"Please, Lili, don't."
The fact that he didn't use the pet name he'd created for her did not go unnoticed, "All right, I'll just stay over here," Lili said, "Can I, is it okay if I ask how you were injured, and what your injury is?"
"I suppose so," he said, shifting from foot to foot, "It's better if I walk 'round a bit."
"Pace if you have to."
"Yes," he said absently, "I was, it was a shuttle crash. I was pinned and my pelvis was crushed."
"Oh my God," she said, "But they can fix that, Malcolm, right?"
"This is fixed," he said.
"Oh. When did this happen?"
"It was in 2174," he said, "On Andoria."
"Oh. Was anyone else hurt?"
He looked away, "Not, not hurt."
But it didn't feel like good news, "Because they didn't survive. Am I right?"
"Yes," he whispered.
"Anyone I knew?"
"Yes."
Lili took a handkerchief out of her pocket, "Go on. Tell me everything."
"It was, we were coming back from a treaty signing. I was the designated representative for the, the twenty-ones. You know what that is, right?"
"Yes. It's a radiation band. You and I belong on your side, where everything vibrates at twenty-one centimeters. Here, on the other side of the pond, they vibrate at twenty centimeters. Doug is a twenty."
Malcolm took a pendant out from his shirt. It was functional, nothing stylish, "See this bit of jewelry I now wear? This is a scanner. I can tell who is who. Our orders are to kill anyone who is not a Calafan but is a twenty. So I suppose it's a good thing that Doug went and I did not, for he would be shot on sight here. No trial, no questions, no remorse and no exceptions. Even children who are twenties are to be eliminated. It's a nasty, horrid business."
"I think the same is true here, in reverse, I saw a Xindi woman fail the test – they were table top scanners, not worn, and, anyway, she was just shot in the head. Nobody even debated it. They just did it."
He put the pendant back, "I despise what I have done, and what I have become."
"Tell me about the treaty," she said, "Surely Starfleet trusted you a great deal for them to make you their proxy."
"Not Starfleet. It was an alliance of us, Tellarites, Xindi, Andorians, Xyrillians, Denobulans, Calafans – such as they were; for them, it was a government in exile, Vulcans and another one. Wait, it was the Takret."
"Well, that's good. That's how peace gets started."
"If you're not in a constant state of war, that is," he said, "I was chosen. And we went. And the Empress, she sent her own emissary. It was Chandler Masterson's counterpart. We signed, we shook hands and it seemed like all was well."
"Was this to end the hostilities?" she asked.
"No. But, it seemed like a decent first step. We departed – four of us."
"Who was with you?"
"My pilot, my first officer and my communications officer. That is to say, Travis, Tripp and Hoshi."
"Oh Gawd," Lili said, and made use of the handkerchief, "I, I know that this handkerchief isn't real, and the tears aren't, either, not now, not in this dream. But they will be real."
"I know you are upset. And what I am saying is only going to make you all the more upset. Shall I awaken now, and spare you?"
"No," Lili said, regaining her composure, "Tell me. You've waited a long time. The least I can do is listen."
"Well, it's probably going to be all out of order."
"I'll ask questions," she said.
"Very well. We took off and we were fired upon. Whether that was under Masterson's orders hardly seems to matter anymore. Travis was the fortunate one. He, he was killed on impact."
"Oh," Lili said. She sat down on the bench.
"I was pinned – paralyzed, although I didn't know that at the time. Hoshi and Tripp attempted to free me. But ground troops landed. Andoria wasn't supposed to be a battle theater. In any event, it ended up as hand to hand. I couldn't see what was happening, but I could hear quite a bit of it as it wasn't far from the crash site. That little woman, she fought as hard as anyone. And I wish I hadn't, but I heard their final words to one another: 'I love you, Tripp.' 'I love you, Hoshi.' See, I didn't want to be a part of so much intimacy. But I couldn't crawl away from it. After all those years, all that intervening time, there was still something there. At least they passed together, more or less."
"And the Andorians found you?"
"No. The twenties did. I was placed into one of their prisons, on their side of the pond, actually. The alliance negotiated for my release during my entire term in there, which was nearly a year. I did not receive much in the way of medical treatment, save to assure that I didn't die before the Empress could squeeze as much as possible out of releasing me. I didn't want them to give up quite so much, but they did. The alliance, they finally ended up ceding the Xyrillian home world. It was because, well, they needed Captains. And I was one of very few."
