Charlotte sat in the library at Weston Place that afternoon, perched upon the window seat, a book left open and unread in her lap as her leg twitched nervously. She breathed slowly, attempting to calm her heart, but it was of no use. Soon, he would be here in this very room, and just like last night, she wasn't entirely certain that she was ready for it.
She turned her head toward the street once more, attempting to make him out on the sidewalks nearby. Would he walk to Weston Place? Or was his London house far enough to be in need of a carriage or horse to reach them? Even after all this time, there were so many unknowns. How can one know a person better than anyone else without really knowing them at all?
"Mr Parker, Miss." She jerked her head to the library entrance, heart leaping with abandon as Bradford stood in the doorway, turning to one side to reveal the familiar figure she had been waiting for.
"Th-thank you, Bradford," she said, standing quickly, the open book, forgotten, falling to the floor in front of her. She blushed, crouching to pick it up, but another hand had reached it before hers. She lifted her head and looked straight into the eyes of Sidney Parker. "Mr Parker," she said, shaking her head to illustrate her perceived foolishness, "thank you for your assistance."
"Pleasure," he nodded, passing the book back to her. Yes, perhaps they could be civil after all, she thought, before realising that they had both paused longer than was necessary. She swallowed nervously as she reached out to take the book from him, brushing his fingers as she did so.
They both stood quickly after that, attempting to at least feign propriety in their grand surroundings.
"Miss Heywood," he murmured in little more than a whisper. "I must admit, I did not know to expect you. I was summoned by Lady Worcester just this morning."
Brought back to the present, she turned abruptly, moving toward the chairs that Susan had set out especially for their meeting. At the very least, she could ensure that they were at a safe distance. "Please," she said, motioning to the other chair.
He moved to take the other seat, eyeing her cautiously, and yet, seemingly enthralled by such a turn of events. She had noticed from the very moment he entered the room that he appeared altered to her from the previous evening, closed off to the world much like he had been when they first met, and as he sat in the chair opposite, his almost defensive demeanour gave her pause. Perhaps she and Susan had thought wrong. Perhaps he was not, in fact, ready for what she was about to say.
"Mr Parker," she began, hesitating, "Lady Worcester has asked me to speak to you prior to your meeting today. I-I have been staying with her as a companion at her invitation, you see."
He nodded, a curious expression upon his face, and she felt encouraged to continue.
"Lady Worcester and I have had several conversations regarding certain events that occurred over the summer," she said, twisting her hands, her expression clearly discomfited.
His hand had come up to his chin, knuckles grazing his lips as he processed this. "I see. Please, do go on."
"After numerous conversations on the matter, well, we may have a plan that - should it work, that is - could relieve you of your obligations to your family."
He blinked once, then twice - his eyes searching hers, narrowing, and then his jaw jutted upward as if to illustrate his defiance at her words. "So, you have cooked up some scheme to set me free, is that it?" he asked, sounding amused, but the bitterness in his tone did not escape her detection, and it did not sit well with her.
She felt as if she had been struck. "Scheming?" she responded, anger building in her voice. "We have put our time and energy into this plan for months, and you refer to it as a 'scheme'? Tell me, Mr Parker, are you more offended that two women are attempting to come to your rescue or that they may have reached an answer while you have yet to find a way out?"
"You speak out of turn, Miss Heywood," he said, his voice rising along with hers. "Believe me when I say you have no business meddling in my affairs - affairs of which, I might add, you know nothing of."
"And now you call it meddling," she said, throwing her hands into the air, speaking through gritted teeth. "Say one more word to make me feel like less of a person, Mr Parker, and I swear to you that this is the last you will see of my meddling in any of your affairs."
"That was never my intent and you know it." He stood suddenly, hovering over her. "You know nothing of what I have endured. Nothing of what I have had to do." She leapt from her chair in response so rapidly it nearly fell backwards.
"And you know my mind so well as to make such base assumptions as to think I'm a foolish young woman incapable of helping you in any way?" she seethed. "How could you?"
"I had no thought for that, I assure you." he snapped, voice raised.
"Well then, perhaps I am doing you no favours attempting to help. I wish you a miserable marriage, Mr Parker because from what I have seen today, you are entirely deserving of it." She turned away, crossing her arms in defiance, armour against this horrid man that she so clearly no longer knew.
He laughed bitterly, hands on his hips as he nodded his head. "In this, Miss Heywood, we are entirely in agreement. Why should a man such as myself be so fortunate as to be with the woman he loves - the woman he would give his life for. Has done, in fact."
