21 – Dangerous
"Tulog ka ba?"
A week passed. Nanatiling nakatabon ang braso ko sa mga mata ko. My eyes stayed close. Pakiramdam ko ay masakit ang ulo ko kaya naman hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong mahiga rito kahit na may klase na.
"You're not attending history class?" It was Amethyst's voice. "Seryoso na ba 'to, Asia?"
Inialis ko ang tabon ng braso ko sa mga mata ko. Gulo-gulo ang buhok na bumangon ako para harapin siya.
"Huwag mo nga akong guluhin, Amethyst. Masakit ang ulo ko."
Nagdadabog akong bumalik sa pagkakahiga. I closed my eyes again and forced myself to relax. I don't want to attend class because I don't want to see Ayden. Kaninang umaga ay hindi na naman kami nag-usap. Sabay-sabay kaming kumain ng lunch kasama sina Joaquin, but we didn't talk at all. I don't know what's the problem.
Is there even a problem?
"Bakit dito mo pa sa bleachers napiling matulog?"
Naramdaman ko siyang umupo sa bandang gilid ko. I rolled my eyes and turned to her. Idinantay ko ang braso ko sa hita niya. Hindi pa ako nakuntento at talagang sumiksik para umunan sa kaniya.
"Ew, Asia. Umalis ka nga.." she snorted. "Hindi mabango ang buhok mo."
Ngumuso ako at lalong sumiksik. "How dare you?"
She laughed. Ipinatong niya ang kamay niya sa balikat ko saka tinapik ako.
Mataas ang sinag ng araw dito sa field kung saan nag t-training ang soccer team. Walang training ngayon kaya naman hindi naririto sina Joaquin, Daniel at Ayden. They are all in the class.
"Monday na monday, nag c-cut ka ng class.." umiling siya.
I giggled. "Ikaw din naman, ah?"
Hinampas niya ako nang mahina. "I'm here because of you, stupid! Late ka na kay Miss Benzon!"
Tumawa na lang ako at sumiksik. I hugged Amethyst's waist and sighed. Hindi naman talaga masakit ang ulo ko. Hindi rin masama ang pakiramdam ko. Ni hindi ko nga maintindihan ang pakiramdam ko. Kung talaga bang lalagnatin ako o naiisip ko lang ito dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang mga nangyayari. Lalo na ang nararamdaman ko.
"Do you have anything to say?" Marahan niyang tanong.
Tiningala ko siya para ngusuan. I don't have anything to say. Ni hindi ko nga alam ang nararamdaman ko, paano ko sasabihin?
"Don't tell me you want a kiss.." her face looked disgusted. "Anastasia, my sexual preferences aren't women."
I cackled hard. Bumangon akong tumatawa saka tinulak siyang palayo.
"Amethyst!" I exclaimed.
She laughed and pulled my hair gently. "Ngumuso ka kasi!"
Akmang hihilahin ko rin ang buhok niya nang makita ko si Faye na naglalakad patungo sa amin. She's holding a soft drink and a junk food. Umangat ang kilay ko. What a perfect combination.
"Bakit hindi niyo ako sinasama?" Asik niya.
Kumunot ang noo ni Amethyst habang inaabot na ngayon ang pagkaing dala ni Faye.
"You didn't attend the class?" She inquired.
Faye shrugged and sat beside us. "I told Miss Benzon that I feel sick."
Tumawa si Amethyst saka kumuha ng cheese curls. Nakikuha na rin ako.
Amethyst glanced at me. "You know what? I feel that our friend right here is the one who's really sick."
Lumipat ang tingin sa akin ng Faye. "May sakit ka, Asia?"
Umiling agad ako at inagaw ang soft drink. Amethyst tried to get it from me. Tinabig ko siya para makainom nang maayos.
"You look sick. Sigurado kang hindi masama ang pakiramdam mo?" Am asked.
