16th of March 2018
"Here, this is for you," Ruby said, handing me an iced latte as we sat backstage waiting for Harry and the band to finish their soundcheck.
"What? What for?" I asked, looking up at Ruby who had a sympathetic smile on my face, holding her long black in one hand and my iced chai latte in the other.
"I know you've had a rough couple of days and that it's rocking you so I thought an iced chai latte may help a little bit," Ruby said and I sighed as she handed me the latte and sat down next to me on the other side of the red couch in the dressing room.
"You don't have to do that Rubes, you know that."
"I know babe, but I want to. Sometimes something like this can make a difference," Ruby said and I nodded in agreement.
I took a long sip of the cool beverage, instantly understanding Ruby's comment even more. The small coffee making me feel the best that I had all day.
Harry spent most of yesterday afternoon doing radio interviews around Antwerp in Belgium, which is where we are now.
So, I found myself sprawled out on Ruby's bed with James and Ruby on the other side of me as I told them what was going on, both of them being more than sympathetic towards me, which I hated but I let it happen nonetheless.
"Thanks, Rubes," I said in defeat, hating the fact that people were taking pity on me but I guess that was something I was going to have to get used to.
One of the things I hated the most when my dad passed away when I was fifteen was how so many people treated me differently.
People at school I had never spoken to started giving me sympathetic looks and sad smiles. My teachers gave me leniency with assignments and gave me apologetic looks whenever someone bought up their dad in class.
The only people who did not treat me differently were my best friends; Christsbel, Danny and Scarlett.
It was one of the things that stopped me from going insane was how normal my friends were about it. Of course, they were kind and sympathetic about the situation, but they did not treat me like some fragile china doll who needed protection from everything.
We sat in silence for a while as I sipped on my coffee and responded to emails, something that I had neglected to do in the past couple of days. There were multiple emails from the company that hires and loans me out to other businesses and people; Thread Online.
James was on the phone with Isaac in the bathroom and Ruby was watching something on her phone, the slight peace and quiet soothing and a nice change for once.
I love the fast-paced aspect of the business but sometimes it's just nice to have a break every once in a while and when I find myself relaxing on a couch for hours at a time during the day, it is something that I like to savour.
I spoke to Lauren on the phone yesterday, who gave me a proper in-depth rundown of everything that has been happening with Mum.
Lauren, like myself, noticed the odd forgetfulness and mood changes in our mum, so she suggested that maybe she should see a doctor about it. At first, we thought it could have been menopause since she is in her mid-50s, but Lauren and my mum quickly learnt that it was something more serious than that.
Because you cannot truly diagnose Alzheimer's until the patient has passed away, it was hard for Lauren and my mum to come to terms with what is happening with her brain.
My mum is one of the kindest and sensitive people, always putting people before herself; which is why she is a nurse. She has had to give up her job and driving, which has taken away her independence and freedom in a way.
She is alright at home by herself most days, but Lauren has dropped back her teaching hours at the school she works out to only four days a week, so she can be with Mum Friday through to Sunday, which is why I want to be able to come home.
That was another discussion that was included with my call to Lauren yesterday; me coming home to Manchester to help her out. It resulted in Lauren telling me not to be stupid and me crying in the bathroom just in case Harry came back to our hotel room suddenly.
Realistically, I only have four and a bit months left on tour anyway so I will be able to head back to England to help Lauren with my mum in the middle of July and just work from Manchester again.
The only issue with that is Harry and I's Japan trip which we had barely even planned. I know now that I will have to decline the offer to join Ruby and James, but I desperately want to join Harry in Japan for a month.
It also means that I will probably have to move out of his, well our, Los Angeles home. That is the conversation I am most worried to have because I do not want me moving back to Manchester to affect my relationship with Harry.
I was suddenly broken from my thoughts when people came hustling and bustling jack into the dressing room, Harry with his typical bright smile on his face which I tried to match when I saw him, although I knew he could see right through it.
"Good afternoon," James said, waking out from the bathroom with a grin on his face, obviously having just got off the phone with Isaac, who was yet to find out about my mum but Lauren was planning on talking to the rest of the family in the coming week about Mum.
"How is Isaac?" I asked, meeting James' eyes as he sat on a black plastic chair across the room from me, his blue eyes as bright as the morning sky.
"Good. He says that he is having dinner with your family tonight," James said softly and I nodded firmly, knowing exactly what that meant.
"Ah," is all I managed to let out and James gave me a sad smile as I looked away to find Harry who was sitting on the floor with Mitch and Sarah, both of them finishing a bottle of water each.
The room fell into a comfortable silence, Ruby eventually moving from the other side of the couch so Harry could sit next to me.
I eventually found myself lying in Harry's lap, feeling absolutely exhausted from the events that had proceeded the days before this.
I was never one to sleep on the job, and technically I do not work during the day when I am with Harry, but I did not want to seem unprofessional in front of Jeff and the rest of his team.
It was only when Harry gently woke me to let me know that dinner was about to arrive and that I needed to help him with his suit for the night.
"Oh god I'm so sorry," I whispered to Harry when I woke up, feeling slightly disoriented after my hour and a half long nap.
"Anna, do not apologise to me for having asleep, you so very clearly need it at the moment," Harry said softly, placing a warm hand on my shoulder as he kissed the top of my head.
"Okay, thank you."
"It's fine golden girl, whatever you need always," Harry said, a small smile appearing on my face because of his words but before I could say anything more, Jeff came bursting into the room followed by Glenne with bags of what appeared to be sushi.
