. You are stuck with me. You may not want me and you may keep me away from you but I will still be here waiting for the day you realize we were meant to be. You and me. That is all we need. We found it. That thing some people search their whole lives for. Yeah we have it. We may not know each other completely but I know what I am feeling is real. You have to believe that. Look at us.
I know you have fears, I do too but we can handle them. We have each other. That's all we need.
All my love
-Harrifer.