♡♡♡
Did somebody ever notice here how this sweet angel was often there in many imagines? Like for Safe Haven?
Isn't it obvios this guy is one of my favorite? As of now when I started writing this, I could only feel anger towards the producers and sadness for him.
There was nothing wrong with his voice. It's his accent. It's kind of stupid to make it a reason. If anything, his voice stood out and mixed well with the other boys.
So this is my tribute for Hanbin. Please do not let us ever forget him.
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"The moon split in half and the stars crumbled, falling like fireworks into the sea.
I watched my world fall apart the day my love left me"
Christy Ann Martine
~~~
"If this was a movie, we'll forget everything that happens and you'll come back to me", Y/N
"If this was a movie, I wouldn't hear you say those word, you'll not let go and I'm still there in your side", Hanbin
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Flashes. Memories. Tears. Breaking Hearts.
This past five months has gone on in your life with you living fine, can still smile and laugh to almost everyone. You're not ever pretending you're okay because it really is.
The single life has more benefits. The comments of the people around you however is not alright that sometimes if you could throw anything, you wanted to throw stones in their heads, better it be to their open mouths.
What's wrong with breaking the heart of your ex, Hanbin?
What's wrong with seeing his tears in his face before you turn around and get onto the taxi waving bye?
What really is wrong is the memories coming into flashes one by one in your mind whenever you walk into the street where his dance group usually can be find performing.
What really is wrong that you have to let go of him in order to find yourself and in doing so, did Hanbin found losing himself.
And perhaps if this was a movie, you can wish a rewind to settle it all back to normal or fast forward to get the ending in your hands like your life was out of a script,
But then if this was a movie, everything that happens with him wouldn't be real.
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Wasn't it strange how life sometimes can be playful? For instance, your day was supposed to be spent only for yourself. You rejected any invite from your friends to hang out to their houses or any places of their whims. You thought that finally after the exams and the rather sleepless nights of reviewing, unwinding alone in a park or just merely walking through the city, looking at everyone is what will you're going to do.
Not until your Mom stopped you and ordered you to stay help your sister in her bakeshop.
Life has a funny way of making your day.
"Oh my god. Is this for real?", you muttered under your breath, reaching for another tray of cupcakes your sister Jennie passed to place on the shelves for every people passing by outside to see. "Why don't you get a helper instead of you and Mom? And then force me to be here?"
Settling down in the back, preparing the requested cake from one famous group, Jennie sighed at your complain. "As much as I want to, Mom doesn't like the idea thinking the helper we can get will steal money again from us"
"Yeah right. It's like every people for her couldn't be trusted anymore", you said after placing the cupcakes and appeared in the doorway, placing the tray down in the counter before ovens.
"Except for one guy but sadly, you did left him to be alone forever and be a widow", Jennie said in a heartbeat, smiling as she started decorating the cake with candy eggs in the top.
Frowning at her indication, of her lovable teasing since your break up with him, you looked down at her, at her gummy smile. "It's not like we're in a movie that no matter how a guy is nice, you have to stay for his happiness. What about mine?"
"Stop that monologue on me!", Jennie exclaimed as her joke, throwing a little lollipop in your way. "Movies is fake. You have to be realistic. You have to say Hanbin is a real catch"
You struggled not to say anything off-putting when she mentions the name and instead you smile, leaning down on the side. "You're one to talk when even you break up with that gorgeous named Kai"
Feeling you're turning the jokes on her, Jennie squint her eyes at you in little annoyance, saying, "For your information, his fans is what break us up. If it were me, we'll still be together but then I'm already happy with my three friends"
You grinned at the reminder of her lovable friends especially of the cutest for you. "When would Rosie unnie visit her again to munch all your sweets?"
Done with the cake and carefully putting it into a box, Jennie dramatically sigh as her first reply. "It's better for her not to be here or else my earning is burnout. You know that girl, she'll always ask for a free taste and will eat several sweet instead"
You chuckle remembering the last time her friend went there in the bakeshop with Lalisa and Jisoo. The three goes home winners with boxes of sweets from your sister who couldn't ever resist them giving what they want.
