"This school year has showed us a kaleidoscope of life in both vibrant and dull hues. For months, we were trapped in a deadly maze full of struggles and challenges but because of our hardwork and persistence, we are able to come out alive."
Even from a distance, I can see that the valedictorian is already getting teary-eyed. I really don't know why most of the students who give closing speeches like her become emotional. I couldn't relate with Arriane because I had never been in the same position that she was in now.
Kumunot ang aking noo nang may marinig akong magbuntong-hininga. "Malapit na matapos. Huwag kang atat," sermon ko kay Hiro na katabi ko.
Kanina ko pa napapansin na parang hindi siya mapakali sa inuupuan niya. He was always tapping his feet on the floor. And when he gets bored, he'll extend his legs up in front. Ako ang nahihiya para sa kanya kapag naiistorbo niya ang mga nakapuwesto sa harapan namin.
Hiro crossed his arms in front of his chest before he faced me. "Ang haba-haba kasi ng sinasabi. Gutom na ako," he argued. I gave him an amused smirk before I averted my gaze in front of us where the spotlight was still shining on the most promising graduate of our batch.
"What's with that look?" tanong niya at inilapit pa talaga niya ang mukha niya sa akin para mas makita ako. Siniko ko siya kaya dumistansiya naman ang lalaki. Hindi talaga uso sa kanya ang tinatawag na personal space.
"It's the look that I give to people who are still bitter when it comes to their exes," I blatantly said. Hiro suddenly jolted into action because of what I said.
"I'm not!" he defended. Mukhang napalakas ang pagkakasabi niya no'n dahil napalingon sa kanya ang iba naming mga kaklase. Hindi pa rin talaga siya nagbabago. Mukhang gusto pa rin niyang manguna ngayon sa listahan ng mga noisy kahit graduation na namin.
"That's what a bitter would say," mahina kong bulong sa kanya. "And please, if you have plans to meet our guidance officer after this event, huwag mo na akong idamay."
He just sighed in response.
"Standing in front of you now and being able to gaze upon an emerald sea of amazing students who are ready to embark in a new expedition will remain as the greatest milestone that I had reached all year round. I am really proud of what we have achieved, fellow graduates."
My focus was disrupted when Hiro tried to hide a cough. "If you were the one giving the closing remarks, I'll surely be as attentive as a dog," he commented with his gaze still set on the stage.
Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Can you shut up for a minute at least?" I murmured beside him. I thought that he would finally be quiet but he still opened his annoying mouth.
"Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang, Reg? You should be the one up on stage right now if only you stayed here in VSU," seryosong saad ni Hiro nang hindi pa rin tumitingin sa akin. The air inside the auditorium suddenly became colder and even though I was wearing a long-sleeved black polo inside my toga, I still can't help not to shiver.
But what Hiro said was true. If I just started the first semester as an eleventh grader in this university, I would have a shot in becoming the top student. But I didn't. Instead, I took a risk and got my entire life and reputation on the line. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari ay sa unibersidad ding ito ang bagsak ko.
Totoo nga talaga na nasa huli ang pagsisisi. I had regrets but I chose not to dwell on them any longer. Ang mahalaga ay may natutunan ako. And from those laments, I had mastered the art of never committing the same mistake twice.
I shook my head even though I wasn't sure if Hiro was looking at me. "Bumalik naman ako, 'di ba? If I'd known that you'll miss me that much, hindi na lang sana ako umalis," I joked. Sumimangot ako nang wala akong matanggap na tugon mula sa kanya.
"But it's your dream, right? I knew you studied hard for this," wika niya sa malalim na boses. Hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit mas problemado pa siya kaysa sa akin. Tinapik ko na lang siya sa balikat pagkatapos.
"Looks like you don't know me that well," I said. Nakita kong napalingon na sa akin si Hiro kaya napasinghap ako bago magsalita. "My dreams have never been constant ever since. But as I mature, I began to realize many things that made me view life in another perspective. Hindi na mahalaga sa akin ang karangalan, medalya at kung ano pa. I only have one dream right now but I don't know if I can reach it."
"What is it then?" tanong ni Hiro. I can sense in the tone of his voice that he's really interested to know what I was going to say because he even angled his body to my direction.
But his question was wrong in the first place. My dream is not a what but a who.
My response got buried by the loud applauses and cheers of the crowd. Mukhang natapos na rin si Arianne sa wakas. Pumalakpak na rin ako at nakisali sa hiyawan. Nginisian ko naman si Hiro na dismayado dahil hindi niya nakuha mula sa akin ang gusto niyang malaman.
