I woke up like I did every morning since leaving Harry. With the sudden urge to vomit. I rushed to the bathroom. This time I wasn't sure if it was the same old same old or the alcohol, but I was sure it was the same as every other morning, considering I didn't drink that much last night, at least from what I remember. I was washing my face in the sink when there was a knock at the door.
"DJ, are you doing okay?" I heard Nova ask behind the door.
"Yeah I am fine. I'll be out in a second," I told her as I placed the toothpaste on my brush. I knew I needed to stop holding onto all of the things that were holding me back from being honest with the ones I love, especially Harry, but I didn't know how to let go. I quickly brushed my teeth, placing the toothbrush back into my toiletries bag. I left the bathroom joining the other three in the kitchen. "I am so sorry. I have no clue what happened last night," I explained to them, placing my hands on Talulah's shoulders. It was nice finally meeting them in person. When they convinced me to leave my bedroom and join them in Miami, I was nervous. We had only ever known each other over the phone. What if they didn't like me when they actually met me in person. But all of my nervousness disappeared the minute I saw them. It was as if we grew up together.
"Are you still up for the beach today?" Eliza asked from where she sat at the table, eating her jellied toast, the smell of which was making my stomach turn.
"Damn right I am. Let me just go get ready," I said, turning from the table.
"DJ?" Nova asked, causing me to turn back towards her.
"Hmm?"
"Are you hungry? I'll make you some toast," she said pointing at their plates. My stomach turned again.
"No I am good. Thank you," I told her, turning and heading back to my room to put on my bathing suit.
***
I could feel the salt water on my sensitive back. The sores were now gone and were now replaced by small barely noticeable scars. I could taste the salt on my lips and as the waves continued to splash around me I just continued to float on my back. Being in the water was the most at home I had felt in the last few weeks. Well since leaving my home. I felt like the longer I laid here maybe it would wash away all of my pain. When I would get out of the water, it would all be gone, but I knew that wasn't reality.
I pushed my legs down in the water and my toes touched the soft sand underneath me as I began to move back to shore to join the other three, who were tanning. I don't tan. I burn and blister. Doesn't matter the amount of sunscreen I put on. I wasn't about to be a part of that.
"This is your hour check-in. You guys need to apply sunscreen," I said to them as I walked up.
"Yes mom," Telulah said back with a chuckle. I shook my head with a smile grabbing my swimming suit cover up off the lounge chair. Miami Beach was beautiful minus the amount of people that surrounded us. I could feel the serotonin I had been longing for, wafting through the air. I turned around to take in the sunshine around me. That was when I saw him. He was standing at the far edge of the beach, his all black outfit standing out from everyone else's half nude appearance. I wasn't sure what he was doing here or how he found me but the sudden rushing ache in my heart made my knees weak. It took everything in me not to book in running towards him. I slowly took a few steps forward so as to not fall over.
"D, where are you going?" Eliza asked peeking up from between her arm and her dark blue cat eyed sunglasses, but I was too shocked to answer. I just continued to walk until he noticed me and began to walk towards me in response. The closure I got to him I couldn't keep control of my body. The tears began to fall from my eyes, remembering the last time I saw him. It was only a few weeks ago but it felt like years. He had reached out many times, so did everyone else, but I couldn't bring myself to reply to any of them. I didn't know if they were mad or what but I couldn't bear to look.
"Don't cry Sunflower," George said as he wrapped his arms around me. I buried my head into his shoulder as the tears began to stream harder.
"What are you doing here?" I choked out.
"A little birdie told me where you would be and Emily made me come. Not that I didn't want to but I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me," George said as he lightly rubbed my back to try and calm me down.
"Of course I want to see you. Who was the birdie?" I asked slowly, pulling away from him to wipe my tears.They were definitely happy tears.
"My sources are classified," he said a smile growing on his face as he nodded in salute, looking behind me. I flipped my head around to see a smiling Nova peering at us. I wasn't sure if I wanted to slap her or hug her. I was happy to see George but it didn't make leaving any easier.
"I have missed you so much," poured out of my mouth, my feelings breaking past the wall and pouring through.
"And all of us, you," George said back. It caused a shiver down my spine. This was all beginning to become too much. I loved them all so much. I didn't want to bring them down with me but I knew that what I thought I was doing to them was partially just all in my head. I turned back towards George and couldn't help but to wrap my arms around him again. He chuckled while pulling me into his arms. "More importantly how are you? Are you doing okay? Emily has been very worried. You haven't answered anyone's calls," he said, pushing back softly on my shoulders so that he could look me in the eyes.
"I know I'm sorry. I wasn't ready. I didn't know what to say. These sound like excuses but I promise you they aren't," I told George hoping he knew it wasn't a lie.
"I believe you. I just hope you are taking care of yourself," George said rubbing his hand over my shoulder.
"I'm trying," I sighed out, flipping my head over my shoulder as I saw a small man duck behind a changing tent. "Who was that?" I asked George, trying to catch a glimpse of the man once more.
"Who is who?" George asked, turning to look at where my eyes were pointed.
"It's probably nothing, I just thought I saw someone."
"Stay here," George said, turning from me.
"Wasn't planning on leaving," I said to him with a chuckle, as he disappeared behind the tent. I sunk down into the sand. I loved the feeling of it under my hands and feet. I began to knead it hoping it would bring me some clarity. I wasn't sure what I would say to him when he returned. I couldn't give him any new answers, if that was what he wanted. George was only gone a few moments but those few moments were semi enough for me to think about what I would say and how I would leave it with George. He had to know I loved them and that if only I had the courage to talk to Harry and just give up and tell him everything, that maybe he wouldn't leave me.
"Do you know you have paparazzi following you?" George asked as he walked back towards me. My head up shot towards him.
"What? Are you serious? Why?" What did they want from me? "Harry and I aren't together anymore," I said, feeling a small pang as the words left my mouth.
"That doesn't matter. You are still you and just because you aren't together doesn't mean everyone can't see what you mean to Harry?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
"What do you mean? They can see what I mean to Harry?"
"Nova didn't talk to you?" I shook my head, turning to look back at Nova. Nova, Eliza, and Talulah were all pretending to not be looking at us, as they all quickly moved into another position.
"No, I don't know a thing," I told him honestly. I was still unsure of when Nova even talked to him, and I was also curious as to what she even said to him. George pulled his hand out of his pocket checking his watch before looking back at me with a sigh.
"I don't want to leave, but I have an hour drive back and we are leaving today to head to Texas. I didn't have long but I had to come see you. Please talk to Nova, tell her I told her it was okay to tell you what she found." I had no idea what he was talking about but my stomach sank. I was worried about what I would hear from her. What did George mean by what she found? What I wanted to say to George before he left completely left my head as the tears began to flow again. "No DJ, don't cry. Everything is going to be fine. I will call you from the road and we can talk more. And if you want you can talk to Harry too, yeah?" George asked squatting down to be eye level with me as I continued to cry from my seat in the sand. Talking to Harry was something I so desperately wanted to do. I nodded swallowing any fear I had. "Okay good. Come here," George said grabbing both of my hands in his and pulling me up with him and into another hug. "I love you sunshine. And call Emily, okay?" I nodded my face pressed into his shoulder. I didn't want to let him go but I knew I had to.
"I love you too. We'll talk soon, yes?"
"Yes, I will be forced to contact Nova if we don't," he said, placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head with a chuckle. I closed my eyes, I wanted to remember every moment of the warmth I was finally feeling again and finally realizing I needed to power through it all. It was time to let it all go.