I shook my head gave the drink to Amethyst. Ibinaba niya naman iyon at hindi ininom.
"I am not sick." I rolled my eyes. "I am frustrated."
Faye laughed. "With Ayden?"
Amethyst giggled and pushed Faye. "Of course with Ayden!"
I frowned. How did they know? Wala naman akong pinagsabihang kahit na sino. Did Ayden tell them?
"How did you know?" Awang ang bibig na tanong ko.
Umirap si Amethyst. "Hindi kayo nagpapansinan ni Ayden. Halatang-halata naman."
I gulped. Bumaling ako kay Faye na ngayon ay nakangisi habang nilalantakan ang junk food na dala niya. I glanced back to Amethyst. She's now raising her brows at me.
"Ano bang pinag-awayan ninyo?"
"We're one of you jealous?"
Lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Naiinis kong iniladlad ang panyo ko at inihampas iyon kay Amethyst. She laughed and defended herself.
"Shut up, Amethyst!" I irritably said.
"So.." ngumuso si Faye. "It was indeed jealousy."
I bit my lip. "It wasn't jealousy! I wasn't even jealous!"
Agad silang nagkatinginan saka tumawa nang malakas. I became even more frustrated. Inagaw ko na lang ang balot ng junk food at itinaktak sa bibig ko ang laman no'n. Mahina kong sinipa ang hita ni Faye na ngayon ay nakikipagtawanan pa rin kay Amethyst.
"Asia, binuko mo lang ang sarili mo!" Tawa ni Amethyst. "Hindi naman niya sinabing ikaw ang nagselos, bakit nag-react ka agad?"
Nangingiting lumapit lalo si Faye sa akin, naghahanda para sa mga ikukwento ko. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Why did I even reacted that fast? I am overreacting! What the heck?!
"And this quarrel started back when some girl from 7th grade gave him a drink.." Am stated while raising her brow and forcing herself not to smile more.
Kinamot ko ang ulo ko at bumuntong-hininga. Walang buhay akong tumingin kay Amethyst. Lumapit din siya para pakinggan ang sasabihin ko. I guess I should tell them about this. They're my friends now.
"Okay.." I breathed deeply. "These past few weeks, I've been really feeling weird. I don't even know what I feel. I can't say it."
Hininaan ko ang boses ko. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa mga hitsura nilang seryosong-seryosong nakikinig.
Nagsimulang kumabog na naman nang malakas ang dibdib ko. I don't know if I'm ready to tell it but I am here anyways.
"You know, Ayden is my bestfriend.." kinagat ko ang labi ko. "I know that we are growing, we are meeting new people, experiencing things without each other.."
Isang buntong-hininga na naman ang pinakawalan ko. I really don't understand. Is this how dumb I am?
"And?" Amethyst urged.
"I don't want that to happen." I whispered.
Faye pouted with a little smile on her lips. Tumango-tango siya habang tinignan ako.
"I was frustrated when he accepted a drink from a girl.." nanginig ang labi ko. "I was uncomfortable when I saw him sitting with Danica.. I wasn't even feeling good whenever I see girls watching him in every practice."
Pumikit ako nang mariin saka bumalik sa pagkakahiga sa bench. I sighed and bit my lips again to distract myself.
"Do I smell possessiveness?" Faye inquired.
Natanaw ko si Amethyst na humiga sa kasunod na bleacher sa baba ko. Faye stoop up and lay down the bleacher higher than me.
"I think I smell fear of losing a bestfriend." si Amethyst.
She's right. That's one thing I am scared about. Takot akong mawala siya sa akin. Pero ang mas kinatatakot ko ay ang baka may mas malalim pa akong dahilan kung bakit ayaw ko siyang mawala sa akin.
"No.. I smell feelings, Amethyst."
Agad na bumangon si Amethyst saka tinapik ang nakahigang si Faye. Walang gana ko siyang nilingon habang malakas pa rin ang kabog ng puso.