"Regan! Tulungan mo muna kami rito!" rinig kong tawag sa akin ni Mama mula sa kusina. Kaaalis lang kasi ng mga bisitang inimbitahan ng mga magulang ko para sa salo-salo na hinanda nila para sa aking pagtatapos.
"Sandali lang, Ma!" sigaw ko pabalik bago ko tinignan ulit ang aking cellphone. I expelled a deep breath because I still hoped for a single text message from that person. Padarag kong ibinagsak ang cellphone ko sa aking kama. Parati na lang ganito.
Why am I even waiting? It's almost two years since he left me in the dust.
I should know better. I can't let him enter my life again so that he can leave me wretched in the end just like before.
"Regan!" Napapitlag ako nang marinig ang malakas na pagtawag sa akin ni Papa. Dali-dali akong lumabas ng kuwarto para puntahan na sila.
"Parating na po!" sambit ko. My heart was still roaring inside my chest because I still haven't recovered from Papa's booming voice.
Pagdating ko sa hapag-kainan ay naabutan ko si Papa na nagliligpit ng mga pagkain at ang kapatid kong may hawak na tatlong stick ng barbeque. "Ako na riyan, Pa," alok ko bago ko kinuha mula sa aking ama ang tray na puno ng mga kubyertos na dapat hugasan.
Papa couldn't still look at me in the eyes and my heart dropped because it felt like he was intentionally ignoring me. Was he disappointed? Hindi ba siya masaya dahil With Honors lang ang nakaya ko?
"Hala ka Kuya. Ang tagal mo kasi," my sister said which added more fuel to the fire. I heaved a sigh when Papa left us there in the dining room. Nang mapunta ang tingin ko kay Katie ay nakita kong nakabukaka siyang nakaupo kaya mahina kong sinipa ang binti niya. Inirapan niya ako kaya napabuga na lang ako ng hangin.
"Why are you so conservative? Pareho kayo ni Mama," reklamo niya. Tinaliman ko na lang siya ng tingin bago ako tumalikod para pumunta sa kusina. The dirty dishes wobbled on the tray so I stopped walking to steady it for a while.
"I did you a favor so stop sulking and be grateful instead. Hindi lang kurot ang matatanggap mo kay Mama kapag hindi ka pa umayos diyan. And you're thirteen already so please act accordingly."
Nang makita kong inirapan niya ako ay hindi ko na lang siya pinatulan pa at tumungo na lang sa dapat kong puntahan.
"Sa wakas, nandito ka na rin, anak," bati ni Mama. My jaw eventually dropped when I saw the high stacks of plates on our marble sink. Other than that, there were also a lot of plastic wares waiting to be washed and cleaned.
Habang nilalapag ko ang bitbit ko sa natitirang espasyo sa lababo ay kinausap ako ni Mama. "I believe that today's your assigned time to wash the dishes?" Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa aking narinig.
I faced her but I couldn't see humor in her eyes. "Ma! Kakagraduate ko lang kanina! Can't I have a day-off?" nakanguso kong reklamo. I knew that I was being childish but washing the dishes has always been my weakness. Lalo na't sandamakmak ang kailangan kong hugasan ngayon at puno pa ng sebo ang karamihan.
"Iyon nga ang rason kung bakit ko pinapagawa ito sa 'yo, anak. You finished senior high at sigurado akong matatapos mo ring hugasan ang lahat ng kailangan mong hugasan. Take your time, anak!" Mabilis na umalis si Mama kaya hindi ko na nagawa pang baguhin ang isip niya.
My shoulders sagged because there's nothing I can do anymore. Hindi ko rin mapapakiusapan ang kapatid ko. I really have to do this on my own.
I turned the faucet on before I exhaled sharply. Nabahala ako sa taas ng pinagtumpuk-tumpok na pinggan kaya binaba ko ang kalahati sa mga iyon. But my eyebrows knotted when I saw that there was a car key located on the uppermost plate.
I almost dropped what I was holding when something exploded behind me. Mabuti na lang at napigilan kong mapatalon sa gulat dahil kung hindi ay mababawasan na ang kailangan kong hugasan dahil nabasag ko na ang mga iyon.
"Congratulations, Regan!"
Paglingon ko ay napansin kong maraming confetti ang nagkalat sa paligid. Some were still floating in midair. At sa harapan ko ay nakita ko sina Mama, Papa, at si Katie na may mga masasayang ngiti na nakapinta sa kanilang mga labi.
"Thank you?" nag-aalinlangan kong wika habang sinusuri ko silang tatlo. What's with the sudden fuss? At bakit may pasabog pa ng confetti silang nalalaman?