The doorbell in the front rungs out. A signal that a new customer comes in. You and Jennie shared a smile before she told you to keep an eye out on the still-baking macarons in one of the ovens and headed out to greet whoever it is.
"Please wait up here. I'll call my sister for the cake you requested yesterday", you heard Jennie politely says to them before she calls for you to bring out the cake which was placed exactly right in front of you.
Picking it up carefully and walking out of the door, you automatically put a smile in your face handing the box towards Jennie who is literally bursting out in happiness for no reason and it all makes sense when the customer called for your name.
You look to see it was Nicholas. "How have you been, Y/N?", he began cautiously, spotting the surprise in your face at his appearance along the other one beside him. Niki.
"I've been fine all this time", you awkwardly says but in your mind, you're wanting to slap yourself for that kind of answer. "What about you two?"
Niki was the one who answers giving you the familiar knowing smile that you're growing to hate. "Helping him cope at the fact his ex broke up with him for no reason. It's been real good for Hanbin".
Glancing at your sister to plea help. For her to get you out of this situation but you know what she did? Jennie gestured towards the guy wearing a neon green shirt facing the front door, watching the passerby in quietness. He didn't need to face you for you to know already who he was; the butterflies in your stomach was enough evidence, the thing you always felt in his presence.
Always the cause of your suffering even then, Niki calls out for him, "Hanbin! Come here!"
Hanbin as if he is frozen or not anticipating the call slightly jump out on where he stands, turned around and his eyes went slightly wide when his gaze met yours instantly, his smile that is frequently there falters a little. His big eyes with it's natural sparkle dims, and as if this was a movie in your life, there is an abrupt urge inside you to reach out.
Thankfully, Jennie cleared her throat pointedly, cutting off your eye contact with him and she turned her attention back on Nicholas, telling him the complete amount of the cake.
Then you were left to pretend that you hadn't noticed Niki before you sharing a look to Nicholas in a fraction of second. You pretend that you didn't know them bringing 'him' in purpose. You pretend not to struggle under the stare of your ex which hadn't left you since you focus on the chubby cheek of your sister..
Perhaps noticing your discomfort and he, Hanbin, as the nicest guy you've ever met excuses himself out of the front door. "I'll just be waiting for you at the corner. It seems I'm unneeded here"
When the door closes and Nicholas went to the cashier to pay towards your sister, Niki immediately leaned in the counter, the space separating the two of you, smirking smugly. "Isn't that the same thing you said to him five months ago? That he is unneeded in your life, isn't it?"
If Hanbin is the nicest guy, Niki can be the baddest once you had hurt one of his closed friends. He was even the first person who called you at the day you let go of the guy who once had been important part of your life but all story needed an end. Like in a movie, you need to find yourself first and you stupidly figure out, Hanbin is an obstacle to achieve it, so here you are suffering the outcome of your choices.
"Niki, let's go", Nicholas addresses him and nod his head outside where you deeply regret looking as you see Hanbin again peeking in the corner and well, it happens again, the twinge in your heart when you watched him with his friends walked away, disappearing in your sight.
Thinking about it now, of the day you break up all your connections with him, his eyes tearing up and reaching for your hand but you only pushed it away and left him standing alone in his apartment rooftop, you almost cry yourself.
What had went on in your mind to even do that to him? And you know deeply in your mind, there is no turning back in your choice. It is what it is.
It's over fo real.
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You swear to yourself, the things you could do to your sister is something your mother will be horrified to know and will reprimand you to be patient with the older sibling. Imagine you're in the middle of procrastinating at your assignments in your room, she knocked on your room and pleaded with her aegyo to deliver some of the orders because you know how to drive a car.
You relent at the knowledge that she will be paying you later and she'll let her friends visit again but you won't deny the pleasure of slapping her in the head once you get back home when you found yourself in front of the very familiar dance studio owned by Nishimura Riki's family.
Life is for sure laughing at you now as you eyed the doors cautiously, contemplating whether to step inside or call your sister for this rather wonderful plan with them, Niki and Nicholas who is clearly waiting for you to go, their figures waving in delight from the glass wall and beckoning for you to come deliver the cupcake.
