MADNESS
— 22. Jealousy
That night, Freya was at her family home, preparing for bed. She had been staying there since they arrived back in Kattegat. It wasn't like anyone was there to stop her. Halig was staying there as well and despite being unhappy about staying there while his entire family thought he was dead, he knew Freya had a point about why he needed to stay hidden. Though he had to admit, it felt good that for the first time in his life, he didn't have to share a room.
Hearing a knock on her door, Freya frowned and walked toward the door of the cabin. She opened the door, her eyes widening at the sight of Hvitserk standing there.
"What are you doing here?" She asked him, gradually beginning to smile since a part of her was actually relieved to see him.
"You've been avoiding me," Hvitserk complained as he wasted no time entering the room.
"Have I?" Freya asked Hvitserk sarcastically as she walked closer to him.
"You have," Hvitserk replied calmly as he turned to face Freya.
"Is that so?" Freya smirked, moving closer to the man.
"I came here to tell you..." He trailed off, sighing as he looked down at the ground, "I am not the answer to what's missing in your life."
"And what may that be?" Freya questioned, raising a brow at Hvitserk.
"Purpose," He answered in a calm tone and Freya's lips parted at his words. She was in no way expecting him to say that.
"You're not," She assured him, placing her hands on the sides of his face, "You're much more. You mean more to me than you could ever imagine. You must know that."
"Yet you still let Ivar parade you around like you're his wife," Hvitserk complained, causing Freya to sigh in frustration as she pulled her hands away from his face.
"I have no choice, Hvitserk," She complained as she turned her back to him, "You know that."
Hvitserk remained silent and nodded, knowing she was right. He walked closer to her as she walked away, grabbing her hand.
She immediately turned to him once he grabbed her hand and gave him a curious look.
"May I stay the night?" Hvitserk found himself asking her and Freya tilted her head slightly as she stared at him.
"Did anyone see you come here?" She replied and Hvitserk shook his head.
"No, I don't believe so," He replied and Freya nodded in understanding.
He continued to hold her hand, pulling her closer to him until they were just inches apart. He stared down her lovingly, moving the hair out of her face. He smiled down at her, affectionately stroking her cheek. "May I kiss you?" He asked her in a whisper.
"Yes, you may kiss me but that is all you may do," She replied softly and Hvitserk began to smile at her once more.
"For now, the gods know it's enough that I may kiss you," Hvitserk admitted in a whisper. He gently cupped her face in his hands. He stared at her lovingly, slowly leaning forward before he gently pressed his lips against hers.
The kiss lingered for a long while until finally, Hvitserk pulled away. He smiled, lightly running his thumb over her bottom lip.
She smiled up at him and leaned her forehead against his, just as they always did. They didn't know why they did it, but they recalled doing it for as long as they remembered. It brought Freya comfort for some odd reason and happiness. It made her feel safe. Both of them felt connected to each other as they did so.
___
The following morning, Freya was lying fast asleep in bed while Hvitserk sat at the foot of the bed, wide awake. He found himself in deep thought as he turned to glance at Freya, a part of him feeling uneasy.
It would be within no time that Ivar would make Freya his queen and after that, if she were to be caught with Hvitserk, they'd both end up dead.
They both understood that, but for some reason, still, they could not bring themselves to give each other up. They couldn't understand why.
Hvitserk sighed deeply in defeat. He lightly grabbed Freya's foot and bent down slightly, beginning to press kisses up her leg.
Feeling what he was doing, Freya kept her eyes closed and began to smile. She felt as him move up part the fur blanket before beginning to kiss up her arm. He kissed up her chest, neck, and jaw until finally, Freya turned onto her back. She smiled up at him, placing a hand on the side of his face.
Hvitserk laid down beside her and Freya sighed, turning on her side to face him.
"What is on your mind?" Freya found herself asking Hvitserk, noticing the look on his face.
"I don't think I know what my place is here anymore," He confessed in a whisper, a disappointed look on his face.
"Your place is with me," Freya reminded him, smiling as she grabbed his hand and held it.
"No, I mean—" He began to say and Freya was quick to interrupt him.
"I know what you meant, but it doesn't matter if Ivar is king now. You still have importance here. You're a prince, a son of Ragnar Lothbrok. Your place will always be here, in Kattegat. You can find happiness here. I know you can."
"I already have," Hvitserk replied, lifting his hand to place it on the side of her face, "I found it in you. I love you."
"I love you, too," Freya replied, smiling softly at him.