"Hey! That's dangerous. Don't say that!"
Faye shrugged. "Love is dangerous."
Amethyst looked at me with wide eyes. Bumalik iyon ay Faye at sa akin ulit. I frowned at her. Parang may iniisip na bumalik siya sa pagkakahiga.
I continued staring at the blue sky. The clouds were slowing moving because of the wind. It looks so peaceful.
"What if Ayden wants to have a girlfriend, what will you do?"
Agad na kumirot ang puso ko sa tanong niya. Napalunok ako nang hindi mahanap ang mga salitang dapat kong isagot.
"I t-think.." I cleared my throat. "I'll be happy for him.."
Whenever your bestfriend is happy, then you should be happy for him. Be glad that he's happy, even if you are not the reason.
"Think of Ayden not spending time with you because he already has a girlfriend, what would you do?"
Parang may nagbara sa lalamunan ko at nahirapan akong huminga. My heart was racing.
"I would u-understand, of course."
I fixed my eyes to the sky. Ngayon ay sinisilip na ako ni Amethyst habang nakatukod ang siko niya sa kahoy na bleacher. She's raising her brows.
Will I really understand? Will I be okay with him not being around because he already has his girl? Will it affect me? Will it hurt me?
"Okay.. Let's just hope that you are being honest.." bumalik siya sa pagkakahiga. "I think you should listen to yourself."
We just stayed there until the classes ended. Matapos sabihin iyon ni Amethyst ay hindi na siya nagsalita. I didn't understand her, to be honest. What does she mean by listening to myself? I don't even know what I am feeling! How would I listen?
Amethyst and Faye bid goodbye to me. They are group mates in Math class and they have a schedule. Naiwan akong mag-isa pa rin sa field habang nakaupo sa bleachers. I don't want to stay here anymore but I'm too tired to leave. Wala akong ganang umuwi. Overthinking drains me.
Palubog na ang araw. Magkahalong asul at kahel na ang kulay ng langit. I sighed and looked at the clouds again. How I wish I could feel peacefulness like the clouds does.
I glanced at my side when I felt something. Nagtaka ako agad nang makita kong nakalapag sa gilid ko ang bag ko. Tiningala ko ang may dala no'n. My heart started beating fast when I saw Ayden.
I bit my lower lip and looked away. Hinila ko na lamang ang bag ko at niyakap iyon. I felt him sat beside me. Hindi siya gaanong malapit pero kaba pa rin ang nanaig sa puso ko.
"Hindi ka pa ba uuwi?"
I shivered when I heard his voice. I gulped hard.
"Hindi pa.."
Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw niya. Kinuha niya ang isang itim na notebook galing sa bag niya at pinadulas iyon papunta sa akin. I looked at it. Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya matapos no'n.
"You missed a lecture." He cleared his throat.
Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Akmang kukunin ko na iyon nang bigla akong mapatigil. I looked at him. He's staring at me with a soulful eyes.
"H-hindi na, Ayden.. Hihiram na lang ako kay Daniel."
Marahan kong pinadulas ang notebook pabalik sa kaniya. Kumunot ang noo niya at ibinalik sa akin ang tingin.
"Why?"
Umiwas ako ng tingin. "Mayroon niyan si Daniel. Sa kaniya na lang ako manghihiram.."
"You always borrow lectures from me. Bakit kay Daniel ka na hihiram ngayon?" Agad niyang sabi.
Humampas nang malakas ang dibdib ko. I shook my head and forced myself to look okay.
"B-baka kasi makaabala sa 'yo. I don't need it, Ayden. Kay Daniel na lang.."
His lips parted. Tila naguguluhan sa inaakto ko. I looked down.
"Kunin mo na ito, Anastasia." Pilit niya.
"Ayden!"
