🎶 Not shy - ITZY 💖
= I'm not shy to say I want you. =
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"Why are THEY here?! Are you crazy!" I whisper-shouted to Jongdae.
He scratched his head, looking almost clueless. "Well, I did tell the guys about you but I didn't think they would come down here. I didn't invite HIM though," he pointed to Jaehyun last.
"My brother gives great intel," Jaehyun then pointed at Baekhyun who raised both hands defensively.
"It's not my fault that Jongdae wouldn't stop talking about you!"
Apparently, Jaehyun found out about it because he overheard Baekhyun's phone call about me finally waking up from the coma.
"First of all, nobody told me that Jaehyun and Jisoo were best friends." Innocent Baekhyun stepped forth to make his claim.
"They're not best friends," Jongdae corrected him when I didn't even bother to.
"Whatever," Baekhyun waved away. "I mean how coincidental is this? Jongdae's girl turns out to be my brother's good friend? That's interesting..." Then he looked at me with a playful smirk. "You're really something huh? You got Jongdae in one hand and my little brother in the other."
I was strangely motivated to wipe his smirk away.
"Yeah, and you've got none," I smirked back at him, and heard more giggles in the background.
Let's not forget we got the full EXO gang with me right now.
"Coming from my experience, hyung," Jaehyun rested his arm over his brother's shoulder. "Nothing good comes out of attacking Jisoo," he chuckled.
"She's kinda annoying..." Baekhyun rubbed his chin and narrowed his eyes at me. I glared back. It's like we're destined to be enemies.
"She's just feisty," Jongdae chirped, "I like feisty." When he distracted me with his sweet look, I winked back at him.
"Bro you have the weirdest taste in woman!" Baekhyun cracked up, but his laughter soon turned into a painful cry. "Hahah-ahaAHHH!" He winced when Suho stepped forward to pinch his arm.
"That's not what you should say to his girlfriend," Suho warned and then exchanged friendly nods with me. A leader sure is a leader. Until today, he cares and watches out for the members' behavior like a mom would do to her children.
How nice.
"We don't know what else would be good for visiting so we've got you flowers and some food. Kyungsoo hyung made them," Sehun stepped forward and revealed a bag in his hand before moving over to the guest corner. The guest corner was diagonally on my right, and the area is large enough to fit two couches and a low rectangular table. For a while we watched Sehun lay out the lunchboxes, stack after stack on the table.
"Thank you but... that is a lot," I blinked in surprise at the tower of lunchboxes. I turned to Kyungsoo who was standing at one side looking still like a tree. "You made all that? Wow," I gave him a thumbs up and he nodded back politely.
"They're healthy meals so don't worry about diet restrictions and eat up." He replied in his deep voice, so refreshing that it brought me to an alternate paradise. I was briefly mesmerised by it.
"Thank you, really," I smiled sweetly back at Kyungsoo but my view was soon blocked by Jongdae.
"You guys trying to pig her up?" He asked for me.
"It's for all of us, dude. Relax. We're here to feast with her," tall guy Chanyeol plopped down onto the guest couch.
"Yeah, we're here for our sister-in-law," Kai added cheekily, grabbing a seat beside Chanyeol.
"Sister-in-law? Mm... I like the sound of it," Lay happily approved as he sat at the couch too.
I stayed silent and blushing, secretly enjoying all the teasing remarks from them.
With the members around, they took turns telling me stories to expose Jongdae's flaws. I spent the whole afternoon laughing away while Jongdae tried so hard to defend himself or shut them up.
Jaehyun stayed by my bedside to keep me company too, but he never really spoke until the two of us were given some time alone for a small talk. The EXO guys were too busy bickering among themselves to care about us.
"Why didn't you tell me? I can't believe I have to find it out through my brother," Jaehyun grumbled, shaking his head.
"It's not something for you to worry," I chuckled. "Besides, I'm awake now."
"Hey, I'm not kidding when I said I'll always be here for you. Give me a chance to prove myself, will you?" Jaehyun sighed. We locked eyes for a few seconds before I tore away.
I knew he was being sincere and genuinely concerned for me, but I couldn't accept it.
"You will forever and always be... my good buddy," I faintly smiled, looking down to my hands. "Thanks for being my friend when I was at lowest. Thanks for being there for me all the time."
This was me officially rejecting him while EXO was still in the background, chatting and laughing in their own world.
I didn't dare to look at Jaehyun for a while because I was afraid to see the hurt look on his face, but he hid the disappointment with a big smile.
"You're welcome. I'll always be around for you," he shrugged it off.
Even though I could tell that he wasn't okay behind that smile, I pretended not to know.
...