"Who would have thought?" Hvitserk commented as Freya placed her head on his chest, "The infamous Freya Ylvasdöttir finally grew to love me after years of me pining after her."
Only getting silence in return, Hvitserk looked down at Freya, beginning to frown. "What's wrong?"
"I don't think I'm a Ylvasdöttir anymore," She confessed in a whisper, looking shameful, "I was only given that name when Ylva took me in as her own. In battle, after I killed Sihtric, she told me I was no longer a daughter of hers. My right to call myself Freya Ylvasdöttir has been relinquished. It would seem I am what I used to be. Freya Erikssdöttir."
Hvitserk sighed, rubbing Freya's back in comfort when he saw how ashamed she looked at the thought.
After all, she took great pride in being a daughter of Ylva and not Erik. She always had. Now, it was taken away. She no longer knew herself.
____
That day, Hvitserk and Freya returned to the Great Hall to find that Rollo had returned after leaving without telling anyone.
"Did you find them?" Ivar asked as he sat in a room with Rollo, Hvitserk, Harald, and Freya.
"Yes," Rollo replied, nodding his head as he was in the middle of eating.
"Where are they, Rollo?" Freya asked, eying the man suspiciously.
"I could tell you," He stated, placing his bowl of food down, "But before I do, we must discuss our deal."
Ivar smiled, eying the man closely as Harald walked closer to them. He turned, exchanging a look with Freya.
"You will agree to pay me, in yearly tribute, six-thousand pounds of silver. Two-thousand Roman solidi in gold," He began to explain as Ivar and Freya began to laugh at the ridiculous amount, "You will supply me with five-thousand pounds weight in furs, tusks, pelts. Also, one-thousand slaves, two-hundred tons of meat, and every year, three-hundred precious stones. And one-hundred ells of silk. You will also provide me with five-hundred of your best warriors for my own personal guard, and I want each of you to swear on your arm rings that you will come to my assistance if I am ever attacked."
Freya smiled in amusement, knowing she wouldn't have to swear since she wasn't a man and didn't have an arm ring.
"You ask an enormously high price," Ivar complained and Rollo gave him a cold look.
"For I am in a position to do so," Rollo reminded him and Ivar turned, exchanging a look with Freya, who nodded.
____
Ivar ended up traveling to where Rollo had told them Bjorn, Ylva, and the others were hiding out. Freya waited impatiently for Ivar to return, praying to the gods that Ylva and the others weren't there.
Beside Harald, Freya walked up to Ivar the moment he arrived. "So you didn't find them?" Harald asked Ivar as the younger man's chariot came to a stop.
"No. They were gone," Ivar replied in an aggravated tone, "Except this one. They left her behind."
Freya frowned, looking beside Ivar to see Margrethe with him. She was tied up, shaking as she seemed to be in a trance-like state.
Ivar smiled sarcastically, patting Margrethe on the head.
"Why is she bound?" Harald asked, frowning at Ivar.
"Because she is mad," Ivar replied as he glanced between Freya and Harald, only to watch as Hvitserk walked over. "Hvitserk. You know her, don't you?"
"Of course I remember," Hvitserk replied, smiling as he leaned closer to Margarethe and began to speak to her in a soft, comforting tone, "Hey, Margrethe."
Margrethe whimpered, staring up at Hvitserk as he placed a hand on the side of her face. "It's all right. It's all right. I won't hurt you," He assured her as he began to untie her.
Freya frowned, watching Hvitserk in confusion. "What do you think you're doing?" She asked him with an attitude, "Some evil spirit has possessed the bitch. Why would you untie her?"
Hvitserk ignored Freya, causing her to glare at him angrily as he picked Margrethe up and began to carry her away to safety. "She is mad!" She complained to him, trying to contain her jealousy.
"You are the last person who should be calling someone mad," Hvitserk retorted, causing Ivar to begin laughing while Freya looked offended.
"She will kill you," She argued back and Hvitserk continued to walk away, carrying Margrethe.
"I'll take my chances," Hvitserk replied and Freya growled lowly, trying to contain her anger.
"Well, perhaps you've gone crazy too!" She shouted at him, looking down at the ground as she tried to contain her anger.
Harald watched Freya intently, knowing for a fact there must have been reasoning behind her being unhappy about Hvitserk taking Margrethe to safety.
She was jealous.
_____
That evening, Freya was walking through Kattegat, on the way to the Great Hall after bringing Halig some food. She couldn't stop thinking about Hvitserk and the fact that he had taken Margrethe before Ivar could kill her. Why would he do that? She was mad. She couldn't understand why he would do that.
