It's the feeling of the duvet cover that's lying over them suddenly feeling too heavy, probably due to the humid LA weather, wakes up Rose. Her half assed kicking off the cover in frustration is what wakes up Noel from his somewhat shallow slumber.
Rose rubs her eyes wishing for nothing but to fall back asleep but fails, instead turning her head to see if Noel was awake.
"It's hot" she says matter of factly.
"I know" he says equally sleepily.
Rose sighs, playing with the hem of a t-shirt that's not even hers trying to hold back a smile after the memories of last night flood back.
She looks back at Noel once again, only to find him trying to fall back asleep.
"Are you watching me sleep?" he mumbles feeling her eyes glare into him.
She laughs into her pillow, "have you got a fan or something?"
"Um, in that cupboard in the hall" Noel tells her, still holding onto the last piece of sleep he has left in him.
Rose groans thinking about the awful task of getting out of bed.
"You know if you're that hot just take off your top" Noel states only half jokingly.
Rose snatches a pillow from the end of his bed that was discarded and chucks it at him, "you're so annoying."
Noel finally opens his eyes now fully aware he won't be going back to sleep, "c'mere" he asks her, his arms outstretched.
"Uh ah it's too hot" she tells him, opting to hold his hand instead.
"That's even worse" he argues at the fact they'll get sweaty within 5 minutes. Rose eventually compromises and moves closer to him so they're face to face.
"Hey" he says.
Rose grins, "hello."
"You okay?" he asks just in general, still not awake enough to dive into his actual question. He knows she'll understand what he's talking about though.
She huffs a little smile still on her face, "yes Noel, are you?"
"Yeah."
They lay there in silence for a while, both taking the time to replay last night now they're somewhat on the topic of it. Rose absentmindedly traces random patterns onto his arm.
"Did we leave our phones out in the lounge?" she asks randomly, wanting to know the time.
He sighs, "yeah I think so."
Noel sits up, "I'll get the stupid fan if you get our phones?" he asks, a laugh in there somewhere.
Rose grins, "deal."
The ache between her legs doesn't go unnoticed by her or Noel by the way she grimaced when she stood up, "don't even!" Ross warns already feeling the heat rise to her cheeks.
He shakes his head, a stupid grin on his face before dropping it.
Rose sighs when she checks her phone, seeing that it's 11:28 am. She yells it out to Noel knowing he was probably wondering too. The feeling is shortly gone when she sees a few texts in the groupchat she has with just Cody and their roommates.
taco tuesday but its everyday since we're roommates 🤙🏻
Devon: Surfs up this morning or what???
Cody: For sure but later tho I'm not even awake lol
Marcus: yes 👍
Devon: rosie u in??
delivered at 11:12 am
Rose: Yeah, what time?
sent at 11:29 am
Devon: ur so punctual I don't know when we're all ready
Marcus: Whenever you get home Rose, no rush
Cody: oh ur not home wtf hahaha I thought you were
Rose: Glad to see you care Codes
Just kidding yeah, I'm at Nadia's.
Devon: ur always there when can we have a sleepover 🙄🙄
Rose: Aren't you pushing 30?
Devon: dont fight, too early
Rose chuckles at Devon's text before shuffling her way back to Noel's room that's now being cooled down.
"I'm going surfing later" she tells him, just because.
He nods, "nice day for it."
"I'll teach you one day," she says, handing him his phone.
Noel smiles, "really?"
"No."
This earns a laugh out of both of them before the room falls to silence once again.
"I feel like we should talk about this," he says sensing it's the right thing to do.
Rose groans while buttoning up her jeans, "we had sex and now you want a 3 page essay? MLA format too?" she teases.
Rose's face drops when she sees that he doesn't laugh so she walks over to him, nudging his shoulder with hers.
"What's wrong?" Rose asks sincerely.
"Can I ask you something?" he says, tone dead serious.
Rose goes tense knowing what he's about to ask and shakes her head "no."
"Rose-"
"No."
Noel sighs while Rose struggles to even draw a breath.
They both look at the ground, not knowing what to say. Noel could literally feel the wall that just flew up between them.
"And you think I ruin things" she just lets slip out of her mouth. Rose knows it's a cheap dig, she even closed her eyes as it was coming out of her mouth knowing that she just drew her weapons for no reason.
Noel snaps his head in her direction, looking at her in a look that can only be described as a silent, "oh come on."
"You holding that against me?" he asks, tired.
"No," she says honestly.
Noel finds her hand that's in her lap, grabbing it softly not really knowing what to say next. It's an awkward feeling of not knowing if they just fought or not.
"Why is it always okay right up until I ask a question- not even ask, try. Try to ask you a question" he says starting to feel the frustration creep up.
Rose withdrawals her hand from his, not expecting it to like he just shocked her. She stands up, shaking her head a little.
