Since that time the library you had unknowingly began to find yourself sharing Taeil's presence more and more. Sometimes both of you would study together, he on cultivating and you on whatever your teacher Doyoung assigned you to study. Taeil even helped you with your studies that Kun-ge was in charge of from WayV, though some of it even Taeil was unfamiliar with. You saved those questions for when you got back to WayV again.
Today though you had wandered down the kitchen for a snack after finishing up your studies for the day.
"Oppa!" you exclaimed upon seeing Taeyong in the kitchen wearing an apron. You knew that dinner would be a few hours but you were surprised to see Taeyong beginning dinner so soon.
Taeyong smiled, "Y/N-ah! Are you finished studying?"
"Yea, for now", you said pulling out a yogurt and taking a seat at the island, "Do you need help?"
"Jaehyun will be down in an hour or so to help me so you don't have to, if you don't want to."
"I don't mind. That is if you trust me in the kitchen and I can finish this", you laughed holding up your yogurt.
"Take your time. And after you're finished, since you're insistent, you can chop up the tomatoes."
"Deal."
A comfortable silence reigned as you finished your yogurt and tossed it before washing your hands and beginning to work on the tomatoes. Not much was said except to get Taeyong's approval in various places. You ended up doing all of the chopping and was handing the last bit to Taeyong as he spoke, "Y/N-ah, do you have feelings for me?"
You were glad that you were washing your hands and had nothing to drop as this unexpected question. You turned back to him, picking up the towel to wipe your hands, "That's...very direct."
Taeyong's grey eyes pierced yours, ears twitching slightly, as his tail whipped behind him once, "Do you?"
"Do you?" You returned. He had been a "maybe" a little over two months ago. You were never quite sure what he felt or if he felt since.
Taeyong's eyes dropped to the floor before looking back at you. Finally he slowly shook his head and said slowly, "No. I don't. I realize now. You are my pack sister but that's all. Besides....." his eyes looked troubled.
"Is it about Taeil Oppa?" you asked softly.
Taeyong nodded, "We promised not to push you and we will adhere to that. It's just, I truly believe that what Hyung feels is real mate feelings. I don't want to get in the way of that. I know he was insistent I don't back away on his account but I know now. I don't have feelings other than being your pack brother and alpha."
You smiled, "Me neither. I like you as a brother."
You could see the tension in Taeyong's shoulders eased and he gave a smile, "That's good. I'm glad."
You grinned.
"Ugh, it never amazes me just how much I don't know", you groused into your arms that were on top of the desk.
Kun chuckled once as he closed the books around you and piled them up neatly, "You are doing so well, Y/N."
"I'm emptier than I thought", you murmured softly but with Kun's advance hearing, he heard it.
You felt a hand on your head and looked up to see Kun's serious face, "Y/N, you shouldn't say something like that."
"Sorry", you murmured. But it really did amazed you just how much you had to learn since coming back to life. Even after three years, you still felt you were playing catch up about the world.
"What's wrong?" Kun asked, seeing your troubled eyes.
Something he felt he had been seen too much of lately. He knew that a lot was suddenly dumped into your brain and that you were probably still trying to figure it all out. But he did not like the look. He suspected it was more than just that fact that you were trying to figure out your feelings.
You shook your head.
"Tell me? Or if not me, someone else? Perhaps, one of your Dreamies?"
You shook your head furiously. It's not that you didn't trust your little Dreamies but this was not a matter you felt you could discuss with them. Truly you need someone with a bit more wisdom than any of the Dreamies currently possesses.
But you still didn't speak.
Kun cocked his head, "Taeyong or Taeil? Wait, they may be part of the problem. Ten or Johnny then?"
You couldn't help the small laugh, "I don't mind talking to you Kun-ge. It's just....I don't know how to."
"Try", Kun quietly urged.
You looked off when you couldn't stand to look at how concerned Kun was looking at you. You hated making them worry but you really didn't know what to say. How did you put your feelings into words?
Kun could see how your eyes crinkled in thought, "I will ask questions, you answer. Perhaps we may happen upon an open door."
You looked at Kun then.
"What did you mean by, 'you're emptier than you thought'?"
You swallowed, "Just....you know...." You looked away from him again, "I am empty. My life literally began three years ago. I don't have any memories from before waking up in that house. There are things that you all take for granted that I'm still learning."
"That is not your fault and it doesn't mean that you are empty."
You don't know why you felt a sudden rage and suddenly shot to your feet, "I am empty! I don't know anything! Everything I know I learned in three years and now I'm expected to understand such a concept as mates and feelings? Based on what? I have nothing to base it on! All of you deserve way better than I could even hope to give you. This is why I didn't want to entertain the idea in the first place. I don't know if I'm capable of feeling those kinds of things."
Kun allowed you to finish raging before speaking, "Tell me, if your Dreamies were in trouble what would you do?"
"Before or after I beat someone?" You asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"So if they were in mortal danger...."
"I would defend them of course!" You cried.
Kun hid the smile at how passionately you answered that and proceeded to ask quietly, "How would you feel if you could no longer see them?"
You were becoming uncomfortable with his questions, "Kun-ge, please don't play with me like that."
"I'm not. I assure you I'm not. How would you feel?"
Your breath caught at the question, "Upset. Sad...."
Kun finally smiled and stood up, "My little mei-mei, you clearly have feelings. You aren't as empty as you think."
You dropped your eyes and murmured, "That's different."
"Is it really? You would defend the Dreamies and you love them. That is love. It is a different kind of love than that of mates but it's not less love. If you have the ability to feel that then you have the ability to feel the love of a mate."
"But I have no idea what that feels like!"
Kun laughed once, "None of us do until we feel it."
You shook your head, "But you have a basis to go on. I don't."
"No actually we don't. It's called instinct. Just a feeling. You know it when you know it. In this case we are exactly like you."
You couldn't help your mind to turn to Taeil. He seemed so sure of his feelings that day. Like he knew something you didn't know. Was that still just instinct?
"Y/N you are capable of feeling it. It's just, it might be that none of us are your match. That is possible. It's also possible that one of us is."
Kun lifted your chin so that your gaze caught his, "Y/N, it's been two months, do you think you feel such a thing for me?"
You gazed into Kun's red eyes. He was one of many of the big brothers that you have gained over the years. You would defend him just as you would your little Dreamies but you didn't feel anything else other than that. Slowly you shook your head.
You were surprised that Kun gave a brilliant smile, "That's good because I know now that I don't either. You are my little sister that I adore."
You couldn't help the giggle at that. But then Kun leaned forward, his face inches from yours. You raised an eyebrow but you didn't move back. You weren't sure what was going through the master vampire's head.
"Do you trust me?" He asked.
You responded immediately, "Of course I do."
Kun moved away from you then, "I know and that's good but other than Wayv, Dreamies or NCT, do not let anyone else get that close to you. Unless you want them to. You never know their intentions."
You cocked your head, "Intentions? What do you mean?"
You never would have thought about it. To date other than the Professor you've never seen anyone else outside of the pack tribe. NCT and WayV were in some sense a close society but you get the sense a lot of supernatural creatures have closed societies. They only associate if they strictly have to. So this was never an issue.
Now that it was on your mind, you weren't sure if you would like anyone else being as close to you as they were.
Kun reached up and tapped your lips once, "They might try to steal something that you haven't freely given yet."
You reach up to touch your lips.
"While none of us, NCT included, would do such a thing, you never know what others might try to pull. It's just something to remember. I doubt you will meet anyone else for a long time but it is something you should be aware of."
You let your hand drop to your side before smiling, "Thank you for telling me."