It was a beautiful summer's day in New York City with hundreds if not thousands of citizens swarming the streets, amongst these citizens was a man in a full body red and black Spandex suit, with two katana swords on his back, walking along listening to his music through his Skullcandy headphones, looking down at the floor bopping his head to the beat of the music. He takes a look up from his phone and does a quick double take before putting both his hands to cheeks with a shocked expression.
"Oh my god it's you!" He points forward before continuing to walk along the streets "What's up reader, it's been so long since I last saw you" He furrows his eyebrows behind his mask "Ohhhhh I know what you're thinking.......fourth wall break already. Well get used to it, we're in for the long haul over here. Now make like Aerosmith and Walk this Way." He does a gesture to follow.
He enters a small shop and walks over to the fridge to where the soft drinks are located "Man, I love coke hehehe but which one?" Y/N pulls a bottle of Coca Cola out of the fridge then as he closes the door he hears some commotion by the counter and sees a short man in jeans and a black hoodie holding a gun up to the store clerk.
"Empty the register now" The man with a Boston accent says. Y/N peeks from behind the aisle with the sweets and chocolates before whispering "Time to nut up or shut up..... God I love Woody Harrelson."
Y/N puts his coke back in the fridge behind him and looks at it through the transparent fridge door whilst puttibg his hand on it and whispering "Don't worry I'll be back for you" Y/N turns and walks up behind the assailant, pulling out his katanas tapping the robber on his shoulders with them which startles him so much so that he fires off a shot in the air.
The robber screams as the store clerk ducks behind the counter as Y/N places his katanas up to the terrified looking robbers neck and calmly talks to him "Robbing seriously! and with a cliche line like that, that's a crime in itself."
The robber is trembling in fear as he drops his gun to the ground "P-p-please d-d-don't h-hurt me" he closes his eyes as he pleads for his life.
Y/N narrows his eyes at his behaviour "Dude stop stuttering so much, you're not asking me to Prom and even if you were I'd have to decline"
The robber stays silent which annoys Y/N as he groans "There's nothing I hate more than silence....well maybe TikTok but silence is an extremely close second." Y/N proceeds to kick out the robber's knee which causes him to scream in pain as there is a horrific cracking noise as he falls to the floor before Y/N stomps on his head, knocking him out cold "You know we could've had an epic fight scene for the readers at home but NOOOOO you just had to be boring. Sorry readers."
Y/N places his blades back where they belonv and steps over the unconscious man before strolling over to the store clerk who is still cowering behind the counter. "What's up Alfonso, how's the wife and kids?" Alfonso, a short, bald and overweight Mexican man in his mid thirties, looks up to Y/N sitting on the counter kicking his feet out. He gets up and smiles at his Spandex wearing customer.
"They are good Mr Pool..... thanks for saving me I'd be dead if it wasn't for you" He graciously says with panic lacing his voice whilst leaning on the counter trying to regain his composure.
Deadpool waves his hand out "Pahhh it's all in a day's work, you're lucky I came in for a coke." Alfonso chuckles "Well it's on the house as a thank you Mr Pool."
Deadpool hops off the counter and turns to face the store clerk "Cheers Alf" Y/N strolls back over to the fridge he left his coke in and grabs it "Hello beautiful, did you miss me?"
He saunters out of the store as Alfonso was on the phone presumably calling the police. Y/N continues to walk down the street as he twists the bottle cap, moaning in pleasure at the sound of the pop as the cap comes off. "Now if you've found yourself over here, you want to learn about me." He takes a sip of his coke lifting his mask up slightly to drink it "Ahhhhhh fizzy.........Well in case you don't know I'm Deadpool AKA... is it AKA or aka pffffffft anyways I am Y/N L/N but you should know that seeing as this is a reader insert, no I'm not Wade Wilson because he doesn't exist in this universe. Sorry Ryan Reynolds but I'm taking the reigns over here.......Oh yeah and this is Venom, say hi to the readers Venom."
Venom pops out of Y/N's shoulder with a confused expression painted all over his face "Readers? What are you talking about you Merc motherfucker?"
Y/N shakes his head in annoyance and disappointment "Ugghhh just say hello discount Xenomorph"
Venom does a low growl towards Y/N before looking forward in the same direction Y/N is looking and doing an awkward wave "Hello readers?"
Y/N thrusts his arms back and cheers "Was that so hard, now shoo shoo so I can finish the preview."