Sabay kaming napalingon sa tumawag. My heart tugged when I saw Danica walking towards us. She's smiling widely while looking at Ayden. Nang makalapit siya ay agad siyang tumabi. She didn't even look at me. Ipinatong niya ang kamay sa braso ni Ayden.
"Do you have a lecture kanina? I wasn't able to write notes, e."
Ayden nodded. "Yeah. Pero, sa iba ka na lang manghiram. I am gonna give Anastasia my lecture.."
They both glanced at me. Umiling ako saka pilit na ngumiti. Nagmamadali kong isinukbit ang bag ko saka tumayo. I fixed my skirt and pulled my knee high socks.
"Uuwi na ako, Ayden. Salamat na lang. Ayos na ako sa lecture ni Daniel."
Nagwawala ang puso na tinalikuran ko siya. I started half running to get away. Narinig ko pang tinawag niya ang pangalan ko pero hindi ako lumingon. I hardly closed my eyes and ran away. Malakas pa rin ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang makapasok sa kotse.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at pinilit na huwag nang lingunin ang field. I inhaled deeply to calm my heart. I shouldn't be panicking. There's no reason to be nervous.
Habang palayo ang kotse ay hindi ko rin napigilang lingunin sila. Danica was facing Ayden, still holding his arm, while Ayden is looking at our car, holding his notebook.
I looked away. Alam kong hindi niya ako kita mula sa labas pero ayokong makita ang ganoong kalapit si Danica sa kaniya. I'm uncomfortable with it.
Nang makauwi ay wala akong ibang inisip kung hindi ang iniwan ko sa field. Pumasok ako ng bahay na lumilipad ang utak, ni hindi ko napansin na nandoon ang mommy ko at may bisita pa.
"Oh! My darling is here!"
Lumapit sa akin si mommy saka niyakap ako ay hinalikan ang pisngi ko. I frowned. She doesn't normally do this.
"Anastasia, meet your Tita Mabelle.." magiliw niyang sabi.
Nilingon ko ang babae. Umawang ang labi ko sa ganda niya. Her smile is so sweet. Maaliwalas ang mukha niya at pino ang mga galaw. I smiled at her.
I bowed my head a little. "Pleasant to meet you, Tita Mabelle.."
She smiled at me and patted my head. "Rustesia, you have a very beautiful young lady! I didn't know your daughter is this gorgeous!"
I blushed. Her voice is sweeter than her smile. Nilingon ko si mommy na nakangiti.
"Kanino pa ba magmamana?" My mom laughed.
Naglakad pabalik sa sofa sina mommy para ipagpatuloy ang merienda nila. I formally sat down. Nanatili akong tahimik at nakinig lamang sa pag-uusap nila.
"I knew she would fit!" Masayang sabi ni Tita Mabelle.
I looked at mommy again. Fit where? I don't know what they're talking about.
"Can you stand again, hija?" She asked.
Ngumiti ako at tumango. I stood up straight. Sumenyas si mommy na umikot ako. Naguguluhan man ay ginawa ko pa rin.
"What's your height?"
"Uhh.." I tried to remember. "165 cm, tita.."
Tumango siya. "And you're fifteen?"
"Fourteen." I said.
Ngumiti siya pabalik kay mommy. Matapos iyon ay pinaakyat na ako ng ina ko. I didn't even understand what's going on. Hindi ko alam ang pakay ng magandang babaeng iyon. Maybe I'll just ask mom later.
Nang makarating sa kuwarto ay agad kong inihagis ang bag ko, hindi na ako nagpalit. I locked the door and opened my laptop. Agad kong hinanap ang natabunang pangalan ng pinsan ko.
To Daniel Salazar:
Send me your lectures.
I hit sent and left it. Nagmamadali akong pumunta sa bintana para sumilip. Nang wala naman akong makitang kakaiba ay isinara ko na iyon, pati ang kurtina. I made sure it's locked before going back to my laptop.
I checked my inbox and it was a lot messages from boys. One of it was from Clyde.
