Warren Beasts

By DPArgyle

1K 251 915

Wrangling teenage emotions is hard enough on good days, but what if on bad days they could manifest as giant... More

Pregame
1: Hare's Breath
2: After School Duel
3: Cruel and Unusual Punishment
4: A Dream Deferred
5: Fortune Favors
7: There is Another
8: Winsor Worms @ Jupiter Jackalopes - Exhibition Game
9: Monsters at the Door
10: Benefits of the Benchpen
11: The Season Begins: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Dulcet Octopi
12: Ghosts of Yesterday
13: Bus Ride Conversations
14: Not Even in Church
15: Strategies, Special Projects, and Sons of Bitches
16: Betrayed by a Kiss
17: Bother Bears at Jupiter Jackalopes
18: Even
19: Rivers of Babylon
20: Nairobi
21: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Bridgewick Academy Argonauts
22: Newman
23: West Glancing Hammers @ Jupiter Jackalopes
24: Any Day of the Week
25: In the Meantime
26: Freephalia Thoroughbreds @ Jupiter Jackalopes
27: A Dream of Melody
28: Filigree Skyline @ Jupiter Jackalopes
29: Bus Ride Breakup
30: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Lake Zachary Howl
31: Princess Chastity Belt
32: Cast Off
33: Redbloom Comets @ Jupiter Jackalopes
34: Said and Unsaid
35: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Trumpet Falls Nephilim
36: On Her Own
37: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Birchside Barracuda
38: Skyscrape
39: Thanksgiving
40: Barleyburg Fireflies @ Jupiter Jackalopes
41: Good and Ready
42: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Trollwake Narwhals
43: Um. Actually...
44: In the Drink
45: Owl County Cup: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Dulcet Octopi
46: Wendy
47: Quarterfinals: Jupiter Jackalopes v. Bother Bears
48: Team Sports
49: Semifinals: Jupiter Jackalopes v. Trumpet Falls Nephilim
50: Vengeful Manifest
51: Atlas State Final: Jupiter Jackalopes v. Birchside Barracuda
52: In Tourneytub, as in Life
53: The Book of Genesis

6: Dawn of a New Era

19 5 24
By DPArgyle




Sage groans inwardly. She has a sinking feeling this is going to be a long afternoon.

The final school bell of the day just rang, so somehow Sage found the strength to drag herself here to the tubhouse, whose door is wide open today. The rest of the jockeys are all here, clustered in a tight circle, whispering amongst themselves.

Sage manages to catch Genesis's eye. They share a brief glance.

Almost instantaneously, though, they both look away.

One of the other jockeys rolls over, eyeing Sage up and down. He sits in a burgundy wheelchair, giant goggles askew over his forehead.

"Hey." He says. He clears his throat.

"Hi." Sage replies.

"Artie Amphigore. I'm the Jackalopes' engineer."

"Sage Sawyer, I guess I'm the newest Jackalope?" She shrugs.

"Oh. Right. Well we do need a new jockey. And you did a helluva job out there yesterday. I, uh- Well, I guess I just wanted to thank you for saving my sister's life. I saw what you did." Artie says.

"Yeah. Of course. It's what anyone would do." Sage says.

"No. Not anyone."

Artie pauses, but then pushes on.

"But, uh, also, if you ever touch any of my tubs without my permission again," Artie drops his voice several octaves, "I will kill you." Artie's manic grin after he says this is possibly the most unnerving thing Sage has ever seen.

She nods dumbly until he seems satisfied and rolls off again.

Mercifully, Sage doesn't have very long to think too deeply about this interaction before Dr. Howder marches in, followed by a stout figure limping behind her.

Dawn Wu.

"Knew it." Sage mutters in wonder under her breath. This is about to get interesting.

"Good afternoon everybody. Please gather round." Dr. Howder says. The students break off from their various conversations and form a loose semi-circle around the principal.

"Now. First thing's first. Following yesterday's events, this morning Talia Amphigore was informed she has been suspended by the Atlas High School Tourneytub Association for four games," Dr. Howder pauses while the groans she anticipated roll through the cavernous hangar, "furthermore, due to the injuries she sustained, she could be out of commission for a further month after that. So I am afraid to say we will be down a jockey - and more vitally, our only thaumaturge, for the foreseeable future."

