How hard is it to be love, be loved — or to love someone. Would it cost me harm, is it worth it to risk for when you know what's in store. But that won't stop you when what if's, chances, hope, fate comes your way.
When you believing in love comes your way.
That's when you know you're fucked. Completely fucked.
How can you ignore it when it's all around you. From the taste of something you love, from the touch of a texture you treasure, from the smell of flashbacks striking your mind, from the moment of running barefoot into the sea with all your mighty trust — knowingly you might drown with the cold needling your warm skin, from the moment you open your eyes to wake to see you're still alive and you realize how thankful you are.
Love is everywhere in disguise, covered with dust and shreds of tears.
But love hurts, and without any trace of pain within the shallows of love, it wouldn't be close to being real.
Love is like a string. Could be strong like the mountain climbers rope. It could be free, like the string of a kite freely dancing through the wind. Or it could be vulnerable, like a violin's string. It's unsure, but it's proven.
My phone vibrates upon my coat pockets, my hand instantly reaching for it.
From Harry : Is your me time over. Can I be with you now.
My steps halts my body in the middle of the side curb, phone tight upon my palms. I've been out since daylight and now the sun has went to sleep and so did some people, I thought.
From Louisa : Has been since hours.
From Harry : Need company then?
From Louisa : Got anyone in mind?
From Harry : You're talking to that person right now.
I stared at his message, debating whether it was right to see or meet him at my current confusion of a state. But he's Harry. I cannot run out on him or be away too long. He needed me just as I needed him.
My phone vibrated again,
From Harry : I'm coming, wait for me.
•
Harry
The sky swallows the colors, turning darker as hours pass. She's still not back home. I was starting to get worried and anxious. She's out, alone, without me, somewhere or anywhere. Is she safe? I patiently wait for her in the living room, alone. I hear the own ticks of the clock, awaiting for my phone to break the awkward silence between the air and I. But I heard nothing still.
Where is she. Why isn't she home yet?
I didn't want to worry. But I was. I just needed her here with me, right by my side where I can keep my eyes on her to protect her. I know I shouldn't be all worked up, I know I was overreacting.
But I wasn't used at the fact she was away.
My ego was strong as I remembered her words last night, "It isn't your place to worry about."
Then why am I here worrying about you, Louisa, even if it isn't my place. Those words cut me that stitches wouldn't heal the wound. And yet, I know she didn't mean that.
I lost the war between my mind and anger. I texted her and as soon as she replied and seen zoned me then, I wouldn't take no for an answer. We've had a disagreement, whatever it was, but that didn't mean I stopped caring. Neither did she.
I walked by through the night, hands in my leathered jacket, heart pounding that I'll see her. It was no excitement. It was no nervousness. It was anxiousness. I didn't know what I'll say. I didn't know what I'll do. I wanted to believe things didn't change but why does it feel it did.
Why does it feel like I lost apart of me.
She's at the Tower Bridge, waiting for me. I wanted to believe she was waiting for me. But no, I brought myself here. I called her. I wanted to be here. I know I was disturbing her peace. But it's Louisa, when it came to me or us I know I was safe and I shouldn't hesitate with her because she wouldn't judge me for whatever decision I made.
It was like an invitation through the night. No one was here. It was just me and soon to be us alone. Almost as though it was meant to be. And by the blues of the bridge light reflecting upon the canal water, I see her figure by the rail and her brown hair dancing with the wind.
I walk closer to her, watching her every stiff movement, awaiting for her to acknowledge me. With my heavy footsteps scraping the pavement ground, she hears me arriving. She turns around, that powdered — waves blue now kissing her glassed skin with the glimmering water below us shadowing her features.
She was playing songs on her phone. It was loud, but loud to hear just between the two of us. "Hi." She quietly greets me, that familiar twirl of a smile coming to her face. Cheeks were red and eyes were tired. "Hey." I whisper, standing beside her by the rail.
Silence comes again, kissing each of our lips to shut us up. I hear her songs playing but I didn't know what it was. But I liked it. I always liked her taste of tunes coming together even though they were often different. I didn't know what to say and I'm sure neither did she. My throat was stuck in between, no words to dare spill out.