From Christian Clyde:
Hey! It's my birthday tomorrow. I just want to know if you're free? I wanted to invite my friends to celebrate.
I seen him. Hindi na ako nagreply dahil ayoko namang pumunta. I scrolled down my news feed. All I see was some of my classmates partying, shared posts about the new iPhone, and class rants. Napatigil ako ng may makitang picture ng dalawang nakatalikod na tao. Isang babae at isang lalaki. They were sitting. Ang lalaki ay sa upuan nakaupo habang ang babae ay sa desk. It was Danica and she's laughing in the picture.
Parang nahirapan akong lumunok nang titigan ko kung sino ang lalaking nakatalikod. I cannot see his face, but I know who he was.
One of Danica's friend, Madeline, posted it. Ang caption ay, "It's the girlfriend over the bestfriend.." with a tongue out emoji.
Kumirot ang puso ko sa post na iyon. Agad kong isinara ang laptop ko saka inilayo iyon sa akin. I held my chest and felt my heart exploding. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my heart. Parang nahihirapan akong huminga dahil sa reaksiyon ng dibdib ko.
I bit my lip. Biglang nag-init ang gilid ng mga mata ko. I pulled my blanket and cover my eyes. What the heck is happening to me?
Is Danica now Ayden's girlfriend? Why would they post something like this if she's not? Ayden didn't tell me about this. He never mentioned her to me..
Kumirot ang puso ko saka tinabunan ng kumot ang sarili ko. I feel like crying. I want to cry. No, I need to cry. Ang bigat sa dibdib. Parang ang sakit. What is happening? I am so confused.
Sunod-sunod ang tulo ng luha ko na agad-agad ko ring pinupunasan. I sighed and opened my laptop again. Tumutulo pa rin ang luha ko habang hinahanap ang post na nakita ko kanina. It is really Ayden. I know it. Some of the guys from the soccer team even commented.
Evren Enriquez:
I knew it
Jonas Salcedo:
So, akin na 'yong bestfriend niya?
Psalm Sarmiento:
@Jonas hindi. Sa akin 'yon.
Justin Nuñez:
Akin si kontinente.
Lalong kumirot ang puso ko nang lumabas ang pangalan ni Joaquin sa comments. He congratulated them.
Joaquin Avellaneda:
Congrats! Stay strong. lol!
Is this official? Is this real? Joaquin knew it?
Mabilis kong inialis ang post na iyon. My heart is aching. I don't know why. He didn't tell me about this. He never mentioned anything about her. Bakit sinasabi ng iba na sila na nga?
Pinunasan ko ang pisngi ko at bumalik sa inbox. I sniffed and opened Daniel's message.
From Daniel Salazar:
Ayden has a girlfriend? I didn't know that.
Namuo na naman ang mga luha ko. Kahit nanlalabo ang paningin ko ay nagtipa ako ng reply sa kaniya.
To Daniel Salazar:
The hell I care. Send me the lectures.
I opened the message of Clyde again. I typed my reply to him.
To Christian Clyde:
Advance happy birthday, Clyde! Of course, I'm free. See you tomorrow!
I hit send and closed my laptop. Matapos iyon ay sumubsob na ako sa unan at doon inilabas ang sama ng loob ko. Why didn't he tell me? Akala ko ba ay ayaw niyang mawala ako? Bakit siya pa ang naunang magkaroon kaysa sa akin? Akala ko ba hindi ko na kailangang magsabi sa kaniya na ayaw ko siyang makitang may kasamang ibang babae dahil gagawin niya iyon mismo para sa akin? What happened now?
I don't know why am I hurting. Maybe because I felt betrayed. Or maybe because I expected this, but still wasn't prepare to face it.
Will Ayden stop loving me because he's got a girl now? Will he change seat? Will he stop eating lunch with us? Will he forget about me for her?
Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal bago nakatulog. Inisip ko lang iyon buong gabi. I didn't even know why I was crying or why I was hurting. All I know is I don't want to see him, or talk to him. Maybe that's the reason why he didn't sneak into my room last night. Because Danica doesn't want him to be with me anymore.
The next day came and I wasn't even on my body. Kinakabahan at walang gana akong pumasok sa room. Before I attended the class, I made sure to fix myself at the bathroom. I don't want to look like mess.
"Blooming.." Amethyst teased.
Umirap ako. "Shut up, Am."
"Totoo bang kapag nasasaktan ang babae, gumaganda?" It's Faye.
Tahimik akong umupo sa puwesto ko. I ran my fingers through my hair and didn't mind Ayden. Nagkunwari akong wala siya sa tabi ko saka nagfocus na lamang sa lectures na ngayon ko pa lang gagawin dahil hindi ko naman nakita ang sinend ni Daniel.
Ayden stayed silent, too. Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses siyang umubo. Kinakabahan man ay pinilit kong huwag magpahalata. It's a normal day. Nothing's wrong. Hindi dapat masaktan, hindi dapat umiyak.
"Anastasia, I need to check you work on chemistry–"
"Amethyst checked it last night." Mabilis at malamig kong tugon sa kaniya.
Natahimik siya sa sinabi ko at hindi na nagsalita. Truth is, Amethyst didn't check it. Wala pa nga akong gawa dahil buong gabi akong gulong-gulo.
"And your english work?" Usisa niya.
"I'm done."
Isinara ko ang history notebook ko at inilapag sa mesa ni Daniel ang kaniya. I'm not yet done writing notes. Nawalan lang ako ng gana.
"Are you really done? O iniiwasan mo lang ako–"
"Bobo ba ako sa paningin mo? You think I can't do things without you?"
Padarag kong ibinaba ang history book sa mesa. He clenched his jaw and looked at me straight in the eyes. Namuo ang inis ko at parang gusto ko na namang umiyak. I rolled my eyes instead. Binitbit ko ang bag ko at lumipat ng upuan. He didn't even followed his eyes through me. Nanatili siyang parang na-estatwa sa sinabi ko.
I stayed serious throughout the whole morning class. Hindi na ako bumalik sa pwesto ko at hindi naman ako pinilit na bumalik. Danica even tried to sit on my chair but Ayden immediately placed his bag there. I wanted to laugh.
Lunch came and when I saw Ayden on the table with the gang, I decided to just eat alone. I don't want any interaction with him.
"Anastasia! Bakit mag-isa ka rito?"
Nilingon ko ang tumawag. I don't know him. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagkain at hindi siya sinagot.
Sumuot siya sa ilalim ng bleachers kung nasaan ako. I frowned at him. Is he joining me?
"I don't know you. Please excuse yourself." Malamig kong sabi.
Napangiwi ang lalaki sa akin. I continued eating and sipped on my drink.
"I'm Justin. Justin Nuñe–"
I shrugged. "I didn't ask. Excuse yourself now."
Nalaglag ang panga niya sa sinabi ko. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just not in the mood to talk.
Dahan-dahan siyang lumayo para umalis sa tabi ko. I forced myself to smile at him.
"Thank you very much. I appreciate it." Bago pa siya makalayo ay sumigaw ako. "You can dance me on prom!"
Nakita kong nanlaki ang mga mata niya saka tumango nang sunod-sunod. I chuckled and continued eating.
When I came back, I still didn't sat beside Ayden. Ni hindi ko siya tinignan. Danica were all smiled when I entered. Masayang-masaya pa atang hindi ko tinabihan ang boyfriend niya.
Afternoon class ended and we were dismissed. Magkakasabay kaming lumabas nina Faye dahil madilim na rin nang humarang si Clyde sa amin. He was smiling at me. Agad kong naalala ang napag-usapan namin kagabi. I smiled back and turned to Amethyst and Faye.
