Day 72
Oceans, seas, and any water-filled hole with a depth more than my height, horrifies me. I hate ships, cruises, and yachts, for floating on these surfaces, and the uncertainty it brings along with itself. And now, I'm stuck on one of these.
With a sigh, I plop down on the bed. At least Adrien's been kind enough to give me a room all to myself on his yacht. I rub my temples, hoping to reduce my head's throbbing.
We woke up early, resulting in two hours of not so comfortable sleep for me.
It was a challenge to wake Adrien up, so I took the easy way. I called Arianna and Dylan and left the responsibility to them while I showered.
The six hours train ride was boring. For the first time in months, I was an outcast again. Even around Arianna, Dylan, and Adrien. But maybe that's because I had got used to having Adrien at my side from Berlin onwards, binge-watching movies or series while traveling.
I also knew it was pathetic to feel lonely between thirteen other people. It was obvious Adrien would prefer to spend his time with his friends, rather than me. The same goes for Arianna and Dylan. I shouldn't view it negatively, as though I'm left out. Perhaps it's a side effect of the previous night's thoughts, including the not nearly enough hours of sleep.
At least one thing is clear, last night confirmed how much Adrien likes Sophia. In fact, now I'm convinced he mistook me for her. They've been inseparable since morning. I hope they can work out their problem.
The rest of the gang ensured to not let Arianna and Dylan even get the chance to spare a glance at me. Jeffry's been so far ignoring me, except for the occasional glares, nothing I haven't been through before.
I remove my glasses and spread the sunscreen over all the exposed parts of my skin before I push myself off of the bed; I don't want them to think I'm weak and hiding, or avoiding them. If they spare a thought over me.
I pick up my iPad and shove my phone into my pocket before picking up my sunglasses and hat. Hesitantly I make my way to the stairs and climb them. Their laughter ringing in the salty air, pierces my ears.
I reach the main hall and glance back at the captain's cabin. Shifting my weight from one foot to the other with uncertainty. I'm not wanted there.
Yes, I will hate myself for being a coward and hiding in a room, but no one will notice my absence.
I retreat, chewing on my bottom lip, and decide to return to where I came from. Before I get the chance to spin, the glass doors slide open. Adrien walks in and descends the four stairs. He glances back as the door slides shut, faces me, and takes off his sunglasses.
Last night's incident comes rushing back into my mind. The way he looked at me. Held me. How his lips felt on mine. I draw a sharp breath and blink a few times, and shove the memory into the back of my head. Guess I have to avoid looking at his face now.
With furrowed brows he asks, "Is everything alright?"
I nod. He continues, not waiting for me to utter a word. "If the room is not fine I can talk to the captain to exchange his cabin with yours,"
"It's fine," I tell him.
He nods and we fall into silence. Uncertain, he takes a step towards me, hanging his sunglasses from the collar of his shit. I hug my things closer to myself. His eyes wander before fixing on my face.
He rubs the nape of his neck, pushing one hand into his shorts' pocket. "I didn't have the chance to explain last night, I-" he starts, but I interrupt him.
"It's fine, you were drunk," I assure him with a smile.
His cheeks tint pink as a breathy laugh stumbles out of him. "Yeah, I get a bit out of character when I drink too much," he admits, avoiding me. Clearing his throat, he draws back his gaze to me. "I'm sorry, I'll make sure not to repeat it," he adds.
I stare at him, not knowing how to respond. I shuffle through the answer folders of my head for an appropriate reply. He goes on, "I hope I didn't say anything-" he pauses when notices I'm smiling.
"You mistook me with Sophia," I tell him with amusement.
His eyebrows jump high, eyes widening, "Really?" he blurts, then squints, "What makes you think that? D-did I do something or said something?" he stammers.
Now I'm sure he doesn't remember last night, good. Nonchalant, I shrug, "You mentioned her name a few times, it felt like you thought I was her,"
He nods slowly, squinting as if trying to recall it.
His behavior is not assuring. Perhaps he remembers bits and pieces of it. I hope the kissing part is not one of them.
His gaze lingers on the windows before he snaps back to me, fixing on my face. I hold his stare, his aqua green eyes seem bluer than usual today. I guess it's the light or maybe his bright blue shirt.