"But what about Archer?" she asked.
"That happened earlier," he said, "This will be a bit out of order. That one was two years prior. The Enterprise was destroyed and all hands with her."
Lili just sat there and wept, "Tell me," she finally managed to squeak out.
"Hoshi had been on a short leave. So she was spared that time. Tripp was already my first officer, and Travis, my pilot. Tripp could have had a command, I suppose, but they gave it to me. They did that because there was far more of a need for a military man than for an engineer. So the main personnel were split up. I got MacKenzie for my tactical man. Tripp was still the Chief Engineer. Hoshi ended up coming in to do Communications – I had had Masterson – our Masterson, of course – for that role. My Medical Officer was, and still is, Cyril Morgan."
"Morgan? I think the doctor here is named Morgan."
"Underfed fellow, older, face is, uh," he smiled very slightly, "mostly nose?"
"Yeah," Lili said, "Must be his counterpart."
"Yes."
"Tell me about your ship."
"It was supposed to be named the USS Excelsior. But it was also supposed to be an exploration vessel, just like the Enterprise. That all changed, naturally. So I put in a request to have them change the name. And, to my surprise, they did so."
"A warship should be something menacing, right?"
"You taught me that all names are meaningful. I had them name it the USS Bluebird. And I did that because, well, it's the bluebird of happiness, right?"
"Yes."
"And I felt that maybe someday someone could be happy again," he stared straight ahead, "And, and you had always loved blue."
She got up and walked over to him but he backed away again and the stress must have been powerfully painful, for he cringed and took out his own handkerchief, "Please, please don't."
"Malcolm, this is a dream. People without legs can climb mountains. You don't have to feel any pain."
"It's all just a bit of fantasy, isn't that right?" she nodded, "Well, you see, when you have had enough bitter doses of reality, an escape into a fantasy just seems like a betrayal of all that."
She was about to comment on that when she saw a bit of yellow flash on his left hand. Something bothered her slightly, like she was involuntarily changing positions.
=/\=
Doug was awake in the lab. He very, very carefully pushed her sleeping form up just a bit, far enough up so that he could move his body away. He placed her gently back on the floor and got dressed, then came back, pushing her up again. He couldn't dress her without waking her, but he put his jacket over her. And then he took out his phase rifle and waited in case anyone wanted to challenge him for the room, or for her.
=/\=
"You married," Lili said, commenting on the ring she had just seen.
"Oh. That," he said, but it didn't make him smile.
"Doesn't sound good," she said, "Did you, did you divorce?"
"No, Lili. You need to actually be wed first before you can divorce."
"I don't get it."
"Our doctor Morgan – and perhaps the one on your side as well – he has a niece. And I knew her from before. We, we reconnected. And I proposed on our second outing."
"Anyone I know?"
"Yes, Pamela Hudson," he said, "I was, I was back from prison and getting treatment. By this time I could walk again, after a fashion, but nothing else. You see, it wasn't just walking that I could not – still cannot – do."
Lili looked up, "I see."
"So our arrangement was, it was to be open. But not in the loving way that, that yours was with Doug and all of us. It was, instead, for convenience's sake. She would, she would take my ring, and my name, and little else. And I would have her ring, and be able to call her my wife. There was never any intention of us sharing a home. It was a desperate act for two people who were a bit desperate. Clinging, overprotective and thinking a lot less of each other's happiness than about how secure it could be. And the whole idea of security was an illusion. She would keep her nighttime appointments, her romps with whoever, since I am incapable of such things. But her one generous act was," he stopped for a second, "It was, she knew some people. In the, the medical field. They could fix me. But it would take a while. I'd have to be placed on a waiting list. So we would wait. That would be our, the term of our engagement. We would wait for me to be repaired and rehabilitated, and then we would marry and at least, somehow, be able to consummate it."
"It was a generous act."
"It was to be her wedding present to me."
"What happened?"
"That treaty I told you about? It was an agreement whereby we said that we would not fire upon each other's medical facilities or vessels. That was all it was. It was thoroughly useless. There was no intention by the twenties of ever following it. Pamela, she was working on one of those mobile surgical units. She wasn't doing plastic surgery anymore – she was trying to reattach limbs. She had, I feel, become the doctor, if not the person, that she probably always had in her."
"She has goodness in her," Lili said, "Even if she doesn't admit it or see it."
