14th of March 2018
Something felt wrong.
I could not point my finger on it but something was not right and I had absolutely no idea what it was.
Every time I checked my text messages, something felt off. Something felt like it was missing and I should know what.
I adored Amsterdam, I always have and always will, but something about my time here told me that there was something very wrong.
"Hey Anna, are you okay?" Ruby asked as we drank side stage, watching Harry perform his heart out as per usual.
"Yeah I'm alright," I breathed softly, hoping that I was just worked up about nothing.
"Are you sure? You know you can tell us if you aren't," James said with a supportive smile and I nodded before taking a long sip from the glass of wine that I was clutching in my hand.
"I know, thank you guys," I said with a forced grin and luckily for all of us, they dropped the subject as we continued to drink.
We had settled on going out, wanting to make the most of our time on tour.
James had spent all day researching the best clubs in Amsterdam, forwarding them on to Jeff so he could make some calls to make sure that we would be on a list and all the tedious stuff like that.
I put the uneasy thoughts out of my mind and returned to make the party of two a party of three, wearing the cream silk dress with the pearl necklace that I bought in Paris the other day.
"So, where are we going again James?" I asked, placing the empty glass of wine down on the white plastic table that we had found backstage, the surface covered in our bottles of wine and plastic wine glasses that we had bought along with us.
"Club Mystique!" James said excitedly. "I also got Jeff to call OT301 and put us on the list, so maybe there if we aren't enjoying the first one."
"Sounds excellent," I said with a smile, quickly pouring myself another glass of wine before I walked over to where we had placed our chairs, my soft tan heels making their usual clicking sound against the floor.
"You did a really good job with his outfit tonight," Ruby said and I grinned, nodding in agreement, loving the fact that Harry had stepped away from his usual suit get up for his shows.
I had settled on a black pair of suit pants and a cropped black vest with a pale pink pussy bow tie shirt and of course, his black sparkly boots.
"Thank you Rubes, I think so too," I said softly, trying to distract myself from the swelling pit of nerves in my stomach about god knows what, but I knew it was something and that is what scared me the most.
We ended up finishing our bottles of wine, and then some, finding ourselves a little bit more drunk than we wanted to be at eleven when the show ended, Ruby slurring her words while I held onto her waist to keep both of us upright until we reached the club.
Once the venue emptied out, and the rest of the people that were coming out with us had some alcohol in them, Jeff called a large van for the ten of us and we were on the way.
Harry and I found ourselves sitting in the back two seats, his arm draped around my bare shoulder as my legs dangled over his lap, me more intoxicated than him.
"You performed very well tonight," I whispered in Harry's ear so that nobody could hear us.
"Thank you pretty girl," Harry whispered back, the two of us cherishing the moments we get to spend alone together, as they seem to be too far and in between these days.
Our moment of solitude was interrupted loudly by James and Ruby yelling loudly about something at the front of the van, Helene giggling loudly at whatever was said and Mitch telling them to 'be quiet or you can get out right here.'
As we approached the busy nightlife strip, I felt my phone buzzing in the bag that was hanging over my shoulder but I decided to ignore it, knowing it was either my mum or Lauren probably calling to ask about something mundane.
"Alright, get out guys," Adam called from the passenger seat, all of us slowly climbing out of the van, Harry keeping a protective hand on my back until we reached Club Mystique, which was oddly busy for a Wednesday night but I suppose that's what you get with people on their European trips and locals taking advantage of that.
"You good?" Harry asked me and I nodded as we reached the front of the line, the bouncer immediately recognising Harry and waving us in.
"Yeah I'm right, why?" I asked hurriedly, knowing that Harry would be able to tell that I was lying if I dwelled on my answer too long.
"You just seem quiet, that's all," he said to me as we were ushered through the club by two security guards, leading us through the busy crowd to what appeared to be the VIP section, our table waiting for us by the far corner.
"I'm okay," I said, not knowing if I really was or not but I decided to push it out of my mind and take advantage of the bottles of Moët champagne waiting for us on the table.
"Jeff's doing no doubt," Sarah said gesturing to the bottles and we all nodded in agreement, as it seemed like something the older man would do.
"Well let's drink up then, the night is still young," Helene said, her thick French accent as prominent as ever among the array of British and American people in the group.
"Cheers to that," James said as he popped open a bottle, being careful to not let the cork explode everywhere as we all slid into the booth, eager to get the night underway before our afternoon flight to Belgium tomorrow afternoon.
The night, as per usual, quickly progressed. James and Ruby had pulled Mitch and Sarah onto the dancefloor and Helene were busy at the bar taking shots of tequila with Adam and Clare, leaving Harry and me to our own devices.
"You look very pretty tonight," he whispered in my ear, the two of us the only ones left at our booth in the VIP section.
"Mmm, just pretty?" I questioned jokingly, cocking my head to the side with a grin on my face, making Harry scoff as he ran a hand through his hair, staring at me with a small smirk on his face.
"You know what I think of you Anna," he said darkly and the grin left my face as my lips parted into a small 'o,' shape as his hands reached for my face, his rings feeling cool against my flushed cheeks.
His lips met mine and I instantly melted against him, my hands gravitating to his hips where I placed them gently, using my grip to pull myself closer to him.
I do not think I will ever get over the way I feel when Harry kisses me, it always feels like the first time. Butterflies running through my stomach, my body always itching for more.
Things slowly intensified, his hands moving from my face to my torso, gripping and grabbing fiercely at my silk dress, his actions saying more than I know words could in this moment and I was extremely grateful that we were hidden away from the public.