"Maiiwan muna ako. We'll just have a talk."
Kumunot ang noo ni Faye. "Asia, nagdidilim na. Uwi na tayo.."
Umiling ako. "Nandiyan naman na ang driver ko. Mauna na kayo."
Tumango si Faye saka hinila si Amethyst. Am was raising her brows, parang ayaw niya pang umalis pero nahila na siya. Lumingon ako kay Clyde saka ngumiti ulit.
"Happy birthday!" I greeted. "Paano ako makakabawi? Wala akong regalo, e.."
Tumawa siya. Naglakad siya patungo sa kotse at sumunod naman ako.
"Ayos lang, masaya na akong pupunta ka." He opened the door of their car.
Luminga muna ako para tignan ang kotse namin. Wala iyon dahil ang sabi ko ay sasabay ako kay Daniel. Of course, I lied. May pupuntahan akong iba kaya naman hindi ako nagpasundo.
"Saan ba tayo?" I asked.
Ngumiti siya. "Sa bahay lang namin, Asia. Family at friends lang ang inimbita ko, e."
I nodded. Akmang papasok na ako nang maalala ko ang babala ni Ayden sa akin. I looked at Clyde. He smiled at me. He doesn't look dangerous.
I forced myself to enter the car but my body refused. I bit my lips. Umusbong ang kaba sa dibdib ko nang hindi nilisan ni Ayden ang utak ko.
"Pasok na, Asia.." he smiled widely. "They're waiting for us."
Huminga ako nang malalim. "Sino-sino nga ulit ang nandoon?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Family and friends, Asia. Pumasok ka na."
Hinawakan niya ang likod ko para alalayan. I convinced myself to just enter the car because I know that Clyde is a good guy but my body won't cooperate. Something in me is stopping me.
Nagdidilim na ang paligid at kakaonti na ang kotse sa parking lot. I glanced at Clyde and he was still smiling at me, convincing me to get in the car.
"Asia, mahuhuli na tayo.." ulit niya. "Pumasok ka na."
Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mata ko at inihakbang ang paa ko. I saw the driver's eyes on the mirror and his gaze sent shivers down my spine. Agad akong napahawak sa pinto ng kotse para pigilan iyon sa pagsara. Nanginginig ang kamay na lumabas ako ro'n.
"I'm sorry, Clyde.." agad kong sabi. "Naalala kong pinapauwi pala ako ni mommy nang maaga.."
Nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. He frowned and grip the door tightly.
"You said yes, Asia.." madilim niyang sabi. "Pumasok ka na sa loob. Iuuwi kita sa bahay."
Lumagabog ang dibdib ko sa sinabi niya. Agad akong umiling saka lumayo sa pintuan ng kotse. My lips quivered.
"H-hindi na, Clyde. Uuwi na lang ako sa amin."
Marahas niyang binitiwan ang pinto at agad na lumapit sa akin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at agad na sinubukang lumayo. He held my wrist and pulled me closer to him.
Nanginig ako sa takot. I wanted to scream but I cannot move.
"Get inside the car, Anastasia." Mariin niyang sabi. "Or I'll drag you inside."
Nanginginig akong umiling. His grip was so tight that my wrist is already hurting. Tumulo ang luha ko sa takot. Lalo akong hindi nakagalaw.
He pulled me hard to get me inside the car. Pilit akong nanlaban ngunit masyado siyang malakas.
"N-no, Clyde!" Sa wakas ay may lumabas ding boses sa akin.
"Shut up! Get inside, Asia!"
Pilit akong nagpumiglas. "P-please, no! Clyde, no!"
He harshly held my waist to carry me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping that someone could hear me. He slammed me onto the car. Halos mawalan ako ng malay sa lakas no'n. Pilit kong hinawakan ang baywang ko para alisin ang kapit niya sa akin ngunit malakas siya.
"Pakipot ka pa, alam ko namang gusto mo rin!"