"Freya, wait!" Hvitserk called out, trying to catch up to her, but she continued to walk away.
However, before she could get far, he grabbed her by the arm and turned her to face him. "What do you want?" She asked him with an attitude.
"I want to know why you're angry with me," He complained in a frustrated tone, "I didn't even do anything!"
"Margrethe. That's why I'm angry," She snapped at him angrily, causing Hvitserk to stare at her in disbelief.
"I was being nice!" Hvitserk exclaimed, his eyes wide as he stared down.
"She's a power-hungry bitch who will use you to become Queen, yet still, you saved her. You still like her. Admit it. After all, it wasn't that long ago you were sharing her with Ubbe," She ranted, causing Hvitserk's eyes to widen in realization.
"You're jealous," He commented, earning a glare from Freya, "You're jealous, aren't you?"
"I don't get jealous," Freya argued as she shook her head.
"You are," Hvitserk retorted as he moved closer to her, a part of him looking surprised, "You're jealous."
"I don't share," Freya complained as she avoided eye contact with Hvitserk.
"You're the biggest hypocrite I have ever met," Hvitserk suddenly snapped at Freya, who gave him a puzzled look since she didn't know what he meant, "You tell me that you refuse to share me with anyone, yet I'm supposed to be okay with sharing you with Ivar?"
"I have no choice," Freya argued coldly, "It's different with you and Margrethe."
"Come on, Freya," Hvitserk began to complain, only to watch as she shoved past him before storming off.
It wasn't long before Freya arrived at the Great Hall, only to frown as she heard Ivar yelling in pain. She immediately entered Ivar's room, only to find him sitting in front of his bed, a knife pressed against his servant's throat.
"Ivar," She suddenly warned him, causing Ivar to immediately turn to see her giving him a scolding look.
He sighed, turning to look at the servant once more as he pointed a finger at him. "No more mistakes, hmm?" He told the man, who fearfully nodded his head.
With that, the man fled the room and past Freya, who was smiling in amusement.
Ivar sighed deeply and turned his attention to Freya once more as his eyes softened. "Please, don't just stand there. Come over here," He told her, smiling softly as Freya moved closer to him, "Sit."
Freya smiled, nodding her head as she took a seat at the table in the room. She watched as Ivar chuckled softly and moved closer to her.
"How are you? I've been thinking about you. I feel as though I haven't seen you around as much lately," He confessed, pouring them both a cup of mead before he sat down beside her.
"As well as I can be. Things have changed around here," She confessed and Ivar tilted his head as he gave her a curious look.
"For the better, I hope?" He asked and Freya smiled, nodding her head, "I can't stop thinking about what you told me back in York."
"It's true what I told you. You are a very special person, Ivar. You always have been," She explained to him and Ivar chuckled.
"It is still hard for me to believe that," Ivar admitted, earning a puzzled look from Freya.
"Why's that?" She questioned, raising a brow at him.
"All my life has been a struggle. A war against myself," He explained and Freya gestured her hand around them.
"But look what you have already accomplished, Ivar," She reminded him enthusiastically, "The gods have marked you out. You are favored above all men. Can't you see that?"
"Even so, I'm in daily danger of being killed," He reminded her as he leaned forward in his seat to be closer to her.
"Killed? By who?" She asked him in a whisper, the smallest of smirks on her face.
"Can I speak honestly and openly to you?" Ivar found himself telling her as he grabbed her hand and held it.
"Of course you can," She assured him, glancing down at the hand he held, "You know me."
"You're right. I do. For as long as I can remember, I have trusted you more than anyone around me. I still do," He confessed and Freya smiled, nodding her head at him.
"How can I help you, Ivar?" She asked, leaning forward as Ivar watched closer, smiling at her, "What do you want me to do?"
Ivar leaned closer to Freya and before she could react, he pressed his lips against hers, beginning to kiss her.
Slowly, he pulled away and Freya opened her eyes, staring at him in surprise. She watched as Ivar lifted his hand, placing it underneath her chin. "Marry me once and for all. Become my Queen of Kattegat and Ashton," He told her in a whisper as Freya's eyes widened in shock, "I have made up my mind. I will keep Ashton for myself. For your sake. I know how much it means to you. Become my wife and you will become Ashton and Kattegat's Queen."
Freya's lips parted as she stared at Ivar, who watched her closely and waited for her reaction. She smiled slightly and nodded her head, having no other choice but to agree.