The dinner resumes without Diana's direction. We're able to eat and drink without being interrogated yet I still don't have much of an appetite. Between courses two and three, Von reaches down beside me. He wraps his hand around the leg of my chair and pulls me closer to him.
I don't question him since he has been seething since someone almost made contact with me 15 minutes ago. Hyun actually never left our table. L makes him feel comfortable, striking up a conversation, probably about me and how I made everything worse for them. I read "police" and "war" on the men's lips.
Diana doesn't wait for the fifth course before standing. All conversations cease as we prepare for her departure. Von looks up at her with a look I've never given my father.
He has so much hurt and anger in his heart that it will never be healed. He sits beside her confidently despite the constant betrayal. Knowing what I know now of my father's past and present, I don't know if I could do the same.
I lost years of my life to my father overcompensating for my safety. I will never get that time back. I watch Diana leave as she plots our next deadly mission, my time fleeting more and more. I was never safe.
"You were bred for it. Why would you even say some shit like that?" Von finally speaks up like that was all he could think about. "You want us to breed you?"
I'm grateful no one else at the table can hear Von's deep voice. Two seats away, Kimori continues mindlessly twirling his linguine. He seems to be having a great time surrounded by his former team. His silverware scrapes against porcelain as I focus my attention to the other members of the syndicate.
Hyun and L are still having their conversation and this time I'm observant enough to make out their distorted voices. I make out everyone's. Everyone in the room is talking about the same topic.
Some are angry we will have to train nonstop now in order to take on an entire police force. Others are blatantly blaming me for the inevitable, like what they were doing wasn't illegal in the first place. RICO and trafficking are theorized as the charges we'll most likely be hit with. I hear bullets guessing how they'll die and other voices guessing how I will. The voices overwhelm me and it's too late to tune them out.
"You can go now."
When I open my eyes, Von is level with me. One hand is at the back of my chair and the other lands firm yet gently on my knee. He smells like pine and Arabian oils.
"Let's go, baby," he says.
He's just looking out for me, finally. I stand despite feeling weak and allow myself to lean on Von. I feel like I'm being weighed down by something despite everything in me wanting to leave the room.
The stares don't stop but the voices do.
A few of the men at our table look up at me, concerned but not enough to question anything. They give me my space. Except for Von, Von leads me out with a hand on the back of my neck. He stakes his claim over me in front of all the gossip.
When the ballroom door closes behind us I want to break down. Instead, I stoop down to take off my heels. Von stands behind me unwavering as I fumble with the sparkly threads. I feel relief in being barefoot, leaving the shoes by the door only for him to pick them up behind me.
I'm exhausted after minimal physical activity. The war I'm fighting in my head takes up all of my energy. As I walk to my bedroom, I continue undressing. The diamonds at my neck are soon on the floor. I take off the heavy tennis bracelet not even caring when it hits the staircase. Next, another silver charm bracelet and Von picks it up from the floor wordlessly.
He tails behind me picking up every accessory in his large hands. He knows how much I ultimately value them. He bought them for me.
I keep two thin gold chains on to sleep in and begin undoing my dress.
"Stop." Von takes my wrist in his free hand. "Wait until you get in your room."
I pull away from him and finally stare him down like he's been doing to me this whole time. His eye is blue inside and out. I admire my work and the thick swelling. It looks hot on him.
"I'm tired of wearing it," I say as I reach to take it off again.
"But I said stop." Von's patience is thinning yet still shocking. His sharp chin is stubbled yet freshly shaven.
"I know you're not wearing anything underneath," he says lowly. "And that you smell good as fuck."
"This is why I miss my house. I can't even get comfortable here?" I ask him. I'm teasing him now, keeping myself covered by cupping fabric over my breasts.
"You wanna walk around completely naked when we have company?" Von leans into me, over me. He won't touch me when he's holding back like this but he's damn close.
It isn't a bullet or just any random gang member who comes up the stairs next. Ditsy yet brooding, he has a preroll tucked behind his pierced left ear. This is so fun.
Kimori stares at the space between Von and I for several seconds and that's all I need. I drop the fabric at once. It pools at my feet before Von can catch it. I step out of the little black dress gripping his flexed arm in the process for balance.
Von seethes while Kimori stares. "Why do I feel like this isn't his first time seeing you like this?"
"Because it isn't." Kimori waits until after Von is looking at him to take his eyes off of me.
In this moment, I don't want either one of them. I just want to free myself, and to piss Von off. There's a little vein protruding from his forehead and it gives me all the satisfaction I need.
He positions his body in front of mine and lightly taps my chin. "You were bred for it, huh?"
