~Chapter 13~
Life is cruel. Everywhere you turn, you see something that reminds you of something from your past. Even something as frivolous, like that one smashed penny that you cranked out of a machine at that one stupid museum you went to years ago that you don't remember the name of. But there are also other things, things that remind you of pain. Doesn't matter if it's physical or mental, you see that one damned thing and wince at the memory.
I know that for fact. Julian still winces when he pulls off his shirt and looks down to see a jagged scar on his shoulder, reminding him of that one painful time that he was shot. He winces at the pain he once felt. The pain of a bullet searing into his skin, shattering his bone and exiting through his back. And I feel that type of pain now. Well, mental pain.
It's a pain that I have grown used to over the years. When my parents would leave for a mission, I always debated to myself if it was better for me snuggle into my parent's bed at night and inhale their scents that have been soaked into their pillows or close their door. To not let my mind wander and remember every single part of them because they might never come back. When Amber disappeared, we all silently agreed to never open her bedroom door and leave all of her belongings as they were. It was too painful to even open her door. And if you did, it was like willingly walking into hell.
And that one, stupid kiss brought on a whole bunch of new painful memories. It not only reminded me of that night two years ago. The night Ben and I agreed to forget. Instead, it reminded me about all the times that I secretly imagined a life where Ben and I would be together in the end. That we could be just like my parents. As best friends, partners, and husband and wife. I've never admitted it, but a small – very small – part of me always thought that the reason why he could never keep a girlfriend for over a month was because he imagined that life with me too.
And then I was always brought back to reality of truth. We worked best as friends, as partners, nothing beyond that. So when Ben brought the imaginary into existence tonight, I ran into the Wire and locked the door behind me. I went behind the computer screens and threw myself into the corner, curling my knees up to my chest. I couldn't breathe. I was too shocked and too confused.
After controlling my breath as much as I could, I turned to the only thing that I knew could help me get back to normal. Jack. He never fails to make me smile. I rushed to the computers and opened up the live video chat to call the home computer. I hacked into the server quickly to link directly to the computer in the home office, so AID wouldn’t find I broke protocol. Although I'm not really supposed to call, it was an emergency. Honestly, I could probably get away with it if Jack was the first to pick up. Unfortunately, Mom answered after two rings. She looked tired, but her eyes were alert with concern, because of an unexpected video call.
"Honey, what are you doing?" She chastised, but I could see her hidden mischievous grin, knowing I took appropriate measures to get this call through. She must be so proud. She settled into the office chair and leaned forward. "There's a reason to why there are rules to not contact home.” She paused and cocked her head to the side. “Oh honey what's wrong?" Once again, mother's intuition saw my distress as plain as day on my face. Or maybe it was because she was a spy, either goes really.
"Sorry Mom. I was just hoping to speak to Jack. There's a delay to the mission -" which was true, I couldn't do anything until tomorrow night, "-and I need my little rascal fix." There was nothing like using Jack as an excuse to get away with anything when mom was involved.
She sighed and twitched her lips in and out of a smile. She was debating, a good sign that she wasn't going to say no. When she bowed her head, I knew her answer, and I danced a little on the inside. "Fine. I'll go get him. But keep it short. You get five minutes. And hey, don't start doing your little worrying thing, little missy. It's not going to help anyone." What did she mean by me worrying? I don’t worry. Her seat was quickly filled by a little boy, his face reddened from his forever, delightful smile and a beautiful sparkle in his eyes.
“Van!” Jack shouted and bounced up towards the screen so all I could see was his face. He hugged the screen as if it was me. I smiled and closed my eyes for a quick second, relishing in a very needed moment with my brother.
“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked him, needing the distraction.
“I got my blue belt today!” His smile brightened even more as he announced his achievement. Karate was one of the first styles of fighting we are taught. It’s the easiest to learn when you’re young. And getting his blue belt at his age is an amazing achievement for him.
“Congrats bro. Next time I see you we’ll have to spar and show me your mad skills.”
“Yeah! Scotty was so jealous. He only has his orange belt.” He sounded like a brat but that’s okay. It’s cute on him.
“Well, you are definitely on your way to defend the Vedo name.” I slightly grinned, wishing I could have been there to see him. But on the bright side, I was already starting to forget about why I called in the first place.
“Where’s Ben?” Jack asked. And the relief quickly dissipated.
I gulped at the image of a brief flashback and opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t explain my problems to a 5 year old. “Um, he’s somewhere around here. He can’t talk though.”
“Oh,” Jack melted into the chair and pouted. “I miss you. I want you home. Now.” He gave me his infamous puppy dog eyes, as if I could get on a plane right now. As if I didn’t have a job to do. It was sure tempting.
Combing my hair through my fingers I solemnly looked through the camera, “So do I buddy, so do I.”