She turned back to look at him, meeting his gaze, noticed how he breathed, his shoulders hunched, his eyes desperate as he shook his head in disbelief. "And then you come back to haunt me - to torture me - when I know that even as I speak to you now, there is no way out. I am trapped, Charlotte, and there is...there is no way out."
He fell back, landing noisily upon the bookcase behind him, and Charlotte came to, her resolve lifting, replacing itself with more horrific unknowns that she had not yet entertained.
She went to him, approaching as if he were a wounded animal, placed her fingers beneath his chin and lifted his hanging head. He looked at her at last, his eyes rimmed in red, glassy as they threatened to well over, emitting nothing but anguish as he looked upon her. "How I wished-" he broke off, bearing his very soul in a single breath. "How I wished to win you." And she understood.
"If I have learned anything from Susan in my time here, it is that there is always a way where she is involved. Let us in. Let us try to help." She breathed in suddenly, attempting to regain control, to finish, "because I have been reunited with the man I love, and I simply cannot give up. If you are unable to do this for yourself, Mr Parker, do it for me - for the life that we could have. Please, I beg of you."
He caught her hand in his and kissed it, gripping tightly as if it were his last time holding it, and she lifted her other hand hesitantly to his cheek, wiping away the tears that now ran freely down his face, cradling him so that he would not fall.
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"Charlotte..." he said at last.
"Yes, Mr Parker?"
"I - I must speak to you of something else. Last night." His eyes clouded with guilt, and he found that he could no longer meet her gaze.
"I remember it well," she mused.
"I owe you an apology."
"Now, Mr Parker, if there is anyone here who should apologise, it would not be you."
"Why would you say such a thing?" He looked at her, astonished.
"Because in large part, any liberties taken were entirely my fault."
He was taken aback. "But as a gentleman, it is my duty to retain control, and I failed miserably on that front."
She smiled, leaning her forehead to his. "Do go on."
"Charlotte, I am trying to be serious," he said, his tone lowering.
"I know that you are, Mr Parker, but you must also realise there were two parties involved in the decisions that were made, and that perhaps mine were as reckless as yours." She ran her hands along his neck, feeling his pulse quicken beneath her fingertips as he removed them, abruptly stepping away from her, attempting a safe distance.
"Charlotte, please, you must listen to me," he said, his voice ragged and torn, and the atmosphere altered as his frustration filled the room. "I could never forgive myself if..." He turned away from her, facing the window, lifting his face to the ceiling, regaining what little control remained in him as he exhaled. "I could ruin you."
She halted, looking upon him, silence falling throughout the room, pressing upon them as Susan's words returned to her mind. "We have to be careful," she conceded.
"It isn't just that," he said, running his fingers through his hair as he paced about the room. "I find I have no semblance of control when you are near me. What happened yesterday - Charlotte, it cannot happen again in our situation." He swallowed reflexively, stopping to meet her gaze.
She nodded, understanding, and yet her expression deceived her, conveyed the pain that she had begun to feel at his words, at what this meant if they didn't succeed.
His head tilted sorrowfully in response. "The truth is - that I love you too much to put you into harm's way. Please know - I couldn't bear it if I had caused you to-" his voice broke as she walked toward him, approaching him slowly, her gaze constant as she stood next to him, in the very spot where she had moments ago sought him out on the street below.
She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers between his, causing him to erupt in joy and sorrow at once. "I missed you," he whispered, nearly unable to emit the words.
"And I you," she said as together, they watched the afternoon crowds leisurely promenading through Berkeley Square.
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Susan smiled upon closing the library door, having attempted an entrance at a most inopportune moment. Charlotte and Mr Parker stood together, united in silence by the window, and she was fairly certain that they had been holding hands.
"Milady, would you care for me to-"
"Ah, no, that is quite alright, Bradford," she said in little more than a whisper, deftly taking his arm to lead him away from the library. "It seems that my meeting with Mr Parker will last longer than we had anticipated. Perhaps you could inform the cook that we may have an extra guest for dinner this evening. I will handle the rest." she said, raising her eyebrows ever-so-slightly at him.
"Indeed, I will inform them directly." Bradford gave her a knowing glance.
"Thank you, Bradford," she said, glancing up at his imposing figure, her eyebrow arched, "What would I do without you around?"
"With all due respect, Milady, you would very likely be in the direst of straits."
"Yes," she laughed, heartily, as they made their way along the corridor, "direst of straits, indeed."