"Alright everyone, just over two hours until showtime!" Jeff said, obviously in bright spirits. "I've got you all sushi, so dig in and then start to get ready."
Murmurs of 'thank you Jeff and Glenne,' were heard around the room before they both placed the bags down in the middle of the room, everyone hurrying over to grab something to eat.
I settled on my favourite, spicy tuna and chicken teriyaki, heading back to my spot on the couch where Harry was sitting with his vegetation cold rolls and vegetable sushi.
We all ate in comfortable silence, one of us occasionally letting out a content hum to let everyone know that we were satisfied with our sushi and cold rolls.
Once we were done, I went into the bathroom to steam Harry's suit as he got his hair and makeup done by James and Ruby.
I could hear everyone laughing in the other room and it filled me with a pang of guilt that I have been in no mood to smile or laugh over the last couple of days, even though I wish I was.
I hoped and prayed that maybe going back to visit my mum and Lauren would make me feel better and get me out of this stupid, self-pity state that I had been in, but for some reason, my mind was telling me that things were only going to get worse before they got better.
Time quickly went by and eventually Harry wandered in, looking incredibly handsome with his hair styled as always and the light layer of stage makeup only enhancing his beautiful facial features.
"Hey pretty boy, the suit is all ready for you," I said with a small smile, stepping away from the steamer and where I had his clothes waiting for him.
I had gone with a simple burgundy suit with a plain black shirt, opting for plain black boots rather than his glitter ones.
When planning his suits and outfits, Harry had insisted in having some more understated suits, because as much as he loves fashion, he did not want his performances to become about what he was wearing instead of what he was singing.
"Thanks, darling," he said with a smile, placing a sloppy kiss on my cheek which made me giggle slightly. "There she is."
My heart dropped at his words. I knew he did not mean it in a malicious way but it still hurt a little bit nonetheless and I think he could tell because the look of happiness and warmth from his face disappeared instantly when he saw the light from my face leave.
"Anna no I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."
"No no I know baby, I'm not angry."
"Oh okay, good," he said gently as he pulled off his clothes from the day, stepping into the suit as I leant up against the bathroom vanity as I watched him dress. God, even when he dresses he looks like a rockstar.
"Handsome boy," I said as I looked at him, admiring him from my spot against the counter as he tucked in his shirt to his pants, shooting me a grin before he did a little spin for me which made me giggle. "Perfect as always."
"Couldn't do it without you gorgeous," Harry said, slowly walking over to me to place a soft kiss on my lips, which I happily reciprocated.
"I love you," I said against Harry's lips, his hands resting against my waist, my own places gently on his cheeks, feeling the warmth from his body run through my own.
"I love you too, my golden girl," Harry said and I smiled, placing one more kiss on his lips before we were rudely interrupted by a very impatient Ruby.
"I swear to god if you two are fucking in there I'm going to quit so fast!" she said from the entrance of the bathroom, making Harry and I snigger to each other as we walked over to where she was standing.
"No sexual intercourse occurring in here Ruby," I said when we reached her.
******************
"Don't put your pyjamas on Anna, we aren't going to bed," Harry said, leaning against the kitchen table of our hotel room in Antwerp, Harry still very much buzzing after the show he just performed.
"What do you mean we aren't going to bed? Where are we going?" I asked, dropping my pyjamas back into my open suitcase.
"Out," Harry said simply and I raised an eyebrow at him as he smiled at me.
"Don't we have a fairly early flight tomorrow? Why are we going out? What are we doing?" I asked Harry.
"Relax Anna, everything will be fine," Harry said in a singsong voice. "Now, let's go. Time is of the essence."
"You are ridiculous," I laughed as I walked over to him, taking his hand before we headed out the door and down the elevator to the lobby.
We reached the lobby, which was virtually empty except for some staff working the front desk, both of us giving them a wave before heading through the front doors and out to the virtually empty cobblestone street.
"We are going to experience Antwerp at night," Harry said and I smiled, not knowing where he was going with this.
"Oh yeah, well what are we doing?" I asked, our hands still intertwined as he slowly leads me out into the starry night.
"Well, first of all, we are going to have a beer at Dr Beer," Harry said and I nodded, vaguely recollecting that we passed the bar on the way back from the show tonight. "Then we are going to have waffles and a milkshake as we walk around the city, doing whatever you want to do in between."
"Whatever I want?" I asked, looking up at Harry with stars in my eyes.
"Whatever you want," Harry said with a smile and I nodded firmly before we began to walk towards Dr Beer.
The rest of the night went way too quickly for my liking, and it ended with Harry and I lay on the concrete of the Grote Markt town square, with our waffles and milkshakes.
We were the only ones around, which made sense since it was the early hours of Tuesday morning.
The whole night was like something out of a movie; it was so surreal. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be drinking beer with Harry in a virtually empty pub, with him singing 'Wolves,' as we explored the empty streets.
I never thought that I would be lying in the Antwerp town square, scoffing waffles and milkshakes down like there was no tomorrow.
The night was a dream; a dream which distracted me from the realities of my life. I found myself smiling properly for the first time since Lauren told me the news, which gave me some hope that maybe everything was going to be alright.
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In the middle of the night when the wolves come outtttt
Anyways I thought I would be able to update more but I was essential at both my jobs when my state was in lockdown so like lol sorry for lying ://////
I will try and have a new chapter up sometime next week hopefully! It's gonna be a hectic couple of weeks but I'll do my best
Stay safe, thank you for reading! I love you xxx