I realise something outrageous when Liam is gone, something that shouldn't happen, something that will only make things complicated, something I have to fight for everyone's sake, and it terrifies me.
I miss him.
I actually miss his presence, his voice, that cocky smile, and even bickering with him. We talk over the phone and it's nice, but I still miss him and I find myself constantly thinking of him, remembering the good times and forgetting the bad ones. And if I miss him, if I think of him more than I should, then that means that I probably fancy him and that's not allowed. That's not in the contract and I signed one! I'm not supposed to develop real feelings for him. It's been two months since we started all this scheme, I can't allow myself to fancy Liam. No matter what, this will end in four months and if I do have feelings for him, then I'll end up hurt. This is not just a relationship going wrong, this is just no relationship at all. It's a business transaction. I can't see him as something more than a job.
But it's so easy to forget it's a job when he sends me a book when he's not around. When he calls me before a show and asks me about my days and I wish him good luck. It's really hard to remember it's a job when he comes back and tells me he missed me, hugs me tightly, takes me somewhere nice to have fun, and finds any excuse to kiss me. I forget we are pretending when we are together and only remember this isn't real when I'm back home, when I regain my mind because it seems I lose it when he's around.
And the worst part is that he's not Prince Charming or anything. I know he's trying hard to be considerate and sometimes he goes overboard, and I'm still too bold and tell him things without a filter, which hurts him and of course makes him react and we end up fighting. He still acts like a real snob sometimes, forgetting not everyone works for him and that even if they do, he should still be grateful and kind. He's not the jerk I met two months ago, but he's not a perfect gentleman either. But I still miss him when he's not around.
At first I kept reminding Liam that all this was a job, now I don't even mention it in front of him and get carried away, but I do repeat the same mantra to myself all the time: this is a job, you can't fancy Liam Payne.
I should put distance between us, that's the best solution to finish this before it's even started, but I can't. That would mean breaking a contract and well, getting in some legal issues. So this contract is the reason why I have to stay by his side, even if the lines between real and pretence are getting blurrier by the day.
And Liam is definitely not helping at all! I thought he said he wanted an easy relationship, no strings attached but he is the one always reaching out for me, the one calling, sending notes with the books every week so I can feel him around even when he's not. It's almost as if is really trying to make this work but why would he do that? He is aware this is not real and our relationship—fake relationship—has an expiration date. Why would he make an effort when all what he wanted was an effortless relationship? He didn't want a real girlfriend; he wanted someone to be by his side without the whole feelings part and then say goodbye as easily as it started.
He's just confusing me further!
"Belle, are you okay?" Ariel asks me, bringing me back from the misty world of thoughts in which I was lost.
"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking of some situation I'm dealing with, but everything is fine," I tell the girl next to me.
Dad told me Simon wanted to see me so I've come to the label and I ran into Ariel, who was more than happy to see me, and because it's the same for me, I've stayed for the rest of the day. Simon just wanted to say how happy he was that they hired me to be with Liam because as I've been strict with him, he's been behaving better, almost as the old Liam, just more confident. Hence, the articles about him and the market researches have shown how his popularity has increased. Good publicity is always the best kind because it's easier to deal with and it doesn't give headaches to the CEO.
I think it's probably because Simon congratulated me on doing my job so well that I'm so struck by the realisation I had started to forget that. I've been doing a job the whole time and not a conventional job, so I can't miss Liam. And it's a job I didn't even want at first, a job I hated but just accepted because of my father's sake.
This is so messed up.
"You sure? Because you don't look fine," she says at the same time the barista calls for our names. Our orders are ready.
Yes, we came for coffee at the cafeteria there's available at the label's headquarters to have a chat. My dad had already mentioned how Ariel is always working and she only goes out with Harry and sometimes with Niall, who're apparently her only friends. He's a bit worried so he also asked me if I could spend some more time with the singer because she also needs some girl friend. I've never been interested in making friends and I know Ariel is very different from me, but I actually like the idea of befriending her.
"Once I get my coffee I'll be all right, don't worry," I say walking up to get both my and her cup.
"I might not be good at talking," she says with a shy smile, "But I'm good at listening. In case you need it."
I smile honestly at her because it actually means a lot. I'm used to deal with everything on my own without having someone to rely on. I have my father, but well, he was the one who was always relying on me and I was the one holding him. I've never had a friend—or someone for what matters—who could help me or at least listen to me.
Maybe I should give this a shot.
"It's about Liam," I say and she smiles happily when she realises I'm actually trusting her on this. "Now that we are getting along it's started to feel less like a job and that worries me."
"Do you like him? As a person, I mean. You seemed like you hated him before. I remember your face when you said his name," she recalls and I chuckle. My face probably exposed utter disgust.
"Yeah, I guess. I mean, he's not terrible and we can have a good time. We still fight sometimes, but it's not like I want to rip his eyes out anymore," I explain and my wording makes Ariel laugh.
"That's a bit aggressive," she mumbles. "You don't want to like him? But isn't it better if you two get along so the time spent together is more agreeable?" she questions and I sigh.
"I know, it's better if we have a good time than if we want to kill each other. That's not the problem." I take a deep breath before I say the rest. "The problem is that I might like him more than what I should."