A stony silence settles over the tubhouse.

"It isn't all bad news though," Dr. Howder acknowledges Sage, "we have a new jockey joining our team, Sage Sawyer."

Everyone looks at Sage. The entire spectrum of human emotions are displayed on their faces. Sage puts her arm in the air. It's not quite a wave, but she figures it will do.

"Also, I am proud to present to you your new coach, Dawn Wu." The principal continues. Dawn strides forward. Sage isn't sure if she's ever seen the older woman quite as excited before.

"I understand these circumstances are less than ideal, but I assure you we will get through this and you'll be a much better tourneytub team when we come out the other side." Dawn says.

Sage can hear an unconvinced murmur rumbling from some of the more experienced jockeys, but nobody raises their voice enough to be heard by everyone assembled.

"Talk about an auspicious start." Sage adds her own murmur.

Dawn, or Coach Wu, as Sage should probably start thinking of her, turns to Artie.

"Hey Goggles! I assume you're the engineer for this outfit?" She asks.

The kid gives her a salute just beneath his substantial hairdo. "Yes, Coach. Pleasure to meet you. Artie Amphigore at your service."

Coach Wu nods. "Great. Can you rig up one of those B.U.N. models for Sage here to use on a more permanent basis?"

Artie pauses for a moment, rubbing a non-existent goatee. He glances over at Sage again.

"I think we can figure something out. I'll have to extend the leg room on B.U.N. 1 and lock it down with a clip clamp so the buttons will still be in reach, then I'll have to rip out the standard OS cuz it's almost offensively defective, but if Peter and I can install a few Blutah Batteries and switch out the hub for a core, we'll have that mother purring like a hobbit on pipe-weed in no time."

"Uh...what?" Sage says.

A gawky jockey with tawny brown hair standing beside Artie simply smiles. "You'll get used to him."

"Alright, get to it. I want everyone out there on the court for practice ASAP. We only have two days left before the exhibition game." Coach Wu says.

Dr. Howder puts a reassuring arm on her shoulder. "I'll leave you to your team, then."

The new coach gives her the briefest of nods before Dr. Howder strides back into the main part of the school. This is clearly Coach Wu's domain now. Sage walks over to her.

"So who's gonna run the Fortune Cookie Factory now that you're coaching us?" She asks.

Coach Wu flicks her hand dismissively. "Oh, Jason and Lee will keep everything under control over there. Besides, I wouldn't worry about it. You won't be there very much at all for the next three months. I won't allow it."

"What?"

"Your job right now is to be here and become the best tourneytub jockey you possibly can."

"But I already had a job at the Factory! And it paid!" Sage says.

"Well, you should've thought about that before you gallivanted off and stole that tub." Coach Wu grins.

"And here I was thinking you were on my side."

"I am on your side, Sage. Would you rather spend your time wiping off tables or jockeying a literal giant goddamned robot?" Coach Wu says.

Sage finds she can't really argue with that logic. Still, she trudges off in a huff for dramatic effect anyway.

It takes about fifteen minutes, but eventually Artie and Peter, the tawny haired jockey, get B.U.N. 1 modified for Sage. Once they're done, Artie pulls some sort of valve on one of the thing's legs, and it kneels gently down to the ground.

"Oh! Is that what you're supposed to do to get into one of these things?" Sage says.

"Obviously. How else do you think people get in?" Artie sighs.

"Uh, haha, uh, well- Not like that." Sage puts her hands on her hips.

"Wait. Is that how Peter's ladder ended up lying on the floor in the middle of the tubhouse yesterday!?" Artie is exasperated.

"No!" Sage says guiltily.

"Ahuh. Sure. Whatever you say," Peter folds his arms, "we better get out there. Our new Coach is waiting."

"Sounds like a plan," Sage grins, "but, uh, is somebody ever gonna teach me this game's rules?"

***

Photo courtesy of Camylla Battani on Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/@camylla93. Edited.

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