"Did something happen between you and Jeffry?" he entreats.
Shit. I shake my head and study him while answering, "Not really, why?"
This time he shrugs, "I don't know, he has been acting differently. I just..." his voice trails down and he looks away. "I figured maybe something happened between the two of you." He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, driving a hand through his hair, ruffling it before pushing it into his pocket. "He was... well, he wasn't like his unbearable self this morning and you took longer than usual to join us, and," he stops and clears his throat. When did he get the chance to notice he's behaving differently? "I-I thought something was wrong, only wanted to make sure everything is fine," He glances at me, his cheeks flushed.
From morning, Sophia has been clinging to him, either talking herself or making him talk. This leads me to, how on earth did he realize Jeffry behaving differently. Or the fact that I took longer than usual to get ready.
How can he have an eye on everyone at the same time? I might be slightly jealous of his multitasking ability.
Nor did I expect him, out of all people, to notice my absence.
I try not to reflect my surprise and keep my expression neutral.
"Did you have a fight with him?" he asks in a sudden loud voice, tinted by hope.
I gape at him. His face burns red, he curses under his breath.
Pushing his hand through his hair, looking anywhere but me, he starts, "I-I di-" he stutters, inhales sharply, and rubs his brows. Adrien begins again, "I mean, t-that's n-non of my business, I shouldn't have asked that. I-I don't know where it came from. I'm sorry," he rambles and stammers.
I stare at him, my head void of words. He clears his throat, and adds, "I should go." He nods and spins, going up the steps. But halts midway and glances back. "I might be on that side," he points his index finger in my direction, the front of the yacht. Then takes off his sunglasses from the collar of shirt, and advises, "and try not to get close to the edge."
I roll my eyes.
He shakes his head. "There's nothing wrong with being cautious," he defends and puts on the glasses.
"I'm not a kid, I won't fall over this boat," I mutter.
Okay, I might have been planning on staying as far away from the edges as possible, but I hate it when someone tells me to do what I've already decided to do.
His mouth tugs upwards. "Just be careful, and you know where to find me." With that, he walks up the stairs and goes out.
I stand there for a long moment.
I shake my head and take a step towards the door, but before I reach the stairs, a vibration on my thigh gives me a pause. With a sigh, I hold my belongings in one hand and fish out my phone with the other.
My eyes widen as I stare at my phone's screen, Dad is video calling.
With long strides, I get myself to the sofa on the side of the cabin and sit, placing my things beside me.
I haven't told them I'm here.
I plaster a smile to hide how tired I am and answer the call.
Mom and Dad come into view. By the looks of their surrounding, they're in the study room.
"Hi," I greet them.
Dad beams, but the edges of Mom's lips turn upward the slightest.
I'm in trouble.
"Eleanor," Dad enthuses, driving his glasses up his nose, but before he can continue Mom's stern voice cuts through.
"Where are you?"
"Barcelona," I reply with furrowed brows.
She quirks an eyebrow. "Why didn't you answer my call last night? I was really worried," she inquires.
I press my lips into a thin line. "My phone was on silent, I didn't see."
Mom studies me, showing she's not convinced. She opens her mouth to speak, but Dad is faster.
"Are you in your room?" Dad asks, his gaze moving around, taking in my surroundings. "If you're out, we can call you later," he adds.
I swallow hard, Mom will freak out if she finds out. "Uh, no, but it's fine."
"Where are you then?" Mom pushes.
"On a yacht," I mumble, looking away.
"Eleanor!" she gasps, and I force my gaze to the screen. "Why didn't you say you're going on a yacht! Why are you there, anyway! You can't swim, do you know how dangerous it is!" she rambles. Dad sighs.
"Be careful, your mom's right," Dad calmly says. I nod.
"Answer my questions!" she demands. Dad looks at her to object, but the glare she throws at him stops him.
"They made the plan in the last moment," I explain.
She sighs and shakes her head. Pushing a strand of hair behind her ear she speaks, "Yesterday your brother came for dinner."
A deep pang shoots across my rib cage as I try to keep my expression blank.
"Apparently, you two had a fight," she notes.
Dad leans back into his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest, his gaze fixed on a spot away from the camera. The corners of his mouth shifting downwards.