I thanked Jaehyun and all the members for visiting me and bid them goodbye when it got late. Mom and dad were coming back for me so I decided to send them off before my hospital room got too crowded.
Thank god I was given a VIP room otherwise everyone in the hospital would come around me drooling to see EXO.
Jongdae was the last to leave but neither of us wanted to release holding hands. So here we were, flirting with each other because we didn't want to part.
"Jongdae ya~" I said sweetly.
"When are you going to stop calling me that?" He asked, and a devil smile creeped up his face. "Call me oppa."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why do guys like girls who call them that?"
"Why? It makes them cute."
"Am I not cute enough?" I pouted shamelessly.
"Mmm," he leaned closer to study my face. "I think you can try harder."
I leaned even closer, looking down at his kitten lips. That part of him never fails to attract me. "I think you can try to make me say it," I teased lowly.
He bent lower and closer to meet my lips, and I closed my eyes for that sparks-flying moment to come...
"Jisoo ya! We're back!" Mom sounded as the door slid open on me again.
I really want to burn that door down.
At first instinct, we both turned our heads to the door. My parents stood there staring back at us who were just about to get intimate.
Jongdae quickly stepped back and bowed to greet them formally. "Hello, auntie and Uncle! I-I'm Jongdae."
I caught him stuttering for the first time, but he soon collected himself.
So this is how nervous he gets in front of my parents.
It made me smile because it showed how much he cared about his impression on them.
I looked to Dad, who was suddenly frowning and serious. That was the strict face he put on whenever he dealt with the people at work...
But Jongdae is not his employee.
"Dad," I warned nicely, but he wouldn't stop scanning Jongdae from head to toe. "Dad!" I said louder but Mom came to my side this time to hush me down. I looked between my parents feeling annoyed because Jongdae didn't deserve this cold treatment.
"The more you speak for him, the more he suffers," Mom whispered into my ears and I frowned back in confusion.
"I've been wanting to meet you again, even though... tonight might not be the best time," Jongdae said shyly.
"Then you should've been more careful not to meet us here tonight," Dad stated in a dead tone.
Grr, I wanted to beat him up for Jongdae.
"I won't leave her alone just to avoid the situation," Jongdae explained.
I was smiling because I admired the gentleman side of him. He was mannerful and trying his best to stay confident in front of my parents, even though I could tell how nervous he was on the inside.
"But since you are here for her... I will take my leave," he said and took small steps towards the exit. "It was nice meeting you again, Auntie and Uncle. I will definitely visit you the proper way when Jisoo gets discharged."
"You don't have to," Dad replied with disinterest, facing away from Jongdae. "We all know you're a busy man."
"DAD!" I grumbled out loud again.
...
I sighed to my lonely self. It's a new day but not a new me because I'm still stuck in the hospital recuperating. Doing nothing.
Everyone who paid me a visit yesterday suddenly got busy today, which leaves me alone in the hospital room to stare into space.
SooooOooOo boring.
With my phone in hand, I started a new message to Jongdae.
To JD 💖: Busy?
Then I texted into the girl group.
To RUBY GIRLS: what's up guys? What's the schedule for today?
Then moved on to start a chat with Jaehyun.
To Jaehyun: bruhhhhh
I tapped and tapped on my phone again, waiting for someone to reply me but minutes passed and nothing came back.
When bored, even minutes feel like years.
I let out the hundredth sigh today, itching to get out of this room. I mean, a walk in the park would be good too but the doctor said I wasn't allowed to move by myself.
I kept blowing up my fringe that fell below my eyes out of boredom. The room was awfully quiet that I could hear the clock ticking, and I decided not to sit still anymore.
A minute later I was pacing down the hallways with my phone in one hand and the other dragging my IV drip stand along. It was a real hassle to be moving with some weird tube linked to my hand.
Soon, I received a reply from Hera on the RUBY GIRLS group chat.
RUBY GIRLS - Hera: There's been some changes. We can talk about it after you get discharged, so just rest till you get better ok?
I smiled at her thoughtfulness and quickly replied back.
To RUBY GIRLS: awesomeee. What changes are there? You're making me curious hahaha
RUBY GIRLS - Lia: just focus on getting better jisoo, everything else comes later ok?
RUBY GIRLS - Doyeon: yeah, worry about the other stuff later.
RUBY GIRLS - Seol Ah: Get well soon, jisoo..
"Why are they so gentle all of a sudden?" I laughed quietly to myself. These girls had become unusually nice ever since I woke up from the coma.
I texted back to the group whilst pulling my drip stand with me and walked aimlessly down the hallway. Everything was going smooth until I carelessly tripped over my own drip stand and lost my balance forward.
"Ah fu-!"
Someone caught my arm in time to stabilise me, but I still lost my phone to the floor.
My poor phone...