Ariel doesn't say anything at first, thinking of what I've said and the implications of my words. When she finally gets it, her eyes widen and then a big smile appears on her face. Her eyes light up with excitement and she looks so young. "Oh, you mean you might fancy him!" she exclaims and I look down, feeling a bit embarrassed for talking about these things in this way. I feel too old for this, even if I'm only twenty-one. "But wouldn't it be lovely if you two end up falling for each other at the end of this? Like in those novels," she continues and I sigh.
"Yeah, I've read a few novels with that plot. But there's a difference here, Ariel. This is really serious, I signed a contract and I'm even getting paid for this. It's not just like my best friend asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend for some extremely-important-yet-crazily-stupid reason and we fall in love in the process. It's more complicated."
"Does the contract state that you can't see each other again after it ends?" she inquires and I have to stop to think about it.
"Um, well no—"
"Then it shouldn't be a problem! If by the end you fancy him and he fancies you, the two of you can continue for real!" she proposes too excitedly but I shake my head.
"I don't know, Ariel. It feels... well, it feels dirty to start a relationship after something like this." I rub my temples because a headache is starting to grow. "How did we end up talking about a relationship? This escalated too quickly. I'm just getting confused, it's nothing really. I'll be done in four months and get over all this by then."
"Well, if that's what you want, then it's okay, it's your decision. But for the record, I think you're really good for him," she says with a warm smile before taking a sip of her coffee. "When I met Harry and Niall, both were so worried about Liam because it was like their best mate had disappeared. Now I know they feel relieved because he's acting more like himself. Niall says he needed someone stronger than him who could slap him and tell him what he was doing wrong and how he was hurting his loved ones. I don't know what happened when you two went to his hometown, but he's really changed after that. I don't interact much with him, only when the band comes to the label, but even I can tell. Plus, Harry and Niall have also mentioned it."
I smile at her words, happy that the disaster at the rehearse dinner party had some positive outcome. He talked and apologised to her sister, even if he already ruined things, but that's sorted out. He's also apparently waken up and even his friends feel relieved. Even us are getting along even better after that, despite how angry I was. Now, almost a month later, I can say I'm happy I gave him a second chance. He's kept his word.
Before I can tell what I think to Ariel, my phone goes off and when I see it's Liam I chuckle. "Speaking of the Devil," I tell Ariel showing her the screen of my mobile before I answer his call. "Hello?"
"Why hello there. How is the best girlfriend doing this fine evening?" he asks and I try to fight the smile for his cheesy tone.
"I'm quite well, thank you. I'm at your label with Ariel, in fact," I tell him and I can hear his astonished intake of air.
"Well that's a surprise, considering we're talking about I-don't-need-friends Belle," he mocks me and I fake laugh.
"People change," I mutter and notice the way Ariel is eyeing me with a very interested expression.
"They do indeed. Anyhow, tell Ariel that Harry doesn't stop listening to the demo she sent him and now we all know her song by heart. It's good, but I'm getting tired, you know?" he says and I laugh out loud.
"Well then, I'll tell her."
"Also, do you have plans for this weekend? Please tell me you're free," he asks next and I think about it.
"Besides some planning for the week, I have it free. Why? You're not coming, are you? You start the European leg this weekend," I say, confused as to why he would ask me this.
"Precisely. You always say you want to see the world and well, I miss you so would you like to visit me here in Paris this weekend? You take the train and you'll be here in no time. What do you say?"
I'm really surprised by his proposal but I'm more impressed by how excited and hopeful he sounds. "I don't know. Paris? I really don't like it, Liam. I have a bad history with everything that's French," I say, sounding very doubtful and whiny.
"Oh, please! It's so close and it's Paris. Please, Belle. I know you wouldn't let me fly you anywhere else. Come on. And when you get here you can tell me all about that bad history and rant and if you want to vandalise the city, I'll support you," he offers and that makes me laugh. "Please?"
I sigh, knowing it's true I wouldn't let him just fly me to another city, so Paris is actually a very reasonable option, and it's just the weekend. It's not like I'm going for a whole week or a month. Not the most ideal scenario, but it's good. And it's also true I want to see the world so why not starting with the last place I would go? Then it can only go upwards.
"Fine, Liam. I'll go see you this weekend," I concede.
"Yes!" he celebrates and I chuckle at his reaction and how excited he sounds. "It'll be great, Belle. I promise we'll visit at least one museum. You pick a stop and I pick the next. What do you think of that?"
"Sounds very sensible and fair. I like it."
"Cheers then. I gotta go now but I couldn't wait to tell you when I thought of it. I'll call you later to set all the details. Have fun with Ariel! I'll see you soon," he says at the end, the last sentence sounding softer.
"See you this weekend. Have a good last concert in the UK," I reply and then it's silence. I know he's still there, I can almost feel like he has something else to say but it's just his breathing.
"Thanks, Belle," he says and for some reason it feels like he doesn't mean it only for my good wishes for him and his band mates.
After that we hang up and I look at Ariel. "I'm going to see him this weekend to Paris," I tell her and she burst into giggles, which is quite adorable. I just chuckle and grab my cup to keep drinking my coffee.
Let's just hope this trip ends well.
-:-:-
Second, there's no goal this time because I'll be out for a couple of days so you should expect update, as usual, on Saturday.
Bel, xx