"Because I don't want to fucking talk! I don't get why that's so hard for you to understand" she says, voice getting higher.
Noel throws his head back in exhaustion, "oh come on Rose! You talk to me! All the time! About everything so why not this? Why can't you just-"
"Shut up" she demands, out of breath probably because of her unsettled breathing.
Noel shakes his head speechless because of the amount of thoughts running through his head, "I care about you" is what he settles on.
The room is silent for a while, "yeah I know."
The distance between them both physically and mentally makes Noel want to scream. They're right back at square one.
"Talk to me" he pleads one more time.
"I don't want to," she says bluntly.
"We always get nowhere with this" she says motioning her hands trying to figure out a word that describes their inevitable fate. "Just give up" she asks him.
Noel decides he isn't done being civil. That and the fact he wants to postpone Rose slamming his front door. "Why? So you can throw it back in my face in a few months?"
Rose laughs bitterly knowing she deserved that but doesn't stand down nevertheless, "you know what? fuck you."
"Don't be a coward" he seethes, growing sick of the fact they can never seem to have a conversation without an argument happening.
"I'm a coward? I'm the fucking coward?" Rose nearly cries out.
"Aren't you sick of playing the knight in shining armour? What are you trying to do? Cover up whatever the fuck is wrong with you? You know you- you."
Rose exhales putting a hand on her forehead to try calm herself down, it doesn't work. "You complain about me being the fucked up one but I think you know you're just as bad so you fucking hide behind this whole 'let me fucking fix you' act! What went so wrong for you to feel the need huh Noel? What? Mommy didn't love you enough? Daddy didn't fucking hug you? What is it?"
Noel sort of feels like he just got any of the last air he had in him sucked out, like he's winded. Part of him wants to think she didn't mean any of it. But the look on her face, the frustration written over it, told him otherwise.
"You wanna know what I think?" he asks hypothetically.
"I regret this, I regret you. The minute we met, you're right I wanted to play the knight in shining armour. You wanna know why? Because I could see how truly fucking broken you were. And you know what maybe I just did this," he motions back and forth between them "because I was bored."
The tear halfway down her cheek is what snaps Rose out of her thoughts.
She desperately tries to wipe them away, screaming at herself to snap out of it. To move. To do something, to not look like the weaker one but she can't.
So he does.
"Lock the door on your way out" is all he says before grabbing his car keys.
The minute she hears his front door slam she just breaks down. Rose feels like she can't fucking breathe standing in his clothes, at this house. Trying to wipe away her cloudy vision she unlocks her phone, not knowing what the fuck she's thinking when she clicks on Kelseys contact. It's the only person she thinks of right now that would come get her.
Kelsey Kreppel
Rose?
Kelsey? Can yo- you come get me"
Rose flinches when she hiccups due to the lack of air in her lungs.
"What? Yeah, yeah of course I will, are you okay? Where are you?"
Rose stumbles out the address still finding the lack of air a problem.
"Please don't tell Cody."
"No I won't it's okay, I'm leaving now okay? Do you want me to stay on the phone?"
Rose almost wants to laugh at how fucking sweet she's being.
"No it's okay. Thank you."
Their line goes dead after Kelsey asks for reassurance whether Rose wants to stay on the phone or not one more time. She gathers her stuff and finally leaves, feeling the need to scream as she locks the door behind her.
Rose doesn't even know how much time has passed before seeing a frantic Kelsey walking up to where she's sat. Kelsey doesn't even say anything to Rose before throwing her arms around her.
"I know you probably don't like hugs but I was so worried, are you okay?"
Rose doesn't even say anything instead just returns the hug that would normally be unwelcome.
"Come on," Kelsey says, breaking their hug wanting to get Rose out of here.
Kelsey has so many questions, most of them being about Rose's welfare but ignores it knowing the last thing her boyfriend's sister wants is questions.
Rose sighs in relief once she gets in the car, wiping the tears that are still falling away.
Kelsey starts the car, still unsure on what to do.
Rose, hating how uncomfortable it is, answers her question once she sees Kelsey hesitating, "can we lunch or something?
Kelsey chuckles in relief at the fact she's somewhat okay.
"Yeah of course we can."
After getting their lunch, Kelsey asks if they want to go sit at the beach thinking it'll be a good place for her to clear her head.
Rose goes still for a moment, the first thing she thought of when Kelsey said beach was of course Noel. But she doesn't say anything. Just nods.
The two girls sit in the car, watching strangers go about their day. A surfboard is what reminds Rose of the plans she made before her day went to compete shit.
"Fuck" she mumbles out of no where, pulling out her phone from her back pocket.
"Everything okay?" Kelsey asks like a concerned mother.
