MADNESS
— 27. The Buddha
That evening, Freya laid in bed alongside Ivar, who had his hand placed against her growing belly. "How is Balder? Hmm?" He asked her with a large smile on his face.
"He is well. He can't wait to be born. He is growing restless in there," She informed him and Ivar chuckled as he felt the baby kick against his hand.
"I can feel that," Ivar replied as he lifted his head to look at her, his own eyes softening, "I love you."
"I know," was all she said, causing Ivar to raise a brow at her.
"And do you love me?" He questioned and all Freya did was smile, forcing herself to nod her head, "As you know, apart from my mother, I have never really known what it is to be loved, or truly love. I'm sure you remember that my father left me outside to die when I was a baby, because I was a cripple. Everyone has always treated me first as a cripple. But I believe you know how it feels, to be an outcast."
"I do. My mother..." Freya replied, trailing off as she let out a large sigh, "My real mother killed herself to escape me. She thought me to be mad and believed if she didn't kill herself, then I would kill her. I only saw my father a few times as a girl, but that was all. All my life, everyone around me feared me. All I ever wanted was for them to love me, but I knew it would never happen."
"I feel the same. But I knew it was impossible," Ivar replied, a disappointed look on his face, "So I was angry with everyone. I've been in rage all my life. Until now. You expect nothing for yourself, Freya, but you revealed everything to me. In my eyes, you are all goodness. All truth," He explained and Freya tried not to laugh at his words as he placed a hand on the side of her face, "And you're all the world to me. You always have been. You've been at my side through everything. You chose your mother over me and I could not do anything of this without you."
"I am glad. Just imagine, Ivar," Freya began to say as she lifted her head from being rested on the pillow, "I was the bastard daughter of a Saxon slave and the son of a fallen Earl. Then, I became a princess and the daughter of the infamous Queen Ylva the Dread and Bjorn Ironside. Now, I am Queen myself and carry in my body..." She trailed off, running her hand over her growing belly, "The son of a god."
Ivar smiled and Freya tried to hide her uneasiness as she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his.
Gradually, she pulled away and laid her head back down while Ivar smiled widely.
"I've been wondering something," He suddenly admitted and Freya gave him a questioning look, "What do gods do? Hm? I have to do something," He began to explain as he grabbed her hand and held it as he laid back down.
Freya sighed and when Ivar was not looking, she rolled her eyes.
"I have to do more," He continued to tell her and Freya tried to contain her annoyance, knowing all of this was her own doing and she now regretted it more than anything, "I need to do more."
"I'm sure you're right," Freya replied, forcing a smile onto her face as Ivar turned to glance at her, "But what you must do will surely be revealed to you soon enough. The Aesir will send a messenger to you. The Valkyries will descend down from the sky, beating their luminous wings. And you will hear them. And you will know, Ivar. That I know for sure."
Ivar listened to Freya's words closely as he laid down beside her, smiling with his eyes closed.
____
Days later, the Great Hall of Kattegat, Freya was sitting on her throne beside Ivar's as a man informed him of what had occurred in England. He walked away and with that, it wasn't long before Hvitserk entered.
"Hvitserk, I have just received some very interesting news," Ivar informed his brother with a smile on his face, watching as Hvitserk made his way over to him, "It seems King Harald was defeated in Wessex by the new King, Alfred. But with the help of Lagertha, Bjorn, Ylva, and Ubbe."
Hearing the news and the mention of Ylva, Hvitserk turned and exchanged a look with Freya, who looked uneasy. He sighed and glanced back at Ivar, looking annoyed. "Then you knew all along that you didn't sacrifice Lagertha. Did Harald survive the battle?"
"Yes, he retreated to York," Ivar replied as he inhaled deeply before sighing out, "It seems to me that now it is time for us to return to England. Harald has learned his lesson. He cannot win without me."
Hvitserk chuckled, looking down at the wooden piece Ivar lightly knocked against the wood of his throne. "What is that?"
"When our father took me to England, and was imprisoned by King Ecbert, I played chess with Prince Alfred," He explained to Hvitserk, smiling slightly, "Now, I would like to play chess with him again. Only this time, on the battlefield."
Hvitserk slowly turned, finding himself exchanging an uneasy look with Freya, who had been silent the entire time.
___
In Hvitserk's cabin, the entire room was lit with candles. He and Freya were lying on their stomachs on his bed, staring at the small wooden figurine Hvitserk had been given to a man that same day.
"Everything in One. And only the One is," Hvitserk began to inform Freya of what he had learned, causing the girl to smile.
"Is that so?" She asked playfully as Hvitserk turned to glance at her.
"Life is a bridge, build no house upon it. It's a river, but don't cling to its banks," He continued to explain to her in a fascinated tone, "You're on a journey."
"This weird old man told you all of this?" She asked him curiously.
"And many other things I've already forgotten," He admitted, causing Freya to smile.