Letting out a deep frustrated breath, you pushed the doors open, roving your glaring eyes on the two boys. They hadn't even ask for your permission before Niki take the boxes from you and Nicholas frogmarched you through the long hallway, ignoring your protests then pushed you inside one of the rooms.
"Hey! Open this! Let me out!", is what you can only say in futile, the door locking at your face and you knocked it hard but all you can hear outside was their gleeful laughs, their foosteps fading away, leaving you trapped there inside.
Peering over your shoulder to look for a window, your eyes instantly widen as it landed on a guy sleeping in the gleaming floor, his bag acting as his pillow and hearing the gasp in the room, he opened his eyes, looking up to see his ex girlfriend melting against the door.
Hanbin suddenly sat up in shock, but instead of the usual guys in the movie approaching the girl quickly, he backed away, his back meeting the wall, eyeing you apprehensively.
"Y-Y/N?", He called out your name, unsure of what will he do next. Even though he really want to hug you again that time, he knows you'll hate it. "What are you doing here?"
Getting now why his two friends locked you in there with him, you eyed him critically. He is still the same guy that you had broken up with, the one who was stammering his words as you continued staring at his face and slowly, did you approach him.
Sinking down to your knees before him, you hold his chin, checking the bags under his eyes that weren't there before. "Have you not sleeping a lot these days? I know when there is something bothering you, Hanbin"
Nothing comes out of his mouth. He just looked at your face, surely wondering why you of all people would dare ask it when you're the reason why. That is the same reason why Niki and Nicholas is desperate to get you two back together, to return the old happy Hanbin.
"The two friend of yours locked me in here and I know we both know why they did it. They even talked my sister into this"
Hanbin now get the reason Niki and Nicholas begged him to stay there and sleep, denying his want of going home. "So-sorry, I'll call them now to open the---"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm still not finish talking", you cut him off, placing a finger down to his lips. "Since we're here now and alone for the first time, I think we should talk it out"
He started protesting, removing your finger from his mouth, "Here I thought you didn't want to talk to me again---"
"Look, Hanbin, I know you're still hurt and must be scared of me right now, of what pain I could inflict in you again", You offered him a reassuring smile, scooting a little away and sit in a cross-legged form before him, "..but this time, I'm willing to listen to your issues with me. You can go shout your fury, hatred to my face if that's the only way I can lessen the heartbreak inside"
Hanbin wasn't willing to do it. Other than the fact that he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, your mere presence there before him put him into a spasms of longing and this urge to just beg you again to come back to him.
He was about to say something--though he doesn't know yet---when you stood up in your feet and paced around him, back and forth, seemingly panicking. "You're still hurt. Looking at you now, in your eyes, tells me everything I needed to know. All you want for me is to come back and mend every broken pieces between us"
"Y/N---"
"I regret it, Hanbin. I regret hurting you but how can I still return back to you when I'm enjoying my single life too much?"
For a moment, it feels like everything stops, though the both of you continue to feel the widening gap, all the memories between you fluttering away and your promises all slipping out. And you know what Hanbin did despite of all this flashing moment?
He still smiled at you as if you hadn't just said the exact wrong thing, as if the words from your mouth hadn't pierced through his aching heart, letting him know: that not only you feel sorry for him but what he wish for you to do will not happen anytime soon.
It may not even come to his favor in forever.
And now you made it worse as you added some more, "I still love you but it's still not enough for me to come back to what we've had. Let's just forget it ever happens"
All the color has drained from Hanbins face and you stared down at him, looking unmoved even though inside, you wanted come down and hug him, saying you'll come back but you're not the kind of person to take back your words, so you managed to keep it all inside.
The minute a sob broke out from his throat, you turned and ran back towards the door ready to call his friend, though before you could shout their names, before you could even catch your break, you felt two arms wrap itself around you, lifting you off your feet and brings you down with him on the floor
When Hanbin set you down, his eyes were shining in tears and he leaned in close, enough for you to hear the whisper. "I still love you too, Y/N and even if you don't want me anymore, I will wait for you to be ready again"
"What if it takes too long for me to be ready again? Will you still be there, Hanbin?"