But looking up to see the person was ten times more surprising than dropping my phone.
Of all people I wanted to visit me, it was...
"Sohee?" I identified her with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?" I looked behind her but I didn't see the girls around.
She had come alone.
"I've come to see you, of course," Sohee said nicely, but her smile to me turned into something I worried for.
...
"We don't intend to delay the debut date. In fact, we have no intentions to. It's all part of the company plans and so we decided to stick to the original schedule," Sohee explained to me who was sitting in bed again, in my hospital room.
I was utterly dumbfounded. "So you're saying..." I frowned and muttered softly.
"I'll be honest and tell you that it's not going to work out for you. I'm sure you realised by now too. The other girls have a lot to prepare, the music video still has to be shot, we've already arranged the promos, the music show programs, paid for the ads and everything else. But these activities are going to be strenuous and too vigorous for you. I've discussed with the company and we think that you're not fit enough to join based on your health condition now. I'm sorry but, the debut can't wait for you to get better, Jisoo."
I let out a scoff in disbelief. "Wow. So you're here to tell me that I'm getting kicked out? I almost thought you came by to see me," I shook my head. I had a lot of frustration inside just from hearing her talk but I was trying my best not to let it show.
"In the ugly way, yes. The situation turned out this way, but you know that none of us wanted this to happen." Sohee sighed. "But I'm not just here to give you the news, Jisoo. You've got 4 girls to convince that you're willing to back out."
"What?" My eyes twitched. That was completely ridiculous.
"The problem wasn't as complicated until... the girls insisted that they wouldn't debut without you," Sohee combed through her hair stressfully. "The only reason we're not dismissing you right away is because the girls are insisting to have you on board. I know you guys are tight but remember this, Jisoo. The company doesn't negotiate. If the RUBY girls think that they can wait for you, I'm afraid that the whole team will lose this debut opportunity altogether. And if you lose this opportunity now... you won't know when the next opportunity will come. Probably a few years later and everyone will have to start from the bottom again, and there will definitely be new competition."
I frowned harder, feeling all sorts of emotions flood me once. Happy because I know now that the girls thought for me more than their own debut, but sour, guilty, upset because I might be the one ruining their chances. Even more angry and frustrated because there was nothing I could do but withdraw from the team.
"I'm really sorry about what happened to you, but you can't do this to them." Sohee pleaded softly.
My heart crushed more and more as I recollected all the times I devoted training at SM. To think that my efforts from the start had boiled down to this.
Nothingness.
"Then what about me? Why are you doing this to me?" I muttered shakily.
"I know all of this is very sudden for you, but take some time to calm down and accept it, okay? If you truly care for RUBY, then you know what you have to do."
Basically telling me to leave on my own accord.
I shut my eyes away from Sohee when a tear accidentally spilled out. "Get out now, will you? If you still care about how I feel, then you know that I don't want to see you." I barked lowly.
"Get well soon then," Sohee said apologetically, "and I'm sorry for what happened to you... I mean it."
I waited for her to leave the room before peeling open my eyes again. My eyes were warm and blurred with tears, and my breathing got heavier as the realization dawned on me.
That I am suddenly kicked out of the debut group, and I have to convince everyone else that I am the one who chose to withdraw.
Damn, I've cried so much these days but I still wanted to cry more.
Sniffing, I wiped the tears that rained down my cheeks. "Stop crying," I whined to myself while feeling the sourness in my heart. "Stop..." I told myself, only to wail louder and louder. I could feel the strain in my chest, crushing me within as I kept replaying what had just occurred to me.
The dream that I worked so hard for... it's gone.
In the end, I hugged my legs to myself and buried my face down to cry my heart out once more.
...
The tears soaked up my pillow as I lay under the blanket, eyes dried and exhausted from crying. My head throbbed tremendously but I couldn't do anything to relieve the discomfort. So this was why the doctor said not to cry.
With my phone in hand, I stared at the RUBY group chat and scrolled through our conversations to read them again.
Hera: There's been some changes. We can talk about it after you get discharged, so just rest till you get better ok?
All their messages were so caring and gentle towards me. Pretending as if there was nothing I should worry. As if SM wasn't trying to kick me out.
If Sohee never came by today, I wouldn't have known that they were all risking their debut opportunity just to keep me onboard.
What a joke for them to think that it's an all-for-one and one-for-all thing.
I sucked in all the courage in that moment and typed a new message to the RUBY GIRLS group chat. Trying to sound as positive as I can be.