"I made plans to surf today, before uh-"
"You can say that we're hanging out? Like a girls day. Tell them I kidnapped you or something for uh... bonding!" Kelsey blurts, trying to make it easy for Rose.
"Okay" Rose chuckles, rubbing her nose with her sleeve.
Trying her best to sound okay, Rose lies to her brother once again. This time it's not feeling that bad since most of it's true. She ignores the confusion then genuine happiness that Cody portrays at the fact they're hanging out. It made Rose happy for a second too.
Ending the call, she turns off her phone fully not wanting to keep checking it for the off chance he might call or text.
"You know who's house that was, right?" Rose tests knowing she should answer a question or two sooner or later.
Kelsey frowns, "I think so."
Rose nods, keeping her eyes on the water.
Kelsey had her suspicions but they were confirmed after Rose's seemingly mysterious question. Thinking back to what she could do, her mind flashes back to one of her friends who was going through a break up and what she did then, so Kelsey decided to treat the situation with Rose as one.
"Seeing as we told Cody that we're having a girls day, I think we should! We could go get stuff for manicures and face masks and go back to my apartment" Kelsey says excitedly, crossing her fingers hoping that it'll at least distract Rose.
Rose wants to groan but settles with a deep inhale, liking the chances more of hanging out with Kelsey rather than going home and crying, "sure."
Kelsey smiles excitedly, before starting the car.
After spending way too long in CVS thanks to Kelsey, goes all out much to Rose's dismay. Rose finds the energy to drag her card out, feeling slightly bad for the fact she'll be paying for the basket full of self care things.
"No way!" Kelsey says pushing away her card.
"Kelsey" Rose warms, "You're a teacher, you guys make practically nothing, let me pay."
Kelsey sighs but not in defeat, "you know I'd be offended if I didn't pity you right now"
Rose offers a lazy smirk at the fact that she is learning how to communicate with her, "touché."
Kelsey ends up paying, and Rose agrees with herself at the fact she tried.
The entire day passes, most of it spent with Kelsey and Rose sitting on her lounge room floor, snacking on candy and painting somewhat shitty patterns on their nails. At one point Kelsey offered to paint Rose's left hand after seeing she was struggling, Rose returning the favour when she saw Kelsey in the same position. The girls were well and truly bonding.
At one point Kelsey put on her throwback playlist for background music, Rose secretly enjoying her music taste. She'd never admit it but Rose totally went through a one direction phase one point in her teenage hood.
"I think the fumes from the nail polish are getting to me" Rose states after subconscious singing along to that's what makes you beautiful.
Kelsey giggles standing up, "oh for sure, come on we can go sit outside."
They sit on Kelseys flimsy patio furniture, sitting opposite to one another. Kelsey gets a feeling that Rose just wants to blurt something out by the way she's picking her freshly painted nails.
"You can cry, you know, or scream. Screaming is fun" Kelsey tries to joke.
Rose laughs but not because it was funny, it was more for trying to hide the tears welling up. Rubbing her hands over her face she shakes her head, "it's fine, I'm fine."
Kelsey sighs, having gotten nowhere. So she just stays silent staring at the stars forming in the sky. The silent tactic that Kelsey didn't even realise she was using, works because Rose surrenders.
"I find it weird how one person can- make you a different person, you know?" Rose questions, it being half hypothetical.
Kelsey nods knowing what she means, "I think it's why they say for better or for worse" hoping a joke would help the girl feel more comfortable.
"Hm" is all she says back, lost in her own thoughts.
Rose could literally feel her mood drop the minute it was brought up. It's not Kelsey's fault but it's the feeling of someone trying to get in makes her nauseous.
"Hey do you think we could head back to mine?" Rose offers knowing Kelsey would probably stick around either way.
Kelsey's shoulders deflate at her failed attempt but knows it's not anything she did, "of course."
After buckling her seatbelt Rose turns to Kelsey.
"Thank you for today, seriously it uh means a lot. Or whatever."
She chuckles at Rose's use of the word whatever.
"Anytime Rose" is what Kelsey decides to respond with, most likely going to overthink that response later tonight.
By the time Rose made it to her bedroom she had already grown accustomed to socialising with her roommates as she walked in, she didn't even want to just lay there. Kelsey went home about half an hour before, Rose mumbling one last thank you as she walked out the door.
Her phone was still off. She told herself that she didn't care if it was. Now that she was finally alone, Rose sat at the end of her bed replaying the entire morning in her head. She didn't know what to do, part of her wanted to scream in her pillow and the other at him.
Rose still hasn't processed the meaning of Noel's words, just remembers them. The words didn't even hurt, it was the way he looked her dead in the eye that made it sting.
She finished kicking off her shoes and then put on more comfortable clothes wanting nothing else but to flop on her bed and sleep this horrible fucking day away.
Rose had just turned her lights off when she heard a knock on her door.