"She had the same luck as Travis. All I can hope is that she not only didn't feel it or see it, but that she didn't know about it at all. That she was just getting her coffee or closing up a patient or checking a PADD, just a regular, somewhat mundane day, instead of knowing that it was her, her dying day."
"Oh Malcolm."
"So I wear this," he looked down at the ring for a second, "She had the jeweler design it to her specifications. It's jagged on the side, you see. And the two rings, they were to fit, jagged edge to jagged edge. She never picked hers up, of course. I, I had the jeweler melt it down. I wear it now, on the same hand where I wear the cuff you gave me. They are my reminders."
"And you never went through with the surgery?"
"No. It's just like battlefield triage. A person who needs a new leg, or has a collapsed lung or is missing an eye – that person is a far higher priority than whether Malcolm Reed will ever make love again."
=/\=
There were sounds outside but, so far as Doug could tell, they didn't affect him and Lili. Still, he remained on alert.
=/\=
She got up and came close again, and he sprang back again, "This is just so much frustration for me."
"I told you, you don't have to be injured right now."
"And I told you. Lili, why must you torture me so?"
"I just want to – I won't touch your back, or anywhere you don't want me to," she said, "Just your hand, or your face, if that's all that you'll accept."
"Please. Don't."
"I want you to know," she took the key out from her shirt, "I read the inscription."
"Just a bit of doggerel, nothing more."
"No. It was important. It is important. It helped me."
"For you it's just, what, a day or two? For me it is a lot more than, than that."
"I know. But I also – do you remember what you said when you gave it to me? It was the same thing you said when we first admitted that we loved each other."
"Words of love," he said, "From a thousand years ago."
"You said, you loved me beyond all reason, all hope, all belief and all faith."
"Pretty words with no more meaning than that, that ribbon in your hair."
"Which you gave me. I didn't understand it before, but I think I do now. You see, there are a thousand reasons why things wouldn't work, and hopes can be dashed. Beliefs can be wrong and faith can be tested," she paused, "But with love, things do work, hopes are restored, beliefs are proven and faith is, it's rewarded."
"But they don't work."
"They don't have to," she said, "My love for you isn't just hinged on performance. I won't deny that I like it. But to be with you is what really matters."
He just stood there.
She walked over and this time, he cringed and shook, bracing himself for impact.
She placed her arms around him and there was sparking.
"What the devil is that?" he asked, voice broken.
"It's, it's ionization. It happens in these dreams when people who have really connected and bonded reunite after not having been together for a while. It's happened between me and Doug, and it's happening now between you and me. And I wouldn't expect anything less."
"Make it stop."
"It will. Just a second," she said gently. It stopped.
He stood there, not hugging her back, just standing there, until he finally, gingerly, placed his head on her shoulder.
"We're gonna fix this," she said, "This timeline will go away."
"So you will, you'll go back and what of everything?"
"It'll be rewound. Rick said each universe has but one correct timeline. We're not in it right now. It's like knitting. The yarn has made been made into a sweater, but it's deformed and the sleeves don't match. We're going to rip that yarn out and rewind it on the ball. And it'll, instead, be knitted up into a scarf," she turned her head and kissed him on the cheek.
He breathed in her ear, "And if you fail?"
"We won't fail."
"But do this one thing," he said, "Because if there's anything I've learned, it's that victory is always far from assured."
"Go on."
"Kill the Empress."
=/\=
Now it was getting louder and Doug realized they'd better be dressed and separated as crewmen were running down the hallway in front of the lab. Detection would not be a good thing for either of them. Much as he didn't want to, he began to gently push on Lili's shoulder in order to wake her.
=/\=
She felt it.
"Doug's waking me."
"So he is with you?"
"Only for the night. We can't, we have to pretend we're unmarried. I'm posing as a Calafan slave."
"Don't let them harm you, Lili-Flower."
"I won't."
"Have you seen your children? And the, the other one?"
"Yes. We've got two out of the four on board with what we want to do."
"Good. Hope is, perhaps, halfway restored, then."
She put her hand on his face, "I love you."
"It is my only certainty," he said, "I love you."
They kissed.
=/\=
She woke.
"Dress quickly," Doug said, and Lili complied.
Tentatively, they opened the door to the lab. Miller was running down the hallway and Doug flagged him down, "What's going on?" Doug asked.
"They say the opening is almost big enough for the Luna to get through. It's gonna be on the widescreen."