To RUBY GIRLS: hey girls! I've been thinking about it for days and decided that I want to focus on my health for now. Doctor says I'll need at least a year to fully recover from my head injury, so I made a really big decision and thought I should let you know first hahaha. I'm sorry that it turned out this way but... I'm going to give up my debut spot now. I'll miss the times we spent together so please dont forget me too, even after you girls become successful!! Love you guys, and thank you for all the good times. 💖🙆🏻♀️
My thumb hovered over the send button for ten minutes before I shut my eyes tight and pressed on it, knowing that I would regret making this choice - even though - technically I had no choice.
The next thing I knew, my phone flooded with calls and replies from them asking me if I was crazy. But I never picked up a single call.
Instead, the door slid open to my dear parents entering. They were in office wear, which meant that they had come to see me right after work. I hid my sadness with a smile and threw my phone aside to welcome them with open arms.
"Honey, we're here!" Mom chirped and walked towards me with Dad, giving me a tight hug.
"Mom, dad," I pulled away from her embrace and forced up a bigger smile to them. "I don't wanna stay here anymore. I wanna go home."
...
The doctor said I wasn't well enough to get discharged so my parents paid for some of the medical equipment and hired a nurse named Momo to take care of me. It does cost a lot to shift a patient back home, but they didn't refuse me because I was practically begging to get out of the hospital.
I didn't want anyone, especially the girls, to find me or question me about my sudden withdrawal. Mostly because I was afraid they'd make me regret my decision even more. And since I never told any of my friends about my mansion home, it was the best place to stay and hide for the time being.
On a Monday afternoon, the doorbell rang and I strongly insisted on getting the door. Nurse Momo was so good at her job that I barely had to move around so I was seriously bored to death. Thank god I took the initiative though, because I opened up to have Jongdae standing on the other side, looking really distressed while waiting.
He was the only person I told about the real reason behind my debut withdrawal, but I also made it clear to him that I wanted time for myself.
Yet here he was, standing at my door.
"How did you find me here?" I asked firstly, because I've never told him my home address.
"Jack," he simply replied and I could instantly piece it together. Jongdae had exchanged contacts with Jack previously so he must've asked him for it.
"Come in," I said when I didn't know how else to decipher his distressed look. "Coffee, tea?" I offered while bringing him to sit on the couch. It was his first time being in the mansion I lived in and he was scanning all over the place in great curiosity.
Probably awed by how I might be richer than him.
"Water," he answered.
"Your parents aren't home yet?" He asked as soon as I brought him a cup of water, and comfortably sat beside him.
I nodded to that and he let out relieved breath.
"Because I came to see you without much thought and I realised that your house means that it's your parents' house and I'm..."
"Don't worry about it. They should be home late today," I reassured him.
Their previous meeting at the hospital didn't end so pleasantly since Dad was being a meanie to him, and it left Jongdae extremely distraught.
A few seconds of silence passed before he got to the main point.
"I was worried about you," Jongdae said. "I know you said you want some time alone but I can't do it."
I looked down to my hands and smiled, "I'm really okay."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
"Who says I won't?" I replied, looking up to meet his pretty eyes for a few seconds... before dropping it again. "Don't misunderstand, i-it's not because I'm hiding anything from you." I tried to laugh it off despite knowing how unnatural I had become.
"You're obviously not okay," he insisted, but I wished he could read me better...
"Come on, Jisoo, look at me." Jongdae held my shoulder to make me look at him properly.
I locked eyes with him this time, feeling my heart beat faster and my whole face burning up.
This is why I didn't want to look at him... He makes me want to throw myself at him, literally, because I missed him terribly even though I don't say it.
I leaned forward and gave him a big fat hug, squeezing him into a tight embrace hoping that it could make up for the empty days. "I didn't want to do this but I seriously can't help it," I murmured with my eyes closed, and decided to just enjoy the hug in that moment.
He returned my hug by squeezing me back and exhaled in relief. "You're okay? You're really okay?"
"Let's just hope she doesn't see who you are why you're here and what we're doing," I mumbled to myself, still hugging him with all my affection.
"What? She? Who?"
"Mm," I replied lazily, before pulling away to face Jongdae again. Boy he looked so puzzled and worried. "There is a stranger in the house. Is it still okay for me to do this?" I whispered and then gave a quick peck on his lips. Just a little tease.
Jongdae's lips formed a pout in reaction but he stayed confused. "What are you talking about?"
I helped him put his mask on again, for fear that nurse Momo would identify him. I had sent her to do the laundry in the backyard a while ago so she hadn't seen him yet.
"Can you please explain?" Jongdae raised his brows in confusion.
"There's a nurse in the house right now. She's here to take care of me. She shouldn't see you here with me or else she might start spreading word about us. It's best for us to keep a professional distance," I sat further away from him.
"Ah," he realised. "So... you're just doing this for me?" He shifted even closer while keeping his black eyes on me, and I felt the entire mood turn dark with a tone of lust.
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