He takes control in his gaze and grounds me. His inked finger traces over my bottom lip before falling to his side. My eyes stay locked on his just the same.
"It's up to you how you want to be," Von says and he's removing his jacket for me again. His white dress shirt hugs his skin as ink bleeds through it. "I'll stay by your side regardless."
This time when he puts it on me I don't shrug it off. I relish in the warmth of his familiar scent. I can't think about his words so I choose to take in his actions. The few steps to my bedroom are in a steady silence punctured by Von's persistence.
"Answer a question for me, so that I can sleep." I turn towards him once we're on opposite sides of the door, not letting it close but not letting him come in.
Von's icy eyes pierce straight to the truth. He slowly skims my frame through the slit in his jacket. I can't tell if he's trying to make me feel insecure but it's working.
"Diana has been plotting on me since I was born?" I ask.
The question doesn't catch him by surprise. He just stares at me with those snow caps. Then he nods.
My fate was sealed before I was even thought of. Von himself is living someone else's destiny, Diana's biological son's. He's seen too much to get phased by anything.
"How long have you known?" I ask quickly.
There it is. I see the guilt for .2 seconds and it's gone. His eyes are back to apathetic.
His expressionless nature has to have taken years of practice. He probably got beat for crying and shunned for laughing. Now emotions are foreign to him.
I go to close the door and Von begins to turn away as well. Something in him wants to treat me differently. Something in him wants to change for me.
"When we told her your dad was a cop," he says. "She already knew."
•••
There's a strong stench burning a trail down the hallway. It's following Kimori, threatening ash into his steps and twinges at our carpet. He gives me a shy smile when he sees I've caught on, and a small gasp when I speak up.
"Can I smoke with you?" I ask.
He presses his lean upper body against the bathroom door, keeping his eyes on me so that I can watch them dazzle. "Hell yeah!"
It's my turn to gasp when I see what he's done to the bathroom.
Clouds of steam rise from the water, above bubbles, above flower petals. The oblong marble tub is almost overflowing with the sudsy waters. The steam, and the open window breaking the heavenly scene with the night sky, both serve to hide what Kimori is doing from Von. Von hates the lingering scent of weed and he especially hates it on me.
"You bathe with rose petals?" I ask, my eyes still unable to leave the scene in front of me.
"Yeah if I'm feeling fancy, and tonight I am," Kimori says without a hint of humor. "Oh and this." He holds up a bottle of Dusse, brown liquor swirling in the full vial.
Kimori has the lean muscular physique of a UFC fighter. He smokes more than all of the gang members combined and outdrinks a couple of them too. He's only a little older than me and already taking care of himself to combat the poison. He has metal in his eyebrow, his lip, and through his tongue. He's so into himself.
"All by yourself?" I ask as I follow him further into the bathroom. This feels so romantic, it feels domestic. It reminds me of aftercare with Von.
"Yeah, but there's room in here for more than one person," Kimori responds.
I look at the familiar oval-shaped bathtub. It isn't a master bathroom so it isn't the biggest bathtub in the house. But we could fit in here. We could fit in here and remain close.
"Anyway, where do you wanna smoke?" he asks.
There's a lit blunt between Kimori's fingers and a small bag he has that signals he has more. We could go for as long as we want. Kimori's expression is lax compared to my lustful one.
"We could smoke in here," I say.
I didn't plan for this. I just showered an hour ago. Kimori didn't plan to have to pass a blunt over bubbly waters. He didn't expect to see me naked twice tonight. His eyes lingering for two seconds then too nervous to look again.
The water soothes my skin. I have him passing the bottle of liquor between us both, watching him take longer and longer sips. His lips wrap around the nozzle and return slicked and juicy.
"This is perfect," Kimori says on an exhale. It almost makes him choke. It almost makes me jump on him.
There's hot water up to the tops of my breasts, up to his waist then shoulder as he sinks comfortably and unevenly into the heat. He undressed so quickly. I barely got a good look at it, but I know it was pierced.
"You know what would make it even more perfect?" There's a burn in my throat from the last swig of Dusse. "If you came closer."
"I agree." Kimori passes me the blunt but otherwise doesn't move. We haven't been ashing it out properly so there's a thin trail of black in the bubbles.
Kimori's dark limbs resemble shadows underwater. He grips my ankle with his free hand and I know he wants to touch more. Touching is usually all we do.
The night my house burned down, I touched so much, I swear I saw God. Thinking back gives me the urge to cry, but I don't have any tears left. Kimori let me put my hand around his neck. He let me slip my thumb past his lips, and feel the metal ball in his tongue on the pad of my finger. Stuffed in my closet, we were so warm, and so was his mouth.