She scolds, "Ridiculous, do I have to tell you everything? Why haven't you called to apologize to him yet?"
I wonder what he told them.
"And Avery mentioned you stayed in a hostel in Greece, is that true?" Mom quires in a controlled voice, hiding her annoyance and anger.
I nod and her eyes go wide, Dad's gaze trails back to the screen.
Before she gets the chance to say something he asks, "Why didn't you notify us?"
Fidgeting with my free hand, I survey the place and shrug. I don't have an answer. Correction, they won't approve it, so no use telling them.
"Wasn't that my first condition?" Dad fumes.
"Yes," I reply, not looking at my phone's screen, and settle with the truth, "because you wouldn't accept."
Mom scoffs, "At least you understand that, so you must know the reason for our disapproval too?"
I nod.
"Then why did you go?" Her sound pierces my eardrums.
"To try new things."
"We had a deal, but you-" Dad starts, but I interrupt him.
"You wouldn't have agreed. I didn't want to argue. For once I chose to do what I felt like doing without needing to justify myself," My voice raises as I answer.
"Do not talk in that tone," Mom warns.
"We trusted you and you took advantage of it," Dad barks, and glowers, "You broke our trust."
My mind goes vacant as I stare at them. Pain crumbles my insides.
They have the right to be mad at me, but I need space to breathe. Miles away and yet they are controlling my every move, it's suffocating me. This life is not even mine.
I speak the only words I know, "I'm sorry."
"That is not enough!" Mom snaps.
As usual.
"What has got into you! First you fight with your brother, then you hide you've stayed in a hostel. And last night you ignored my call and now you're on a yacht not answering us properly!" Mom rages, her hands flying in every direction.
I breathe slowly to calm myself without being obvious. Mom and Dad hate any signs of weaknesses.
"I want an explanation, Eleanor," Dad states after a long moment of silence.
"I apologize for breaking your trust," I begin, and take in a sharp breath to normalize my heartbeat. "I wanted to experience new things. For Theodor, I apologized to him instantly."
"Well, it clearly wasn't good enough," Mom interjects.
I clench my hand, my short fingernails dig into the skin.
Nothing's ever good enough. Nothing!
My body shakes from inside, my head pounds.
I can never be enough for anything. Anyone. No matter what. Just like my grades weren't. Being a topper my entire life wasn't. Neither graduating from one of the best universities with the highest marks that faculty has seen. Nothing will ever be. There is always something missing.
Dad sighs, "Eleanor, it shouldn't repeat. And the argument between you and Theo," he pauses, shooting a stern stare at Mom before turning back to me. "I expect you to fix it, you're not a kid anymore. We won't hold you any longer, stay safe, and have fun. And call me when you return to your hotel," he offers a small smile.
Mom purses her lips. "You have disappointed me again, Eleanor."
"That's enough for now," Dad mutters.
I'm always disappointing someone.
For a moment, I'm tempted to ask if they regret having me. If so, I can vanish from their lives to stop causing disappointment or worry.
But the words stick to my throat.
"You keep saying you need space, that you've grown up, but look at you, still behaving like a kid," Mom grumbles.
If I'm so much trouble then why do they bother themselves with me?
I'll understand if they decide to push me away. Who can blame them?
"I'm sorry," I mumble.
Mom sighs, "We want you to be safe. Theodor worries for you too, just call him." Mom says in a calmer tone. I nod. She adds, "I love you," And smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.
Do you, though?
I force a smile to my face. "I love you too."
"Take care," Dad speaks before waving and ends the call.
For a while I sit there, the phone weighing down my arm. My head a whirlwind of thoughts.
But one thought combined with feeling stands out.
I'm being suffocated.
***
((So... yeah... told you things are not going to stay good :)
Anyway, I have news! =) I've decided to split Acumen into two parts. The sequel will be more romance based :)) I think it'll be for the best. I hope you guys agree =)
Second news, I want to change Acumen's title. I was thinking of Riddling Life or something like that [so the sequel can be like Riddling Emotions or Idk Riddling Sentiments or something like that]. So if you like it tell me or if you have any better ideas don't hesitate to share =)
Well, that's that =) Thanks for reading this chapter, hope you enjoyed it, don't forget to tell me what you think!
Stay safe, lots of love <33