We were all up the next morning.
Basically at dawn.
We were moving after an hour of waking.
I'm feeding Judith now.
After I finish feeding her, Carol puts her in a backpack type thing and we're off.
As were walking I can't help but think about a certain person I totally forgot about.
Bob.
I think Sasha had her last few moments.
I think they were talking and he just, stop breathing. Sasha couldn't do it. So Tyresse did.
Me and Carl were out in the woods.
Sometimes I feel like I should leave the group.
Like they were all their own family before I came. Maybe I should now. Pretend to be peeing or something and just leave.
But I can't. Surely I think about it but I know I can't.
For Carl.
Everyday I tell myself, stay. Stay for Carl.
If I can't do it for myself, do it for Carl.
Sometimes I wonder. Why?
Why should I keep going?
Why should I keep fighting?
Why should I keep trying?
Hell, there's no cure anyways.
I don't understand anymore.
Somtimes I wonder why should we live?
I'm pulled from my thoughts by Carl pulling me to the ground.
"Sarah, why weren't listening, herd of walkers right ahead, I said it twice." He whispers.
"Sorry I kinda tuned out." I whisper.
I pull my gun out and be ready to shoot.
"No there's too many." He says, pushing my gun back down.
I roll my eyes and start getting up.
"Sarah stop being an ass and stay down." He whisper-yells.
I stay down until they pass.
I stand up and move ahead of everyone else.
"Sarah." Carl says,
I roll my eyes and keep moving. I just feel so angry, like my blood is boiling. I just feel so mad.
I think my period is coming soon. Haha. Oh my god. I'm glad I'm the only one who can hear my thoughts.
I keep walking until I trip on a branch.
"Shit." I mumble, holding my knee.
"Sarah you okay?" Carl asks, like emotionless.
He walks past me.
"Fine thanks for the concern." I mumble getting up.
I limp along behind everybody, Carl being in the front, as I'm in the back.
Thanks for caring babe.
"Hey Sarah you alright?" Carol asks referring to my limp.
"Not really." I mumble.
"Here sit down for a second." She says.
"No no I can keep going." I say.
Too bad I'm lying.
"Look I've been around you for a couple weeks I know when you're lying." She says.
"Fine." I grumble and sit down and a stump of a tree.
"Guys hold up a sec." She yells and they stop.
She looks at my foot for a couple of seconds.
"It looks popped out of place." She says and grabs it softly.
"Bad new is that this is going to hurt like hell, good news is that you'll feel better." She says and grips my legs firmly before giving it a small twist and it pops.
"Oww!!" I scream. I close my eyes to keep the tears from falling.
"I know I know. Now give it about 2 minutes and you'll feel fine." She smiles.
"Thanks you." I fake a smile.
I get up and start walking, my ankle feels better.
We all start moving again when we decide to make camp for the night.
They are all sitting around the fire, while I'm in the woods, by myself, alone, whatever you want to call it.
I felt alone, the only person who really liked me at thiis point was Carol. I sure hated myself.
I didn't feel welcome here anymore.
Carl hasn't even glanced at me.
Glanced.
To make sure I'm you know, ALIVE.
I knew I wasn't welcome.
I knew.
So I left.
***
Well you're probably like, "Well what do you mean left?"
What the fuck do you think it means?
I left.
I packed up all my shit and I left.
Walk away from everyone.
Didn't say goodbye.
I just smiled at Carl and walked away.
No one called after me.
Shocker right?
I doubt they even looked in my direction.
I pull Carl's jacket on and my bag over my shoulder.
I don't really have a point in living anymore.
Not much to see anyway.
I'm used to walking down hallways, people throwing horriable, disgusting accusations at me.
Telling my to cut deeper.
Yes, I cut.
I used to too.
I pull up my sleeve and see the reminders of my dark past.
Hell I started cutting when I saw nine.
Sounds fasinating right?
No.
It was a couple weeks after I turned ten when I went to school.
Oh I remember the bullies.
I remember that day like it were yesterday.
"LOSER!" "Suicidal whore!" "Attention whore!" Everyday I walk these halls hearing these names being thrown my way. I collect my books for my next class, and close my locker. I flinch when I see the main bully,Jenna and her two copy cats, Lacey and Savannah.
"Hey Sarah, I just wanted to give you some friendly advice to help stop with the mean people from hurting you any longer." She smirked as Lacey and Savannah giggled.
As a dumbass I am I fell for it.
"Really?" I asked in hushed tone.
"Yep." She smirked and handed me a pair of scissors. "Cut deeper."
They all burst out into a fit of giggles.
I mentally punch myself for falling for it.
"Now remember it's down the road, not across." She says and demonstrates the cutting directions on her sleeve, with a smirk.
"Good one, Jen." The two girls smile and leave.
I sigh and begin to walk to class. On the way I spot my old friend Jake with his jock buddies against their lockers. I smile slightly and walk over to them.
"Hi Jake." I say with a small smille. Jake is quiet for a few seconds before speaking.
"Do you know this dumb hoe?" asks one of his friends. Jake is quiet for a second before speaking again.
"Nope. She's been losing so much blood she's beginning to think she has friends." Jake says and with that my head drops, along with my heart. I head to class without talking to anyone.
I sit down in class and try to ignore the paper with written insults being thrown at me. I ignore them of course. It happens everyday.
"What a loser." Someone says before it sets me off.
I stand up, slamming my fists onto my desk, causing everyone to jump and the teacher to turn around.
"I AM TIRED OF YOU BEING LIKE THAT!" I yell. "EVERY ONE OF YOU CONSTANTLY PICKING ON ME! TELLING MY TO CUT DEEPER! CALLING ME AN ATTENTION WHORE! IF I WANTED ATTENTION FROM MY CUTTING I WOULD SHOW IT TO YOU EVERYDAY, NOT WEAR SWEATERS EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE TO HIDE IT FROM THE WORLD!" The teacher comes up and places her hand on my shoulder but I shake it off of me.
"ONE PERSON IN HERE USED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND! NOW HE IGNORES ME AND BULLIES ME SO HE CAN NOT BE MADE FUN OF HIMSELF! IF BEING POPULARE IF ABOUT BEING A SNOBBY, SELF-CENTERED, HEARTLESS ASSHOLE THEN I'M GLAB I'M THE MOST UNPOPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I'D RATHER HAVE NO FRIENDS THEN FAKE FRIENDS! SO STOP BEING ASSHOLES!" I scream at the top of my lungs and suddenly he guy in the back who sleeps all the time wakes up and bites Jenna in the neck, causing everyone to scream. The first thing I do is grab my backpack and run all the way home.
I'm pulled from my flashback by a walker walking in front of me.
I stab it and keep going.
Maybe I do regret leaving, but I dont.
I see a boudler in the distance and get on it and try to go to sleeo.
I shiver from being cold.
I might miss Carl's warmth.
I might.
I rub my thumb over my scars to remind myself,
If you're going through hell, keep going.