"I'm sorry." I say, breathing out air that collapse in my chest.
"I'm sorry, too." She whispers.
I smiled small, hearing her voice and the softness of it that a paper could cut through. She was sad, I know it. I wasn't sure why. But I couldn't ask why either. I know if she wanted to tell me, she would. I think it's my place not to know. If she's ready to speak to me, she will.
"Tour is soon." I reminded her, leaning my elbows on the rail, inching my face to the side to take a look at her.
"It is. I'm gonna see the world."
"In Paris, I'll take you to the love bridge." I told her, looking away again, not wanting to see her expression.
"Who else did you take there?" She questions.
"Just you." I answer honestly.
"Doesn't that symbolizes love forever?" She asks again.
"Yes. It does. Our love will last forever." I mutter, knowing it. If things do end between us, I know our love won't.
"What makes you sure?" She asks again.
"It isn't about being sure, it's about knowing it." I cackle softly, standing up straight from my leaning position to finally face her. She looks at me suspiciously, a small smile playing on her tinted mouth.
"Didn't they ban it? Because the Council said the locks are causing a degradation of the heritage." She laughs quietly, shaking her head.
"Then we'll break the law." I say quickly, determined to let her know nothing can get in the way of our friendship.
She raises a brow, giggling quietly at my silliness. "You're acting silly, Harry. We shouldn't."
"We should. Together."
We stare at each other for a few seconds, a disbelief expression on her face. I know I was being odd and too out of place. But with her, I know I can achieve anything and any adventure on its way.
"Promise you won't leave me?" She says, a frown approaching her face.
Sadness aches my bones from her words and my heart merely stopped beating for a second that I'd fall into her arms. The only thing that concerned me was, why would she tell me something like that?
"If you promise you won't leave me first, Louisa."
"I promise you, I won't, whatever it takes, even if it tears me apart, I won't." She smiles sadly.
She rushes to my arms, embracing me tightly and knocking the wind off of me. Her fingers gripped my leathered jacket, face smooshed onto my chest that my necklace tugged down. I hold her, hiding her away and resting my cheek on top of her head. She was an emotional wreck right now. It was clear to me even though she was an expert on staying composed. Others wouldn't realize that she's going through something right now because that's how perfect she was on hiding her emotions.
But, I knew. Because I felt it from the way she held me, from the way she called my name, and from the way she looked at me.
I hear her playlist and as I thought things couldn't be any more perfect, Coldplay — Ink starting playing. Our band. Our song.
"Got a tattoo that said "together through life"
Carved in your name with my poker knife
And you wonder when you wake up, will it be alright
Feels like there's something broken inside
All I know
All I know
Is that in lost whenever you go
All I know is that I love you so
So much that it hurts"
With her in my arms, everything felt better. And with her figure shield away to be warmer, I felt safer. And with the sound of the music making love to our ears, I felt like nothing could ever end this feeling with her.
I love her, and I knew even in another world, I still couldn't have her. She wouldn't ever get to satisfy me, because I wouldn't get enough of her. If I were honest, no one deserved her. And if I could change anything, I wouldn't. In this life and in this role, I'm her friend.
And that's just till there and we were both happy with it.
I didn't feel anything more for Louisa, and even if I did, I wouldn't dare hold onto it. Because just as I promised now, I wouldn't leave her if she didn't leave me first. And if I were selfish to love her as my lover, I know she'd leave me first at the end. Because I'm a reckless lover.
How would I keep my promise then?
There would be nothing left of us and just broken promises that were tossed away like the keys from the locks that were soon to be removed from where they stayed.
"Louisa?" I called her name.
"Harry."
"Let's get a tattoo right now." I whisper the wildest idea that came to me to remember this night forever.
"What tattoo?" She asks, none fear covering her silky voice.
"Together through life." I murmur the song lyrics that were sung just seconds ago.
"Together through life." She repeats.
And from now on, our adventures will begin.