Sunod-sunod na luha ang lumandas sa pisngi ko. Pilit pa rin akong nanlalaban kahit nanghihina na ako. When he finally succeeded to carry me, that's when I had the strength to scream again.
"A-ayden!"
He pushed his palm on my mouth to stop me making sound. Lalong nanaig ang takot sa akin nang makita kong lumabas ang driver niya na natatandaan kong kasama rin sa soccer team. He's a student for goodness sake! What is the meaning of this!?
Bumagsak akong bigla sa sahig nang may malakas na puwersang humatak kay Clyde palayo sa akin. Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko dahil sa mga luha. I saw Clyde laying down. A man was punching and strangling him. Bumagsak ang kamay ko dahil sa panghihina. I saw another man running towards Clyde.
The man who pulled Clyde away from me immediately walked to me when someone came. Lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko nang umupo siya sa harap ko at hinawakan ang pisngi ko. My lips parted. He wiped my tears away. My vision was blurry but I managed to identify him.
"A-ayden.." I whispered.
"Ang tigas-tigas ng ulo mo!" His voice shivered.
Lalong bumuhos ang luha ko. Isang mura ang narinig ko mula sa lalaking kadarating lamang na ngayon ay sumugod din kay Clyde.
"Bakit hindi ka nakinig sa akin!?" He roared
I held Ayden's hand on my cheeks and cried hard. He was right. I should've listen to him when he said that I shouldn't be near Clyde. He was right all along.
Nanghihina man ay pinilit kong yumakap sa kaniya. I pulled him closer to me. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko nang ipaubaya na sa kaniya ang bigat ko. I feel too weak.
"Shh.." he whispered. "It's okay.. I'm here now.."
Lalo akong umiyak nang maramdamang kalmado na siya. Hinigpitan ko ang yakap ko sa kaniyang leeg. He enveloped his arms on my waist and kissed my temple.
"I'm here, Anastasia.. I won't let him hurt you." He kissed my temple again. "I will protect you."
Wala akong nagawa kung hindi isubsob ang mukha ko sa balikat niya habang patuloy pa rin ang pag-iyak. Lalo akong kumapit dahil sa takot na baka mawala siya sa paningin ko gaya ng kanina. Pati ang panginginig ng katawan niya ay ramdam ko.
They say that when you are in love, you will feel peace in the arms of the person you love even when the world is collapsing. You will feel protected and safe even when everything else around you is starting to fall apart.
When you are in love, you will feel alright even when the truth is, it's not.
I hear curses and shouting. I hear scary sounds all around me. As I close my eyes with his arms wrapped around me, I am certain that nothing will go wrong anymore. Ayden is here. He will never leave me. He will protect me with everything that he's got. He loves me more than anyone else.
Marahan akong bumitiw sa leeg niya para makita siya. I sniffed, with tears on my cheeks. I looked straight into his eyes. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang magkakahalong emosyon na hindi ko na mabasa kung ano. I didn't leave his eyes and he didn't leave mine. I started at him as long as I can.
Dumapo ang mga mata ko kay Clyde na binubugbog ni Daniel. Umusbong na naman ang takot sa dibdib ko at nagsimulang tumulo ang panibagong mga luha.
"Look into my eyes, Anastasia.." he ordered. "Just look at me.. Just me.."
He wiped my tears again. He exhaled deeply and hardly shut his eyes. He looked worried and scared. Nang dumilat siya ay malamlam na ang mga mata niya. He held my cheeks.
"Never.. ever.. leave my side again.."
Pinagdikit niya ang noo naming dalawa. Lalong namuo ang mga luha ko nang tuluyang nawala ang takot sa dibdib ko. Suddenly, everything was peaceful again. Suddenly, my heart isn't scared anymore. And suddenly, what I feel is getting clearer and clearer to me now.
The only thing that never leaves my mind was a question.
Am I in love?