"Sam! Get in here!" Cas ran up to Dean and tried to stop the bleeding in his husband's wrists. "No, no, no, no, no. Come on, babe, stay with me."
"Cas, what's wro- Oh my God!" Sam raced in and tried to stem the bleeding on the wrist on Dean's stomach. "What the hell did he do?!"
"I don't know! I found him like this." How could Dean do this? What could possibly make him do this?
That was when his conversation with Gabe came back. Dean suffers from severe depression. Athazagoraphobia, the fear of being forgotten or abandoned. Cas said he was leaving. That alone might've been able to throw him into a panic attack.
It was his fault.
"Cas, I don't know what's on your mind, but Dean needs you," Sam called out, snapping out of his thoughts.
Cas nodded, focusing back on his husband's wounds. That you caused.
Everyone else ran into the room, not knowing what to expect.
"What the hell happened in here?" John bellowed. He was not in a good mood.
"We don't know! Cas came in here to get him for dinner and found him like this."
Instead of trying to help, John just grabbed the collar of Cas's shirt and threw him against the wall.
"John!" Everyone shouted.
"You did this, you son of a bitch! You killed my son!"
Cas threw John's hands off him. "Like you even care! You nearly put him in this state numerous times!"
John drew back his hand, prepared to slap Cas across the face, but Cas caught his hand. "I love your son. No matter what you think, I would never, ever, intentionally harm him. And if you lay a hand on him, I will end you." Cas then threw John's hand down and made his way back to his husband. Gabe and Sam were wrapping Dean's wrists while Mary was holding Jack close to her chest. Rowena was standing in the corner of the room, covering her face as tears made their way down her face.
Once Sam and Gabe finished wrapping his wrists, Sam leaned down to take Dean's pulse. "He's still alive, but barely. He'll need a lot of rest, but he should be fine."
As Cas was looking at Dean, he noticed something on his forearm. He walked over and gently grabbed Dean's forearm and turned it so he could see. The sight brought tears to the angel's eyes.
White lines were scattered all over his forearm. Some of them looked incredibly old like they were formed decades ago. Those were the ones he was familiar with. Others, however, looked like they were made just last week; pink and raised and uneven. Cas quickly checked the other arm, and it looked nearly identical, though the lines looked incredibly jagged.
He could hear Sam's breath hitch behind him. He looked up to see Gabe staring at him with a forlorn look in his eyes.
Cas wiped the tear from his eye and placed Dean's arm back down. He then looked around the room at everyone. "I think we need to talk." He then walked out of the room and back to the map room.
Cas was already sitting at the map table by the time everyone else joined him. Everyone looked worried, but John was spending all of his energy glaring at Cas, probably cursing him out in his head.
"What the hell was that in there? What did you do to my son?"
Cas generally didn't know how to answer. He didn't physically do anything to him, but it was because of his decisions that Dean was in that situation in the first place. However, before he could say anything, Sam spoke up.
"Cas didn't do anything to Dean! You've probably caused more than half of the scars on his body growing up, including the self-done ones!"
John froze, probably not knowing how to react to the accusations from his son.
"I did not physically harm your son, but it was my decision that led him to that point." Everyone looked at him in shock. The attention scared him, especially with what he was talking about, but he needed to explain everything. "Had it not been for Gabe, one of the monsters you so vehemently despise, Dean most likely would've died tonight."
Gabe's head snapped to look at Cas; He had no clue how he saved Dean's life. He didn't think he meant wrapping Dean's arms, so he had no clue what his brother was referencing. "What do you mean there, little brother?"
"The conversation we had in the car?"
The pieces clicked in Gabe's head. Huh, who knew that talking about Dean's mental health to his husband would save his life?
"Care to fill us in, darlin'?" Rowena asked, not missing the head snap and glare from John at the nickname.
"Dean and I were in a fight earlier, which is why I left to go get dinner with Gabe in the first place. Gabe and I were talking about the fight when he brought up Dean's mental health. We started talking about Dean's PTSD and depression." John scoffed, but Cas continued. "We eventually agreed on another undiagnosed mental disorder that he most definitely has."
"The poor boy probably has many mental health issues." Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with Rowena. Well, everyone except John, but that wasn't unexpected.