The three of them started to form a circle and my forehead further creased because of that. Hindi ko rin talaga maintindihan paminsan-minsan ang pamilya namin. "Wrong timing ba, 'nak?" rinig kong bulong ni Mama.
"Fake news na naman si Papa. Hay nako." If that was Katie's attempt to whisper, I wasn't convinced.
"Huwag niyo akong husgahan. I know what I saw. Nakita na ni Regan 'yong susi." Papa's naturally loud voice resonated around the four corners of our kitchen. Nakita kong napangiwi naman sina Mama at Katie bago nila ako sulyapan.
"I don't know what you guys are up to but here's the key," litanya ko bago ako lumapit sa kanila. Nagsalubong naman ang kilay ni Mama habang si Katie naman ay napangisi na parang baliw. Papa on the other hand gave me an unbelievable look.
Nang iabot ko sa kanila ang hawak ko ay nagtaka ako nang makitang wala silang balak na tanggapin iyon. Nangalay ako kaya binaba ko na lang ang aking kamay. "No one's gonna take it so I'll keep it. The car's included," pahayag ko.
The three remained standing so I became more confused than ever. Hahayaan na lang ba nila akong gawin ang sinabi ko? Do they really don't care about the true owner of the key?
"Okay, keep it son," Papa said and my mouth just formed into an 'o'. Did I just hear what he said correctly?
Ang bungisngis ng nakakainis kong kapatid ang sumira sa katahimikang namayani sa amin sa loob ng ilang segundo. She was twirling her hair using her fingers when she spoke. "Papa's not the one at fault here. Kuya really haven't changed a bit. Mas slow ka pa sa snail, bro."
Nang ilabas ko sa aking bulsa ang susi ay nakumpirma ko na ang hinala ko. Napanganga ako habang nakatingin sa mga magulang ko na ngayon ay ngumingiti na ulit.
"Why? I don't deserve this," naguguluhan kong pahayag.
Lumapit sa akin si Papa at parang nabunutan ako ng tinik sa sunod niyang ginawa. After giving me a manly embrace, he patted my shoulders and gave me a smile that I yearned to receive from him. "I'm proud of you, son. You did well despite what happened and that's all what matters."
All along, I thought that he was frustrated. Pero parte lang pala ito ng sorpresa nila para sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit uminit na lang bigla ang sulok ng mga mata ko. Even though my family sucks at surprises, they never failed to move me by their genuine gestures.
"You're always the best for us, anak. Congrats again! We love you," wika naman ni Mama kaya hindi ko na napigilan pang umiyak. Pagdating talaga sa kanila ay bumababaw ang luha ko.
"But promise us that you will be a good driver, okay? Manahin mo na ang lahat sa akin huwag lang ang pagiging talentless ko pagdating sa pagmamaneho ng sasakyan," sabi ulit ni Mama kaya natawa na ako bago tumango. Both of my parents then guided me to the backdoor. Napakibit-balikat naman ako nang makitang hinaharangan iyon ngayon ni Katie.
"Hep hep hep. Bawal takasan ang responsibilidad," sambit niya habang nakanguso sa direksiyon kung na saan ang lababo. I looked back to my parents to seek for help but they just laughed at me.
"Hoy! Gising na kuya. Iiwan ka namin dito, sige ka," I was using my hands to cover my ears but it was of no use because it seemed like Katie was born with a built-in speaker. Ang lakas ng boses niya kahit hindi naman siya sumisigaw. Siya talaga ang girl version ni Papa.
"Napagod lang ang kuya mo sa paghugas ng pinggan. Don't be too harsh on him, Katie," pag-awat naman sa kanya ni Mama. Unti-unti kong kinusot-kusot ang aking mga mata at nagtaka ako kung bakit parang madilim na ang paligid.
"But we were in the road for four hours already. Kuya's so weak."
"Mas okay na 'yon kaysa masuka siya sa biyahe. Nakalimutan ko rin kasing magbaon ng maraming plastic bag para sa kuya mo." Nagtawanan naman silang tatlo dahil sa komento ni Papa. Pero pumantig ang tainga ko nang maiproseso ng aking utak ang sinabi ng kapatid ko. Isa lang ang alam kong destinasyon na apat na oras ang biyahe mula sa Venturanza.
All the comfort that I felt when I first stepped inside my Mustang vanished when I saw the glittering lights outside my car's window. Nagsilitawan na rin sa paningin ko ang matitingkad na mga billboards na nakapaskil sa mga matataas na buildings at makukulay na mga shops na buhay na buhay pa rin kahit gabi na.
But no matter how lively and stunning Nueva City is, its magnificence will always remind me of the bad things I experienced in here.