"Yeah?" she says to whoever's behind it.
It was Cody, shockingly the only person other than Kelsey who could sense something was odd with his sister. He knows what she's normally like but the Rose that walked in seem, sunken almost.
"Hi Cody" she cracks a smile towards her roommate in the doorway.
"Hi Rosie" he smiles back before walking in her room further.
Rose was about to ask what he's doing before he jumps on her bed, "sleepover night!"
"No way, fuck off" she whines hiding the fact her heart swells at the fact he's trying to cheer her up.
"Hello? I'm not leaving, we haven't done this in forever and you owe me family time."
"Cody fuck off!" she yells not really meaning it.
The most annoying person, dubbed by Rose is already lying on her bed when Devon walks in wondering why there was commotion.
"Why are we yelling?"
"No no no-" is all that's heard from Rose when Devon joins them in her now too small bed.
"Both of you leave!" she tries her best to sound stern but it comes out like she doesn't mean it.
Although Rose knows they won't actually sleep there, she still wants to be alone.
"Please go away I'm tired" she tries one last time.
"Can we at least watch a movie?" Cody bargains, Devon agreeing with the idea.
She sighs giving up, knowing the distraction is probably a good idea, "go get Marcus."
Cheers are heard from both the grown sized children, a smile playing on Rose's lips as she realises that she has actually somewhat missed them.
Her mind floats back to Noel before she makes herself thinking about something else, anything else.
Rose's effort to find a distraction is granted when all of her roommates walk back in, snacks in toe probably.
They all huddle up on her bed, watching some shitty netflix comedy. The fact that their commentary was funnier made the movie somehow better.
It's nearly midnight by the time everyone goes to their own beds, bidding good nights to everyone. All of them content with time they spent together.
Finally being able to sleep, Rose quickly finds her phone that was buried in the blankets and debates for a second. The anxious side of "what if someone dies in the middle of the night and I don't know because my phones turned off" wins the battle and she pressed down on the lock button.
Rose puts it on charge without even looking at it and rolls over so she's facing her wardrobe.
The idea of sleep itself was slowly slipping from her grasp as she just lies there. Everything felt so quiet, her room, the house everything. Rose doesn't want to check the time because she knows that never helps.
Rolling back over she eyes her phone in the dark, thinking about the odds that she checks her phone. Rose doesn't even know why she's so desperate to see a text from him. A fucking text is the reason she can't sleep. The bare minimum has left her feeling empty almost.
Mumbling a "fuck it" deciding that if she doesn't end the torture now, it'll never end. She can't ignore the fact her heart is beating really fast for someone who's lying in bed.
Snatching it off her nightstand, Rose groans at how bright her screen is before feeling her heart that was a minute ago beating like crazy, now completely still. Kind of like her, completely frozen. Rose wonders what the fuck he could have called her, aware that she said some fucked up things too.
4 missed calls from Noel Miller
4 new voice message from Noel Miller
Noel called her the minute he got home, then the minute he opened the bottle of whisky he found his hands on, then the minute he was sitting on his couch in the dark like some fucking loser. He had spent the entire day replaying their morning like a scene. Rewinding it every time he saw that damn tear roll down her eye. Noel had made her cry.
He'd probably muster up the courage to be angry if everything she said wasn't so fucking true. Noel found it crazy how much of an impact this girl had on him. She could read him like a book, yet not in the good way. He's scared at the idea of them holding each other's weaknesses against each other.
While he wishes he could rewind the day, Rose was busy building a rapport of pure anger towards him. It's what she does, and he knows that. He used that against her. And she didn't want to hear it.
So here they were one minute falling in love with each other and the next, hating each other's guts they both could agree on something. She was fucked up and he was the fuck up.
———-
You have 4 new voice messages to listen to them, press 1.
2:30 pm "Hey Rose..... honestly now thinking about it I probably should have prepared something because now I'm just gonna ramble and I can't delete this but I uh...- you know what nevermind."
To save message press, 9
To delete message, press 7
To relay message press, 4
2:33 pm "Okay please scrap that last one, fuck-."
To save message press, 9
To delete message, press 7
To relay message press, 4
6:37 pm "I just wanna know you're okay, listen a voicemail of me apologising isn't gonna do shit, we'll get to that but please just call- or text or send a fucking pigeon I don't care. Or even get someone else to do it but I just need to know you're okay."
To save message press, 9
To delete message, press 7
To relay message press, 4
12:03 am "And Rose? I don't regret you. I don't even know why I fucking said that I think I just wanted to hurt your feelings because to be honest you hurt mine a little. It's funny because honestly you are- you- *sighs* do you know that being around you is my favourite thing in this fucking world? Because it is Rose, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like you weren't."
To save message press, 9
To delete message, press 7
To relay message press, 4
4.
She pressed 4 until she fell asleep.