Once again, he realizes you're staring at him again, only this time there was an emotion in your eyes and something about it has made him hopeful for you. "You know me, Y/N, I am never one to break a promise but you"
In the silence that follows, it's almost as if you two are back again on the same tense situation of the day you break up with him, he's crying and you're hesitating. Behind you the door is slowly opening, Niki and Nicholas's head were peeking in, cutting the muffled space between the two of you, it might as well be the quietest place on earth.
"And if you know me so well, you should now I'm never one to change my decisions", you says eventually, just before running out of the door and go out there in your car, not letting his friends trap you again into anything, managing to forget their payment as you pull out from the parking.
If this was a movie, Hanbin will come out of the doors yelling your name and will run towards your car, until you stop the engines, hurtling out of the door, running down back to where you'd last saw him, desperate to tell him that you're ready to break your own decision against your own volition,
But the truth is, this is the real life. If he really was and is for you, he will be coming back. Not now but soon.
If this was a movie, you'll be ready when that time comes to accept him again as yours and will never break him again in that turn.
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When you think about it, of how the movies frequently shows the couple getting back together eventually after so many years of being apart, there is a little truth in that nuance. Maybe if you had realised it earlier, five years wouldn't past like the glare of your car blinding him before and like he said, people are people, sometimes they change their minds, you and him would never break up in the first place.
For you, it seems pretty clear since you left him again in the dance studio that an end like that doesn't bode well but after it was followed by powerful wave of grief over him in a few days, did you find yourself waiting at the front steps of their house.
As if it was a movie, he stopped, frozen to his feet when he opens the door and sees you waving awkwardly in the threshold. You two stand there like that for a moment. In the next door beside his, you can hear Nicholas and Niki cheering for you take him up in your arms. In the sidewalk where your sister Jennie is waiting, shouted for you to do what his friends wanted.
Heaving up the courage from inside your chest and smiles at him, you extended your hand towards him, "Ready to start again with me, Hanbin?"
At first, you have a feeling this time he will be the one hurting you. He's the one hesitating, looking back at your hand then to your face, making sure that you were serious. You are and that really matters to him.
Hanbin smiled for the first time to you again and instead of taking your hand, he pulled you at the hem of your shirt, pressing himself against you, hugging you happily.
"Has anyone ever said to you how complicated of a girl you are, Y/N?", he says with a smile, stepping outside of the door and take your hand in his, "Although I may want to ask if this time, there's no turning back on your choice of getting back to me?"
"If you know me so well, you should know I'm never one to change my decisions", you said, tilting your head to the side to stare at his face.
"Right", Hanbin says, brightening up even more, "Even though you need to win me again. You need to take back my trust still"
You held up a hand to touch his cheek, contented with his decision. It was your fault anyway. At least he has still given you a chance to mend the broken pieces between the two of you. "That's okay as long as I can be in your life again, Hanbin. That was already enough"
"Don't worry, it's not like I would make it hard for you. You're too precious for me to give you a hard time", Hanbin tells you, making you realised just how much he means it by the ever present smile in his face.
You run your finger over his palm, until he closed it around your hand, both of you thinking back to the first time you noticed each other at School. Normally, you don't believe in second chances and whenever you heard it or watch it somewhere, you're purely disgusted because of you being too realistic.
But right now, you don't want to think about it. You just want to live in this one special moment with Hanbin for as long as you possibly can.
"By my own decision again", Hanbin is saying now, keeping close to you and ignoring the annoying cheer from his friends, "I want you to swear on me Y/N, that you'll not leave me again, okay?"
You stared at him for long time, him doing the same, for what feels like forever and then, when your heart tells you that you are finally ready, you remove the hold he has on you and pulled him into a hug, crushing him at how tight it was.
All you say was this: "If this was a movie, I wouldn't say yes and run away but this is the reality, I know in my mind that it will kill me if I don't answer what my heart is telling me to say"
And here's the amazing thing: now you already believe in the movies the moment the rain runs down hard, and instead of following his friends inside in the room, you both stayed, staring at each other before you went to play like there's nothing that ever had changed.
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For the first time, I haven't write a tribute that is not sad compared to Geonu and Taki.
Although it felt like this one is a bit cringey for my taste. This is the first time as well I've written something about break up.
Comment and vote.