"How could you forget? It sounds so..." She trailed off, her lips curling upwards as she glanced back at the figurine, "intriguing."
"Perhaps it's all a joke," Hvitserk pointed out as he shrugged his shoulders, "Floki would have said so."
"You have a point there," She admitted, glancing between him and the figurine of the Buddha, "What does it mean, though, Hvitserk? A journey to where?"
"He told me I can go talk to him again," He informed her, smiling as he shrugged his shoulders, "That he would enlighten me. What do you think?"
"I think you should," She encouraged him as she placed a hand on his back.
"Then maybe I will. But for now..." He trailed off, leaning forward to plant a light kiss to her shoulder before he pressed his forehead against hers, "Let's just have sex."
Freya chuckled and nodded her head. She turned on her side and the two of them began to kiss.
Hvitkserk briefly pulled away and Freya turned, watching as he turned the small statue of the Buddha around.
She chuckled and Hvitserk turned back to her, the two of them kissing once more.
Freya went to lay on her bed and Hvitserk moved to get on top of her. However, the two of them began to find it awkward due to her pregnant belly becoming bigger.
The two of them began to laugh in amusement, trying to find the right position. "How do we—" Hvitserk began to ask as they both laughed.
Finally, Freya lightly pushed Hvitserk off of him before turning around. She got onto her knees, holding herself up with her hands. Hvitserk knelt behind him, grabbing her by the chin to turn her head. The couple smiled, kissing each other passionately as Freya got herself off all fours.
"This will be better for both of us," She informed him and Hvitserk smiled at her.
"Fine by me," Hvitserk replied, positioning himself between her legs.
____
The following day, in the Great Hall of Kattegat, Hvitserk was sitting alone. He held the wooden figurine of the Buddha in his hand and smiled as he stared down at it.
He turned his head and glanced at Freya, who was being doted on by two other women. Her hair was braided and she had a large, genuine smile on her face as her hand was placed on her swollen belly.
He found himself smiling at her, feeling as though he had never seen her look more beautiful. Perhaps it was because she was carrying his child. He didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted nothing more than to be away from there, to have a happy life with her. He feared his wish would never come true, though. Not while Ivar was alive.
It wasn't long before Freya turned, sending him a small smile before looking away. Hvitserk smiled back at her, only to look away when Ivar walked over.
"That was an emissary from King Olaf the Stout," Ivar informed him as he took a seat at the table Hvitserk was sitting at, "I've invited Olaf to join our army."
"So when do you plan to sail to York?" Hvitserk asked his brother curiously.
"We should wait until the spring. And after the birth of my divine child. Perhaps then Freya will be able to join us as well. I've come to realize how restless she gets without having the opportunity to kill something. A proper battle will do us all some good, especially her," Ivar informed Hvitserk, who tried to contain his annoyance. He turned to him, smiling as he eyed him up and down, "Why so cynical, dear brother, huh? Cynicism poisons your mind, Brother. Eventually, you can't see the good in anyone, or anything."
Hvitserk looked up at Ivar, not saying a word. He doubted that were. He still saw the good in Freya and he always would.
"Can't you see Freya looks more like the Goddess of Fertility?" Ivar commented and Hvitserk turned to look at Freya, who had clearly heard Ivar's words.
They exchanged a look with each other and while Hvitserk looks annoyed with Ivar, Freya smirks slightly in amusement.
Hvitserk turned to look at Ivar and stared at his brother blankly.
"No?" Ivar asked awkwardly, his smile fading before he poured them both a mug of mead. "It seems to me that you are conflicted, Hvitserk. You jumped ship to be with me and Freya because you thought the gods planned it. But then everything I say or do makes you unhappy as if you never meant to jump ship at all."
"There is no contradiction," Hvitserk replied in a calm tone and Ivar chuckled.
"Of course there's a contradiction," He replied, smiling as he shook his head, "What are you talking about?"
"There is no contradiction because it's possible that everything is part of the One," Hvitserk informed Ivar, who gave him a weird look.
"What?" He asked, staring at Hvitserk as if he were crazy, "You're talking rubbish! You know, I've often wondered whether you weren't a little crazy."
Hvitserk lifted his head and raised his brows at Ivar. "I'm crazy?"
"Just like Margrethe," Ivar replied as he shrugged his shoulders without a care in the world, "You know what happened to her," He reminded him as he made a weird face and bore his teeth.
With that, Ivar stood up and used his crutch to walk away.
The moment he was gone, Freya walked over to Hvitserk and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just ignore him. He's happy for once. Let us not ruin it."
"Why should I let him be happy?" He asked, letting out a large scoff as he stared up at her.
"Because..." She trailed off, smiling as she leaned closer to him, "When he's happy, he's not in the mood to ruin everyone's life. It does us all some good to be left alone and not tormented by him. Don't you think?"
Hearing her words, Hvitserk gradually began to smile and nodded his head.