“Time’s up!” Dad walked through the shot of the camera and picked Jack out of the chair and placed him on the ground, facing him toward the door. “Your mom wants you,” he says to dismiss him. Once Jack was on his way, Dad sat down. He seemed to have gotten smaller since I’ve been gone, not too noticeable, but leaner. Maybe Mom finally got him on that stupid diet. “I know Julian told you about Amber, sweetie.”
Always straight to business. “Hello to you too, Dad,” I laughed.
His features softened and relaxed, “Hey. I just wanted to say don’t worry about it right now. You have to keep your head straight on your shoulders. Don’t think about anything that is happening over here. Focus. And also, your five minutes are now officially up. Love you.” He smiled and hung up the call before I could say goodbye back.
I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the black screen until the silence was interrupted by incessant knocking from the door.
“What!” I yelled, annoyed, knowing Ben was on the other side. I could tell that he was leaning against the door, waiting for me to come out.
“Unlock the door Van. I need to check on the cameras.”
“More like we need to talk.” I shouted back, walking towards the door. Now, instead of pain, all I felt was anger.
“Fine, let’s talk-,” I met his eyes when I jerked the door out from under him. He stumbled into the room and regained his footing almost instantly. “Damn!”
“What the hell was that Ben?” I slammed the door shut.
“You’re the one who opened the door!” he accused, fixing his clothes.
I shook my head. “Not that. The kiss? Why in the world did you kiss me!?”
He shied away and looked down. “I-I didn’t mean to. It just kind of happened.”
“You have a girlfriend, remember? Her name is Hannah.”
“I know.”
“You love her.”
“I do.”
“You miss her. I know you do.”
He cringed more. “I really do.”
“Then. What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. Kissing. Me.” My voice resonating with anger, it rose with every word.
He sighed and fell into his chair. “I don’t know. I love you too, I guess,” he shrugged, his voice sounding defeated.
“No.” I leaned against the wall, refusing to hear him. I started pacing in the little space we had. “I think we need to finish this mission now. Get you back home. To her. To normalcy.”
“I agree. Anything to get you away from that IMO agent as soon as possible.”
I stopped and frowned at his comment but continued, talking business. “His deal is going down tomorrow. We can get something from it.”
“What deal?” He leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees, thinking.
“Some gun deal. He couldn’t tell me much. All I know is that it is at a frat party. It was originally Peter’s job, but after what I did to him, Marcus is forced to complete the deal in his place.”
“He told you this? Why would he…” Realization hit him hard, I could see it in his eyes as he finished saying his last word. “He knows.”
I could only nod. And look away from his accusing eyes.
“How much does he know?” The level of the tenseness in his stare grew. I could tell he was holding in his anger.
“He just knows I’m from another agency and checking up on IMO. He doesn’t know which agency.”
“Does he know your name?”
I shut in my eyes and bit my lip. “Just my first.”
“Mine?”
I looked up and clinched my teeth. “Maybe.”
“Vanessa! Our names are the second most important secret, after keeping the secret of being a spy! They are our livelihood. Our protection! And you just threw mine and yours out the window.” His voice faltered with disappointment.
“He doesn’t ask questions. He knows not to.” I spoke up, defending Marcus. “He tells me anything about IMO. He wants to help. He doesn’t care for how IMO is working right now.”
“Great. I still don’t trust him.” He fell into a thoughtful silence. “Tomorrow morning, we all are skipping our classes. All three of us. We’re going to talk about tomorrow night. I want us all to be on the same page. Plus I’d like to look in his eyes and put the fear of God into him. Because so help me, if he tries anything, he’s a dead man.” His stance proved his seriousness.
I nodded and slid to ground with the wall behind my back. Tears were threatening to fall for Marcus and how I have failed Ben.
Ben rose from his chair and attempted to walk out the door before I stopped him with my foot. “How did you come to that conclusion anyway. That we – Marcus and I -.”
He scoffed. “I’m not stupid. When you set me off to the warehouse, I knew something weird was going on with you. I turned around after a few minutes on the road and decided my time was better used by watching Kellin. It didn’t click until I saw you on the roof, and not here, like you were supposed to be. Well, that and how you were so adamant about us not following Kellin around.”
“So I’m not as sneaky as I think I am.” I grimaced.
A low chuckle erupted from his throat. “No. Actually if I didn’t know you so well, you would’ve gotten away with it. I don’t know if you know this about yourself but you are a pretty badass spy.”
We both laughed, slightly moving back to our usual selves. After this moment, I remembered that I had always wanted nothing more than Ben’s company and approval. I’ll be damned if I did anything to ruin that.
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In the last chapter (I know it's been a while), you saw some action with Marucs and Vanessa. And this chapter gave you a little insight on Van's feelings about Ben.
^^^^The picture above is Katie McGrath as Vanessa Vedo, Douglas Booth as Marcus Kellin, and Dave Franco as Ben Gabriel! It's a love triangle! Comment for your fav couple - #Benessa or #Marcessa??? I would tell who I'm rooting for... but that may give away the story, sorry!^^^^
PS. I'm still slowly editing the story little by little!
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