"Oh my gosh! Ang putla na ni kuya! I think he's gonna puke any moment now!" eksaheradang bulalas ni Katie. I didn't bother correcting her because I was preoccupied with memories of the past. Hindi na lang sana ako sumama sa kanila kung dito rin pala ang punta namin.
"Kapit lang, 'nak! Nandito na tayo sa resto!"
I quickly left the car the moment Papa got it parked. "We'll be at table seven, anak! Puntahan mo na lang kami pagkatapos!" Mama shouted behind me but I didn't have time to give her an answer. Pinagbuksan ako ng guard pero dire-diretso lang akong naglakad at hinayaan ang paa kong dalhin ako kung saan.
The restaurant's undeniably extravagant but I couldn't focus at all the aesthetic details because my mind was in a ruckus. Halo-halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon at kahit mahirap ay pilit kong pinapakalma ang naghuhuramentado kong puso.
Relax, Regan. Sa lawak ng siyudad na ito ay maliit lang ang tyansa na magtagpo ang landas ninyo. There's nothing to be afraid of. You already buried him along with the tragic yesterday. His flame can't hurt and burn you anymore.
He's just a mistake. Yes, everything about him is.
Bigla akong napako sa aking kinatatayuan nang may makita akong isang batang babaeng dumaan sa aking harapan. She was enveloped in the same bubbly aura that she was wearing the first time I saw her. Hawak ng isang ginang ang kamay niya. Nakita kong tumungo sila sa isang magarang pabilog na mesa. When my eyes scanned their table, I was relieved to see that he wasn't there.
Pero hindi dapat ako masiyadong makampante. Kung nandito ang kapatid niya ay sigurado akong dadating din siya.
I avoided the hallway where his mother and sister came from. Dahil abala ako kanina ay ngayon ko lang napansin na maraming pasikot-sikot dito. Pero hindi na ako sumugal pa. I briskly walked towards the exit while keeping my head down low. Nanuot na ang lamig sa suot kong makapal na itim na polo kaya mas binilisan ko ang aking paglalakad. But I still managed to stop myself from sprinting because that would surely get me a lot of attention.
Nang makalabas na ako ay tuluyan na akong nakahinga nang maluwag. I joined a crowd of people waiting on the side of the road to hide myself.
Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang sa lahat ng restaurant dito sa Nueva City ay doon din talaga plinano ng pamilya niya na kumain. Is destiny playing tricks on me again?
I began to panic when the crowd started to disperse. Karamihan sa mga taong kasama ko kanina sa kumpulan ay tumatawid na. I really hate my decision-making skills but I think that this is the time I can finally make a choice that I won't regret later.
Tumakbo ako para makahabol sa mga taong iyon. I already see a coffee shop across the street so I'm planning to waste my time there for a while. Plano kong manatili roon ng isa hanggang dalawang oras para makasigurado. Ihahanda ko na lang din ang tainga ko sa sermon na matatanggap ko mula kay Mama kapag nagkataon.
But my plans all vanished into a puff of smoke when I laid eyes on the person that I hoped to never see again. He must've really conspired with fate and destiny for our paths to cross this night.
Gravity was also on his side because no matter how hard I tried, my feet remained glued on the road. Habang papalapit siya sa akin ay naramdaman ko ang biglaang pagbabago ng paligid. People were everywhere but they passed us in a blur. I couldn't make out their faces but I could clearly see his.
His hair was tousled as if he ran several miles before he arrived here. But no matter how hard I forced myself to think that he looked messy, I couldn't. From a distance, I think that he was glaring at me. Pero nagulat ako nang pumungay ang mga mata niya nang magtama ang aming mga paningin. His stare still made me weak but I fought it with all of my ability.
Nakita kong hindi maayos ang pagkakabutones niya sa suot niyang puting polo pero kahit gano'n ay hindi pa rin iyon nakabawas sa kanyang kakisigan. When my gaze dropped, I saw that his veiny right hand was holding a beautiful bouquet of white and red tulips.
The sound of blaring horns and noisy chatter was suddenly muted by the world. Ang tanging naririnig ko lang ngayon ay ang malalakas na yabag ng kanyang mga paa na sumasabay sa ritmo ng aking nagwawalang puso.
I gulped when he suddenly halted in front of me. Nanliit ako bigla dahil nakalimutan ko kung gaano siya kataas. But smelling his minty and earthly scent brought me to a different kind of reverie. My insides churned and I think bile was rising to my throat when he finally spoke.
"Hi," he started.
I didn't know how a single word can give me chills that slithered down to my spine, making me shiver.
Napayuko ako nang may maramdaman akong kakaiba sa aking katawan. But what Treyton said next finally made me lose it.
"I miss you, Regan."