Venom looks straight at Y/N "You're so fucking weird sometimes, I just don't get it" he then retreats back into Y/N's shoulder.
"Tell me something I don't know........Sorry readers he's not much of a fourth wall breaker but together we like to call ourselves Venompool, ROLLLLL CREDITS!! Actually retract that I can't have this book end before it begins ..........BTDUBZ what do you guys think of the song up at the top, seemed fitting given I'm bonded to Venom." He then put his hands on hips and stopped "No! No! before you even ask I'm not doing the Tobey Maguire dance! So put that thought on the next train to Shitsville."
Y/N continues walking and finds himself in a park and sits on a park bench "So this is just the preview so I can't say too much right now but what I can say is" Y/N leans in closer "OFFENSIVE HUMOUR - but I'm Deadpool and you already knew that so if you're easily offended and I'll put this as politely as I can............... Please fuck off to another Wattpad book."
Y/N leans back and finishes his coke before throwing it straight into the bin whilst simultaneously pulling down his mask to cover his face again "Now like I said can't reveal too much but I'm the kind of guy that likes to reveal it all behind closed doors." Y/N does a little wink before something catches his attention above him "Speaking of things that should take place behind closed doors, there's two birds fucking in that tree up there." Y/N points up to two pigeons going at it like rabbits in a tall tree before turning back to look forward.
"Now if you've read this Fucking Stupid Author's other shit then you'll know that he is inconsistent with how much he writes but don't worry if he stops writing I'll go to his house and shove my swords straight up his asshole and yank out his insides."
With Deadpool's statement, there is suddenly a flash of lightning above Y/N which causes him to look up to the sky before a loud voice starts speaking "You can't kill me Y/N, you're a character in MY book"
Y/N rolls his eyes and groans loudly "Oh my god Author-whose-name-I-can't-use-because-he-doesn't-want-people-to-know-it shut the fuck up, I'm trying to do the preview for the fucking book here"
"There is no need for the use of all that profanity" The Author says calmly to Y/N
"Yeah well you being here is boring the readers. I'm the star of the book! So fuck off and go back to crushing on that girl from your school" Y/N yelled to the sky as he stuck both middle fingers upwards.
The author groans loudly "Why do I bother with you?" and with that the Author disappeared and the lightning stopped as it went back to the nice sunny day it was before.
Y/N then shakes his head and has an angry look behind his mask "God I fucking hate that guy, he's such a dickhead. You'll find out why I hate him so much later in the book......Actually you know what comment here FUCK THE AUTHOR! it will make my day"
Y/N gets up from his park bench who feels like his day has been ruined "Don't worry readers, I'll talk to the Author when we're done and make sure he doesn't make another appearance in MY book......fucking asshole!"
Y/N makes his way to his apartment complex and puts his keys in the door until he hears the lock click then opens the door to his well furnished apartment. He practically collapses in the middle of his black three seater leather couch and let's out a large sigh "So I should probably tell you the premise of this book. There's me, Venom and the Avengers. Obviously. Most of these Phases will take place during MCU films unless the Fucking Stupid Author, you know what for your benefit I'll call him FSA from now on, goes for original writing."
Y/N gets out a share bag of Doritos then devours them causing his voice to become muffled with the previously silent room now being filled with crunches "Now this book, is it a love story? Possibly. Is it action packed? At times. Will there be a shit load of dead people? You can bet your fucking ass there will be! Man I'm getting so fucking hyped for this!"
He then leans back in his leather couch and looks forward "Welcome to....wait if I'm gonna finish this preview I need to do it properly."
Y/N slithers his way over the back of the sofa and lands flat on his back "What a dumb idea" he does a kip up and gets a small glass and a bottle of Scotch before heading back to his couch.
Y/N fills the cup with a small amount of Scotch before putting the bottle onto the glass coffee table in front of him, he then leans back in his sofa, crossing his legs as he does a quiet dramatic voice " Welcome to Venompool" Y/N raises his glass in the air and downs the Scotch.
He shudders at the taste of it "Man I hate Scotch but it was worth it for dramatic effect..........Well that's it, the Preview done, I'm sure you've all got other things to do whereas I have got a date with some tissues, some lube and a Playboy magazine."
Y/N got up from his sofa then walked towards his bedroom opening the brown wooden door and stood under the doorframe "So until next time I have been your friendly neighborhood Deadpool with his symbiotic buddy Venom saying..... let's fuck some shit up."