"Yes, I agree. But, anyhow Gabriel and I decided that Dean most likely has another mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia-"
"Pfft, what the hell is that? That's not even a fucking word. What the-"
With a flick of her wrist, Rowena effectively silenced John. Mary had to try and hide a smile when John tried and failed to speak. "That should do," she sang, a smile on her face.
Cas smiled when he saw Jack trying to stifle down a smile. "Athazagoraphobia, in it's simplest form, is the fear of being forgotten or abandoned. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense."
And it did. Smiles were wiped from everyone's faces, and Sam's eyes widened as he thought about that. The more he thought about the way Dean reacted to certain things and all the decisions he'd made throughout the years, every time he'd done whatever it took to make sure Sam was safe and ok and even bringing him back if that was the case. He'd always said that it was because Dean didn't want to be alone; that was the reason Dean got him at Stanford in the first place, he'd outright said it. He didn't realize just how right he was.
He remembered the time after Gadreel when he told Dean that they were no longer brothers. Not even a week later, Sam accused Dean of letting Gadreel possess him not for Sam's sake, but his own; because he didn't want to be alone. He didn't know just how right he was. He remembered the heartbroken look on his brother's face when he said he wouldn't do the same for him, but he was too mad at the time to care. He'd always thought that look was because Dean thought his brother, the only family he had left beside Cas at the time, didn't care whether he lived or died. Now that he thought about it, however, hat look was most likely because he thought he might be losing Sam, that Sam might leave soon.
John tried to speak up but was thankfully unable to thanks to Rowena's spell.
After a moment of silence after the shocking news, Gabe finally looked up from his phone, which no one had even realized he'd whipped out. "According to some articles, some symptoms of Athazagoraphobia are panic attacks, body aches, muscle tension, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, dizziness, restlessness, nervousness, fainting, sweating, nausea, depression, avoiding social situations, and lack of focus or concentration."
"Doesn't Dad have most of those daily?"
At that question, everyone's heads whipped to look at Jack. What did he mean?
"Jack, what do you mean?" Mary asked. She was worried about her baby boy. He may be her age now, but he was still a boy in her mind; always will be. From what she knew, none of them knew about Dean suffering from any of those symptoms except for panic attacks and his depression. Were they linked?
"Well, Dad told me not to tell anyone, but I thought that this is the one time I should. When I'm with him, his heart rate will sometimes randomly spike. And most days, I'll walk into a room to see Dad in pain. He usually complains that his chest, stomach, and upper arms hurt. He said that whatever hurts corresponds with whatever's been going on lately. He only told me because I've walked in on it so many times and wouldn't stop asking why." After Jack whispered the last sentence, he stopped talking, but everyone could tell he wasn't done. No one had any clue what he was going to say next. After taking a deep breath, Jack spoke again. "I've even found him passed out on the floor a few times. His heart rate was always really high, and it scared me."
Cas leaned over and grabbed the armrest on Jack's chair and pulled it next to his so he could wrap his arms around his son as tears made their way down both their faces. Why would Dean keep something like that from them? And how many times has he passed out and no one even knew?
"I'm connected to the poor boy, and I've noticed that he gets quite restless very often. I've also felt him pass out," Rowena confessed.
Cas nodded. "I've noticed that, too. I wasn't sure what it was, but I'd always thought that he was just falling asleep while researching or taking a nap."
Rowena lightly shook her head. "I didn't know what it was either, but I knew that wasn't it."
"I'm sorry, but what do you mean when you say you're connected to him?" Mary still wasn't quite up-to-date with all the bonds and stuff between all the non-humans they know and her boys.
"It means that I've created a sort of bond with him. Not as strong as his with the pretty boy angel over there, but a bond nonetheless. It means that I can tell when something is going on with him. It was created because I worry about him, and it appears I was right to do so."
After a beat of silence, Sam spoke up. "Even with all the times Jack has caught him, how many times has he suffered without us knowing? I mean, I know that Dean gets super restless and nervous all the time, but how much of that is caused by his phobia?" Sam's eyes widened in shock. "How long has he even had it?" He whispered.
"Probably longer than you even remember, Sammy," a voice spoke as they took a step into the map room.
It was Dean.