My thoughts make the water feel hotter. I don't need to take a drag from the drugs first. "I said come here."
Kimori looks up at my face, partially stunned, partially excited in some creative mixture. He comes over slowly. We're naked under this slippery water. We're going to be touching, unable to stop touching. He's probably thinking that because I'm hoping that.
He stops when his arm is against mine. I humor him by not pushing it more. I take three more drags before I put it out. When I'm sinking further into the water I notice his eyes on me.
There are too many petals and too many bubbles on the surface. Kimori can't catch what he wants quickly. He has to stare, wait for me to settle in the water and for the water to settle on me.
"Is this perfect?" I ask him.
"Yeah."
"No, it's not." I sit up straight, feeling my chest become more exposed to the cold. I lock my eyes on Kimori's, the sparkles taken over by darkness. "Don't you wish you could touch me?"
"Mia, if we do this..." His eyes trail from my nipples to the water. "You'll have to tell me. I don't know what you want; I can't tell."
"Stop it." His body on mine, I want it. His lips, I want them everywhere. "I always tell you exactly what I want." I drape my arms around his neck as he peers down at me. "Kiss me."
"Where?" he whispers as he follows my face.
I move right before his lips touch mine. Before he can say anything, I move my hands to his shoulders, and lower him down even further. I make it so that he's laying on top of me in this beautiful bath. My hands roam his body impulsively, smooth and slippery. Every time I graze too high or too low, he stalls. I know he's in his head trying to get in mine but I can't take it.
I raise my hand from the water to trace the shell of his ear. "When I touch you, you should know exactly what I want," I say. "You should feel me and never forget how good it felt."
Kimori is laying gently atop my breasts. His doe eyes have lost their light. It's replaced by something so much darker: my reflection.
"When I ask for something," I squeeze my chest together. "You should be grateful you're the one that gets to do it. You should never make me ask twice."
"I won't," Kimori speaks against my skin.
I smile so genuinely it almost feels foreign. Kimori soaks it all in as he raises himself above me. He wordlessly kisses along the side of my neck. I'm so sensitive I can't help but cling to him, to moan out immediately when I feel his thick lips part against my skin. I keep pushing him lower and he keeps pulling me up.
He pays special attention to my chest and keeps me pressed close against him. He covers my right nipple with his mouth and his breathing has my pussy throbbing. The pressure, the suction, sets my nerve endings ablaze.
It was mutual, I liked him as soon as I saw him. He towered over me but his energy is what dominated me first. Kimori has always been so dark-skinned and even-toned, so smooth and inviting.
I feel his muscles against my curves as he slowly pulls me up from the water, up against the edge of the bath. I still have soap on my knees. It's slick at my thighs as I wrap them around his neck and face. He presses his mouth on me instantly.
Kimori knows exactly what I like here too. He's arousing me in ways I've never felt before as he holds me up with one arm. The metal ball of his piercing rubs my clit in succession with the tip of his tongue. There's a back and forth of hard then soft and precise then all encompassing.
"Oh my God," I whisper.
I can't believe I'm doing this with him. I can't believe he's making me cum like this. With a breeze from the window breaking our suffocating heat, I'm biting my lip but still unable to conceal the noise.
I move my hands from his hair to the side of his neck, my thumb just behind his ear. Kimori changes the pace of his tongue and does something that has me shaking. We both know we have to be quiet.
It's unspoken. He's picked up through observation. He has to be careful with me.
The day I asked him to zip me up only to decide midway through I didn't want to wear the dress anymore. He was so stunned when I let it fall from my naked body. I had to bend over myself to pick it up. He was so obedient in that same spot when I returned with a new, equally as tight fitting dress. I had to make a show out of putting it on for him.
In the months since he joined this gang, we haven't been caught once. Touching and teasing. That's all we did, until tonight.
Kimori has these big soft lips that feel like heaven when they press against me. He glides his mouth over my lower lips slowly, memorizing my reactions while dragging them out. Just like earlier, he stops at my neck. He savors pressing kisses into my skin.
As soon as I start to do the same to him–
"Can I put it in–"
The bathroom doorknob rattles before any banging starts on the door. By the sheer force, I mistakenly assume it's the 6'4 Romero. Seven's frantic voice interrupts us instead.
"Mia is missing. You were supposed to be watching her," he calls and he sounds so concerned.
"I'm-"
"She's good, trust me." Kimori's stiff expression reminds me of our current dilemma.
But I am greed. That's why I fit right in with these sinful men. Right now my dilemma is deciding whether to pretend I'm satisfied, or to accept that I want more.