Harry's lips moved from my own and he slowly started placing soft kisses along my jaw, my head tilting back slightly from the sensations he was giving to me.
"Fuck," I breathed, my eyes fluttering as I heard Harry snigger, obviously more than satisfied with his efforts.
"Language Anna," Harry said before placing a sloppy kiss against my neck, my whole body feeling alight from a simple touch.
I tilted my head back to look at him, his lips stained from my lipstick which made me smile before kissing him again, this time with hunger and intent, one of his hands resting and the other dancing dangerously around my inner thigh.
"Not here, let's go back to the hotel room," I said gently against his lips, Harry's eyes widening at how forward I was being, as it was usually him that would act like this in public.
"Oh, yes please," Harry said, his energy matching mine and I placed one final kiss on his lips before reaching for my bag and phone that I was on the table, seeing that once again, my mum was calling me.
"Can yoy let everyone know that we are leaving? My mum has just called me for the fiftieth time and I think I need to take the call."
"Sure love, I'll meet you outside," Harry said with a smile and my heart fluttered at the use of the pet name, one that Harry had never used before.
I quickly answered my phone, hearing the familiar voice of my mother on the other end of the line.
"Hey Mum, sorry hold on two seconds I'm just out," I said hurriedly, not wanting to keep her waiting on the other end of the line any longer.
"Our where?" she asked, sounding confused.
"I'm in Amsterdam," I said as I reached the door, flashing a smile to the bouncer as to say 'thank you,' before heading to the curb of the road to talk.
"Huh? What do you mean you are in Amsterdam Anna? You are supposed to be sleeping here tonight," my mum said and that's when I started to piece things together.
"What do you mean I'm supposed to be sleeping there tonight? I'm on tour mum, I'm not back in England for another week or so."
"I haven't seen you in so long Anna, when are you coming home?" she asked, beginning to sound distressed and I sighed, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes.
"Mum, you know I'm on tour with Harry at the moment," I sighed in desperation, hoping and praying that this was some kind of sick joke that her and Lauren were playing on me for some reason.
"Harry? Who is Harry?"
I bit down hard on my lip, knowing that my assumptions over her behaviour from the last couple of months was correct.
"Mum, I'll call you tomorrow okay. I have to pop into an Uber."
"Okay Anna see you soon."
I sighed as I quickly hung up, pulling up Lauren's number in my phone right away and calling her, Lauren picking up on the second ring.
"Anna, it's late. What do you want?" she asked in a hushed tone.
"When were you going to tell me?" I snapped, my initial wave of sadness leaving my body and was instantly replaced with feelings of betrayal and anger.
"Tell you what?" Lauren asked, sounding just as confused as I was about the whole situation.
"That Mum has early onset dementia," I snapped and I heard her sigh as I ran I frustrated hand through my hair.
"What?"
"It's true isn't it? It's why she has been so forgetful and confused for the last couple of months."
I was met with silence on the other end of the line, which only further confirmed the situation at hand.
"We didn't want to tell you Anna, we didn't want to make you worry," Lauren whispered and I knew that she was staying at our home, as she was doing her best to not make any noise.
"So you thought not telling me was going to work? I'm not that fucking stupid Lauren," I said, raising my voice slightly which attracted the stares of a few people outside the club and it was then I began to wonder where Harry had got to.
"We knew that you would want to come home and help and neither of us wanted that for you."
"Well don't you think I should be able to come home and help if Mum is sick, that's not fair for you two to decide for me!"
"Anna don't you think we should talk about this in person?" Lauren asked gently and I sighed, the feeling of worry and guilt in my stomach becoming slightly overwhelming.
"Yeah alright we can talk about this in person. I'm coming home tomorrow to help you then," I said.
"No you are fucking not Anna! You are not leaving this tour when we are perfectly alright here!"
"You don't get to say what I can do or not, I'm old enough to make decisions for myself Lauren."
"Anna please... just come and see us when you are back in England and we can sort everything out then."
"Fine, goodnight Lauren," I snapped, hanging up the phone before she could say anything more, turning to face the entrance of the club which is where I saw Harry leaving through the front door, his eyes scanning the crowd for me.
When they landed on me, I saw the smile on his face immediately falter when he saw the look on mine.
Harry quickly rushed over to me, seeing that I was not fine at all.
"Hey hey hey, Anna what's wrong?" Harry asked and I sighed, not even knowing where to begin with his question.
"I don't even... I don't know where to start H," I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at the knots that were forming among the strands.
"Do you want to walk back to the hotel, it's only fifteen minutes and that way we can talk then," Harry said and I nodded, taking his hand as we began to walk in the opposite direction of the club.
I told him everything. All the funny text messages from my mum. Her now forgetful tendencies, that I thought were odd but now they make sense. The mood swings that she has been having over phone calls from time to time.
I explained the phone call between my mum and I that had just happened and the follow up one that I had with Lauren. I told him all about the odd feelings that I had been having, thinking that there was something wrong but I had no idea what.
He stayed silent the whole time, squeezing my hands every time tears slipped from my eyes.
I told Harry I was scared for what was going to happen in the future, and mostly, I was scared what was going to happen to my mum.
Harry was kind and supportive with his words, reassuring me that things would be okay and everything would work out, but for some reason, his words did not comfort me and sat funny in my stomach instead.
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Sorry it has taken me so long to update !!! I went away and now my state is in lockdown lollllll so it's not a vibe
Hopefully my updates will be more frequent over the next week or so!
But here we go, shit is beginning to hit the fan in a sad way :(
Anna's dress:
Stay safe, thank you for reading! I love you xxx